Always Us

by C C Monroe

  “You’re right, I’m just stressed. I have anxiety about the appointment today. That’s all.” I wipe my tears, and by the time I clean up we’re pulling up to the medical plaza.

  “I will be right here with you this time, baby, you don’t need to be scared. We got this.” Removing the keys, he turns to me and grabs my hands, bringing them up to his lips to kiss each knuckle. It’s sweet. He has a point—last time I was alone, but not today. Today, I have him and no matter what the doctor says, we will get through it. Who knows, maybe it will be good news.

  “I love you,” he whispers.

  “I love you, too.” Giving him a gentle kiss, I feel my insides liquefy, his kisses are like candy—sweet and they always hit the spot.

  “Let’s go.” He climbs out of his truck and I grab my purse, throwing my phone inside. Opening my door, he gives me his hand and helps me out.

  “Thanks, baby.” Nodding, he locks the truck and places his hand on my lower back, walking us to the entrance. My nerves are high, but I take deep breaths to help ward off the anxiety. Trey senses it and takes charge.

  “Hey, I’m checking in for Shayla Donovan.” I just smile up at his tall figure, my heart melting.

  “Okay, go ahead and sign in on that paper and the nurse will call you back when they’re ready.” The receptionist seems sweet; she’s different from the woman I usually see here. Lennox is the name on her name tag, she is at least half the age of the sweet old lady that usually greets me.

  “Thanks.” Trey brings me back in as he walks us to the seating area. My eyes find the beautiful young couple across the way from us. The brunette beauty looks to be about six months pregnant. She’s only growing in her belly, lucky girl. Her husband, I assume he is by the rings they are wearing, sits next to her, with his hand splayed open across her stomach. They both admire her growing stomach, smiling at each other, sharing whispers and little laughs. The bitterness and green with envy feeling starts creeping its way in, but I hurry to shut it down. Don’t be bitter, it isn’t right.

  What I wouldn’t give to see Trey smile like that, to be a father to our child. I really wish we were here for that reason versus the real reason we’re here.

  “Don’t do it. Don’t blame yourself, don’t be jealous. That will be us one day, even if we have to adopt, we’re going to be a family.” Stealing a quick glance back at the couple, I nod.

  “I hope so.”

  “Don’t do that, don’t fucking say it like that.” He doesn’t sound mad just hurt.

  “I’m sorry, it’s just being here has never gone well, I just want to get this done with and go home. I hate this place.”

  “Shay…”

  “Please, I don’t want to talk about it, it’s no big deal,” I lie, if only he knew the true pain I’m feeling, the kind that causes your bones to ache, your heart to beat unsteadily, the kind you just want to run from but can’t escape. It’s like misery knocking on your door constantly.

  “We will talk about this more when we get home.” He squeezes my upper thigh, and I just nod my head. Last time we talked about it, we both nearly lost ourselves. I didn’t realize how hard telling him was going to be, until I saw him bang on his chest, like a man undone. Trey looked broken, mirroring the image of me, since I was—am—broken, too.

  “Shayla Donovan?” The nurse stands by the front, calling my name. Trey and I stand and he leads the way.

  “How are you guys today?” she asks, making small talk.

  “Fine,” I reply back, not in the mood to fake it.

  “Well, this is your room, Dr. Barrett will be here in just a moment, go ahead and remove your pants and underwear, then cover yourself with the blanket when you’re done.” I nod, knowing the drill already. Trey, however, doesn’t, and the look on his face has me chuckling a little. When she leaves us to it, he speaks immediately.

  “You have to take your pants off? Your doctor is a dude?” he rambles off.

  “Yes, my doctor is a male and yes, I have to take off my pants, he has to give me a pap. How else do you think those happen, dork?” I tease and watch him put it all together in his mind. He zones out while I get situated, losing my bottoms then sitting up on the bed.

  “I want you to get a female doctor, is your doctor hot?” His eyes bulge with his question, and I laugh harder.

  “I don’t need to switch doctors and no, Trey, he isn’t hot. Calm down.” Opening his mouth to speak, there is a rap on the door and then it opens.

  “We all decent?” Dr. Barrett asks, stepping in when I give him the clear with a simple yes. Trey eyes him up and down, and I see him physically relax when he sees that Dr. Barrett is in his fifties with gray hair and big-framed glasses.

  “Ah, you must be Trey. Shayla has told me a lot about you.” Sitting up straight with renewed pride, he sticks out his hand and shakes his hand.

  “All good things, I hope?”

  “No—all great things.” Trey smirks and then comes to stand beside me, squeezing my shoulders.

  “All right, Shayla. How have we been feeling? Any cramping? Do you feel like the cysts have been more or less painful when they burst?” he asks, pulling up my chart on the screen.

  “Honestly, I haven’t had much pain, I don’t think any have burst in at least…” I take a second to remember the last time I felt the rupture of a cyst. “I want to say six weeks.”

  He types something down then rolls towards me on his chair. “Well, that’s interesting, that seems to be a long time to go without a burst. Why don’t you lie back for me and we will take some samples.” I nod and lie back, Trey watches me, his eyes never leaving me while I place my feet in the stirrups and prep for a pap.

  I wince when he inserts the tool; I mean honestly, no one can prepare for that.

  “Relax, baby, it’s okay,” Trey soothes me while he silently worries himself. I know he hates seeing me in pain; this is no exception. The doctor asks all his standard questions, his last one nearly causing Trey to lose his marbles.

  “When did you last have sexual intercourse?” I hear Trey gasp, and I just smile.

  “Last night.” This is part of the many questions Dr. Barrett asks, so I am not the least bit fazed, but Trey stays put, glaring at my OB.

  “Okay, I’m going to take a swab and then we will move on to the ultrasound. Also, I’m going to have my nurse come in and take a blood sample.”

  “A blood sample? For what?” I ask, worried, sitting back up when he pats my knee.

  “We just need to confirm you aren’t pregnant. Have you been using protection? I see here you are no longer on the pill, so are condoms or any other forms of protection being used?”

  “No, we don’t use any type of protection,” Trey answers for me. He probably thinks I’m reckless, but I didn’t see the point in using protection when my chances of conceiving are low and Trey said he wanted a family. So, if on the rare chance I get pregnant, it would have been something we wanted. Still, I highly doubt I’m pregnant.

  “Okay, that is totally fine, we just want to confirm for sure. You see, when you are a high-risk patient, we do need to make sure that if you are pregnant or are to become pregnant we know, because on top of the PCOS and occasional benign tumor, you have a tilted, low-sitting uterus, which can put you at a high risk for miscarriage. That and if we put you on the Metformin, we want to make sure it doesn’t hurt the fetus.”

  “Oh.” This is new information to me, I didn’t even think about the miscarriage part, I was too caught up in the whole never conceiving thing than anything else.

  “It’s okay, that’s why you have a team of doctors, if you’re to become pregnant or want to become pregnant, we can look into options to help you conceive and we’ll have a plan to help make sure you and your baby are healthy and taken care of,” he reassures, and surprisingly, his words sit comfortably with me.

  “I will be back in just a minute. Jessie, our nurse, will be in to take a blood sample.”

  “Thank you,” Trey and I say
in unison.

  When the door’s small yet loud click sounds, Trey begins, “Why don’t we talk to him about our options, baby. We want to start a family, well, I do, at least.” I smile adoringly at him. All I could ever want is a family with my best friend.

  “I do, I want a family with you, I mean we talked about it plenty of times. I don’t see the harm in asking him what we need to do.”

  “Agreed, damn, I love you, baby, give me a fucking kiss.” I chuckle and tilt my chin as high as it can go, meeting him halfway. His hand wraps around my neck, his fingers touching under my chin, keeping me in place. The feeling of him squeezing my neck gently makes my insides melt. I want him right here and right now. All this baby talk and alpha demands have me ready for another night with Trey.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, I just need to take a blood sample.” Jessie, the nurse, steps into the room, completely unnoticed until she spoke. Oh my gosh, she just caught us red-handed, making out like horny teenagers.

  Trey lets me go and wipes his lip clean with his thumb, and just that small move makes my stomach flip. How can things like that turn me on?

  We don’t say much to the nurse as she takes a couple vials of my blood then leaves the room. When Dr. Barrett comes back in, he brings out the damn transducer of death, and just like I suspected, Trey reacts the same damn way I did.

  “What the fuck is that thing?” he asks, his words harsh and worried.

  Slapping his chest, I reply, all while Dr. Barrett chuckles. “Trey! Watch your mouth and it’s a transducer, they have to use it since I’m tilted. It helps them get a better image of what’s going on in there.”

  “That thing looks like it will split you in two, I mean I know I am pretty fucking big, but that shit—baby, I don’t want you to do it.” Both me and the doctor start laughing, I can’t believe he just said that in front of him.

  “Trey, this is normal, it will not cause her any damage.”

  “It better not.” He swallows. “That is my favorite fucking toy, it better not get hurt.”

  “Trey! Oh my God!” This time I hit him with a punch, something far more painful. How embarrassing.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.” I look to the doctor and he just shakes his head. My hell, I may never bring Trey again. I mean, really?

  “You keep talking like that and you won’t get to see this toy for a whole week.” I might as well give back what he’s dishing.

  “You’re sassy, good luck with trying to stay away from me for a week.” He tells me this while he bends, whispering the last part. Holy hell, I swear this man has no filter and no care in the world.

  “You’re cut off.” I point up at him.

  “Oh, that’s different,” Dr. Barrett says, catching our attention. I squeeze Trey’s hand by natural reaction, scared.

  “Shayla.” He pauses to look over at me.

  “Yes, what?” I rush out, what the hell is going on?

  “Do you see that?” Lifting up on my elbows, I look at the screen; I see some round black spot with something small and white inside of it.

  “Yes, is that another tumor?” I ask, tears ready to fall. Not again.

  “No. Shayla, Trey.” He turns to look back over at us.

  “That’s a baby. You’re pregnant.” Pump the brakes, put me back into orbit, did he just say I’m pregnant?

  “What?” Trey and I ask in unison.

  “Yes, that’s a baby. You look to be about seven or eight weeks. I guess congratulations are in order.” I look up to Trey, trying to decide if this is a dream, this feels like one. I don’t feel like I’m really here right now.

  Trey’s eyes are misty, the blue more crisp. He is staring at the screen, fascinated. Lost in a trance. I need him to speak, need him to make sense of this all.

  “Trey?” I question.

  “You’re carrying our child?”

  “I…I am…I mean.” I look down to Dr. Barrett, my eyes filled with salty tears, he looks like a blur.

  “You are pregnant, we will go over a few things and prep you for mommyhood.” His smile widens, while I’m still over here not sure if this is reality or just a really sick dream that I’m going to wake from and be tortured by. God, please let this all be real.

  “I will give you both a second. Shayla, feel free to get dressed, then we will talk about our plan.” I nod repeatedly. When he clears the room, I hurry and stand, getting dressed. Trey stays silent as he stumbles to the seat, falling into it.

  “Trey?” I button my jeans and move to him quickly. When I reach him, I’m surprised when he pulls me into him, me between his legs and his face on my stomach.

  “My baby is giving me a baby, my little woman is making me a daddy.” He kisses my stomach than inhales a long drag. My heart leaps out of my chest, my legs nearly buckle, and my stomach flutters with the good stuff.

  “I can’t believe it, I can’t believe this. So, you’re happy?” Lifting my shirt up, his hands just under my breasts, he kisses my stomach.

  “Are you kidding? Yes, I’m happy, fucking shocked, but so damn happy. I just want to get you home and celebrate this fucking moment with you. Just you and I.”

  “Anything, I would do anything for you, Daddy,” I tease.

  Shaking his head with a smile tugging at his lips, he replies. “You are gonna ruin me, even more now.”

  “I plan on it, handsome.”

  “When are we gonna tell everyone?” he asks.

  “I have no idea, maybe later, give us time to enjoy this and revel in it. I want to enjoy this with you.” It’s crazy to think that just a little over a week ago, Trey and I stood in the bathroom while I bared my burden to him, fighting to find even the smallest bit of happiness in this tragedy. We cried, we yelled, we made passionate love; all while our little being was growing, completely alive and ever-present inside me.

  It’s a unique feeling, this whole moment. Something burns deep in my heart, the dire need to nurture my child. I feel full—complete. This thought stays with me while the doctor talks to us, while we drive home, while we cook dinner together.

  It changed something in Trey as well. He is touching me non-stop, finding any way he can to give my stomach attention. He checks one step ahead of me to make sure there is no danger or sharp edges. It’s like a dance, we move together as one piece, no longer hollow, but whole.

  The doctor made it very clear that I am to be very careful during my pregnancy, if I have any abnormal pain or bleeding then I need to see him right away. As for my everyday activity, I must make sure I’m not doing any heavy lifting or strenuous activity, including sex. So vanilla, gentle sex will be our slow jam for the next seven or so months. I have no complaints, hard, gentle, slow or fast, sex with Trey is sensational any which way.

  I enjoy dinner with Trey, soft laughs and new untainted memories building. God, this feels too good to be true, but it’s our time to be this happy, right? We’re going to be parents, now we need to prepare to tell everyone. My father, Lana, Kingston. I am more nervous to tell my dad and Kingston than anyone else. They’re my protectors, they will have some opinions—I’m more than positive. But nothing is going to take away my happiness—Trey’s happiness—our happiness.

  That will be another worry, for another day. But tonight is for Trey and me.

  Shayla

  SLIPPING HIS ARMS AROUND ME, they glide down in slow movements into the soapy water, his hands finding mine as they rest on my stomach.

  “Do you feel any different?” Once again, I’m lying in the bath with Trey, I swear we would make the Guinness Book of World Records with how many damn baths we take.

  “Yeah, I feel like a mama. It’s unreal, I felt like a woman once with you, then again when he said I was pregnant. Womanhood has found me, I guess you could say.”

  “I can’t wait to see you fucking grow with our child. I can’t wait to be a daddy. Shit, I’m gonna be a daddy.”

  I laugh, my head falling back on his chest while he thrusts his fist into t
he air.

  “Okay, Breakfast Club, you’re too much.”

  “Shayla, I thought this day would never come and here we are. Full circle. All the shit from my past gone, my heart healing slowly after Pops, our family growing. I guess that means we should get married soon…” He trails off and I bite my lip.

  “Yeah, I guess we should just run off to Vegas.”

  “No, we are going to have a wedding with your family there, they would fucking kill me if I dare married you without them being there, you know that, baby.”

  “True.”

  We’re quiet for a few moments, my hands leaving my stomach and trailing lazily up and over the mountains of his legs. I draw tiny designs, spell out my name, I’m reliving our great news over and over again in my head.

  “Can I make love to you?” His strong voice vibrates around the large bathroom and my insides clench.

  “Yes,” I whisper and turn around to face him. Sitting up, he helps me straddle him. I want nothing more than to celebrate the glorious news we found out today. I have never had more of a desire to be this close to Trey.

  “Since we have to be gentle, I want you on top, baby, you control the tempo.” The gentleness in his eyes and the kindness in his words catch my breath. I adore when Trey is soft with me, his innately rough nature complementing my innocence.

  “Is this what real love is supposed to feel like?” I say, positioning myself over his erection.

  “Yes, beautiful. This is real love.”

  “Impossible, this feels better than that.” With my final words, I slide down slowly onto his waiting cock. We are one—always.

  “Oh, baby. You can’t fucking keep doing this to me,” he says as I slowly start to circle my hips. Trey’s eyes are hooded, his lips slightly agape, his big hands engulfing my hips, squeezing tightly.

  “Doing what? Ah,” I moan when he hits my trigger, although it sounded more like a yelp, it was unexpected and felt incredible.

  “This.” He looks up at me, searching my eyes. Still confused, I push for more.