Always Us

by C C Monroe

  “You can’t beat the master, baby girl!” I cheer, getting so wrapped up in my winning that I don’t notice her go silent right away. After a few seconds I finally tune in to her silence. Stopping, I look over to her and see the most heart-stopping thing in the world, standing there with the moonlight around her, creating a halo of light to cast down on her, she smiles at me.

  “What?” I ask, my voice cracking. I feel this new pull toward her, this gravity shifting need to cling to her. What is happening?

  “I knew you were upset when you got to my house, I know you better than you think, Trey. But right now, standing here like you are, I can see you’re happy. I love when you’re happy, and I will always make sure I do what I can to keep you happy like this.” Her promise shakes me to my core, the breath in my lungs held captive. Holy fuck, I know what this feeling is…I’m falling in love with Shayla Donovan. Fuck me.

  We stay silent and I search her eyes, trying to regain my bearings while I come to terms with my revelation. How can I be in love with Shayla? I can’t be in love with her; she’s too fucking good for me. But I’m selfish, and the feelings transpiring deep within me have me not giving two fucks what unchartered water I am walking into. The pain of knowing I can never have Shayla is something I’m willing to endure, just to flirt with the false possibility that one day we can be something more.

  Tonight, she completely took away the memories of my pain, numbing and covering it with a Band-Aid, slowly licking the wound closed.

  “I needed you tonight, yes. I needed my best friend.” She comes to me at the end of my words and wraps her small arms around my waist.

  “I know you did. Do you want to talk about it?” she questions, and I thoroughly debate if I want to. Mulling it over for a few moments, I nod.

  “Yes, but let’s get the fire set up and get into the sleeping bag, it’s much cooler up here, and I don’t need you getting sick.”

  Blushing again, she smirks. “Such a gentleman.”

  We help each other set up, Shayla with the sleeping bag and blankets and me with the fire. When the flames are high enough, I step back and see Shayla already cuddled into the sleeping bag. I smile down at her and she opens the bag she is in, gesturing for me to climb in, I oblige willingly.

  Getting cozy, she rolls into me, placing her head on my chest and her tiny leg around my waist. I have to think of anything I can to help me not get a fucking boner.

  “So… You want to tell me what happened?” With that, my boner will gladly stay down. Time to talk about my fucking issues.

  “Yeah, well…” I debate where to start, better yet how to start. Her small palms rub soothing circles on my abs, bringing me comfort. “I overheard my mom and dad talking about my mother…” I don’t have to specify, she knows. Nodding her head, she nestles into me tighter.

  “You know how I thought she just left, that one day she decided we weren’t good enough for her?”

  “I do.” Her voice wavers, sounding sad. I don’t need her sympathy; I need her strength.

  “I need you to be strong for me right now, baby, I need you to be my strength.” Tilting her head up at me, I look down at her. Looking to me with understanding, she catches on.

  “Anything, I’ll do anything for you.”

  “I know you would.” I take a deep breath, as she readjusts herself, with her head propped up so she can watch me.

  “I was so far off, there was way more. She had affairs—yes, I said affairs, as in more than one.” She gulps loudly and her eyebrows draw in, angst dawning all over her perfect face.

  “Oh no, I’m so sorry.” I shrug my shoulders, trying my best to seem unfazed, even though I really am inside.

  “I just don’t know why. My dad was telling Kathy he never understood why she strayed after I was born. He said they loved each other, so he thought.” I bite my lip and look up at the stars, avoiding her mournful stare.

  “Gwen wasn’t in the right headspace, something had to have happened to her, because you and Pops are the greatest people I know. There’s no way a real mother, let alone a sane woman, could walk away from you two, unless she was crazy.”

  I don’t answer right away; I stay fixated on the sky above us.

  “Besides, it isn’t your fault, Trey, you will never have to worry about that happening to you. The girl you marry, she’s going to be so darn lucky to have you,” Shayla says, her hand still grazing my stomach. When it moves a little lower, her pinky touches my exposed skin where my shirt lifted slightly. I feel a bolt shoot through me, like lightning, and I can’t help but be turned on. Between the peppered light touches and her choice of words, I have no choice but to feel like I would lay myself at her goddamn feet.

  “I won’t ever fall in love, love is for fools, remember?” I remind her of that day in the tree house.

  “I remember, but I also know love can save you, and you’re going to find a woman who you will change your ways for, leave behind your past for, be a better man for…not that you aren’t already the greatest man I know.” She winks, tickling my side. I lift my knee and laugh. Grasping her hand, I stop her and bring her hand to my lips.

  When we both stop laughing and her face turns soft, I whisper into the night air. “You give me hope, baby.”

  “I will always give you hope, always, big guy.”

  Sure as fucking hell she does, Shayla Donovan not only gives me hope, she is my hope.

  Tonight is the night I fell for my best friend.

  Shayla

  THE MINUTES SEEM TO GO by slower and slower with each passing hour. Lana and Kingston went back to my apartment, and I decided to stay and wait for Trey. Three in the morning is approaching, and I haven’t even closed my eyes once, too anxious, too sick to my stomach to attempt a shot at sleep. I want Trey home.

  Yesterday dwindled out of control, escalating quickly. I’m still reeling from the aftershock, my adrenaline high finally gone, and now all I have left is the pain in my heart. Gwen reopened old wounds today, stripped Trey bare again, and I so badly wish he would just get home so we can talk about this. He texted me a few hours ago, letting me know he loved me. I don’t want to overthink it, because I may be overly hopeful, but he seemed optimistic, at least in his text he did.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear the front door open.

  Trey.

  Standing from the bed, I don’t bother to right his oversized shirt on my body. My legs and hip on display where his shirt is tucked into the side of my panties. I don’t want to wait any longer. I rush into the hall and my eyes immediately tear up when I see my love. Walking toward me, meeting me halfway.

  “Baby,” I cry, leaping into his arms, my tiptoes pushing me up and off the ground where he collects me. It feels like centuries since we last held each other, when really it hasn’t even been a day.

  “Hey, beautiful.” His warmth feels glorious against me, his embrace owning me.

  “Where did you go?” I become overly clingy, not ashamed one bit when I start to kiss his neck, his jaw, his lips, anywhere my mouth can touch. I’m not trying to start anything or have sex; I just want to cling to him. I’m like a leech.

  “I went to see Kathy.” I smile into his neck, where my mouth is latched.

  “How did it go?” He starts walking us backwards as I inquire about his visit with Mama Kathy.

  “You have no idea, I needed that, baby. I needed her—so bad.”

  “Yeah?” I question as he carries me, effortlessly, back to his bedroom. He walks us into the bathroom.

  Placing me on the counter, he leaves me and I admire the way he moves in his worn-out jeans and T-shirt. The sight of him beyond intoxicating, drawing me in after a disastrous night.

  I remove my shirt, my burgundy hair falling down my arms, then resting messily against my chest.

  Turning around, he removes his shirt, looking at my bare chest and cotton covered lady bits. He’s standing in front of me as he reaches out to me with his fingertips, sliding their way up
my bare thighs until they reach the band of my panties.

  Patting my hips, he lifts his chin. “Lift your hips.” I balance my weight on my hands and lift my hips until my underwear clear my body. We’re being intimate, but it’s a unique kind of intimacy, it’s more about two souls nurturing each other. He never takes his eyes off of mine. My hands roam his triceps, massaging their way to his biceps.

  “I trust you, you know that, right?” he questions.

  “Of course, given everything that happened tonight, I would say you trust me.” He smiles knowingly, his muscles bunching under my palms as I knead them with my thumbs.

  “You didn’t deserve it.”

  I shake my head, confused. “What do you mean?”

  “I should’ve trusted you, I didn’t even need to ask you, I knew you wouldn’t lie to me.”

  I shake my head rapidly. I understand exactly why he asked, not because he didn’t trust me but more so for clarity, a gentle reminder that I’m real, the realest thing in his life. “No, baby, it’s fine, I would have done the same thing. I also should have told you about what she said to me, the times she threatened me.” He shakes his head.

  “I still want you to tell me what she said, but I shouldn’t have asked you if you attacked her. That isn’t you, it would never be you.”

  “Don’t be so sure, Trey. I nearly knocked her psycho ass out yesterday when she said what she said.”

  “Yeah.” He nods.

  “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

  “Honestly, it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought…I mean now that the dust has settled.” This shocks me, what happened with Kathy?

  “I’m sorry?” This isn’t like Trey, he left so upset. I watched him cower down like a meek child when she said what she said. Now, in the early hours of the morning, less than twenty-four hours later, he stands here…fine.

  “Kathy and I talked, she made me realize some important fucking things, baby.” He finishes stripping down to nothing. Standing from the sink, we move to the bathtub and just like a well-rehearsed dance, he climbs in first, sitting with his back against the tub. When he’s settled, I climb in next, fitting myself between his legs and resting my back against his chest.

  “Go on.” I want him to finish telling me about Kathy and how exactly she got him to move on so quickly, as if yesterday never even happened.

  “Shayla, I have spent the past eighteen years battling with myself and the damage my mother left in her wake. But I never really noticed all the good that I had in my life. All the love that I was completely surrounded by. I thought for years that I wasn’t deserving or good enough for true love, when I already had it in so many fucking people. You, Pops, Lana, Kings…Kathy. I had true love, and the one person who didn’t love me was the one without love for herself. If she can’t even love herself, how can she love me?” I nod, astonished by his revelation, yet thankful he sees the truth finally, the meaning behind it all. Gwen was the problem, she was the monster. Never him.

  “We do love you, how could we not? You’re so easy to love, baby.” I turn, laying myself along his strong body. I kiss his chest and his hands plant themselves on my ass, squeezing me to him.

  “You’re the biggest part of this new me, the man who can see where the real issue lies.” I bite my lip and smirk, between the hot water, his strong body wrapped around me, I feel warm, welcomed, I feel like I’m home. Trey is my home.

  “You’re way too smooth, you know that?” I feel the heaviness dissipate, becoming non-existent, and for the first time since Trey and I have been together, I feel like things are looking up. I can’t help but feel like we’re going to finally get our happy ending.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask one more time, now that I’m looking into his eyes. I need to see him say it, feel his words, brand myself with his surety.

  “It hurt, no doubt that shit hurt, but tonight I remembered that I’m better off without her, and I already have a beautiful, perfect, nurturing mother, I don’t need Gwen.” He refers to Kathy and I smile big.

  “You’re changing, becoming such a strong, confident man, I’m so happy that I get to see you win your wars.” I kiss the underside of his jaw and we sit back and relax, enjoying the company of each other. This night ended way better than I thought it would. I’m so dang happy that Kathy saved the day, she really is a saint.

  WHAT A PEACEFUL WEEK TREY and I have finally had. No drama, no separation. Nothing but him and I, healing together. I sigh a deep breath of relief.

  I leave Trey asleep in my bed, then make my way out to the kitchen, I need ginger ale. I woke up feeling light-headed and nauseated, probably due to the late night love fest Trey and I had. He ruled my body in ways that only Vikings should. Strong, demanding, controlling, and so dang good. My muscles still ache. I threw up this morning against my will, I tried hard to fight it off, but it didn’t work. So ergo, ginger ale.

  “Morning, sis.” Entering the kitchen, I’m greeted by my half dressed brother, I mean I shouldn’t be shocked, it’s become a regular thing—Lana and my brother hooking up.

  “Hey, Lana still asleep?” I look to the clock above the stove and see it’s just after seven.

  He nods, pouring himself some coffee then setting out to cook himself his egg whites. My brother eats so much but he takes care of his body, his muscular physique always seeming flawless. “Yeah, she was feeling sick all night.”

  “Her and I both. Maybe it’s a bug?” If we both aren’t feeling good, then it must mean something. Today is the first day with our new, fully trained staff working the store. Lana and I decided we want to have three days off a week, hiring some extra hands at the store to help out.

  “That’s shitty.” I open the fridge, searching for a can of ginger ale, thanking my lucky stars we still have some left from our last bout with sickness. When the door shuts, Kingston is on me like white on rice. Kissing my forehead with his lips, checking my temperature the old fashioned way.

  “Okay, Grandpa, I’m fine, just a little upset stomach.” He shakes me off with the wave of his hand as I bat at his chest, pushing him away.

  “Maybe you should go see a doctor?” he pushes, finally giving us space so he can scramble the egg whites.

  “I have an appointment today to get my PCOS looked at, I have a pap smear.”

  “Okay, TMI. I don’t need to know details. But make sure you tell him you aren’t feeling well,” he warns, pointing at me with the spatula. I roll my eyes, pulling a glass out of the cupboard.

  “Kingston, he’s an ob-gyn, he doesn’t do stomach flu. Relax, I’m sure it’ll pass fast, I’m already feeling a little better, just dizzy.”

  “I’m taking Lana to the doctor and if she has the flu, I’m going to make you go in and get medicine too, you probably both caught the same thing, you fucking germ balls,” he teases.

  “We only share germs with you guys, so who are the nasty ones.” Just like that, I see him physically cringe.

  “Ew, you’re done.” I chuckle over my shoulder, loving that the thought of Trey and I having sex repulses my man-slut brother.

  “Whatever, you’re a bigger whore than me, I’m gonna shower, love you, bubba!” I walk down the hall, catching him mumbling under his breath. I chuckle and quietly enter the bedroom, making sure I don’t wake my love bug.

  I WAS ABLE TO GET a shower in and start my makeup by the time he woke up, his sexy hair and sleepy face smiling at me in the bathroom mirror was the best thing to see first thing in the morning. We’re back.

  Now we’re in the car, on our way to my appointment. I’m dressed in some dark skinny jeans that felt way too tight this morning. I will admit, I may not be as lucky as I thought with my metabolism, I might need to start hitting the gym—ugh. I finished off my look with a loose white tee and an army green jacket. My hair gathered into a messy ponytail and my makeup very neutral and light.

  Of course, I feel like a bag of potatoes next to Trey, he looks so damn handsome in so
me shorts, Chucks, and a black V-neck—yum.

  “You look so handsome while I look like a bag of dicks.” The sentence flies out of my mouth like word vomit and we both look at each other in shock.

  “Did you just say that?” he asks, throwing his head back laughing before running his hand through his hair.

  “Yeah, that was weird, I don’t know where that came from,” I admit, that was unlike me.

  “Well, while it was funny and random, it was also untrue, you look beautiful, baby.” His sweet compliment isn’t something rare or foreign, but something about it today makes me feel something deep. I instantly start to cry, causing him to panic.

  “Shayla! What’s wrong?”

  He pulls up to a stoplight and reaches for me; I turn my face away and wipe the tears. What the actual freak is going on? Too much happiness got me feeling this way?

  “Nothing, I just…I feel overly emotional, we have had such a great week, nothing has gone wrong, and it just feels almost too good to be true.” He chuckles, humored by my sudden mood swing.

  “Oh, baby, don’t cry. It’s okay; everything is okay, I promise. We deserve to feel this way. We deserve a break. Don’t bring in any doubt. We got this.”

  “I know, it just seems too good. I mean, Gwen completely ripped through us like a dang tornado and then poof, she is gone and we’re all chipper. Doesn’t that seem abrupt to you?”

  Trey lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head. “Babe, she wasn’t back in my life long enough to make an impact, therapy a couple of times a week and the occasional lunch didn’t make her my mother. Kathy helped me see that, baby, you helped me see that.” The light turns green and he reluctantly pulls away, making his way to the suburbs where my OB is located.

  He has a point, he really does, maybe he’s healing faster because she wasn’t really fully back into his life yet. Maybe my emotions are just high since I know today I’m getting checked out. My PCOS always has me worried. I fear they will find something more serious and the probability of me ever being able to have kids will just vanish completely. I don’t want to lose any more hope.