Unspoken Words

by Latoya Chandler

  “Are you in here alone?” Brad sized up the room.

  “Yes, I am. I am just finishing up here. I’ll be out of your way in less than a minute.”

  “No need.” He closed in on her personal space.

  “Is everything all right?” Rosalind surged to her feet.

  “Everything, and I mean everything I see is fine.” He licked his lips.

  “I am not in the mood for your antics, Brad. It’s late.”

  “You will be in the mood for all that I want you to be in the mood for.” He wrapped his hands around her throat.

  “Brad, please, stop,” she pleaded a little above a whisper.

  “If you scream, I’ll make it worse. No one can hear you anyway. It’s just you and me. Just the way you want it. That’s why you came in here.”

  Before Rosalind could fight, Brad grabbed her by the collar and shoved her back down on the armchair she was relaxing on. He ripped her pants off and invaded her for the remaining two hours of her shift. When he was done, he used some gauze and hand soap to clear the traces of Rosalind left on him and took off. He left Rosalind to weep in despair. Confused, she dressed in a bedsheet and stumbled down the hall with no control. Everyone who looked at her realized that something drastic had happened to her. She was lost in her thoughts.

  Rosalind wandered into the Emergency Room with a few of her coworkers behind her. After an examination using a rape kit and giving an account of the horrid two-hour rape, she was discharged to return home. Her manager then gave Rosalind time off, and it was then that her three-year license renewal had come—and passed. Because of her state of mind, she overlooked renewing her licensure, and the administration used it against her and ended her employment at the hospital. Rosalind elected not to seek legal action as a result because she wanted no more trouble. Her world had turned upside down. She became a victim of rape and unemployment within three weeks. She couldn’t stand any further heartbreak.

  It had been five years since she’d secured a job. Rosalind had been volunteering at Erwin Nursing Home. She had applied for permanent positions. However, each time a potential job has called her in for an interview, she managed not to show up.

  Unbeknownst to anyone, Rosalind had been collecting public assistance to provide for herself and Desirae. The shame she encountered was harsh and severe. It had been painful for her to consider starting anew. She had been stagnant for quite a while. Her sole consolation had been volunteering at the nursing home and the girls. Following Naomi-Ruth’s breakdown at the hospital, Rosalind adjusted her schedule to make sure Desirae’s and her plans always included Naomi-Ruth. The ladies spent a significant amount of time at Rosalind’s house instead of the Pattersons’, as they did formerly. However, because Rosalind had been attending church regularly, Naomi-Ruth’s parents saw no wrong in her spending time with Desirae at her home.

  It had been five months since Naomi-Ruth’s stay at the hospital, and she and Desirae were now on summer recess. Rosalind worked out what she did typically for the summertime and took a vacation from work, which, to her, was also known as volunteering, to devote time with Desirae and now, Naomi-Ruth. The adolescents had been begging Rosalind to take them to Hershey Park.

  The weekend had finally come, and she surprised the girls with a weekend getaway to Pennsylvania. Rosalind cleared it with the Pattersons. They didn’t have a problem with giving Naomi-Ruth permission to go away for a couple of days as long as Rosalind agreed to be back in time for Sunday school.

  * * *

  Rosalind wanted to experience the girls’ first trip to Pennsylvania with them, so instead of driving, she decided they’d catch the train to Manhattan. Naomi-Ruth was overjoyed because she hadn’t been on the Long Island Rail Road before, although she was born and raised on Long Island in Amityville. She had never traveled by train either. Her parents usually drove her everywhere she needed to go. She was even more ecstatic because once in the city, they would also catch a Greyhound bus from there to Pennsylvania, which was another first for Naomi-Ruth, as well as Desirae. She too had never ridden on a charter bus before.

  The ladies watched movies, talked, and ate during the three-hour ride. Well, Rosalind and Desirae ate. Naomi-Ruth was getting over a stomach bug, so she didn’t have much of an appetite. It disappointed her because the sight of everything made her want to devour all Rosalind had packed for them. Rosalind had loaded a cooler with drinks, sandwiches, fruit, and had the girls’ favorite, fried chicken, on deck. Before they realized it, they reached their destination, unpacked, and headed to the pool in their hotel.

  The water and afternoon sunlight were just what the three of them needed. All that had occurred over the previous five months made this minute worth it. Their fears, setbacks, and worries did not exist.

  As Naomi-Ruth stepped out of the pool, spasms stripped the grin from her face. Cramps gripped her middle as if a thousand needles had wedged themselves into her uterus. Gasping heavily, she prayed in fear, uncertain of what was going on. Suddenly, blood gushed down her legs as contractions pulsed through her. Naomi-Ruth believed her insides had split open. A steady stream of blood poured through her, and the discomfort increased, causing her to squeal in agony.

  “Nomi, what’s wrong?” Desirae’s heart dropped as her eyes trailed the blood. “Oh my goodness, Mom—she’s bleeding!” Desirae panicked.

  “Someone, please, call 911.” Rosalind said, “Nomi, you will be all right. I promise.”

  Rosalind quickly realized what’s going on with Naomi-Ruth—and it horrified her.

  “Am I dying? I don’t want to die.” Fear rose in her eyes.

  “No, baby, you are not dying.”

  Naomi-Ruth was rushed to Lehigh Valley Hospital. With Rosalind and Desirae at her bedside, a doctor informed her that she was four months pregnant, and because of untreated syphilis, she miscarried. As the doctor disclosed what the next few hours would involve, tears and confusion filled each of them with trepidation. Tears dropped from three sets of eyes. Rosalind’s worst fears had become Naomi-Ruth’s reality. She knew what had really gone on with Naomi-Ruth was tragic and wasn’t at all close to what Naomi-Ruth and Desirae had insisted. What Rosalind had suspected was now weighing in on her. Her heart hammered in her chest, watching tears veil Naomi-Ruth’s fearful face.

  * * *

  In Naomi-Ruth’s mind, she felt she had created all that had taken place with her. Had she not disobeyed her parents and put on pants behind their backs, she would not have experienced any of this. She knew it was her fault. The further she pondered about it, the heavier she sobbed. Rosalind and Desirae tried to console her, but their words settled on deaf ears.

  As soon as the medical team left the room, Desirae blubbered, “Nomi, we have to tell the truth. Look what he did to you.”

  “Who? Who did this to you? Please tell me. I’ll fix this for you, I promise. This is not your fault, Nomi,” Rosalind said.

  Naomi-Ruth shook her head no in response and pulled the sheet over her face.

  “He attacked her, Mommy.”

  “Who did, baby? Who hurt her?”

  “Some guy. Some guy r-raped her after school. She didn’t get jumped. Some nasty man did this to her, Mom. I’m sorry, Nomi, but I have to say something.” Desirae fell apart.

  Naomi-Ruth couldn’t defend herself. She whimpered harder as Desirae replayed the horrific motion picture of her life that had been playing in her brain over and over for the past four months.

  “I am so sorry, Nomi. He will not get away with this. We’ll call your parents so they can press charges. Do you know who he is?”

  “No! Please don’t tell them. I can’t tell them. Please don’t. They’ll blame me. I didn’t even see his face. All I know is he’s a big man, and he hurt me,” she wailed.

  “No, they won’t because this is not your fault. You didn’t have to see his face for them to know this wasn’t your fault, baby. I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”

  “It is my fault, and
it won’t matter that you’re there. You heard what my mother did to me when I told her I got jumped. She’ll never understand. It’ll just make things worse.”

  “Nomi, do you understand what the doctors have to do to you? I cannot keep this from your parents. They should be here now, but I don’t want to scare them. As soon as we get back, we’ll sit down and talk to them.”

  Naomi-Ruth had to undergo a D&C, a procedure to extract the uterine lining, as a result of her miscarriage. She didn’t understand all that was going on. The only thing she realized for sure is that a baby had died inside of her. The thought of it all horrified her.

  * * *

  After spending a day and a half of their weekend getaway hospitalized, Naomi-Ruth was released and required bed rest, penicillin, and a follow-up appointment with her primary care physician. Although Rosalind and Desirae were at her beck and call, Naomi-Ruth felt as if she were alone. She couldn’t avoid the horrifying fear and powerlessness that her mind incarcerated her in. Naomi-Ruth saw no other solution to evade the tormenting feelings that bogged her down. Thoughts of death consumed her. It was by far the best alternative to facing her parents. For her, the dread of their reactions was more than she could endure.

  As they pulled up to Naomi-Ruth’s home, together, Naomi-Ruth’s abdomen muscles started to curdle like milk left behind in the sun.

  “I’d willingly die or take my own life than go in there and deal with my parents,” Naomi-Ruth confessed.

  “Death is never an option. I love you as if I birthed you. I will not tolerate anyone or anything that will create further injury to you. I promise you,” Rosalind sniffled.

  Exiting the car, the uneasiness among them intensified. By the time they made their way up the walkway, Naomi-Ruth was choking with worry. This was the most sensitive matter she’d ever had to face. It was the harshest thing any of them had to confront. Upon entering, fear immobilized Naomi-Ruth as her mom embraced her.

  “How was your trip? Better yet, what’s wrong? You brought a disturbing spirit in here, Ruth.”

  “Good afternoon, Mrs. Patterson,” Rosalind interjected and breathed before proceeding. “Can we sit down and talk?”

  “Sure. Is everything all right?”

  Dazed with fear, Naomi-Ruth shook uncontrollably. Her feet had a mind of their own. She trembled, but her feet cemented themselves to the floor.

  “What’s wrong with you, Ruth?” her mom asked again, studying her.

  “I think we should talk,” Rosalind cut in.

  As Rosalind spoke, divulging all that Naomi-Ruth had suffered, Vera roared out to God as if she were being pierced with each word that floated from Rosalind’s lips. Vera sprang to her feet and rushed back to where Naomi-Ruth was standing. Already in arm’s distance, she sank to her knees, hugging Naomi-Ruth’s waist. Words couldn’t convey the pain Vera was experiencing for her daughter. All she could do was apologize and squeeze Naomi-Ruth tighter and tighter.

  “Dear God, what happened?” Levi choked up, observing his wife and daughter whimpering.

  “Nomi . . . Nomi was hurt, Pastor Patterson,” Desirae said, breaking down.

  “Let us pray.” Levi reached for his wife’s hand.

  “I mean no disrespect, Pastor, but why don’t you love on Naomi-Ruth and pray later? She needs your love and compassion right now.”

  “Prayer is the answer and solution to every problem there is. Praying is a sign of my love for my family, Sister Rosalind.”

  “Pastor, your daughter needs more than a sign.” She too broke down.

  Chapter Nine

  A Family that Prays . . .

  Naomi-Ruth’s dad, Pastor Levi Patterson, was a firm believer. He is who he is and has come as far as he has because of prayer. Had he not been able to cry to God and God not meet his prayers from the age of 12, the system or drugs would have devoured him whole. Pastor Patterson’s parents were drug addicts, and often his home turned into a narcotic den. The street vendors afforded his parents their poison of choice on demand around the clock. Two or more individuals regularly took up residence in Levi’s home. They became his extended family after a while. His mom and dad told him to refer to their houseguests as “aunts” and “uncles.”

  Levi would attend school faithfully. In fact, he looked forward to school. He hated being home watching his parents in the inebriated state they remained in. Young Levi had perfect attendance and was a straight-A pupil. He attempted to join every sport his school’s athletic program provided. However, young Levi’s arms and legs didn’t coordinate as well as his peers’. Dribbling or pitching a ball would leave him injured without fail. His friends joined the clubs he didn’t qualify for, leaving him behind to fend for himself. As a result of Levi’s limited flexibility, he returned home straight after school.

  Being home in the early afternoon was an experience to Levi in the beginning. Then he started to look forward to going back to see what off-the-wall situation would take place. There was always something going on. Either the purchasers were quarreling with one another, seemingly half-asleep, or one of his “aunts” or “uncles” were threatening and forcing one the customers out of the apartment. Either way, it had been more satisfying to Levi than watching television. That was . . . until one of the junkies was thrown out of the house wearing nothing but a bra and panties. Leianna had spent a significant amount of time at the house during the day. She would be there when Levi woke in the morning and when he returned from school. Levi met her on the floor, weeping outside of his apartment door.

  “Are you all right?” Levi asked.

  “I . . . I’m fine. Pray with me, little boy,” she murmured, grabbing him by the hand.

  “I don’t know how to pray. We have to get you some help. Momma come—”

  Leianna cut him short by putting her hand over his mouth. “Praying is the only thing that can fix things, little boy,” she sniffled before going on.

  “God is faithful. He always makes a plan of escape. You’ll see. Close your eyes and pray. Just watch. Before we finish our prayer, your uncle Porter will open the door and let me back in.”

  Young Levi followed Leianna and partly closed his eyes. He was uncertain what he should be doing because he couldn’t keep his 12-year-old eyes off of her. He’d never looked at a woman’s unmentionables before, nor has he seen a woman as beautiful as her. She was pretty, but she appeared frail. Her skin soft, full lips, and straight nose were all perfectly connected to make her one of the most attractive women Levi had ever encountered. Her dilated pupils and the distorted glaze over her eyes alone marred her beauty.

  As Leianna began to call upon her Heavenly Father and pray for forgiveness, as she said, Uncle Porter opened the door, apologized, and urged her back inside. Once inside, he draped her with a bathrobe, patted her on her backside, and directed her to tidy herself up so she wouldn’t upset the churchman when he got home. Leianna was a dope fiend by day, and a preacher’s wife come sunset. She had been praying about the thorn in her side, her addiction to crack, and trusted that God would deliver her in His own time.

  Levi didn’t understand what Uncle Porter meant when he referred to the churchman until Leianna showed up at his apartment Sunday morning with a shirt and tie for him. With his parents’ permission, she took him to Sunday school and Sunday service where he met her husband, Pastor Kewin. Leianna’s beauty mesmerized Levi. He stared at her the entire ride to the church house. The woman he attended church with was not the same woman who had been lying down on the floor in her unmentionables. She was in her Sunday best, and her face coated as if God Himself had applied her makeup. Levi loved the service and attended church with Leianna and her husband every time the doors opened. Leianna took to him as if he were her own. Because of her habit, each time she conceived a baby, she miscarried.

  Leianna prayed a lot and taught young Levi the power of invocation. From their initial experience, he had a sense that prayer made things take place because every time Leianna asked, God produced it. After att
ending church for the first time with Leianna, Levi asked God if he could leave from his place of residence and live in the temple because he felt safe there. God answered his pleas, but not how he’d preferred. However, he was able to move into the church house. Leianna and her husband’s apartment was alongside their church building. After the deaths of Levi’s parents, Leianna moved him in with her and her husband, Pastor Kewin. She vowed to undergo substance abuse treatment so she could be the mother to Levi that he’d never really had. Levi’s mother and father died of overdoses while he was in church. He didn’t understand at the time why God would allow death to take his parents from him. However, as Levi matured into a man, over time, he realized their deaths were necessary for him to become the man of God that he was.

  Prayer is all that Pastor Levi Patterson identified with, which is why he asked Rosalind to leave from his presence when she suggested he pray later. He also forbid Naomi-Ruth from spending time over at Rosalind’s place any more. They welcomed Desirae to come over to their home whenever she wanted. However, Pastor Patterson no longer felt comfortable with his daughter hanging out over at a woman’s house who had a reprobate mind. Because of her suggestion not to talk with his Heavenly Father, Levi felt Rosalind had turned her soul over to a wicked spirit. And it was the reason she hadn’t attended church for so long nor cared about the things of God, such as prayer.

  His primary concern was Naomi-Ruth. Learning someone had abused her innocence, and she had a miscarriage as a result crushed him. Memories of his childhood haunted him, listening to Naomi-Ruth’s story. He’d watch the dealers violate some of the women that were in his apartment on one too many occasions. Pastor Patterson couldn’t imagine the loves of his life suffering anything close to what he’d seen. All Levi ever wanted was to cover his wife and daughter. God hadn’t allowed any harm to come near his dwelling. It was his responsibility not to let his household go through all that he’d witnessed as a child, especially his daughter. The Lord had blessed him with the honor of being her father, and it was his job to shelter her as God had protected him.