Unspoken Words

by Latoya Chandler

  “Ruth, your momma called the mothers of the church, and we are going to meet them at the altar.”

  Naomi-Ruth didn’t try fighting. She knew it would merely lead to matters getting worse. Besides, whenever something happened, there was always “a meeting at the altar.” Seasoned women in the congregation were recognized as the mothers of the house of God. Experience was their advocate. They’ve seen it all, and their wisdom was perceived as being uncommon to the average person. Their prescription for a crisis was getting on your knees and crying out to God. This prayer took place from dusk to the rising of the sun. Naomi-Ruth was accustomed to these shut-ins, being the preacher’s daughter. As much as she could recall, her father always spoke of the urgency of genuine prayer, which called for laboring before the Lord. He added that the pleas of the pure availed much, meaning, the appeals of an individual living right with God was something powerful and could heal the brokenhearted and move mountains. But you have to put your time in.

  Naomi-Ruth spent thirteen hours in service. She “tarried” with the mothers, meaning she called on the name of Jesus until the Spirit of God overtook her. They prayed for her and with her, and after a while, she fell asleep on the second pew. Her dad didn’t mind her sleeping while they labored before God because she was amongst the prayers while she drifted off. Naomi-Ruth awoke when the sun rose, and as she opened her eyes, her father and the mothers asked her to meet them back at the altar.

  “Ruth, you know I love you with everything in me, don’t you?” Pastor Patterson asked.

  “Yes, Papa, I know you and Mom love me.”

  Vera wrapped her arms around her daughter without speaking a word and sobbed.

  “Everything will be all right. God said it, and I believe it, my daughter. We have prayed everything loose, and God has healed you from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, too hard for my God. You don’t need any human-made medicine or to talk to any doctor. You are healed. Now, believe it and walk in it.”

  Pastor Patterson didn’t believe in medication because Jesus paid it all on the cross. He said, “By His stripes you are healed, daughter.” He refused to allow Naomi-Ruth to take the medication prescribed or see the therapist the doctors had recommended. The only person his daughter needed had always been there for her . . . God, who is an excellent counselor, the Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. She didn’t need anybody or anything else.

  PART TWO

  In the Midst of It All . . .

  Chapter Ten

  It’s a Personal Thing . . .

  Following the passing of both of her parents, Naomi-Ruth discovered God. Not the God who her mommy and dad had introduced her to, but her own intimate relationship with The Man Above. Growing up in the Lord’s house, Naomi-Ruth learned about the God Levi and Vera knew. She never got to experience Him for herself until those late nights when she was alone, and her thoughts dominated her with recollections of being abused when she was a minor. Although she was resentful toward her Heavenly Father, she talked to Him, because if she wasn’t talking faith and showing that she was surviving it all, it was impossible to get a word in with her parents.

  Pastor Patterson had stressed to Naomi-Ruth the urgency to believe the Word of the Lord and not worry or be shaken. Otherwise, all she would be doing was taking it out of God’s hands, and He is the only one with the answer and cure. Naomi-Ruth wasn’t allowed to live in the present and confess the thoughts and feelings of pain and sadness that tortured her. It was considered profane talk in her father’s eyes. As a result, after being raped, she went about her everyday life . . . numb. That was, until shortly after her twenty-ninth birthday.

  Naomi-Ruth used every chance she had at the Alpine Nursing Home with her mother visiting her father. Vera had just about taken up residence at her husband’s bedside, which made it easy for Naomi-Ruth to come and go. She had clients to meet. They helped her maintain her sanity, keeping her mind preoccupied while dealing with the decline of her father’s health.

  After her rape, Naomi-Ruth devoted a tremendous amount of time combining outfits that veiled her shame and would not draw attention to her shape. She wore voluminous blouses that swept past her hips, complemented by a belt and knee-length skirts or pants. Or she’d pair either bottom with an oversized blazer. Naomi-Ruth received many compliments on her style of clothes. She fell in love with fashion. She started watching fashion shows on television and purchased magazines to study the latest trends. In order to keep her mind occupied after quitting the basketball team and no longer attending gym class, she convinced her father to allow her to help with assisting the women in the church with makeovers. Because she was attacked at school, Naomi-Ruth was allowed to have study hall in the place of gym, thanks to the principal being the husband of Vera’s cousin. The Pattersons never divulged to the school the details that she’d been raped. They said she was “attacked.”

  Levi thought it was an excellent idea and rejoiced with pride that Naomi-Ruth had found something to keep her busy in the house of the Lord. Naomi-Ruth’s dedication eventually shifted into a little business for her, and it boomed from the onset. Her keen eye for fashion enthralled many of the young adults and the mature saints. They booked her without question. It was Naomi-Ruth’s natural gift. Just one glance at a potential client, and she could see what was missing from their wardrobe and what they needed. The further Naomi-Ruth explored, the more she grasped, so by the time she reached the age of 20, Levi invested in a small storefront location for her across the road from their temple. Women from local assemblies that the Pattersons fellowshipped with began to pursue Naomi-Ruth’s help for themselves, their choirs, and praise teams. Her business expanded over the years, and Naomi-Ruth hired Desirae and trained her in everything she knew. The two friends became the talk of the town and ultimately had to move to a larger facility, formulating N&D’s Boutique.

  Desirae wanted to do something special for Naomi-Ruth as a thank-you gesture for trusting every detail of her business with her. So she planned a surprise birthday dinner. She couldn’t praise Naomi-Ruth enough and sought to convey her gratitude every chance she could. Naomi-Ruth, on the other hand, thought she had to cover for Desirae and see a few of her clients because of an emergency Dez had said she had. Without question, Naomi-Ruth stopped by the nursing home first, as Desirae knew she would, to see her father before making her way to their boutique. When she arrived at his room, neither Levi nor Vera was in their usual spot.

  Naomi-Ruth’s eyes widened as her heart hammered in her rib cage. A wave of adrenaline surged through her entire being, causing steady thumps to smack the marble tile beneath her feet as she made her way to the nurses’ station.

  “H-hello . . . hello, my dad, where . . . Where is he?”

  “Good evening, Naomi-Ruth. I’m your dad’s nurse for the evening. My name is Damietta. I can see the worry in your face. Please know he’s okay. Your parents chose to have dinner alone in the recreational hall.”

  “Is he in his bed? He’s too weak to walk or stand. Can you show me where they are? He should be resting and taking it easy, not in a dining room, or whatever you called it.”

  “He insisted on sitting in a wheelchair, and it is actually a good thing for him to sit up and not be constrained to the bed, especially since he feels up to it.”

  “How could he insist on anything when he can’t even speak? He has that thing in his throat.” Her lips trembled.

  “Even with the trachea tube, Mr. Patterson can be very persistent.”

  Naomi-Ruth ignored Damietta to not take her annoyance out on her. She couldn’t figure out why anyone thought it would be a good idea to move Levi from his room. He was battling prostate cancer for the past year and a half and was bed bound with a trachea tube. Although Pastor was alert, his body turned against him. Naomi-Ruth sobbed daily because she felt her father became a prisoner inside his own body.

  While ministering during Sunday service, Pastor Patterson had coll
apsed and stopped breathing. They instantly rushed him to the Emergency Room. Once the medical team obtained a pulse, they placed him on a ventilator to assist with his breathing, which was also when Vera and Naomi-Ruth learned of Levi’s condition. They diagnosed him with stage four prostate cancer and with fluid around an enlarged heart. After fourteen days of being on the vent, a tracheotomy had been performed, and Levi had it in ever since.

  Already down the hallway, Naomi-Ruth overheard chatter the closer they got to the recreation room. Looking in Damietta’s direction, her face twisted into a grimace. Damietta smiled and opened the double doors leading into the area.

  “Surprise!” everyone shouted as she entered.

  “Oh my goodness,” Naomi-Ruth sobbed.

  Looking at her parents, Desirae, Rosalind, her close friends, a few clients, and staff in attendance made Naomi-Ruth whimper like a teething baby. She was so filled with emotions that she couldn’t talk. Her eyes bounced around the room, admiring the delicacies comprising all one could think of or desire, like chicken, fish, and curried chickpeas. Whatever the adopted lifestyle, there was a dish or two to accommodate it. The décor screamed Naomi-Ruth. She had an obscene obsession with rose gold, and Desirae made sure everything included a sprinkle of it.

  “Before we start, your dad has something he’d like to say.” Desirae took her by the hand and led her closer to Levi.

  Naomi-Ruth stared at her, puzzled and confused because everybody was aware of Levi’s condition.

  Although he looked uncomfortable, frail, and deteriorated, Levi smiled, staring at his beloved child. Because the rehabilitation and nursing facility knew it was only a matter of time before he would transition home to heaven, they permitted the small gathering. The owner of the facility, Edward Walbridge, was a long-standing member of the Pattersons’ church, so he’d insisted on making sure everything went according to plan.

  “We love you so much,” Vera fumbled over her words.

  “I love you more, Mom and Dad,” Naomi-Ruth returned with a kiss to each of their faces.

  “Your dad prepared something that he wants me to read, Ruth.” She took her by the hand before continuing. “This is going to be hard for me, so please bear with my blubbering as I read,” Vera confessed before proceeding.

  “This birthday is unusual for me and you, my precious Naomi-Ruth because it will be the last time we can honor your life together. I love you and your mom with all in me. Please forgive me for not protecting you as I should have. I did the best I could with what I had, and that was God. He kept me. I know He has and will continue to keep you. My methods may look off, but we are where we are now because of His grace and mercy. I call for you to remember love has no loopholes. That consists of loving yourself. God’s love is unrestricted, so you have to cherish yourself the same way. You cannot unlock your future if you’re handcuffed to your history. It’s not about what you suffered, what was taken from you, or what you have left behind anymore. Right now, the only thing that counts is how you make it all work for you.

  “You realize we couldn’t determine what name we wished for you because we admired the meaning of both, which is how we came up with Naomi-Ruth. The beginning of your name, Naomi, means pleasantness, and Ruth is something worth seeing and a friend of God. You are exceptional, Naomi-Ruth. God will take all the pain you’ve been through and turn it into wind beneath your wings to haul you into your next level. From this day forward, I want you to live and not die. I love you and want you to make me proud by becoming the pleasant wife, mother, daughter, and friend of God that I destined you to be.

  “Love always, your Poppa Levi.”

  Three days following Naomi-Ruth’s birthday, Levi took his last breath with Vera and her by his side. It was another slap to Naomi-Ruth’s emotional state. She’d prayed and believed God’s Word for Levi. Her father was supposed to have pulled through. They served a healing God. Fasting, praying, and shunning wine, her guilty pleasure, as she referred to it, hadn’t worked. Naomi-Ruth felt forsaken by God. There wasn’t anything anyone could convey to her to make her see things differently.

  Pacing back and forth in her bedroom, Naomi-Ruth begrudgingly challenged her Heavenly Father. “God, I don’t understand how people can shift their lives over to you when you allow us to suffer no matter what. We give up everything and still lose the ones that we love. How is this possible? You stated you wouldn’t allow any harm to come near our dwelling. I got on my knees and talked to you more than I ever have the whole time my dad was ill. I fasted for days, and yet, you took him. You’re supposed to know me better than I know myself. My dad said part of my name means a friend of God. You know my name, God, and if I am your friend, how could you do this to me? The Bible says unreliable friends would come to ruin, but you are a friend that sticks closer than a brother, and yet, you abandoned me like an untrustworthy friend.”

  “Ruth!” Vera interrupted her.

  “M-mom . . . Mom, I didn’t hear you come in. How long have you been standing there? Please sit down. You look so fragile and fatigued,” she sniffled.

  “I overheard you in my bedroom. You’re furious with God, Ruth, when you shouldn’t be.”

  “Why? Oh, because Papa isn’t suffering any longer? Well, if God would have healed him, he would not have gone through any of what he went through.”

  “That’s not accurate at all. Your dad has been sick for a long time—”

  “Mom, I know. I was there.”

  “Please allow me to finish. Doctors diagnosed your father years before the disease spread throughout his body. He and I believed the Word, and Jesus’ stripes healed him. It is possibly a little too late for me now as well, but I learned we are healed, as the Word says. However, faith without works is dead. God had equipped us with the tools we needed to use to bring the healing to pass. Doctors, medicine, and even healthier lifestyles were accessible to us for a reason. We had to use wisdom and take advantage of what God had set before us. Many of us leave this world ignorant because we only take parts of the Word and apply it to our lives. I am a victim of that same ignorance and haven’t been in the strongest of health either. Instead of pursuing medical attention, I too thought I was already restored instead of working so my healing could work for me. That’s why your daddy is no longer with us, Ruth. God did His part, baby. Your papa and I didn’t do ours. So, if I leave here tomorrow, I want you to know that none of this is the Lord’s fault. We rushed the process.”

  Two weeks after the demise of Pastor Patterson, his dear widow, Vera, joined him in paradise. She’d gone to sleep and didn’t wake up again. Vera usually woke before Naomi-Ruth and prepared breakfast as she had all of her life. When Naomi-Ruth didn’t see her sitting at the kitchen table, she went to Vera’s room, thinking she’d overslept. Vera’s tired heart took a long night’s sleep into eternal rest. She suffered from hypertension and had a heart attack while asleep. Naomi-Ruth noticed her mother was gone the moment she opened the bedroom door. Her body quivered as she made her way to Vera’s bedside.

  Taking her mom by the hand, Naomi-Ruth prayed through tears and spoke to Vera simultaneously. “God, I recognize my momma is in a better place. She’s right where she desired to be with you and my papa. Momma, I am going to be all right. Sleep easy and tell Papa I love him. You two take care of each other until I see you again. Neither of you has to suffer anymore. I will make you proud and keep the new pastor in line. I’m in a better place psychologically, so you don’t have to worry about me, Momma. You prepared me for that. I know all I need to know to make it without you here. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, Momma, but what I do know is that I will be all right. I’m sure you and Poppa will look down on me, making sure I am good. Dear God, I ask that you bless my momma’s soul and receive her into your loving arms. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

  That evening, Naomi-Ruth had her initial intimate experience with God. As if she had an out-of-body experience, the Lord appeared to her in a dream. While in her slumber, she looked at
herself, lying in her bed, mourning for her parents, identical to what she was doing when she wandered off to sleep. Naomi-Ruth recited the same prayer she’d prayed before sleep absorbed her whole.

  “Heavenly Father, I realized I need you more today than I did yesterday. I want more of you and less of me. There’s no way I will get through any of this without you. My momma is no longer here. It’s just you and me. Show me your glory. I can’t live right or another day without it.”

  “I’ve been here all the time. I said I would never leave you or forsake you. I will keep you in perfect peace. Keep your mind stayed on me. I am the Lord thy God, and beside me, there is no other,” a still voice whispered in her ear.

  Naomi-Ruth jumped from her sleep and examined her room, looking for the voice she’d heard in her ear. Tears masked her countenance as she recognized it was a dream. Naomi-Ruth thanked God for listening to her and coming to her in her time of need. It all seemed surreal, but she could feel a strength that she hadn’t felt before. She had a peace of mind and knew that, without a doubt, everything would be all right, no matter what.

  Chapter Eleven

  He Proposed to Me . . .

  Desirae and Rosalind were pretty much all of the family Naomi-Ruth had left outside of her church family. However, before Naomi-Ruth took on Desirae as a partner at Ruth’s Boutique, there was a strain on their friendship. When Pastor Patterson forbade Naomi-Ruth from spending time over at Rosalind’s place, she, in turn, ceased all communication with the Pattersons, including Naomi-Ruth. It’d broken her heart, but she didn’t feel comfortable with Desirae spending time over at someone’s house who held ill feelings toward her. Desirae fought against her mother’s wishes initially and went behind her back and did the opposite of Rosalind’s demands.