After these ashes cool, they are removed from the chamber and placed in an urn or a container of your choice. You are then able to take them home and keep them with you.
Types of Cremation
Please keep in mind there are different types of cremations for cats.
The first is a private cremation. This is one in which your cat’s body is the sole body in the cremation chamber, and you will receive the ashes of your cat. This option is the most expensive, and exact fees depend on your geographical area.
The second option is a viewing cremation, which is not always available. It is the same as a private cremation but also allows family to be present during the process in a separate viewing room. This option, if available, is less expensive than the private cremation but can have a considerable cost associated with it.
The third option is a semi-private or partitioned cremation, which allows for multiple pets in the same chamber. Your cat would have their own partition; however, the ashes that you receive would be from all the pets in that chamber, not just from your cat. This alternative is not as expensive as a private cremation but is more costly than the final option.
Please note that the third option can also be considered a private cremation at some facilities. I always remind clients to clarify the particularities with the facility they use—and you should do the same. You don’t want to risk your cat’s ashes mixing with others if that is not what you want or expect.
The final option is a communal cremation, which is also known as a mass or batch cremation. This form of service places multiple animals in the same chamber with no form of separation. No ashes are returned to you. This is the least expensive type of cremation.
Keep in mind that various facilities will have different ways of explaining their services. Again—please ask questions and get clarification if there is something you do not understand.
Personally, I visited two pet crematoriums in my area and asked to see the facilities as well as descriptions of their services. The folks that ran both facilities were very compassionate people and offered other services as well, such as a paw print in plaster, a lock of fur, beautiful urn choices, and an honoring of the request to have a favorite toy or blanket in the chamber with your animal.
When I work with my clients on deciding about cremation, there are some common questions that come up that I would like to share with you. It is understandable you would have questions and concerns surrounding your pet’s aftercare.
I stress to my clients that no matter whom you choose to perform this service, be sure to ask the following questions. Also, be a hundred percent satisfied with the answers before you move forward.
Essential Questions to Ask Crematorium Facilities
1. Who exactly will perform the cremation?
You want to make sure the person handling your cat’s body and handling the cremation furnace is a person of integrity who is experienced at the work—not someone who is unskilled, untrained, overworked, or hates their job. Basically, the pet crematorium industry is not highly regulated at this time, so be prepared to ask them lots of questions about their practices.
2. How long will I have to wait for the cremation to take place?
This varies from facility to facility. Some cremations take several weeks; some take several days. The reason for this is that they may be busy with other cremations or only schedule pet cremation on certain days. Make sure you ask them or get an answer from your veterinarian if you leave your cat’s body with them.
In my experience, if it takes several days or weeks, you can leave the body at the crematorium. They are equipped for this, and if the facility has high standards, it will take very good care of your cat’s body. Again, find out how the body will be cared for in the event you have to wait.
I personally try to choose a crematorium where I can wait and receive my pet’s ashes the same day. This way I feel more secure, safe, and at peace.
Knowing how long it will take will help you to manage your stress and, therefore, be less likely to trigger your grief.
3. How do I know that the ashes I am receiving are my cat’s?
Whether you allow your veterinarian full control or you take your cat’s body to the crematorium, ask them how they keep track of the animal remains at their facility. If you don’t like the answer, move on. If you do like the response and you trust the individual or organization’s answer, this can provide you with peace of mind.
Home Burial
If cremation is not your choice, there is also the option of a home burial. This allows you to bury your cat at home. If you live in an urban area, this might not be allowed, so check that out first. However, if you live in the country, you may opt for a home burial so that you can bury your beloved companion in a favorite spot.
Keep in mind though there are some practical and some difficult things you will encounter and must consider when burying your cat.
It is important to choose your gravesite carefully. Some of my clients pick areas that they loved or that their cats loved—in the garden, under a beautiful tree, or near a rock in the meadow where their cat hunted.
Like Chris and Pudding
Chris buried her cat, Pudding, in Pudding’s favorite hunting spot in the backyard. This was a special place because Pudding would ask Chris on a daily basis to come hunting with him, and he always led Chris to his hunting grounds. It made perfect sense after her sweet Pudding died to place him in an area that meant something special.
You will want to choose a place that will not be disturbed in the future. Don’t put your cat’s gravesite in a wet area, near cables or underground pipes, or even near water sources, such as wells, ponds, and streams. You want an undisturbed, dry area that will be a permanent place for you to visit.
Also consider the size of the gravesite. You will need to dig at least four to five feet down into the ground. This will ensure that other animals will not disturb the burial area or rain will not wash the topsoil away and expose the grave, which could be a very traumatic experience for you.
I also encourage my clients to bury their cats in something that is biodegradable rather than plastic—towels, wood, and cloth are great choices. Try to stay away from plastic caskets or burying them with their favorite bed if it was stuffed with synthetic material.
My clients who choose this option place a stone or a marker at the site, which is a great way to memorialize your cat (we will talk about this more in chapter 12). It also lends to the sacredness of the site.
Pet Cemetery
One of the reasons why you may like to choose a pet cemetery is that if you do a home burial, you may not live at your current home for your entire life. This would mean that if you move, you would not be able to take the body of your pet with you and you may not be welcomed to return to the property to visit the grave.
For this reason, a pet cemetery would provide you with a sacred site to visit and remember your companion.
When choosing a pet cemetery, there are many things to consider. First, be sure that the cemetery is a current member of the International Association of Pet Cemeteries and Crematoriums (IAOPCC.) When you select a pet funeral home, cemetery, or crematorium that is a member, you, as the client, are guaranteed that the provider follows a code of ethics and is of the highest standards. Also, the best way to check if the facility is a current IAOPCC member is by going to the IAOPCC website because some cemeteries and crematoriums will display the logo—as if they are members—without actually belonging.
Unlike human cemeteries, pet cemeteries are not regulated in all states. So be aware of the standards and laws in your individual state.
Things to ask include the following:
Who owns the land where the facility is?
Are you running out of land for burials?
Are there any deed restrictions?
Will this land ever be used for something else?
How long have you been established?
Who owns the facility?
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Are you a member of the IAOPCC?
Who are the employees, and what is their experience?
What are the fees?
The other thing to consider is who is going to take your cat to the cemetery. Many cemeteries offer this service as does your veterinarian’s office. Your decision will be based on trusting your choice and whether you are emotionally able to transport your cat yourself.
In my experience, every pet cemetery is different in the way that they provide services for their clients. Price ranges vary according to location.
The best thing to do is find a pet cemetery in your area that is registered with the IAOPCC and ask the questions above that I gave you. Make sure they are a trusted and well-respected business.
Then if you are happy with their answers, you can go a step further and ask them specific questions about costs, etc.
Here are some things to consider when speaking to the staff at the pet cemetery of your choice:
What are my choices and prices for the gravesite of my cat?
Do you offer transportation of my cat’s body from my home or from my veterinarian’s office?
Do you offer individual plots or are your plots communal?
Who takes care of the general maintenance of my cat’s gravesite? Are there extra fees?
Am I allowed to come visit the gravesite whenever I want?
Do you offer funeral services?
Can I leave toys, flowers, and mementos at my cat’s gravesite?
Pet cemeteries can provide you with caskets, headstones, and burial site maintenance. Just be clear and prepared if you go with this option about all the costs involved.
As a pet funeral celebrant, I have been asked to lead various pet funerals and memorial services in some amazing pet cemeteries that were beautifully cared for and maintained. Yet, there have been some that I questioned. Do your research and be sure the pet cemetery of your choice meets your criteria.
Chapter Wrap-Up
In this chapter, you learned of ways that you can respectfully take care of your cat’s body. You learned how to research a crematorium and about the cremation process. You also have some questions to ask when considering a crematorium. If cremation is not your choice, you learned of two burial options that may suit your needs instead, as well as important considerations for each of these.
With the Contemplation Questions at the end of this chapter, you will get a chance to explore how you feel about cremation or burial to help you become clearer about your choice.
Chapter 9 will be helpful to you if you have children of your own or if there were children in your cat’s life that will miss your cat. While death in our society can be a difficult topic, teaching a child about pet loss is important for building honesty and resilience.
Chapter 8 Contemplation Questions
Are you trying to decide between cremation and burial? Do some research that will help you decide. Research the crematorium and pet cemetery options in your area. Also, find out about your locality’s rules on burying pets at home.
How do you feel about cremation? If you choose cremation, what questions would you ask your veterinarian and/or crematorium?
Have you considered a home burial? If so, where would that be? How would you mark the gravesite?
Chapter 9—Supporting Children with Pet Loss
In our society death is a very difficult topic, and for the most part we would all like to avoid it. Yet, death is part of life. When teaching your child about pet loss, it is important to know your feelings and attitudes about death first. If you are unclear about these, your confused or vague explanation of death could, in turn, affect the way your child views loss in the future.
As an adult, you know there is an end to all life. The thing to remember is that even though you understand that all living things die, the death of your cat may be the first time your child, or a child in your cat’s life, encounters death. What this means is that your child will likely experience new, and perhaps difficult, feelings.
Since children are naturally curious and want to know how things work, they will experience various stages of grief and loss that could be extremely difficult for them to comprehend. However, this could be the perfect opportunity to teach them about life and death, and help them be more resilient as they age.
Guidelines for Supporting a Child
Your child will look to you to help them through their feelings of grief and mourning, to help them understand that death is normal. There are many ways that you can help your child understand the loss of their pet.
These five tips are the guidelines that I use with my clients when they are looking for additional support with children. In using these five tips, you will create a healthy, positive atmosphere and experience for your child.
Tip 1—Honesty is critical when talking about death to your child.
If you are unclear about your feelings about death, it will be difficult to be honest. However, it is important to tell your child the truth. Avoid half-truths, generalizations, or the use of clichés or myths (chapter 3).
Your child will ask questions about where their cat went, whether their cat will come back, and why the death happened. By answering with clear and informative responses, you will help them to develop a healthy attitude.
It is important to tell them that their cat has not gone to sleep, run away, or is living on a farm. Depending on the age of your child, you will be crafting your response according to their level of development.
Be clear, honest, and talk about death in simple and specific terms.
For example, if your child is five years old or younger, you could say, “Gilbert died. His body just stopped working. He has stopped eating, moving, seeing, and hearing. We are all going to miss him.”
This was exactly what my client Sahara told her son Zach when Gilbert, their cat, died. They did it this way to lessen Zach’s fear. They had to tell Zach this same message about Gilbert’s death repeatedly, but it helped Zach grasp the fact that his cat died. It didn’t scare him or foster myths or untruths about life and death.
By eight or nine, children are able to grasp the meaning of death, so it will be appropriate to explain it in more adult terms. Knowing how you feel about death and the grieving process will help you craft meaningful explanations for your child.
For example, Joanne and Mike told their son Jason the following when he asked how long Beeker was going to live:
Beeker’s body hurts, and he is very old. Beeker has trouble eating, so he is not getting the nutrients he needs. His illness is making him very sick. So instead of letting him suffer any longer, it is time to let him die. Remember, how I explained that to you? We will take Beeker to the vet, and the vet will give him medication that will help him do this.
Tip 2—Carefully allow your emotions of grief to show in front of your child.
As you know, full honesty is important when explaining death to your child. Even still, keep in mind that since the emotions of grief may be new for your child, when they observe your emotions, this experience will affect them.
When your emotions are heightened, it is okay to share them with your child. You loved the family cat, and your emotions are important to express and understand. Depending on the age of your child, the death of their cat is going to bring on feelings that they have not experienced before.
Your feelings of grief, such as crying and being sad, are normal when losing a beloved cat and are important to share. When you show these feelings to your child, it will help them understand that their grief feelings are normal too. Yet, if you become raging with anger or extremely depressed, those emotions may not be healthy for your child to experience at this time. Extreme emotions of grief are better to express without your child observing.
Joanne and Mike oftentimes had to go into their bedroom to express their most challenging grief emotions when Jason was at home from school. They both knew that it was important to only let Jason see healthy grief emotions, so they wouldn�
�t frighten him. However, when they expressed their sorrow in front of Jason, they both felt comfortable with gentle expressions of what they were feeling.
Tip 3—Help, guide, and support your child through their feelings of grief.
Once you know and understand what the common feelings of grief are (chapters 1 and 2), share them with your child and allow your child to talk about them with you. Your child will probably have many questions, so be prepared to talk to them and explain to them what happens during the end-of-life period.
Joanne and Mike did this with Jason. She took the list in this book and showed it to Jason. They talked about each item on the list and how it made them feel. She answered Jason’s questions and let him know that his feelings were important.
Tip 4—Grief and mourning are different.
When you create the time for your child to ask questions and express grief, it will provide a time for you and your family to lovingly create another level of closeness and bonding. Grief is an inward expression of suffering from a loss, and mourning is the outward expression (more in chapter 11). It is so important to allow your child, and really everyone closely connected to your valued cat, to outwardly express their inner grief with a pet funeral or pet memorial that they help design.
When your child can express their ideas, thoughts, and suggestions, they will know that you support them fully. It will help them with their feelings of grief, teach them about losses in life, and help them to develop into adaptable, capable, and functional adults.
In chapter 12, we will talk about how to create life celebrations that will help not only you but also your child to have a healthy and valuable experience participating in this part of life with your cherished cat.
Tip 5—Be an example for how to move through the grieving process.
Since the death of your family’s cat may be the first experience your child will have surrounding death and grief, understanding your own attitude and reactions is critical.
There are many myths that surround death that we covered in chapter 3. When you explore these myths, they can help you understand and process your feelings. Also, understanding that grief has a life of its own that can surface at unexpected times will help you be prepared for your child’s question, fears, and feelings.
My Cat Has Died, What Do I Do Page 6