Second Chance Mom

by EMILIE ROSE

  “Is that why you didn’t marry Rachel? You didn’t love her, either?”

  His gaze found Rachel’s, and her heart stilled at the emotion in his eyes. Then he faced Chastity again. “I loved Rachel and wanted to marry her. And I would have, if I’d been given the chance. You know the rest.”

  “I think Aunt Rachel was stupid, and she dumped you.”

  Matt’s chest rose and fell. “Is that supposed to be a compliment to me or an insult to Rachel?”

  “What do you think?” Chastity radiated defiance.

  “I think you are surrounded by people who care about you, and your surly attitude is pushing us away. I know you miss your mom, and you’re angry she’s gone. It’s normal to feel that way. Sometimes life sucks and it’s not fair. Bad things happen to good people. But you need to wake up to what you’re doing to yourself, your friends and your family. Hurting people isn’t the best choice.”

  Rachel opened her mouth to temper Matt’s harsh words but remained silent when Chastity bowed her head and nodded. “I know, but Mom messed up everything by dying. She used to help me with my homework and talk to my teachers... She should have been paying more attention to the road.” Then she burst into tears.

  Matt wrapped his arms around her, and surprisingly, Chastity didn’t push him away. He held her while she sobbed. “You’ll always love her and always miss her, but that will get better with time. I promise.”

  Rachel felt an unmistakable twinge of jealousy that he knew exactly how to handle an emotional teen. She stood helplessly lost looking on, her own heart aching with grief for the relationship she and Matt hadn’t had and the one she’d denied him with his daughter. She even ached for Hope, despite the wrongs her sister had committed against them. She couldn’t fault her sister for doing what she’d thought was best for Chastity because Rachel had done the same.

  Finally, Chastity’s sobs ceased. She straightened and wiped her face. She looked at Rachel. “I don’t want to stay in Johnstonville. Everywhere I look I’m reminded of Mom. And kids at school joke about her being such a Jesus-freak that she killed herself to meet him.”

  Appalled, Rachel shook her head. “I told you that’s not what happened.”

  “Who said it?” Matt demanded.

  Chastity pulled away. “I’m not telling! If you said something to them, I’d be even more of a freak. I just want to go away.”

  “Running never solved anything,” he stated.

  “But it won’t hurt like staying here. When we move, I can start over. I won’t have to be Saint Hope’s daughter. You have no idea how hard it is to have people always look at you with disappointment in their eyes. I can’t be as good as her. I’m not perfect.”

  Matt’s gaze found Rachel’s, and she hoped he could now understand why she and Chastity needed to leave Johnstonville. Then he turned back to Chastity.

  “Yes, I do. I truly do. The best way to fight that is to be the best you that you can be. Make ’em forget the comparisons.” Then he stood. “You know where my office is. If you ever need to talk, I’ll be there.”

  Then he left, leaving Rachel with a head full of questions.

  * * *

  RACHEL PAUSED AT the base of the porch steps Wednesday afternoon to do her post-run stretches. The exercise had done nothing to lessen her stress-induced headaches. She’d been trying since Monday’s disastrous dinner to break through Chastity’s brooding by picking her up from school and inviting her to join in on her runs.

  No luck. Each time the teen had clammed up and refused to talk. She claimed it was because she needed to study for upcoming final exams which started Friday, but Rachel knew better. Matt had reluctantly given them room to work things out, but he’d texted Rachel daily for updates. She appreciated his support more than she could ever tell him.

  The front door flew open. A red-faced Chastity stood in the opening. “You lied. You lied about everything!”

  Taken aback, Rachel followed her inside and caught the door before Chastity could slam it. “What are you talking about? Chastity. Talk to me.”

  The girl pointed at the kitchen table. Rachel saw an envelope, some papers and her wallet. Her thoughts screeched to a horrified halt, her gaze returning to the envelope. It was the one from the lawyer, and its contents—including Chastity’s original birth certificate—were scattered across the tabletop. Her stomach hit rock bottom.

  “What were you doing in my purse?” Her voice was almost level.

  “I left the paper Coach gave me to give you about tomorrow’s career day in the car. I was looking for your keys so I could get it. Who is Noelle?”

  Rachel inhaled deeply, fighting for calm and trying to find a way to dispense the truth that wouldn’t destroy everything.

  “She’s me, isn’t she?” Chastity demanded with an edge of hysteria in her voice. “I saw the birth certificate and the picture hidden in your wallet. It’s the same baby picture Mom had in her wallet. You had a baby girl on my birthday and named her Noelle. She’s me. Isn’t she?”

  Rachel’s worst nightmare was coming true. “I can explain.”

  “You didn’t want me! You gave me away!”

  “Yes. Yes, I did want you. You have no idea how much. And I still do. But—”

  “You lied about everything. How can I believe anything you say?”

  “Chastity, sit down. Let me explain.”

  “I don’t want to hear any more lies.”

  “Sit down and listen,” Rachel ordered in the same way she would a difficult patient.

  Chastity, unaccustomed to a harsh tone from Rachel, jerked a chair back from the table and flopped into it, folded her arms and averted her face.

  Rachel slid into the chair beside her, mainly because her legs were shaking so badly she almost couldn’t stand. Full disclosure was the only option if she wanted a chance of Chastity not hating her.

  “I was only seventeen when I got pregnant.”

  Chastity jerked upright, condemnation on her face. “So you preach at me about using protection, but you didn’t.”

  Mortification burned Rachel’s face. “Actually, we did. That’s how I know none of it’s foolproof. I was too young to be a good mother. I was still in high school. I didn’t have a job or any way to support myself or a baby. But I loved you from the moment I found out about you, and I was going to try.”

  “Is he my father?”

  Rachel didn’t have to ask who. “Yes. But Matt didn’t know about you until Monday when I went to school to get your records. I never told him. So none of this is his fault. None of it. I made the mistakes. I’m the one who messed up. No one else.”

  Except Hope. But Rachel wouldn’t destroy the child’s memories.

  “How did I end up with Mo—Hope?”

  “Hope is—was your mother in every way that counted. She went with me to my last ultrasound appointment, and I think when she saw your sweet face on the screen she fell in love with you, because immediately afterward she offered to adopt you, so that I would know you were well cared for and that you’d never have to do without.”

  “Why didn’t you want me? Did you know something was wrong with me?”

  Rachel’s eyes stung. She reached across the table and took Chastity’s hand. When her daughter tried to pull away, Rachel held on tightly. “Look at me.” She waited until Chastity belligerently complied. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, but, no, we didn’t know about your dyslexia then. In fact, I didn’t know until Matt told me. Neither you nor your mom ever mentioned it.”

  “Because she told me not to. I’m stupid.”

  “No, baby, you’re not. Learning differently has nothing to do with intelligence. Did you know that Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison and a whole bunch of other famous, successful actors, inventors and musicians have dyslexia? You should look i
t up sometime. You’re in good company.”

  “That’s what Mom always said.”

  Thank you, Hope. “And she was right.”

  “But you gave me away.”

  “Because I loved you enough to know that you deserved a better mom than me. Hope—your mom—seemed perfect. She never lost her temper. She was patient and kind and smart and generous, and she had a good job. And I was...a screwup. A brat. I was always getting in trouble. I did dumb things to get my parents’ attention until they got so tired of me they sent me here to live with your mom. That’s why I came to Johnstonville. Because my parents were sick of me.

  “Even then I kept messing up. And your mom kept bailing me out of trouble. Chastity, I wanted you to have a mother who could afford to give you the things you deserved, like a roof over your head and good medical care. And as much as I wanted that to be me, it wasn’t.

  “Giving you away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.” Her throat closed up. She gulped at the knot until she thought she could speak again. “But I truly believed it was the best thing for you.”

  Tears streamed down Chastity’s face. Her lips quivered. “You should have kept me. I’d have been a good kid.”

  “But I wouldn’t have been a good mom.” Rachel brushed back Chastity’s hair. “I want you to understand. There was nothing wrong with you then. And there is nothing wrong with you now. It was me. I’m the one who wasn’t good enough for you. Or Matt.”

  Chastity sniffed and swiped her face. “But your life is so much more exciting than stupid Johnstonville. You go places, you do things. Mom and I were stuck here.”

  “If I’d kept you we’d have most likely been living in poverty in government housing. I probably would never have finished high school. That means I wouldn’t be a nurse. And all those cool things I do now...they wouldn’t have happened. I have the opportunity to do those because your mom helped me get scholarships for school, and she raised you. But I lived for our vacations and our phone calls and emails. I loved being with you and hearing from you. Never ever doubt that.”

  “Do you want me now?”

  “Yes. Yes, I do. You have no idea how much. I can’t wait to move into our new house. But Chastity...” She took a deep breath and prayed for the first time in over a decade that she and Matt could work out this issue. “Matt wants to know you, too.”

  Chastity made a face. “Is that why he came to dinner?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did Mom know he was my dad?”

  Another tough question she didn’t want to answer. “Yes.”

  “Is that why she wanted to marry him? So he’d be my dad for real?”

  “I don’t know for sure. But I suspect so. The Johnstons are a wonderful family. She probably wanted you to be a part of it.”

  “So Mom lied when she told everyone my dad’s name was Adam, and he died in a fire.”

  Rachel should have known Chastity was too smart not to put the puzzle pieces together. “She only did it to protect you.”

  “So Mom wasn’t perfect, either.”

  Rachel sighed. “No. Nobody is.”

  “You could have kept me if you’d wanted. We’d have been okay.”

  “That was a gamble I wasn’t willing to take at your expense. I didn’t want to fail you, so I did what I thought was best for you. I always will.”

  Chastity huffed a breath, then an excited light entered her eyes. “That makes Jess and me cousins. I can’t wait to tell her.”

  Rachel winced. “You can’t, Chastity.”

  “Why?”

  “Remember how ugly that lady was about me? Remember, I upset a lot of people when I lived here before. They haven’t forgotten or forgiven. Telling the truth about this can only hurt people, yourself included. I know you’re excited to have cousins, but for now we need to let the story your mom told stand.”

  “So you’re telling me it’s okay to lie.”

  That wasn’t the message she wanted to send. “No. Lying is wrong. And this is a perfect example that even lying for a very good reason will eventually catch up with you.”

  “That sucks. It really sucks. And it’s not fair. Y’all lied, and I have to pay for it.” Chastity flounced off to her bedroom.

  Rachel dropped her head into her hands. Would Chastity ever understand the choices Rachel had made and forgive her?

  Rachel needed Matt. More than ever. With his calm rational point of view, he would help her make this right.

  * * *

  THE SOUND OF Rachel’s text tone stopped Matt midstride Thursday morning.

  “Whoa, Buddy,” he commanded his dog. The English setter stopped, sat and waited for further instructions. “Good boy.”

  Matt pulled his phone from his armband and read, Chastity knows. EVERYTHING.

  He whistled in a breath, his heart thumping faster. Sensing Matt’s disquiet, Buddy tilted his head, lifted a floppy ear and whimpered. “It’s okay, boy.”

  He checked his watch. Chastity should have left for school by now, unless this discovery kept her home. Then he texted back, Coming over.

  If Rachel didn’t like it, tough. Detouring by her house meant getting to school later than he wanted, but he didn’t have anything scheduled until helping with career day after lunch. This couldn’t wait. “Let’s go, Buddy.”

  Rachel was outside when he turned up her driveway. The strain on her face contradicted the gentle sway of the porch swing. Only then did he remember his knee brace. He’d been meaning to tell her about his aborted career. Looked like today would be the day.

  Buddy rushed to meet her, planting his paws on the seat beside her. Rachel reached out to pet him with unsteady hands as she buried her fingers in Buddy’s silky fur. Her face was pale except for the shadows beneath her eyes.

  “Who’s this? And what’s that?” She pointed to his hardware.

  “That’s Buddy. One of my mom’s rescues. He ended up at my house because I suspect she knew I needed him to help me rehabilitate from this. And this is a by-product of me blowing out my knee in my first NFL game.”

  Sympathy filled her eyes. “So you made it.”

  “Right. I was a one-play wonder. A large group of Johnstonville’s citizens chartered a bus and bought tickets they couldn’t afford to come see me play. They spent a hell of a lot of money to watch me crash and burn.” He hesitated, then decided to reveal all. “I thought I saw you in the stands, and I got so nervous my dyslexic brain scrambled the play. First and last time on the field during professional game.”

  Sympathy softened her expression. “That’s when you came back to Johnstonville? And why you think everyone’s disappointed in you?”

  “I did a few other things first, but I wanted to repay the town for supporting me, so, yes, I came home. Is Chastity here?”

  “No. Pam already picked her up.”

  “Did you tell her?”

  Still scratching his dog, she shook her head. “Last night while I was out for a run she found the file I’d given the lawyer. Her original birth certificate was part of it.”

  “You left it in plain view?”

  “It was in my purse.”

  “She went through your purse?” That wasn’t good.

  “Not maliciously. She left the career day paper in my car and went looking for my keys to get it. I should have hidden the file somewhere, but I thought it was safer in my purse than anywhere else, until I could lock it back in the safe at my apartment. Then Chastity went through my wallet and found a picture of me and her taken the morning she was born. I was still in a hospital gown and wearing the hospital bracelet. I’ve always kept that picture with me in a hidden compartment. Chastity was wearing the going-home outfit that I’d bought her—the same one she was wearing in the picture from Hope’s wallet. I’d already to
ld her that was taken the day her mom took her home.”

  “Going through your wallet was an invasion of privacy.”

  “Not a fight I want to pick right now.”

  “Is she okay?”

  He’d never seen Rachel look as defeated and afraid as she did now. “I don’t know. She refuses to talk about it. She’s upset because Hope and I lied and because she can’t tell Jessica they’re cousins.”

  Part of him was glad Chastity knew, glad he was closer to being able to claim her. But another part of him worried how she’d handle knowing her life had been a lie perpetrated by the people she’d loved and trusted the most, and how the citizens of Johnstonville would react.

  “I’ll talk to her.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” She shoved her hair back, then hugged her middle. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose her again. But I think she hates me.”

  The fear and pain in her voice got to him. He sank onto the seat beside her. “She’s in shock. As you predicted, she’s lost her mother all over again. Give her time. Then we’ll talk to her. Together.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but this isn’t your battle. I made sure she understood you didn’t know about her till this week.”

  Rachel had put him before herself—again. It gave him hope. She’d matured so much from the days when he’d fallen for her, and the new qualities she brought to the table were even more attractive than before. Wheels turned, and a solution to all their problems appeared.

  “You’re adopting her, right? She’ll be your daughter legally again soon?”

  She nodded.

  “We’ll get married, then she’ll legally be our daughter and Jess’s cousin. Problem solved.”

  Rachel stared at him unblinking. Longing filled her eyes, then she ducked her head. “I can’t marry you, Matt.”

  Her refusal winded him. “We’re good together, Rachel.”

  Buddy whimpered and nudged the hands she clasped in her lap. “You don’t understand. Have you never questioned why I had condoms with me that night in the barn? It’s because I set out to seduce you. You were Johnstonville’s golden boy, its brightest star, the unattainable guy no girl could catch. I set out to destroy everything special about you. You deserve someone who’s kind and generous and worthy of the town’s future mayor. That’s not me.”