Before You Say I Do

by Clare Lydon

  Abby closed her eyes.

  When she refocused on Neil, he was smiling at her. “So, what do you think?”

  Abby sat up. About what? Shit, she was going to have to try to feel her way back into this conversation. “I think it sounds great. Could you just run over the finer points again?”

  Neil looked pleased at her answer. That was a good start. “That is terrific!” He sat forward, clasping his hands together on the oval table that could easily seat eight. “So you’re up for heading up the project?”

  Abby blinked. Heading up the project? She really needed to listen to Neil. “The Asset Management project?”

  Neil frowned. “Of course. Is there another one you’ve been preparing for?”

  Wow. She was getting the project. Neil was promoting her. Maybe she could overlook his tie choice, just this once.

  “No!” she replied. “That’s great! I mean, amazing, of course I’d love to.”

  “And you’re fine with the amount of travel it might involve? Of late-night conference calls? You’d be the lead on this, Abby. The project would be totally yours. The buck would stop with you.”

  Abby chewed on the side of her cheek. She waited for the euphoria of her work win to register.

  But there was nothing.

  Instead, all she had was a feeling like she was drowning. Like this wasn’t her beautiful life anymore.

  Two months ago, she’d have been dancing through her office at this news. She’d have been revelling in the responsibility, excited for the challenge.

  But now? Now all she saw ahead were late-night conference calls when she should be sleeping. Unnecessary stress. More commitment to a job she’d never truly wanted in the first place.

  Plus, more plane travel, with nobody to hold her hand.

  Not like Jordan had.

  That’s what all this came back to, didn’t it? Jordan.

  Neil was still waiting for an answer.

  Abby didn’t care about Neil. But she nodded anyway. “Of course. Totally. Buck stops with me.”

  Now Neil was getting up. Was he going to hug her? He was. Oh god. Neil was so nice. She let him hug her. His aftershave really was overpowering.

  He opened the office door, and motioned for her to go first.

  She was greeted by a bang, then another, as streamers burst into the air.

  Abby screamed, clutching her chest. She hated surprises.

  Her whole office was staring at her, though, so she had to change her face into a smile. It took a few moments, but she made it happen.

  It wasn’t easy.

  Because there on her desk sat a large flat cake covered in white icing and sparkles, with the words ‘Congratulations!’ iced in pink on the top. Someone had also stuck a photo of her and Marcus to her monitor. The one of them taken at New Year last year. She had red eyes from drinking too much. Her chair was covered in shiny red love hearts, and next to the cake was a card. A wedding card. No doubt signed by everyone. With perhaps a voucher for John Lewis or Selfridges inside.

  She bit the inside of her cheek. Emotion bubbled up inside her.

  When did her life turn into this? The same week she was getting married, she also got a promotion.

  The trouble was, she didn’t want either of them.

  Abby sniffed, then wiped her face with the back of her hand.

  Her cheeks were wet.

  Oh shit. She was crying in her office.

  What the actual fuck?

  “Oh Abby! I hope those are tears of joy!” That was her office manager, Maisy.

  Abby nodded. “Of course!” she replied. “Cake always makes me cry!”

  Neil’s arm came back around her shoulder and he squeezed. “We thought this was the perfect moment. You’re heading up our big project and you’re getting married. This is a perfect time in your life. So congratulations seemed apt.” He looked around the team who were all beaming. “Let’s give Abby a round of applause for being fantastic!”

  The applause was deafening.

  Abby was still crying.

  Chapter 25

  Neil insisted Abby leave a couple of hours before the end of the day, so she got home early. In his mind, he was probably preparing her for the future long days and nights to come by giving her a few hours off. Whatever his motive, Abby was grateful. But it truly couldn’t have been more absurd to walk through the door to her flat carrying a huge cake that said Congratulations! on it. Well, half a cake after the office had a go at it. It now said Congratu. But still.

  Nothing felt worth celebrating at the moment.

  Abby put her cake down on the kitchen counter, then walked over to her sofa and sank into it.

  This wasn’t the big-day countdown she’d read about in bridal magazines. Then again, she was pretty sure none of them had the bride sleeping with the bridesmaid either. She leaned forward and picked up Perfect Bride magazine from the stack on the coffee table. She’d bought it just after Marcus had proposed, determined to have the perfect wedding. However, she’d lost interest after a while, and Marcus had taken over. He was the perfect groom. He deserved the perfect bride. Could Abby be that still?

  Her phone buzzed beside her with a text. Jordan.

  The familiar tremor hit her body. She was almost used to it by now.

  We need to talk. I’m on your street. What number are you?

  Abby’s heart leapt up her body and into her throat as she vaulted off the sofa. She went straight to the huge bay window and stared down. Across the street, Jordan was looking around, then staring at her phone, shifting from one foot to another. Abby couldn’t avoid her if she was standing right outside.

  Then Jordan looked up, and their gazes connected.

  Abby’s heart exploded in a rush of joy. It was such a traitor.

  This wasn’t who she was marrying. She had to keep a lid on this, accept her promotion, become Mrs Montgomery. Everything was organised. She owed it to herself and all her future dreams to go through with her plans. Besides, marrying Marcus was hardly a bad plan. For everyone else in the whole wide world, it would be the best plan in the world.

  Abby needed to put all of this into perspective.

  However, Jordan was right. Maybe talking would help get her head straight.

  Abby pointed towards her front door, then took a deep breath. She plumped up a few cushions even though she was pretty sure Jordan wouldn’t be worrying about those. Then she ran to the mirror, and smoothed down her hair. She still had her work gear on. Was a red dress a good suit of armour? She had her doubts. Her eyes were still puffy, but she’d fixed her make-up at work. She’d have to do.

  When she answered the door, all rationale and sense left Abby. How could she think about anything when Jordan was so breathtakingly beautiful? Her hair like summer painted onto her head. Her kissable lips. Abby remembered doing just that. She wanted to lean forward and do it again.

  It was all she wanted to do.

  But instead, she stood back.

  Jordan’s lips were pursed.

  “Come in,” Abby said. “Straight up the stairs.” Not that there was anywhere else to go, but she always pointed it out.

  Jordan standing in her flat was odd. She didn’t quite fit. This was Abby’s lair. It wasn’t to do with her and Marcus. Her and anyone else. The flat was Abby’s sanctuary. But Jordan did not make Abby feel calm. Not when her blue jeans were cupping her round arse so deliciously.

  “Please, sit.”

  Jordan did, perching on the edge of the sofa.

  “How did you find me?”

  “You told me you lived on Charity Street, so I looked it up.”

  Abby gulped. “You remembered.”

  Jordan met her gaze. “It was pretty recent. I remember it all.”

  Abby squirmed under her stare. She remembered it all, too. “Cup of tea?” Abby had no idea what she was saying. She was on auto-pilot.

  A shake of her head. “I think we need to talk. So when you’re finished being polite, come and sit on t
he sofa with me, please.”

  Jordan was being firm. Pushy. That wasn’t doing anything to quell Abby’s desire for her. If she’d turned up crying, that might have repelled her.

  But not this.

  Abby did as she was told.

  Jordan stared at her. It wasn’t a warm stare. Or one filled with want. It was a hard stare. Jordan meant business.

  Abby sat up straighter, trying to get her head into the same game.

  “You’ve been ignoring my calls and my texts.”

  “I texted you back to cancel lunch.” Jordan couldn’t deny that.

  “Once,” Jordan said. “But this isn’t just about us, Abby, or about what went on over the weekend. This is about our work, too. My professional reputation. I can’t drop the ball on your wedding so close to the finish line. People talk. So even if you want nothing more to do with me personally, we still have to decide what we’re doing professionally. Either we carry on and get this done, or we agree to sever ties and make up a lie.”

  Abby nodded. Everything Jordan was saying made perfect sense. But it didn’t stop her feeling like she was being ripped in two from the inside out.

  However, she had to do the right thing.

  But what was the right thing?

  Everyone told her Marcus was the real deal.

  Everyone couldn’t be wrong, could they?

  “I know. I’ve just been so busy since we got back. Then Marcus stayed last night.” Why had she said that? They hadn’t had sex, after all.

  Too late.

  Jordan’s lip wobbled, but the rest of her face hardened. Clouds gathered in her eyes. Once they were sky-blue, now they were icy.

  Abby’s stomach rolled. She never wanted to be the cause of pain for Jordan, but she didn’t see how she could avoid it. “Then I went to work and got that promotion. The one I told you about?”

  Jordan nodded. “Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” Abby felt hollow. “Then my team gave me a congratulations cake. Marcus is picking me up at six to go for dinner at his parents.” She threw up her hands. “I haven’t been avoiding you, Jordan, but I can’t change the path my life is on. It’s too late. Everything’s on track, and I can’t stop it rolling.” She went to take Jordan’s hand, then thought better of it. Better if they didn’t touch each other.

  Her throat had gone dry. Did she believe the words she was saying? It didn’t matter. She had to say them. She had no choice.

  “The weekend was a mistake.” She gulped hard. “I’m marrying Marcus. I’m sorry you got hurt in this. I really am. But I can’t just turn my back on the life that I’ve built over the past few years. The man I’m due to marry. The job I’ve worked hard for.”

  Jordan was still staring. Then she took a deep breath, stood, and walked over to the bay window. Standing just where Abby had stood a few minutes earlier. Where her heart had exploded when she’d seen Jordan. She wasn’t going to dwell on that.

  “What about everything we spoke about in Cannes?” Jordan turned.

  Her stare rooted Abby to the spot.

  “About you getting a new career? Saying you’d fallen for me? Are you forgetting all that? Are you able to forget what happened between us?”

  Abby stood, too. “I can’t overthrow everything in my life because of one shag.” As soon as those words were out of her mouth, she wished she could put them back. Lock them up and leave them on a high shelf, where nobody ever had to hear them or see them. But she couldn’t. They were out there and they’d sliced through Jordan’s soul. Abby could see that in the way her face dropped.

  “I’m sorry.” Abby winced. “That came out wrong.”

  Jordan shook her head. “You’re right. It was only a shag. A one-plane stand. Who would change their life for that? Not me.”

  Abby’s hand wanted to shoot up in the air, but she kept it firmly planted by her side. She couldn’t risk it.

  Jordan folded her arms across her chest. “But that still leaves the problem of what to do about the wedding. I’m the wedding planner now, too. I can’t bail totally. Maybe I could take a step back? I’ll give you a list of what needs finishing. Maybe Delta can step up to the plate.”

  The thought of Jordan not being there was torture. But Abby knew she was being unfair. “Is there any chance you could stay on? If it’s about money, I can pay you more.”

  A look of disgust crossed Jordan’s face. “Really? It’s not about the money, Abby. It never was. At least, not with me.”

  Abby looked at the floor, biting her lip. She couldn’t say anything right today. That wasn’t what she’d meant to say.

  “Nothing I say can persuade you? I know Marcus would appreciate it. And Marjorie. Everyone. We all loved you on the hen weekend, Jordan.”

  “I know. Some more than others.”

  Abby was empty. “I’m sorry this is how it’s worked out, but please, will you think about it? If you leave, I understand. I’ll make sure Marcus pays you until the end as agreed. But please can you stay to do the last few days? If not for me, for Marcus? I’m not sure how I’d explain it away otherwise. I promise he’ll big you up to everyone he comes across.”

  Jordan wanted to step forward and shout in Abby’s face. “This is not about business or about money. This is about feelings. About us. About not walking away from us!”

  But she was still on a job, and she was always professional.

  Always.

  Could she finish this? Get Abby to the altar as she’d promised Marcus? Despite everything, she still liked him. Plus, she still wanted to do a good job. It was in her genes.

  Abby’s doorbell rang. She twisted on one foot, then twisted back, panic etched on her face. She checked her watch and swore lightly under her breath. “This might be Marcus.” She winced again. “He’s early. I better get it.”

  Jordan nodded. Of course it was Marcus. Could this day get any worse?

  Marcus was still in his office gear, just like Abby. Jordan had to admit, they looked like the perfect corporate couple. They always had. That wasn’t the issue.

  The issue was that Abby had told her she was falling for her. Yet now she was sticking with the original plan and marrying Marcus.

  Feelings didn’t change that quickly. Jordan was well aware of that.

  She gulped, painting on a smile she hoped would fool most. Her outside looked normal. Inside, her heart was slowly breaking.

  “Jordan! How are you?” Marcus approached her, offering his hand.

  She shook it. “Good. How was your weekend?”

  Marcus gave her a grin. “You know. Booze, women, wine. How about yours?”

  “Remarkably similar,” she replied, snagging Abby’s gaze.

  Abby looked away.

  “But that’s out the way now, we can concentrate on the final week. Only five days to the big day.” He rubbed his hands together. “You’re helping Abby with her speech, aren’t you?”

  Abby shook her head, butting in. “Jordan’s done more than enough already. I’m sure I can write my speech on my own.”

  “But she’s a pro!” Marcus pointed at Jordan. “You’ve got a load of jokes that are guaranteed laughter points, right?”

  Jordan nodded. “I do.” She ground her teeth together, still smiling.

  Marcus nudged Abby with his elbow. “Get some pointers. If you don’t, I will.”

  Abby’s eyes widened. “She’s my bridesmaid not yours. I’ll take some hints.” She stared at Jordan, then looked away.

  Jordan held her face steady. What kind of tips was Abby planning on taking, exactly?

  “And you’re coming to the rehearsal dinner on Friday?”

  Jordan screwed up her face. She’d forgotten about the rehearsal dinner. She had it on her spreadsheet, of course. However, since they’d landed yesterday, she’d forgotten everything she was meant to be doing for this wedding.

  On the most important week.

  She couldn’t abandon it now, could she? It would seem weird. She’d promised Marjorie s
he’d be at the rehearsal dinner. She’d promised everyone. Could she do it? Her body tensed with the weight of expectation in Marcus’s stare.

  “I’m not sure. I was just telling Abby something’s come up.” She hated lying to him.

  Marcus’s face fell. “I’m so sorry. Is there anything we can do to help? Of course, we both want you to be there, but you have to make sure you’re okay first.”

  He really was the nicest man in the world, wasn’t he? His niceness made Jordan feel terrible.

  She could do the final few days. Abby wanted her to. Marcus wanted her to. And if she wanted her business to go well in the future, she should.

  “Forget I said that, I’ll be there. I’ll make it work.” Jordan rolled her shoulders. “Got to make sure we get this one to the altar, haven’t we? It’s in my remit.”

  Marcus grinned. “Fabulous. Although I’m hoping she comes of her own accord, not just because you’re making her!”

  Jordan glanced at Abby, whose face had frozen into a mask she couldn’t quite decipher. It was going to be torture, but it was only for the next five days. After that, Marcus and Abby would be married, and Jordan could bank her pay cheque and lick her wounds. At least she’d learned something from this whole debacle. To never get too close to the bride again. To never let her guard down.

  “It’ll be a pleasure to ensure that everything is just as you want it to be for your big day.”

  Abby turned away.

  Marcus looked from Abby, to Jordan, then back. He frowned. “Everything okay? I’m getting some weird vibes from you two. Did something happen on the weekend I should know about?”

  Jordan’s blood stilled, but she kept her mouth tight shut.

  Abby went to speak, but Marcus held up his hand. “You know what, whatever it was, I don’t need to know. More to the point, I don’t want to know.” He smiled at Abby, such love held in his expression that Jordan’s stomach turned. “If you had a stripper, even if you snogged another man, it’s all part of it. So long as you’re ready to marry me now, that’s all that matters.”