Ex

by Maya Chase

  “You mean that?” Amy struggled to keep the tears in check. He pulled at her heartstrings.

  “Yeah,” he lowered his head. “It was really shitty of me to just text you out of the blue. Look, we all make mistakes, and I’m not trying to justify mine but I’m saying it was a mistake, I should have—” He didn’t complete his thought. He couldn’t. Jalen didn’t know where he was going with it. Should have what? Shouldn’t have broken things off at all? Or should have waited and said it in person? Or should have called? Amy noticed his furrowed brow and extended a hand, placing it gently on his forearm.

  “It’s ok,” she said. “You hurt me a lot, Jalen, but I understand. I know we talked about it, but I don’t think you ever saw how hard it was for me, too—the distance.”

  “No, I did.” He said, meeting her eyes again, not brushing off her touch. This conversation was long overdue. If it were a library book, he thought, he would owe his savings.

  “You did?”

  “Yeah, and I just wasn’t empathetic enough, I guess. I’ve grown a lot, Amy. I’ve learned a lot since we dated.”

  “Me, too,” she said.

  “Sorry,” Jalen began to apologize again. “I know this is overdue. Do you think we can go on with a clean slate, Amy? Be friends?”

  “I’d like that. You’ve always been my friend, Jalen. Before… even while we were together you weren’t just my boyfriend you were my friend, too. I think it’s possible.”

  “Good,” he said. “Good, good.” And he took another swallow of wine. He felt the electricity between Amy and him that had always kept them going coming back to life. Should he say something? The wine said yes, his reason said no. “Want to go into the main room, there? It’s a bit drafty in here.” It wasn’t drafty at all, in fact, and he didn’t know why he’d said it.

  “Sure,” Amy said, finally withdrawing her hand, self-conscious that she’d left it there so long. She got up and filled a third drink.

  The two took a seat side by side on one of the couches that had been pushed to the edge of the dancefloor. In front of them bodies moved together in desire, one young man pulling the woman he danced with close against his hips and swaying carefully into her to the tune of Senorita. They kissed, and touched foreheads, the man’s hand straying to her ass and squeezing seductively. Amy felt her cheeks flush with the help of drink, and Jalen didn’t fail to notice.

  “Dev sure throws a hell of a party,” Jalen said, drawing Amy’s attention from the couple she’d fixated on. “I mean I don’t know half of these people.”

  “Me neither,” she replied, laughing, knocking her knee into his accidentally at first, then leaving it there to see if he’d notice. Of course he did. Was she flirting with him? Surely she knew they didn’t have to go through the motions all over again. But she continued: “And I think most of these people must be his friends from college. I mean I don’t even recognize them, let alone know them. Oh, wait, there’s Jane. And Michael. Ok so a few friendly faces…”

  Amy began counting off their mutual friends and acquaintances, finding faces in the crowd of dimly lit students and pointing them out to Jalen.

  “Yeah,” he joined in. “And there’s Harry and Eric over there.”

  “Eric?”

  “You knew him, didn’t you?”

  “I don’t think so…”

  “He was kind of nerdy in school, you know,” Jalen said. “He looks different now, I think he got a haircut. Thank God.”

  “I really don’t think I know him, Jalen.”

  “He had big hair!” And Jalen mimed an afro. “I think he goes to Penn now.”

  “Oh, maybe I knew him in passing,” Amy conceded, giggling at his hair mime. It was these little things she missed about him most. The things she couldn’t replace with Henry. She looked around for someone he might not know, and finding one: “Ah, over there we have Jasmine, in the red dress. Cute, isn’t she.”

  She was right. Jalen didn’t recognize her, and now in her little game of find a friend she’d set a trap. She didn’t have to; she could have been up front. She felt the chemistry, too. Of course she did: it wasn’t she who broke it off in the first place.

  “I mean, I don’t recognize her,” Jalen said, sidestepping. Then, taking the bait: “And ok sure she’s cute, but not as good looking as a certain girl I know.”

  He smiled at her. A clean slate, he’d said. You can flirt with a friend, right?

  “And who would that be?” Amy set her cup down on an end table and edged closer to Jalen. “Who’s this mystery girl who’s more attractive by far than Jasmine in the red dress?”

  Amy’s breasts were too near to Jalen’s face. Some things naturally make a man’s blood run hot, and one of those things is a pair of breasts he’s spent nights nuzzled against, kissing softly, leaving little purple marks against the soft pink skin.

  Jalen’s tipsy eyes fell slightly, from Amy’s kind features to her breasts, and then back up to her soft eyes. This was the girl he dumped? Fuck. She didn’t deserve that, a kind and albeit dashing woman like her. He’d already had several drinks, and it took Jalen’s mind a moment to realize all this thinking was taking pause. He had to answer her.

  “It’s you,” he said matter-of-factly. “I mean, look at you. Fucking gorgeous even at Dev’s dance party.”

  She was taken aback, not ready for him to come out and say it. Amy had been counting on luring him out slowly; and she hadn’t even decided how far she would go. Did she want him back? Or did she want to make him realize why he wanted her back, and remain just out of reach? All she said was “Thank you,” lowering her eyes to her cup to process.

  “Amy, I didn’t mean, um—”

  Jalen would hang himself on his own words.

  “You don’t mean it?” She lifted her doe eyes.

  “No, I mean, yes—Um, I didn’t mean to come onto you like that, it’s not right, but—”

  “Keep going,” she coaxed. Men: it always takes them a long time to get their words together, she thought.

  “I mean, you’re very pretty, especially tonight. Definitely prettier than that girl—”

  “Jasmine.”

  “Prettier than Jasmine, yeah, but like I know it’s not right to flirt with you, ‘cus, like I broke up with you, and all.”

  She was half enjoying him muddle through his thoughts, the wooly hair on his scalp flowing back and forth as he wrinkled and unwrinkled his brow. He’d set his drink down and was moving his hand around in his lap as if gesticulating would help the words come out cleaner.

  “Jalen,” Amy said, putting a stop to it. He stopped, looking at her.

  “Yeah, sorry I sort of lost my train of thought there.”

  “No shit,” she giggled. “But, hey…”

  “What?”

  “I think you’re kinda cute, too.”

  “Oh yeah,” he said, breaking into a huge grin, the anxiousness draining from his deep well-meaning eyes.

  “Yeah,” Amy said, “I do.” She couldn’t hold his gaze, the flush burning in her cheeks. Was she proud of this? What would come of it? What could come of it?

  “Amy, can I tell you something,” Jalen ventured after another pause. The tune had changed and the dancers on the floor moved quickly up and down, pulsing their fists and belting out the lyrics. Jalen didn’t hear it, caught in a slower universe.

  “Sure,” she said, still not meeting his eyes.

  “I,” but he fumbled immediately. Catching himself with a breath: “I regret breaking up with you, Amy. I really do. I wish I hadn’t done it.”

  Now she looked up, a mixture of fear and relief and wonder stretching across her cheeks as she blossomed. Eyes smiling in the dimness Amy couldn’t help but lean in closer to the man in front of her.

  “Do you really mean it?” She asked, catching herself and giggling. “And don’t stammer your way through a minefield for me just say yes or no.”

  “Yes,” he said, and leaned in for a kiss. Amy did, too. Their lips met,
heads tilted slightly. It was a kiss they’d built up to, and a kiss they had missed. Jalen placed a hand on the back of Amy’s head, gently biting at her upper lip, tracing the rim of her mouth with his tongue. She replied with a tug to his bottom lip and a little moan, which she quickly silenced. Pulling apart they looked into each other’s eyes in search of an answer to the one question: Was this true? Amy found her answer.

  “I think I needed that, Jalen,” she said.

  “Me, too,” he responded.

  “What do you say we take a walk,” Amy said, standing and offering her hand. They left the music behind and returned to the kitchen, tossing their emptied cups. Jalen helped Amy put on her jacket and then he searched for his shoes.

  “They always had incredible chemistry,” Dev noted to Jasmine as Jalen and Amy headed out the door. He silently forgave Jalen for not saying goodbye.

  SIX

  Jalen and Amy walked south on Madison Avenue, hand in hand. Their fingers were laced together tightly, and in the dimness of the city night they held close to one another. As soon as they left the party the words seemed to vanish between them; neither knew particularly what to say. Each thought their own thoughts, the maelstrom of emotions and confusion turning their stomachs about. At a crosswalk at 59th Street the silence finally broke between them. The two had walked nearly ten blocks.

  “I’m really happy, right now,” Amy said, turning to face Jalen as they waited for the light. No cars approached, but they took the chance to pause and look into each other’s faces. “Thank you. Really. I’ve missed you so much, Jalen you don’t even know.”

  “I’ve missed you, too, Amy,” he replied, caressing her rosy cheek. “Can I be honest?”

  “Of course,” she said, smiling. “That’s all I ask.”

  “I’ve been comparing every girl I meet to you these past months.”

  “Oh my god, you have?” She laughed, her eyes crinkling in the corners, delicately. “That’s so cute and funny.”

  “It is?”

  “I’ve been doing the same thing. I’ll be honest, too, that’s why it didn’t work with Henry.”

  “The boy you were seeing?”

  A green man appeared in the little black box and the two young people crossed West 59th and continued southward on Madison.

  “Yeah, he was kind of annoying,” Amy said.

  “I know what you mean,” Jalen chuckled, squeezing her hand harder. “Tell me more, though about how he compared to me. I want to know everything.”

  “Jalen! That’s a bit nosy don’t you think, prying into your ex’s love life!”

  “Perhaps,” he said, smiling.

  “You have to tell me how other girls live up to me, first,” she said, teasing him. “I haven’t seen any new girlfriend online, so I suppose none of them could,” Amy continued.

  Jalen reddened and suppressed a chuckle.

  “I mean, you’re not wrong,” he said. “None of them could live up to you.”

  “Ooh, pray tell,” she whispered. “I suppose nobody could kiss as well as I can?”

  “No,” he said, “they could not.”

  “Well, you’re not exactly spilling secrets here Jalen but I guess I can tell you that Henry’s lips weren’t nearly as soft as yours. And he didn’t keep himself clean shaven so his stubble tickling my legs wasn’t very fun.”

  “Your legs!”

  “Well, a girl’s got to have fun,” she chided.

  “So does a man,” he said. “But I can tell you there’s nothing more disappointing than not getting yourself all the way inside a girl.” He flushed, looking down at the black spots of gum on the sidewalk. Had he advanced too quickly? No, she squeezed his hand tightly.

  “I bet,” she said, and she kissed him on the cheek. “I won’t pretend I don’t know how good I am for you,” she went on. “All those nights, Jalen…”

  “I know.” He squeezed back and met her eyes. There was the sheen of little tears in them. Jalen had missed her terribly, he knew it as the feeling formalized deep in his soul. Not just her body, but her kindness, her understanding, and her wit.

  It was late when the two of them reached Battery Park and found a solitary bench to overlook the midnight harbor. Lady Liberty stood as a grey silhouette against the glow of New Jersey and Staten Island. The face of the Colgate clock shone from across the river. In the darkness Jalen pulled Amy close, wrapping his arm around her as she lay her head with its soft long hair on his firm shoulder. The fire had been rekindled between them, and both wondered why they’d ever left the hearth in the first place.

  “This is nice, Amy,” Jalen said. “I guess this is what it feels like to start over.”

  “I suppose,” she said, leaning into him further. “I like it. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Not exactly a clean slate, though,” he laughed. “I know too much about you, gorgeous.”

  “I know,” she said. “But it sort of helps to know what you’re getting into.”

  “Yeah,” Jalen replied, and they looked out over the water in silence for a while, hands interlinked and bodies nestled together on the bench.

  “You want to know something funny?” Amy asked after a while, finding Jalen’s eyes in the darkness.

  “What?”

  “I accidentally applied for a job at your dad’s firm yesterday. I was really worked up about it for like the whole afternoon. He probably won’t even notice—”

  Jalen laughed, his dark eyes smiling.

  “No, he actually mentioned it,” Jalen replied, unable to wipe the grin from his face. “He asked me about it at dinner and I was like ‘I dunno.’”

  “Oh my God,” Amy said, flushing in humor and embarrassment.

  “I know,” he continued. “We were all kinda wondering what was up with that.”

  “I swear it was an accident,” she giggled, clutching his arm.

  “I’m sure it was,” he said. Their eyes met and Jalen placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder to bring her in for another kiss. Their warm lips met, an oasis in the cool May night. In the distance horns honked, but for the moment the only world the was the one of contact between man and woman. Amy’s warm breath tickled Jalen’s clean-shaven chin as she nibbled on his lip, and in turn his tongue outlined the soft interior of her upper lip. She tasted good; the trace flavor of whisky and wine on her breath, wine on his. There was, too, that illusive taste that only comes with desire: the warm electric almost mythical taste of a lover.

  Jalen pressed a hand to the fabric over Amy’s firm breast, and a soft moan caught in her throat. She’d missed this. She’d missed him. She could feel the strength in his hands as he held her, and she felt the heat well up in her core saying more.

  “Maybe we should call and Uber,” Amy said softly, breaking the kiss, pecking him lightly again on the lips. “This is a park bench, after all.”

  “Sure,” Jalen said, pulling out his phone but going in for another kiss, feeling the dewy warmth of Amy’s perfect lips against his. “Ok,” he said. “Your place or mine?”

  “Well,” she teased, tapping his nose with her forefinger. “I do have the larger bed…”

  “Yours it is, then,” he said, smiling and pulling her close. “I’ve missed you, Amy.”

  “I’ve missed you, too, Jalen,” she said.

  Jalen kissed her neck softly as they waited, the smooth surface of her skin bringing back every memory, every moment when he’d laid her down below him, her hair scattered about her head, every moment he’d climbed over her and kissed her gently around the collar, down around her breasts. This he’d missed.

  The car came, a little black thing with T&LC plates.

  “For Jalen?” The driver asked.

  “Yes,” he replied, helping Amy into the seat first. “Thanks, I know it’s late…”

  “No problem at all! We’re going to 103rd I see? Shouldn’t take long at all at this hour.”

  And it was late. Past midnight by this point. They’d walked for a long time, and sat for
longer, because as everyone knows time passes differently between lovers, especially at night.

  The car cruised uptown, and in the back seat Jalen and Amy held hands tightly.

  SEVEN

  “My parents are probably asleep,” Amy said, punching in the code and unlocking the door to her apartment. “Be careful.”

  “Don’t worry,” Jalen said, putting a gentle hand on her waist.

  Amy led him down the hall to her bedroom where light glowed from under the door, a lamp carelessly left on before the party. Opening the door, she pulled him inside and the fell on each other ravenously. In a moment’s time their bodies were pressed together, and Jalen held Amy in a tight embrace as he kissed her, their lips opening, tongues exploring each other’s warmth, eyes closed as energy danced across their skin.

  “Amy,” he whispered, pulling from the kiss and tucking his face carefully against her ear, holding them there for a long moment. “Amy you’re the sweetest girl I know.”

  “And you, Jalen…” she intoned. “You’re a good man and I want you back.”

  “Me, too,” he said. “I want you, too.”

  Amy carefully unbuttoned the dark blue shirt Jalen had one, exposing the soft fuzz and toned dark muscle of his chest. She kissed his chest, working her way toward his navel as the buttons came undone. At his belt she stopped, looking up at him for permission. He nodded, stroking her soft hair and releasing it from the messy bun.

  She unclasped the buckle on his belt, sliding the leather out and freeing the button of his corduroys. They were soft pants; she liked this new style. Pulling at Jalen’s waist she lowered the pants to his knees and, turning him, pushed him to sit on the bed. She ran her hand over his stiffening bulge, the contours of his firm cock fully visible through his black briefs. Amy had missed this penis. Henry had been smaller, fucking her hard until she cried, yes, but ejaculating far too soon, and she’d never cum just from the feeling of his cock deep inside her. With Jalen it had been a regular occurrence.

  Taking the elastic waistband in both hands Amy rolled the briefs down, pulling Jalen’s underwear and corduroys off around his ankles, leaving his long legs bare. His legs were thickly muscled, and blossoming from between his thighs his massive dark cock stood erect, a full vein pulsing, the skin around his balls tight with anticipation. Leaving the clothes on the floor at the foot of the bed Amy moved to take his thick shaft in her mouth; the soft throbbing head felt warm against her soft lips, and at the touch Jalen let out a low groan. Wrapping a small white hand around the base of his cock Amy held firm and stroked his thickness in sync with the motion of her mouth. She emitted little gulping sounds as she sucked, tasting his sweetness; manly musk rolled from him and filled her nostrils, and she sighed inwardly with bliss.