Before You Say I Do

by Clare Lydon

  Which was ridiculous. Marjorie knew nothing.

  Up until yesterday, nobody had known anything.

  But now Delta did. Her best friend was pretty pissed off Abby hadn’t said anything before. Delta had tried to get Abby to talk the night before, but she’d stuck to Marcus like glue, then avoided her phone until this afternoon. However, now it was less than 24 hours until she got married, there was no getting away from Delta or Taran. This was what brides and bridesmaids did the night before the wedding. Drank wine and gossiped. Only, Abby’s gossip was off the scale.

  Delta poured them another glass of fizz, then settled on the golden sofa at the end of the bed. With Taran in the room, Abby had given Delta pointed looks that told her no discussion of Jordan. Delta had given her a tacit nod of agreement.

  Instead, she’d applied spot cream to Abby’s face — another delightful side effect of being so stressed was Abby had broken out in zits on her chin. After that, Delta had filled Abby and Taran in on how things were going with Nikita. The answer: well. In a week, they’d even progressed to talking about being a proper couple. This was a big thing for Delta. It had certainly snapped her out of her doldrums for being dumped.

  “Because we just click, you know? I know I was upset about Nora and I put her first. Sorry about that. But just one week with Nikita has made me see my whole six months with Nora was nothing. Isn’t it strange how you can be with someone for a long time, put so much time and energy into them, and then wonder what you’ve been doing?” Delta gave her a sharp look.

  Abby closed her eyes.

  “Nikita’s come fully into my life and it’s like the clouds have cleared.”

  Delta’s words struck home. Was that what Abby had been doing with Marcus? Going along and pretending? Even just having a conversation with Jordan, or touching her hand made Abby light up more than Marcus had ever managed. A warmth swept through her as she remembered kissing Jordan in the kitchen. Yes, she’d made an impression. When she’d run off after the rehearsal dinner, Abby had wanted to follow her, but she’d been rooted to the spot.

  Taran’s phone went off. She looked at it with a smile. “That’s Ryan.” She got up. “Be right back.”

  “Sure you will,” Delta shouted as she left the room. When the door shut, she turned to Abby. “Now it’s just the two of us, I believe we have some things to discuss.” Delta raised an eyebrow. “Did anything I just said ring true? Because I don’t know what the fuck’s going on Abby, but you need to face it.”

  Abby drew in a long breath, nodding. “I know.”

  “Has something happened with Marcus to cause this?”

  Abby shook her head. “No, he doesn’t suspect anything. At least I hope he doesn’t. He thinks everything’s fine. Normal.”

  “It doesn’t look that way from where I’m standing.” Delta paused. “Are you going to tell me exactly what happened? I mean, I caught you in a lip-lock last night, but that’s all I know.”

  There was no easy way to say this, so Abby was just going to come out with it. “I kissed Jordan in Cannes. Then I had sex with her. And now I’m ignoring her because I have no idea what to do.”

  Delta stopped mid-sip of her bubbles. She stared at Abby like she’d gone mad. “What?” She frowned. “You shagged Jordan? When the hell did you shag Jordan?”

  Abby dipped her head. “On the plane.”

  “On the plane!?” Delta’s voice had gone up a few octaves.

  Abby put down her drink, and flapped a hand in front of her. “Keep it down. I don’t want everyone to know about it.”

  “I can imagine you don’t.” Delta shook her head. “And there was me thinking I was the only one who got lucky that weekend.” Then she frowned. “But this isn’t good news, right?”

  Abby let her head flop back. “Not when I’m about to get married, no.”

  “But you and Jordan.” Abby didn’t think Delta could have sounded more perplexed. “This is the real reason she’s too busy to be here tonight?”

  Abby nodded. “I texted her and told her to just come tomorrow.”

  Delta’s raised eyebrow told Abby what she thought of that plan. “But how? I mean, I know you slept with a woman at uni, but you’ve been very much into men since then.”

  She had. Until Jordan. “It just happened. I mean, we chatted a lot over the weekend. I like her. And then somehow, we kissed. And then the plane.”

  “I can’t believe you joined the mile-high club. How did you manage that with nobody knowing?”

  “Everyone was knackered on the way back. But now, I’m knackered. I’m not sleeping. I just got given a massive project at work. I’m getting married tomorrow and I should be deliriously happy about it. And all I can think about is my fake bridesmaid who I’m avoiding. How did my life get so messy?”

  “Honestly, I have no idea.” Delta sat back, shaking her head. “What does this mean, though? I thought you loved Marcus?” She prodded her chest with her thumb. “I love Marcus. Everyone loves Marcus.”

  Abby didn’t need that spelt out. “I know everyone loves bloody Marcus. Because Marcus is bloody lovely. Believe me, I did love Marcus.” Dread slid down her. No, that wasn’t right. “I do love Marcus.” She raised her shoulders up, then down. “I don’t know what I think anymore.”

  Delta leaned forward. “You’re getting married, Abs. If you’ve got doubts, you need to say so.” She paused. “Are you gay now? Bi?”

  “I don’t know. I like Jordan. But I love Marcus.”

  Delta stared at her. “Do you like Jordan or love her?”

  Abby put her head in her hands. She wasn’t going to cry. But that was the question she’d been avoiding at all costs.

  “I don’t know. It’s like, I was happy, going along, doing my thing. Then I met Jordan, and something changed. She flipped a switch in me, and now I can’t unflip it.”

  Delta sat forward, shaking her head. “You know, I’m all for experimenting. I’m all for people realising who they really are. But this is serious. You’re getting married in less than 24 hours.”

  “You don’t need to keep pointing that out.”

  “It kinda seems like I do because you’ve let this drift. This is so unlike you. You normally know what you want and go after it. You wanted marriage, kids. That’s what you’ve always said to me.”

  “That hasn’t changed.”

  “But do you want them with Marcus? Because if you don’t, it’s not fair to put him through a wedding where the marriage is already doomed.”

  “I can’t call it off now.”

  Delta took Abby’s hand in hers. “Do you still love Marcus and think you can make it work?”

  Abby stilled. “Yes.” Her stomach flipped. “No.” She threw up her hands. “I don’t know.”

  Delta shook her head, flopping back on the sofa herself. “Abs, what would you tell me to do if the roles were reversed?”

  That comment got through. “I’d tell you exactly what you just told me. That it’s not fair to do this to either Marcus or me unless I’m totally sure.”

  A knock on the door interrupted them. “Abs?” It was Marcus.

  Abby shot to her feet. “Do you think he heard anything?” Dread screamed through her. She felt like she was tripping.

  Delta shook her head. “He didn’t. Thick walls.”

  Abby hoped she was right. She walked towards the door, still not opening it. “I can’t see you,” she said. “It’s bad luck.”

  “I know,” he replied. “It’s just, Jordan’s here to pick up her car now that it’s fixed. I messaged her today, and she wanted to come and get it tonight. Only, you’ve got the keys. She’s downstairs in reception. Can you let her have them?”

  Jordan was here? Abby wobbled. Her legs felt like they might give way at any minute. “Of course.”

  “Great.” A pause. “See you tomorrow, nearly wife!”

  Abby waited for a few moments, before turning to Delta. She was pretty sure her face was saying exactly what her insides were fee
ling. Luckily, Delta articulated it before she could.

  “You can’t go down there.”

  “I know.”

  “Let me go.”

  Abby nodded. “Okay.” She walked to her overnight bag, every nerve ending in her body on high alert. Delta could deal with Jordan. She’d see her briefly tomorrow. Then get married and put this episode down to pre-wedding jitters.

  Then again, maybe she should cut Jordan off right now. She grabbed the keys, turning to Delta. “Second thoughts, I’m going to take them. Sort this out now.”

  Delta sprang up, taking the keys from where they were dangling from Abby’s fingers. “Because that turned out so well last time.” She gave her a look. “Let me do this. For your own good.”

  Abby swallowed down.

  Delta left the room.

  Abby stared at the door as if it held the key to her future. Which it sort of did. She hopped from foot to foot. Maybe she should just see Jordan. See how she reacted? Wouldn’t it be better to do it now than tomorrow?

  Before she could second guess herself, she yanked open the door and ran down the thick carpeted corridor, until she reached the top of the grand wooden staircase, and clattered down it.

  She made it to the bottom, where Delta was standing with Jordan. They both stared at her. It was only then she remembered she still had spot cream on her face. She shook her head. It was incidental tonight.

  “Hi,” Abby said. She searched Jordan’s face for a sign, but she was giving nothing away.

  “Hi,” Jordan replied. “Just came to get my car. That way, I can be in and out tomorrow with minimum fuss.”

  Abby nodded. “Good thinking.” You could cut the tension with a knife.

  “Is it wise for you to come tomorrow at all?” Delta asked Jordan. “With everything that’s happened?”

  Jordan dipped her head. She took a breath before she replied. “That’s up to Abby. She’s paid for a service.”

  “And you’ve over-delivered, I understand,” Delta replied.

  Abby gulped, but said nothing.

  “If she doesn’t want me to come, Abby just has to say the word. I’m here to help the bride, not hinder. But unless I hear otherwise, I’ll turn up and fulfil my duties as planned. Even if it kills me.”

  Jordan’s chest heaved as she gave Abby a searing look.

  Then she turned on her heel and left.

  Chapter 28

  Jordan cut the engine and sat inside her car outside her flat. She gripped the steering wheel.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  What the hell was she going to do? She was in too deep. Abby knew it. She knew it. They’d been trying to contain it all week, but it was impossible. The genie was out of the bottle.

  Her passenger door creaking open startled Jordan. Moments later, Karen sat down beside her and slammed the door.

  “You really should lock your door, you know. Any kind of knife-wielding freak could open it and get you at any time.”

  “Or worse still, you.” Jordan gave her a smile despite herself.

  Karen flicked on the interior light and twisted in her seat, assessing Jordan. “So did you see her?”

  A nod.

  “And? All sorted?”

  Jordan gave her a look. “Yep. We had a farewell shag, and now it’s done.”

  Karen snorted. “Pub, then?”

  Jordan sighed. “I wish.”

  Karen banged on the dashboard. “What actually happened?”

  “I picked up my keys, saw Marcus, then Delta came down, then Abby, and it was all sorts of awkward.” She sighed. “There’s just… every time we’re in proximity of each other, there’s a tension in the air, you know? Something I can’t quite pin down. But when Abby’s anywhere near me, I can hardly breathe.”

  “It’s called desire, Jordan. It’s called kissing someone, having illicit sex with them once, and now not being able to think of anything else until it happens again.”

  “It’s bloody draining, that’s what it is. How does anybody get any work done when this is happening? I can’t concentrate on anything. All I’m thinking about is her. Abby, 24/7.”

  Karen put a hand on her knee. “I believe it’s known as falling for someone.”

  Jordan threw up her hands. “I don’t have time to fall for someone. Especially when that someone is the one I’m meant to be getting down the aisle. She’s saying ‘I do’ tomorrow, and I’m sitting in my car, wondering if she might change her mind. Honestly, who am I kidding? I’m the wedding expert, aren’t I? I’ve done nearly 30 weddings. How many of them have resulted in a bride or groom not going through with it?”

  Karen twisted her mouth one way, then the other. “None?”

  “Precisely. Not one. These brides never run, even when they don’t love the groom. Even when they’ve slept with someone else. Even when she’s told me she’s fallen for me.”

  A few moments passed when nobody spoke. Outside, a couple walked by on the pavement, laughing as they walked.

  What Jordan would give to be that carefree. Right now, her life was balanced on a knife edge, and either way she jumped, she was going to get hurt.

  “Do you have to go to the wedding tomorrow? If she’s not going to follow through with you, it seems unnecessarily cruel for you to have to watch her get married.”

  “It’s my job. The one she employed me to do.”

  “But the circumstances have changed. Surely there’s some leeway if you end up falling in love with the bride, and her with you?”

  Jordan quaked at Karen’s words. “Nobody said anything about love.”

  “What do you think this is, then? Infatuation? Because it doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting. You’ve been a basket case since you got back on Monday. From what you’ve said, so has she.”

  “It doesn’t matter, does it? Nothing’s going to change before tomorrow.”

  “Unless something or somebody makes it change.”

  Jordan turned to Karen. “What are you suggesting?”

  “That you don’t fall for people willy-nilly. Abby’s got under your skin, and you can’t ignore how you feel. If she feels the same way, maybe you should ask her before she walks down the aisle. Straight up, ask her.”

  “Are you crazy? I know my feelings are real. I think hers are, too. But what if I’m wrong? Or worse still, I’m right, but she’s not prepared to blow up her wedding day?” Because that was what had happened up until now.

  “Then at least you’ll know, and you won’t spend the next year wondering what if.”

  “No, but I will spend the next year looking for another profession, seeing as nobody will employ me as a professional bridesmaid anymore.”

  Karen waved a hand. “You said yourself you can’t stay in this game forever. Besides, you could work again, just maybe not in these precise social circles.”

  “I think word of a bridesmaid shagging a bride might get around.”

  “I don’t think you should focus on that. Instead, turn your attention to how you’re feeling about Abby.” Karen put a hand over Jordan’s chest. “What happens in here when I say her name?”

  Jordan gulped. “My heart starts to race.”

  “How does it feel when I tell you she’s going to marry Marcus?”

  “Devastating.” Jordan sat back, and removed Karen’s hand. That answer came in a flash. “If she goes through with it, I don’t think I’ll ever do this job again, anyway. It’ll always remind me of her.”

  “Wow.” Karen tapped the dashboard again. “So if she gets married, you’re changing careers. If she doesn’t get married, you’ll have to change careers, too. With the job out of the equation, what have you got to lose? You’re her bridesmaid. You’re going to see her in the morning before the church. Just tell her how you feel. And if she still goes through with it, she was never worth it in the first place. Because you deserve someone who wants you and only you.”

  Jordan stared at her best friend.

  Karen was right. This was a matt
er of the heart. As such, she couldn’t ignore it.

  Her phone lit up with a text message. Jordan glanced down at it.

  It was from Abby.

  Jordan began to shake. Was she thinking the same thing and taking action? Jordan’s heartbeat vaulted upwards as she grabbed her phone and pressed the text button.

  Hi Jordan. I’ve been thinking about what Delta said, and maybe she’s right. You shouldn’t come tomorrow. It’s going to make it too hard for both of us. Thanks for everything. A x

  Jordan stared at the text message. All the stars in the universe burst. The sun drained of heat. Her heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.

  Abby had made her decision.

  She put her forehead on the steering wheel, a gentle sob escaping her throat as her face crumpled.

  She’d known it would go this way.

  But when it actually happened, the truth was so much harder to take.

  Chapter 29

  Abby took a step up into the vintage white Jaguar, helped by her mum. Gloria was looking incredible, dressed in monochrome, with a black-and-white fascinator placed perfectly on her freshly cut red hair. The car door shut, and then it was just the two of them. The bonnet of the car was adorned with festive cream ribbons. Her bridesmaids had already gone ahead in a different car. Sitting up front was the driver, replete with peaked cap. It reminded her of Michelle.

  Of the plane.

  Jordan.

  Stop.

  They drove down the main road in the village. Past the HSBC bank. Past the park with its trees in full bloom.

  The sun was a bright yellow button stitched into the sky, yet everywhere Abby looked seemed to have a gloom filter applied. She had perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect dress. However, underneath her dress, it felt like her bones and flesh weren’t attached to her anymore. That she was sitting in someone else’s body. “You’re sure Dad was okay with not coming in the car?”

  Gloria nodded. “He was fine. Someone needs to be with his mum anyway, so it worked out.” She paused. “Smile, love. You’re getting married, remember? It’s meant to be a happy occasion?”