Orc Glitch- The Mad King

by KJ Harlow

  “Why?”

  Cal stopped in his tracks and sighed. “Do you enjoy grinding and wasting your time on weak enemies?”

  Kai crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “Why do you ask?”

  You don’t just answer a question with a question. “I don’t.” He turned back towards the sparkling pond. “There may be a way for us to get through the valley within one moonshift.”

  Kai’s tail jerked round irritably. “That’s impossible.”

  Cal kept walking, following the voices. These were the voices he’d heard the first day he logged into ValorVale, he was sure of it. With any luck, they would co-operate and take him directly to where he wanted to go.

  They spent the next several moonshifts heading straight for the new pond. They stopped to rest only a few times, opting to cover off more distance. Kai became sullen and quiet when Cal refused to tell him what he saw. He smiled an impish, orc grin. Why ruin the surprise?

  Finally, the water by the pond lapped at Cal’s feet. Flulia was already in its last quarter, the earth moon once again bearing down on the two travellers, ready to herald in a new cycle. Cal took off his shoes and soaked his feet. No mercats, no worries.

  “Are you going to tell me why we walked here?”

  Cal closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Sibelle hadn’t really started and he could already feel the gentlest of pulses of earth under his feet. He slowly raised an arm, pointing to the west side of the bank. “See those?”

  Kai slowly dragged his head in the direction of Cal’s finger. “If you wanted us to see oversized flowers, there were beds full of them in Rawdriad.”

  “They’re not giant flowers.” Cal shook the excess water from his toes and slipped them back into his Featherfoot boots.”They’re called Dandyflyins.”

  The orc and the werejaguar soared high over the plain, skimming the bottom of the low hanging clouds. Wind buffeted, blustered and blew them like freshly washed ragdolls drying on a clothes line. Kai dug his claws into the stem of the Dandyflyin, trying to stay as high up as he could.

  Cal leaned toward the north, directing his Dandyflyin in the direction of the mountains. So far so good. There were about 25 Dandyflyins clustered by the pool of rain water that had flowed down from the peaks, swaying serenely in the gentle breeze. He had approached them with some trepidation; his first Dandyflyin experience was memorable, but for the wrong reasons. When he lay his hand on one, it kept swaying, but grew still inside.

  Kai was equal parts flummoxed and amused as Cal tried to talk to the plant. Kai grew even more confused when Cal hacked off the bottom of the stem and it started slowly rotating in place. “It’s happy to take us over the valley,” the orc said.

  Kai flicked a glance up at the puffy seeds held on by hooks on the top of the Dandyflyin. They would scatter as the weed started ascending, scattering themselves further along the plain to until they found somewhere with plenty of fresh water.

  Being an Ability, Verdant Whisper couldn’t be levelled up. He could just converse with plants. But as he directed the Dandyflyin to speed up, slow down, watching beasts crawling through the valley, he couldn’t help but wonder if it they respected his increased control over Earth Craft. Or was it because he was a higher level overall? He could have been wrong altogether. They could have just been in a good mood, sensing that 1-Sibelle was not far away.

  “There,” Cal said, pointing down and slightly to the right. “Take us there, please.” The Dandyflyin seemed to hesitate and think for a moment before floating towards Gresshia Village. Did Dandyfyins and plants as a whole get have some sort of flora network to get updated news about bad weather – or bad people that they should stay away from?

  Cal looked to the left where it looked like he could reach out and touch the top of the water moon. ET phone home. He giggled to himself. If he ever made it back, he would have to introduce some of the greatest films of all time to the werejaguars. Underneath the cool exterior, Cal was sure Gram was a hopeless romantic. Sleepless in Seattle it was then. Kai? Fight Club, no contest. Keizen…?

  -1 Damage!

  “Hey! What was that for?” Cal stumbled as his feet touched the ground, cheeks raw with fresh scratch marks courtesy of Kai. The Dandyflyin that dropped Cal off pulled away. Together, with the one that ferried Kai, they slowly rose through the air, their tops spinning as they floated off over the mountains.

  “You were absent of mind,” Kai said matter-of-factly, “you can’t afford to be, not with your kinfolk here.”

  Cal scrubbed away the dark green blood that seeped through his cheek. “What are you talking about?”

  Gresshia Village

  The name came and went. They had landed just a little inside the entrance of the village. Kai slipped behind one of the houses that only had part of its structure still standing. Cal followed, keeping an eye on the hulking shadows moving around village.

  “Look carefully,” Kai said keeping his voice low. His lance was already in his hand, his pupils dilated. “They’re looting the treasure chest you left behind last time as we speak.”

  Cal looked at the spot where he had felled Hector. Cal and Kai ran out of the apothecary and straight past the loot chest, spurred on by the urgency in Keizen’s voice. Cal only realized they hadn’t opened it when they had gotten back to the forest.

  “No!” Cal reached a hand out helplessly. Three creatures with mottled green skin were crouched around the chest, greedily ramming their hands inside. Axes hung in holsters by their sides. One of them abruptly stood up, sniffing the air with its pig-like snout, questionable goo dangling out of one nostril.

  “I didn’t think there were orcs uglier than you,” Kai whispered. “How wrong I was.”

  So these were real orcs. The one that had caught scent of something in the air dragged his head back down. The other two had both grabbed a translucent, light-blue robe at the same time. They dragged and pulled it over the chest, their grunts and oinks getting louder and sharper. The third drew a rusted short sword, pulled back and slashed down on the robe. The two orcs fell back, rubbing their rump and head ruefully, looking at their jagged half of the robe.

  “Examine,” Cal uttered.

  NAME: ?????

  CLASS: Orc Grunt

  LVL: 25

  HP: 280/280

  MP: 149/149

  NAME: ?????

  CLASS: Orc Grunt

  LVL: 26

  HP: 285/285

  MP: 156/156

  NAME: ?????

  CLASS: Orc Grunt

  LVL: 28

  HP: 306/306

  MP: 169/169

  Damn it. They didn’t look like it, but these bastards were strong.

  “I’ve got to get that loot,” Cal said under his breath. He looked back over his shoulder. “Kai.”

  Kai wasn’t there. An orc, hunched over, its knuckles grazing the grass stood there, leering at him.

  “Argh!” Cal clapped his hands over his mouth too late. The orc that had replaced Kai was almost two feet taller (and wider) than he was. Its eyes flew open, flinching at Cal’s reaction. It recovered then opened its mouth, revealing tusks that had moss growing on them around its blackened gums.

  “ARRALAARR?” Shit, shit, shit. It was talking to him. Cal had taken German in high school. That was as close as he got to learning a foreign language. He would have to wing it, just like he did every single oral test.

  “Errr… ROLLAGARRRRR,” he tried saying as assertively as possible. The orc stared at him, drool dripping off his tusks into grass. Cal couldn’t help but notice that his pants were being dragged down by the huge hammer that hung on his left side. It was so big, that was probably why he was standing sort of lopsided as well.

  This orc – Cal decided to name him Lars – was starting to narrow his eyes. Hopefully I didn’t just tell him I banged his mom. Lars reached across his body, pulling out his hammer in the process. This caused his drawers to fall to the grass. He couldn’t not look at it. Lars’ member was at least a foot lo
ng flaccid. Tufts of hair exploded over his saggy testicles. He raised his hammer, its flat, round head ready to crush the smaller orc.

  “MAGANOOOOO!” Cal said, putting his hands out. “NOOO, NOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOO.” Lars eyes bulged out of his head. Judging by his reaction, he probably told Lars that after he banged his mom, she liked it so much that she came back for seconds… and thirds. The big orc drew his hammer back a few inches. He overbalanced, taking a few steps back as he tried to stop himself from falling over. His floppy Johnson glared at him.

  “Earth Wall!” A triangular pillar of earth shot out of the ground between Lars’ legs, crunching him in the gonads.

  “RAAAAAWWWWRRRR!” Just like with the stonecritter, the Earth Wall turned into a makeshift lever, flipping him over. There were two thuds: the first was Lars’ hammer, the second was Lars himself. Both left imprints in the loamy ground. Cal couldn’t help but stare at Lars’ family jewels as they wonkily sat atop his ass for several seconds before his legs came crashing down. Thuds started reverberating all around Cal, getting louder and louder.

  “Cal!” Cal spun around and looked up. Kai was poking his head over the edge of a house whose roof was still intact. He waved at him urgently. “Get up here!”

  Cal directed his hand beneath him, getting the earth beneath his feet to push him up. He jumped off and dispelled the craft, just as looting orcs arrived at the scene of the crime. For several moments, all they did was stare at Lars’ motionless body.

  “You didn’t kill him, right?”

  Lars farted, sending his floppy penis that had been covering his ass crack airborne before it slapped back down.

  “Nope.”

  The dozen orcs started grunting and gesticulating, trying to figure out what had happened. It didn’t take long for it to come to blows between two orcs that both seemed convinced they were right. They started brawling, swinging their axes wildly. One caught the other in the underarm with a wild upswing. It swung a counterattacking hack to his attacker’s ribs. They both fell to the ground and crunched into the side of the house Cal and Kai were hiding in, its walls groaning in protest.

  “What in Karst do we do now?” Kai hissed.

  “I’m not leaving here without the loot,” Cal whispered. “There might be a new axe in there.” The entire structure shook again, more violently this time. “Create a diversion.”

  “What? How?”

  “I don’t know, you’re half cat. Go out and start walking around their legs or something.”

  In a flash, the werejaguar had grabbed Cal by the throat and slammed him into the wall. “I’m not afraid to throw you down there.”

  The ruckus outside suddenly stopped. “Go now. Get them tailing you. Spread them around Gresshia. I’ll meet you back near the apothecary.”

  Heavy footfalls could be heard on the lower floor. Kai gripped Cal’s neck a moment longer, bared his teeth then leaped out the window.

  “WARRAMYOOOWWW!” One of the orcs bellowed. Cal stayed still, waiting until the tremors in the ground dissipated as Kai led the horde away. He wasn’t proud of his joke, especially given the dire situation they had been in. Cal peeked out the window. Lars was still prostrate. One of the orcs had done him a solid and thrown his loincloth back over his loins. Snores rumbled out of him. Coast was clear.

  Cal jumped down from the platform, walking across the upper level until he reached the stairs. Every single step creaked as he made his way down. A metallic crash to his right and Cal’s axe was in his hand again.

  Another orc – possibly the one whose steps he heard before – was rummaging through some cupboards. He turned around, just in time to see Cal trying to sneak out the door. Franklin – he looked like a Franklin – was smaller than Lars. He was even smaller than Cal. His tusks were short and stumpy. His black beady eyes widened in surprise. The two orcs stared at one another for several moments.

  “TORAA GARORR.” Cal said matter-of-factly, pointing up then shaking his head slowly. Nothing up there. He then continued walking towards the door, ignoring Franklin’s oily eyes penetrating into his back. Just play it cool. He stepped outside onto the moist grass, not daring to look back. On impulse, he started following a random set of tread marks. He took it slow, not wanting to set off any more alarm bells. Six or seven yards away, Cal started off on a trot, exhaling the rest of his breath. The foot prints in the ground were huge, nearly double in length and width of his. Based on their depth, the orcs that made them would have run to the house where they heard Lars.

  Cal paused for a moment, gauging the distance of the orcs by their bellows. He’d need to buy Kai a beer – or the Terrafaytum equivalent – at the next town. Maybe he’d get him a bowl of milk. Cal continued following the foot prints when he was something green and twinkling on the ground. He bent down, flicked the dirt off and looked at it.

  You have found 1 shard!

  Cal glanced over at the space where the chest had appeared after defeating Hector. It had been tipped over and was empty.

  There was more twinkling a few feet ahead, green, blue and red. Cal scurried over to them, digging them out where they had been pressed into the dirt.

  You have found 47 shards!

  He stood up and flipped open his satchel, depositing them inside. Never going to say no to free money. The trail of shards had led him straight to a shanty that had had its entire roof ripped open. Four walls remained, barely held together. There was only one room. Maybe the werejaguar who had lived here was a loner? He looked inside and his eyes lit up.

  A massive pile of green, blue, red as well as gold glittered and hummed faintly in the corner. To its side were a few other impressive looking things. This is where the orcs had been hoarding their loot! Cal snuck a glance over his shoulder then hurried inside. He fell to his knees and started piling scoop after scoop after scoop of shards into his satchel.

  You have found 152 shards!

  You have found 271 shards!

  You have found 401 shards!

  A little angel orc with too tiny wings fluttered on his left shoulder. “Stealing is wrong, Cal.”

  The pitchfork-wielding, horned orc laughed evilly on his right. “Cal is smarter than the average orc, he deserves to take their loot.”

  “You’re no better than them if you take the loot.”

  “They took his loot that he won fair and square!”

  A notification appeared on his screen, disrupting the bickering of the voices in his head.

  Shard wallet full.

  “Damn it,” Cal said, sitting back on his heels. Try as he might, the shards bounced out of the satchel, even though from the outside it looked like it was still flat and empty. He eyed the currency on the ground; there was still more than half the pile left. That would have to do. He shuffled across to the items. There was a sword, a staff, gloves and few ornate bottles with cloudy, liquid swirling about inside.

  He picked up each one and Examined them:

  WEAPON: Noble Sword of Alacrity

  LVL: D

  RARITY: Uncommon

  BONUS: +15% to AGL.

  A knight’s short sword used to strike first in battle.

  STAFF: Healing Staff

  LVL: E

  RARITY: Common

  BONUS: Heals INT x 0.5

  Channels Mana from the user to heal allies.

  EQUIP: Craft Gloves

  LVL: C

  RARITY: Rare

  BONUS: +25% to MP.

  Allows greater control over craft and enhances their power.

  MISC. MP Potion x4

  Heals 30% of Mana.

  Aww yisss. He slipped the sword into the satchel, watching it magically swallow the foot-and-a-half long weapon whole. It felt cumbersome in his hand, almost as if it might slip out if he tried to swing it. He poked the bottom of the healing staff into the ground to help himself up. The top of it had milky, pale-blue orb that glowed faintly. This also felt foreign in his grip. He slipped the whole thing in, the satchel as weightless as before. He p
ulled on the craft gloves. They expanded to fit his knobbly, orc hands. Immediately, microscopic beads of mana started accumulating at his fingertips, giving a tingling sensation. The MP potions he put all together into a single compartment in his satchel. Shame there wasn’t an axe here.

  He stood up, eyeing the pile of shards on the floor. It killed him to leave it all behind, but he was lucky to find it in the first place. Scanned left then right, making sure the coast was clear. It had become eerily quiet. What had Kai done with the orcs? Or had he gotten cocky again and somehow become trapped?

  He left the shanty and started heading towards the apothecary. There were angry roars and the sound of metal on metal in the background. Cal paused. Was that idiot needlessly starting fights again?

  “Orc.” A hand slapped onto his shoulder and Cal jumped.

  “Jesus, don’t scare me like that.” Kai looked pleased with himself. “Glad that isn’t you fighting with the orcs.”

  “I fight battles I know I can win.” Didn’t think that when you were taking on the eryn the last time we were here, did you?

  Cal nodded. “Alright, I’ve taken my share of loot. Let’s roll.”

  Kai paused and shook his head. “‘Let’s roll’,” he mimicked.

  They threaded through the buildings, keeping their eye on the lone building at the edge of the village. Kai only realised that Cal had stopped when he turned around and saw him staring at the apothecary.

  “What are you doing? Let’s go!” He waved forward towards the rope bridge that started from the edge of the vast plateau that Gresshia was built on. It was a huge bridge, 10 yards wide and several long, maybe 100 or more. How the werejaguars had even built the bridge in the first place was beyond Cal. Then he remembered that he was in a game.

  It was all in your head. Cal shook away the memory of the wizened, old werejaguar who had given him the lucentleaf and felt his face, jogging towards Kai. Once he had caught up, the both of them stepped onto the bridge. It swayed slightly, welcoming them on board.

  “Thaylia here we come.”