Like You Mean It

by Trish Edmisten

  “No, we wanted to be surprised,” Ann explained. “All we cared about was having a healthy baby, not whether it was a boy or a girl.”

  “Justin was the only one who wasn’t surprised when he got his wish,” Gerald said. “Right from the start he was in love with that kid. Whenever Darren went to sleep, Justin would sit in front of his crib watching him, and when Darren woke up, Justin was right there, trying to take care of him as if he thought Ann and I weren’t doing a good enough job.”

  “I thought you said this wasn’t an embarrassing story,” Justin reminded his dad.

  Gerald smiled. “Right, sorry about that. So, one day, Justin starts calling the baby D.J. I made the connection with the initials and I thought he was really clever. I also thought that was going to be our nickname for the baby, but Justin set me straight.”

  “What do you mean?” Danni asked.

  “I made the mistake of calling Darren D.J. and Justin jumped all over me,” Gerald replied.

  “I did not,” Justin said.

  Gerald laughed. “Yes, you did. You told me that was your D.J. Not mine or Mom’s, or anyone else’s, just yours. That was your D.J. and you were his J.J. And, for the record, you weren’t very nice when you said it.”

  Danni couldn’t help laughing. That was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. It was almost as cute as the way Justin blushed in response to his father’s story.

  “You’re lucky to have kids who care so much about each other,” Charmain said.

  Danni thought her mom might say something about her and Nick barely acknowledging each other’s existence, but she kept that one to herself.

  “You’re right,” Ann said, smiling at her son. “Gerald and I thought Justin might outgrow his devotion to Darren when his brother started walking and talking and wanting to do everything he did, but the older Darren got, the closer they got.”

  “That’s nice,” Charmain said.

  “It was nice, especially when Darren was little,” Ann continued. “As long as Justin was around, I knew Darren was in good hands. I could trust Justin to look out for him. The only time we ran into trouble was at Justin’s little league games. Darren hated that he couldn’t be out there playing ball with his J.J.”

  “He hated it so much that he once started a fight with one of the other teams,” Gerald said.

  Charmain laughed. “I’ve got to hear this one.”

  “Justin was eleven, so Darren would’ve been four, and he was itching to play. He couldn’t wait to turn five so he could join in. For some reason, he was convinced he’d be able to play on Justin’s team, and there was no telling him otherwise,” Gerald said. “The day I’m talking about, Justin was playing catcher. The other team had a guy on second base when the guy at bat hit one a mile. It wasn’t a home run, but it was scoring that runner from second if the outfielder couldn’t get the ball in. Justin was squatting in front of the plate, waiting for that ball to come in so he could make the out. Both teams were going crazy, yelling and cheering. It was total mayhem.”

  “Did he make the play?” Charmain asked.

  “Yes, he did,” Gerald said. “He made it, but it wasn’t an easy out. The runner came at him like he was a freight train, and Justin ended up flat on his back with the wind knocked out of him.”

  “That’s awful,” Charmain said.

  Justin shrugged. “It’s part of the game.”

  “He says that now, but when he was eleven that hit stunned him.” Gerald winked at them. “So, he was laying there, trying to catch his breath, and the other team was still cheering. Ann and I weren’t really paying attention to Darren like we should’ve been. Ann was watching Justin and worrying about him not getting up, and I was trying to assure her that he’d be fine. Next thing I know, Darren is on the field and stomping toward the runner who was on the way back to his dugout. Darren charged straight at the kid and started kicking the back of his legs and yelling something about not hitting his J.J.”

  Charmain laughed. “What did the runner do?”

  “The kid turned around to see who was hitting him, and when he saw it was a four-year-old, he just shoved him away,” Gerald said. “Somehow, Justin sees this and suddenly forgets about feeling winded. He pops to his feet and goes after the kid who shoved Darren. Both teams see it, and before you know it, the field is full of eleven-year-old boys shoving each other, thanks to my four-year-old son.”

  Danni and her mom were laughing so hard it brought tears to their eyes. Justin had tears in his eyes too, but they weren’t caused by laughter. The unmistakable sadness in his eyes made Danni’s heart ache for him. All his life, he had looked out for his little brother and taken care of him. Now, while Darren fought the biggest battle of his life, he could do nothing but sit by and wait.

  * * *

  While Danni had been unsure of what to expect, she was surprised to find that Darren’s surgery took hours. At first the waiting drove her crazy, but the more she thought about it, the more she thought it must be a good sign. Maybe the long wait meant the doctors would be able to save part of Darren’s arm after all.

  Darren’s grandparents sat together, while his parents sat clutching each other’s hands. Across from Ann and Gerald, Danni leaned against her mom. Sometime during the last few hours, Justin had slipped away from the group to stand in a corner by himself. It struck Danni how alone he looked. Just as she contemplated getting up to stand beside him, Dr. Forbes appeared in their midst. The blank look on his face fascinated Danni. How did doctors keep their emotions so hidden? Did they take a special class that taught them how?

  Everyone crowded around the doctor. All of them but Justin, who remained standing in the corner with his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

  “The infection was much worse than we anticipated,” Dr. Forbes told them. “Darren made the right decision to have the surgery now since it appears it would have been inevitable.”

  “Were you able to save any part of his arm?” Gerald voiced the question on everyone’s mind.

  “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t,” Dr. Forbes replied, and Danni’s heart dropped.

  “Can we see him?” Ann asked as tears streamed down her cheeks.

  “Yes, he’s resting in his room,” the doctor replied. “Given what he’s been through, I think it would be best if only two of you went in at a time.”

  As badly as Danni wanted to see Darren, she didn’t feel it was fair to make his family wait. They were more important. As his parents moved down the hall, she glanced over at Justin. Seeing his eyes brimming with fresh tears made her heart break all over again. Danni rose from her chair and made her way across the short distance of the waiting room.

  “Are you okay, J.J.?” she asked.

  “My brother doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good kid who made a mistake that he’s already paid too much for,” Justin said.

  “I know,” Danni said softly, wishing she could think of something better to say.

  “I wish it was me,” Justin whispered.

  Danni couldn’t resist the urge to reach out to him. When she placed a comforting hand on his arm, Justin seized the offering. His body shook with silent sobs as he held tightly to her hand. As he cried, Danni gave in to her tears. Though she had known Darren could lose his entire arm, she’d been confident the doctor would be able to keep that from happening.

  That’s what should have happened. Dr. Forbes should have saved Darren’s arm so he could get better and go home. Losing an arm didn’t happen to guys like Darren.

  “It’ll be okay, J.J.,” Danni said, even though she wasn’t sure it would be.

  “Danni?” Ann said from behind her. “Darren is asking for you.”

  Danni’s eyes were huge as she let go of Justin and turned around. “Oh, uh, I couldn’t see him yet. His family should see him first.”

  “It’s okay, sweetie. If my son needs to see you then everyone else is just going to have to deal with it,” Ann replied.

  As she followed Darren’s m
other down the hall, Danni was overcome with guilt. It shouldn’t be her seeing him right now; it should be his family, especially his brother. When she entered the room, Darren’s father rose from the bedside chair. Danni stood by as he leaned down and whispered something to Darren who rolled his eyes open for a brief second before closing them again.

  “You stay as long as you like.” Gerald patted her shoulder. “There’s no need to rush your visit.”

  “Thank you,” Danni replied.

  Danni waited until Gerald left the room before she assumed her place at Darren’s side. Instead of sitting in the chair, she perched on the bed, careful not to move too much in case he was in pain.

  “I’m here, D.J.,” Danni said softly, and Darren opened his eyes again.

  “I lost my arm, Danni,” he said, his voice hoarse and his eyes filled with tears.

  “I know. Does it hurt?”

  “Not yet. That will come later when the drugs wear off.”

  “Your whole family is waiting to see you.”

  “Let ’em wait. I need you here.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Danni said, locking him in a steady gaze. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  With shaky fingers, he reached up to touch her cheek. “Yeah.”

  Danni turned her face to the side and kissed his fingers. “I love you.”

  “I love you, Danni.”

  “Good.” She put on her brightest smile. “Then let’s get your family in here to see you. The sooner they see you, the sooner we can be alone.”

  In exchange for her phony cheerfulness, Darren offered a weak grin. Danni gave him one last kiss on his forehead before she returned to the waiting room to tell the rest of his family he wanted to see them.

  “Thank you, Danni,” Ann said, and the hug that followed was more natural than the first one Danni received.

  * * *

  For the rest of the day, Danni and Justin took turns with his parents in their visits with Darren. During one of her times in the waiting room, Chelsea and Marcy stepped off the elevator onto the fifth floor.

  “What are you guys doing here?” Danni asked them.

  “We came to see how Darren’s surgery went,” Chelsea replied.

  “That’s so nice of you girls,” Charmain said.

  Chelsea smiled. “Thank you, Mrs. Singer. So, are you doing okay, Danni?”

  “I’m fine,” Danni lied.

  Marcy’s eyes darted around the waiting room. “What about Darren?”

  “They took his whole arm,” Danni answered.

  “That sucks,” Chelsea said. “Should we say hi to him?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Danni said, and Marcy exhaled. “I don’t think he’s ready for any visitors today.”

  “It was a nice thought though,” Charmain added. “Danni’s lucky to have friends like you.”

  Too bad Darren wasn’t so lucky today, Danni thought.

  * * *

  Long after Darren’s grandparents and Danni’s friends had gone home, Charmain decided to take the rest of his family out to dinner. Danni knew her mother did it to give her some time alone with Darren and she appreciated it. Ann and Gerald needed a good meal and time away from the hospital. They hadn’t eaten anything all day. No one had.

  As she sat in the chair by Darren’s bed, Danni held his hand. It reminded her of those first few visits she made to the hospital when he just slept while she sat watching him. That seemed like so long ago.

  When Darren began thrashing beside her, Danni thought he might be having a nightmare. While she debated whether to wake him, he cried out for Whitney. Danni felt the breath being squeezed out of her body, but she did all she could to push the sick feeling aside.

  “Darren, wake up,” she urged. “You’re dreaming. Wake up.”

  Darren’s eyes flew open and for a moment he looked at Danni as if he didn’t recognize her.

  “It’s okay,” she said, keeping her voice soft. “You were dreaming.”

  “I know.”

  “You called for Whitney.” Danni did her best to keep her voice neutral.

  It wasn’t his fault. No one could control their dreams.

  “I was dreaming about the day we broke up,” Darren explained.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Danni asked.

  “We were all wrong for each other from the start, but I had it so bad for her.”

  “What happened between you two?”

  “She was cheating on me with Garrett. I knew it, but I didn’t want to believe it.”

  Danni remembered the rumors. Even as far down the social ladder as she was, she recalled the whispering from above last year that Whitney was messing around with Garrett behind Darren’s back. Danni never imagined it could be true. Why would Whitney cheat with Garrett when she had Darren who was way better looking and probably a lot nicer too?

  “How’d you find out?” Danni asked.

  “I caught them together in a bedroom at some party,” Darren replied.

  “And you broke up with her?”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t take her hurting me anymore,” he said. “In my gut, I knew the rumors were true, but I didn’t want to believe them. I believed her lies instead, and that night I caught them. It was the same night…”

  Danni drew her eyebrows together. “What?”

  “The same night she and I had sex for the first time,” Darren finished softly.

  “You two had sex?”

  “You mean that’s not something that made it all over the school?”

  “I never heard it.”

  “That’s good.”

  “I guess.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I guess I’m jealous,” Danni admitted. “Whitney’s beautiful and popular, and you must have really loved her to do something like that.”

  “I thought I did, but I was wrong,” Darren said. “Being with you showed me what real love is. There’s no way Whitney would’ve stayed with me if this happened when we were together.”

  Danni remembered what Marcy overheard Whitney say when she found out about the accident; there was no way she would date a guy with one arm, even if it was Darren Jacobs.

  “Do you hate me now?” Darren asked.

  “No. I love you, D.J.”

  “Good. Then come here and kiss me like you mean it because I love you too.”

  As soon as her lips touched his, Danni let go of the past. All that mattered was that she was here now, and she wasn’t going anywhere.

  Chapter Nine

  For the first time, Danni didn’t have to leave the hospital when visiting hours ended at eight. Either she got lost in the shuffle of people in Darren’s room or the nurses made an exception because his parents were there. Whatever the reason, she was able to stay until after ten. Not that Darren noticed since he spent most of the time sleeping off the anesthesia.

  By the time Danni made it home, her body was begging for sleep, but she ignored its pleas. After changing into her pajamas, she crawled into bed with her cell phone. Danni opened the internet option and did a search for prosthetic arms.

  A few days earlier, one of Darren’s biggest fears had been losing the part of his arm that could be fitted into a prosthetic. As Danni scanned the web pages on her tiny screen, she realized he had nothing to worry about. He could still wear a prosthetic arm if he wanted. There were so many choices, everything from arms that looked like they belonged on a doll to robotic ones. Some were simple arms attached to an apparatus worn over the shoulders while others were so complicated they were controlled by the user’s thoughts. As cool as the mind-control arms were, there was something creepy about them.

  Simple or complicated, cool or creepy, one thing was clear. Darren didn’t have to give up on the idea of wearing a prosthetic. She wondered why no one had told him and then realized he’d probably been too afraid to ask.

  Danni jumped as her cell phone rang in her hands. When she saw who was calling, she
didn’t allow herself the luxury of laughing at her reaction.

  “What’s wrong, D.J.? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

  “I can’t sleep,” Darren replied. “Slept too much today.”

  “Then why do you sound so tired?”

  “It’s the pain meds kicking in.”

  “So, you’re high?”

  Darren laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Are you in pain?” Danni asked.

  “The incision doesn’t hurt, but my damn missing arm does,” he said. “Tell me how that works.”

  Danni couldn’t answer that. She was still having trouble wrapping her mind around the concept of feeling an arm that wasn’t there. Like the mind-controlled arms, it was kind of horror movie creepy.

  “I wish you were here with me,” Darren said.

  Danni giggled. “I spent all day at the hospital. Aren’t you sick of me yet?”

  “Nope, you sick of me?”

  “Nope, not even after your dad’s stories today,” Danni replied.

  Darren groaned. “Do I even want to know?”

  “They weren’t bad really. It was just stuff about you and J.J. when you were growing up.”

  “We weren’t that bad.”

  “Actually, you guys sounded really cute,” she teased. “Little D.J. following his big brother everywhere.”

  Darren laughed again. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how it was. I wanted to go everywhere he went and do everything he did, and he let me.”

  Danni thought about Nick again. They were only two and a half years apart, but he never wanted her to go anywhere with him. He didn’t even like admitting she was his sister.

  “J.J.’s the reason I started playing baseball,” Darren said. “He’s the one who taught me how to play catcher and the reason I made varsity in sophomore year.”

  Danni didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted to tell him not to torment himself, but she didn’t want him to think he couldn’t talk to her about things. It just hurt her to know he was suffering and there was nothing she could do about it. Only one thing would make him feel better, and no one could give that back to him.

  “When he brought girls home, they’d always tell him that his little brother was cute,” Darren continued.

  “Did he get mad?” Danni asked.

  “Nope, he told me I was the reason he got so much action.”

  “Was he serious?”