Before You Say I Do

by Clare Lydon

  Jordan didn’t even look at Abby. Because it didn’t really matter what her face said or what she was thinking.

  Abby was choosing Marcus.

  Jordan just had to finish the job and move on.

  Chapter 26

  Jordan walked into Turnbull House, the manor house hotel hosting the wedding reception. She didn’t need to ask the reception staff where the restaurant was, because she’d been here a few times already over the past couple of weeks, co-ordinating last-minute details with florists, caterers, the band and MCs. At least taking over the wedding planning had meant her duties weren’t solely focused on Abby. She was pretty sure Abby had been wholly in favour of it, too.

  What meetings they had been in together had been short and sweet, with Abby preferring to do a lot of it via email and text, with minimal personal contact.

  But when they had been in a room together, it’d been charged. How could it not be? It had only been four days ago that Abby had been inside Jordan.

  Now, they had to pretend they were just professionally tied, nothing more.

  Jordan had managed to keep her composure. Even earlier, when they’d run through the ceremony. She’d been the Jordan everyone expected her to be. A consummate pro.

  However, tonight was different. Jordan couldn’t keep still. Couldn’t relax. It made sense, though. Because tonight’s rehearsal dinner was in front of everyone. The first celebration of Marcus and Abby as the happy couple. How was Jordan going to react? She was about to find out. She smoothed down her pink cocktail dress, centred her silver brooch, and took a deep breath.

  The first person she encountered was Marjorie. The woman never looked anything less than glamorous. Did she go to sleep in her make-up and pearls? Jordan wouldn’t be surprised. Marjorie greeted Jordan with a measured smile and an approving nod.

  “You, my dear, know how to wear a dress. Perhaps you could give Abby some tips in that department? She always tends to wear the wrong colour, or the wrong cut, don’t you think?”

  Jordan did not think. Any time she’d seen Abby, she’d looked nothing short of stunning. “I think she does just fine,” she replied.

  But Marjorie wasn’t to be deterred. “It’s her pale Scottish skin, you see. It doesn’t suit much. I did offer her the use of my tanning lady, but she fobbed me off. I was just trying to help, particularly as she’ll be wearing white on the big day, which isn’t going to be her natural bliss point.”

  Jordan smiled. Ah, the mother-in-law rant. It was good to know that Marjorie was converting to type. It set Jordan back on track and gave her more of a gauge on where she was in the wedding.

  It wasn’t until she looked over Marjorie’s shoulder and spotted Abby and Marcus walking towards her that her muscles locked.

  Because Jordan’s gauge of Abby was far more accurate than Marjorie’s had been.

  When their eyes met, something passed between them. Something that made Jordan ache.

  Nobody she’d met had impacted her like this in a long time. She had something with Abby. She made her laugh, which went a long way. Plus, they shared a similar life view. If only Abby would let herself believe her first instincts.

  But she hadn’t. And now she was marrying Marcus.

  Jordan had to let it go.

  “Here they are, the couple of the moment!” Marjorie greeted the pair with air kisses and not-quite hugs, the way rich people did. “Ready to do your practice wedding?”

  Abby nodded, focusing on her future mother-in-law. “The ceremony went well. Now let’s do the dinner and speeches.”

  “Not too much wine, that’s the key,” Marjorie replied.

  Marcus shook his head. “Nonsense. You can never have too much wine. Isn’t that right, Jordan?” He gave her a smile. “By the way, you look stunning. Hot pink is definitely your colour.” He put an arm around his mother and they walked away, leaving Abby staring at Jordan.

  “He’s right,” she said, as she drew level with Jordan, her gaze dropping to Jordan’s lips. “You do look stunning.”

  Jordan stared right back. “So do you.”

  Abby touched her arm, before walking after Marcus. But she turned back, and the look she gave Jordan was scorched with want.

  Jordan closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

  Two more days and this would all be over.

  Two hours later, and they were onto their main course of the rehearsal dinner.

  Jordan’s stomach growled, but she wasn’t listening. She’d lost her appetite. Down the long table she could hear Delta laughing at something, Taran and Gloria flanking her. Jordan had insisted she was sat on the end, so she could be on hand to iron out any issues.

  However, it had meant that when she turned to her right, she kept glimpsing Abby chatting and looking for all the world like someone who was excited to be getting married this weekend. So Jordan had to surmise she was. Jordan wished she could accept it for what it was, but as the evening wore on, she just wanted to leave.

  Marcus’s best man, Philip, tapped his glass, and all eyes turned to him.

  “I just wanted to say, I couldn’t think of a better fit for Marcus than Abby. She’s kind, caring, and has done the right thing by keeping him hanging on and not moving in with him until after the big day. I asked if she was waiting to consummate the marriage, too, but she wouldn’t answer.”

  Jordan took another swig of her wine. She should stop. She had to drive home tonight. Carrie the Capri was waiting outside, much to the consternation of the hotel staff who would rather it wasn’t. Jordan had always thought posh people appreciated antiques. Apparently it didn’t extend to cars.

  Marcus was on his feet now, waving at Philip. “Whatever Abby stipulated, I’d have gone along with. Just so long as she agreed to marry me. And she did.” He took her hand in his, looking at her with adoration.

  Jordan looked away.

  However, she could still hear him.

  “Abby, I can’t wait to reveal my vows to you on Sunday. To tell you how much I love you. To promise you I’m ready to be yours for the rest of our lives. There’s nobody I’d rather go on my life journey with than you, and I’m the luckiest man alive to know that you feel the same way, too.”

  Jordan’s stomach turned. She pushed away her food. This was a little too much, even for her. She needed some air. She got to her feet, wooziness seeping through her. A mixture of half a glass of wine, minimal food, and a broken heart.

  “I also just wanted to say a huge thank you to Abby’s bridesmaids who’ve made this journey epic. Obviously I’ll do a proper toast at the wedding with gifts for you all.”

  Jordan sat with a thud.

  “But I especially wanted to say a huge thank you to Abby’s best friend Delta, and her oldest friend, Jordan. Particularly to Jordan, who’s stepped in and really made the run-up a breeze. So much so, she’s selflessly sitting at the end in hot pink, dealing with any issues and making them disappear. Here’s to you!” Marcus raised a glass in her direction.

  The whole table turned to clap Jordan. She raised a weary smile.

  Then she caught Abby’s gaze.

  She was so beautiful.

  Jordan was so over tonight.

  When the clapping died down and Marcus was saying something else, she grabbed her bag and squeezed out the side door of the dining room as silently as she could. Then she walked back through the reception and out onto the main steps of the manor house. Its neatly manicured lawns stretched out under the imminent sunset. It really was a gorgeous setting for a gorgeous couple. This was how the world worked. Jordan had seen it enough to understand. If she ever got married, it would never happen in a place like this. She wouldn’t want it to, either. This venue wasn’t for the likes of her.

  She was just about to walk down the steps to the car park and garden, when the main door opened.

  It was Abby, with her beautiful shoulders on show. The same ones Jordan had gripped on the plane.

  Jordan stilled, staring. “Are you lost?”
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  Abby shook her head. “I saw you slip out. I wanted to check you were okay.”

  Jordan turned, and walked down the steps in a bid to get away. “I’m fine.”

  Footsteps on the stairs signalled Abby was following. “Jordan,” she said, touching her arm. Abby had quick feet when she needed to.

  Jordan shrugged her off, turning. “Go back to your rehearsal dinner, Abby. You heard Marcus. He’s the luckiest man in the world. You wouldn’t want to do anything to spoil that.”

  Abby stared at her. “I’m sorry, okay? For it all. For kissing you. For having sex with you. It’s all my fault, and you’re the one who got caught up in it.”

  “Not as sorry as I am.” Jordan’s heart hammered as her anger rose. “This is easy for you.” Jordan swept an arm out from her side. “You’ve got this whole cosy world to fall back on. A tall, rich man to run to. I don’t have any of that. And you made me feel things. Want things.” Her chest heaved. “And you just brush it off like it was nothing.”

  “It wasn’t nothing! It was the opposite of nothing!” Abby’s voice was raised, her tone staining the air. She seemed shocked by her volume, glancing around before turning herself down.

  “You know it wasn’t nothing,” she whispered. “It was a whole lot of something. But it was wrong time, wrong place. I can’t change my mind now. No matter how much I might want to.” Her shoulders slumped, defeated. “You’ve no idea. My life is not as easy as you think. I haven’t slept all week, my job is getting bigger, and I haven’t been able to think about much else but you.”

  Jordan scoffed. “Save it, Abby. You could change it if you wanted to. But you don’t want to.” Jordan squared up to her, unsure what she’d prefer to do. Shake Abby, or kiss her. Neither would do any good, though. Abby might harbour dreams of them being together, but if she was going to do anything about it, she’d have done it by now, wouldn’t she?

  “I do want to, it’s just not that easy.” Now it was Abby’s turn to sweep her arm. “You might think this is something to fall back on. But it can also be a prison, too. One that stops me from doing what I want.”

  “But you’re not from this rich and rarified world! What would your mum say?”

  Abby dipped her head, obviously not wanting to answer that.

  Jordan threw her hands in the air and began to pace. “I’m not sure I can take much more of this. I thought I could style it out, but the lying keeps sticking in my throat.”

  “It’s not me, either!” Abby told her. “This, my job, none of it is.”

  Jordan sighed. “It looks like it is, from where I’m standing.” She paused. “But I’ll finish the job as promised. Just don’t expect me to stick around on the day, toasting the happy couple.”

  Abby nodded, her shoulders rising and falling. “Of course. Just know, I wish things could have been different. That we’d met under different circumstances.” She touched Jordan’s arm with her fingertips.

  Even that light brush caused a frisson of desire to course through Jordan. She flicked her eyes to Abby.

  “I never meant to hurt you, please know that. That I did absolutely crushes me.”

  Jordan gulped, emotion rising in her. She couldn’t go back in now. She couldn’t shake Marjorie’s hand, pretend to Marcus that everything was fine.

  She had to go.

  She shook her bag from her shoulder and fished inside, locating her car keys. She bit her lip, fighting back tears. She wasn’t going to let Abby see them. She swallowed hard, breathing in the evening air. She had to stay strong.

  “I can’t stay now,” Jordan began, waving her keys in the air. “Will you tell them I had an emergency I had to deal with?”

  Abby’s gaze was kind. Too much so. It nearly sent Jordan over the edge.

  “Of course.” Abby’s nose twitched.

  Jordan gave her a nod, confusion swirling inside her. What did Abby do to her? One minute she wanted to shake her, the next she wanted to hold her in her arms and never let her go.

  She cast those thoughts from her mind as she stumbled across the gravel, thankful her car wasn’t far away. She got in, and slammed the rusty door with finality. The quiet inside was eerie and deafening.

  Jordan gripped the steering wheel, taking deep breaths. She had to get going. Get away from here, from this weird life she’d carved out for herself that was now slowly tearing her apart. She had to get another job. One that didn’t open her up to this madness.

  She turned the key. The engine turned over, then died. She tried again. Same thing. She tried one more time.

  Nothing.

  She slammed the wheel, tears now right behind her eyes. She’d been loyal to Carrie. Why was she failing her now?

  Why was her whole life failing her now?

  Why did she never get the girl?

  Tears fell, and she could do nothing to stop them. Soon, she was full-on crying. She didn’t care.

  Despair tumbled down her, as the normally staid and put-together Jordan, professional bridesmaid extraordinaire, slowly crumbled. The irony that she was sat in the driver’s seat wasn’t lost on her. Jordan was normally the driver in her life. The one who had full control. However, since she’d met Abby, control had been taken from her. Now, she didn’t know what to do.

  Abby was marrying Marcus.

  Jordan had fallen for Abby.

  A noise to her right made her sit up. Someone was knocking on her window. Jordan clenched her eyes tight shut, then reopened them. Another knock. She turned her head right.

  It was Abby.

  She couldn’t let Abby see her like this. Abby couldn’t know that Jordan was falling apart.

  More knocking, then a gust of warm air as the door opened.

  Then Abby was kneeling next to her, holding her hand.

  It was too much. They shouldn’t be doing this. Abby was like a class A drug to Jordan. One hit was never enough.

  “Jordan, let me help you.” Abby’s voice was warm, inviting.

  Jordan shook her head. “Go back to your party, Abby.”

  “Not when you’re like this. Especially not when your car won’t start.”

  Jordan reached over, got a tissue and blew her nose. All thoughts of how she looked were long gone. Jordan was in survival mode. “I’m fine. I might just have to call a cab and leave my car here.”

  Abby stood up, holding out a hand.

  Jordan stared at it for a while, then grasped it, the gravel crunching beneath her feet. When her head drew level with Abby, she wobbled.

  In response, Abby took Jordan in her arms and held her tight.

  Jordan didn’t have enough strength left to resist. Instead, she sank into the embrace. Every part of her body rejoiced. She let it. She couldn’t do anything else today.

  A few moments of bliss went by, when Jordan could almost believe that everything was okay. That she and Abby were together. But they weren’t. When that realisation hit, she pulled back, their faces still inches apart.

  “I’m sorry I’m such a mess. This doesn’t normally happen. I don’t normally sleep with my brides.” Jordan forced a smile.

  “I’m glad.” Abby gave her a sad smile. “Just know, my heart’s breaking, too.” She paused. “I love… your car. It’s gorgeous. One of a kind. Just like you.”

  Jordan gripped Abby’s arms. She was shaking. That made it somehow even worse. She stared at her lips. She was moving closer to them, as was Abby to hers.

  What was wrong with her? She had to stop. There was no way she was going to be the other woman.

  Their lips touched. Just for a moment, the world righted itself. With Abby’s lips on hers, anything was possible.

  Until it wasn’t.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Delta had materialised out of thin air.

  Jordan jumped back, as did Abby.

  She had no idea where to look. Not at Delta. Certainly not at Abby.

  “It’s not what it looks like,” Abby began, holding up a hand.

  Delta put a hand
on her hip. “Explain to me what it is, then? Because it looks to me like you were just kissing each other. And it didn’t look like it was the first time, either.” She looked from Jordan to Abby.

  They both looked away.

  Delta stilled, realisation dawning. “Oh. My. God. It’s not the first time, is it? I knew there was something odd in Cannes, but I didn’t realise this. How long has this been—”

  “There you all are! I was wondering where my bride and two key bridesmaids had disappeared to!” Marcus walked up, all smiles. Until he saw the faces all around him.

  “What’s happened? Are you all okay?” He looked from Jordan to Abby to Delta, before settling on Abby. “What’s happened? Jordan’s crying and you both look freaked.”

  Jordan shook her head. “I just had some sad news, so I’m afraid I’ve got to go. I should be fine for Sunday. I just need to head home now, but my car won’t start. My flatmate would say that was my fault for having such an ancient car.” She tried a smile, but it didn’t work.

  Marcus studied her, before pulling his phone from his inside pocket. “Let me help you out. I’ll call a car to take you home. I’ll have our mechanic come and see to Carrie in the morning.”

  Did Marcus come out of the womb gallant?

  “You don’t have to,” Jordan said.

  “I know, but I want to. You’re upset, and you love your car.” Marcus stroked the roof. “Let me sort this out for you. You’ve been sorting us out for the past few weeks, and doing it with style.”

  “You can say that again.” Delta’s words were spiked.

  “Exactly,” Marcus agreed, giving Delta a smile. “She’s been attending to Abby’s every need.” He switched his gaze to Jordan. “Let me fix something for you, too. Okay?”

  Guilt cascaded down Jordan. “That would be lovely, thanks.”

  Chapter 27

  It was the night before the wedding. Abby was staying at Turnbull House. Marjorie had made a five-minute stop in to say good luck, which had unnerved Abby. The way she had looked at her, it was as if she knew Abby needed all the luck she could get.