Like You Mean It

by Trish Edmisten

  “Yep, J.J. could get any girl he wanted.”

  “You could too.”

  “Not now,” Darren replied, and Danni drew in a sharp breath. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  “I know. You should get some sleep. Your voice is sounding further away.”

  “Yeah, and I’m saying stupid stuff.”

  Danni didn’t laugh at his joke. “It’s okay. Just get some sleep.”

  “Can you come early tomorrow? I really need to see you.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be here.”

  “Night, baby,” he said.

  “Goodnight, Darren.”

  “Love you.”

  He said the words just as Danni tapped the end call button on her phone. Overcome with guilt, she almost called him back to tell him she loved him too, but she didn’t want to keep him from sleeping. They could talk tomorrow.

  * * *

  Even though Danni drove to the hospital earlier than usual on Saturday, Darren’s parents were already in his room. Both of them greeted her with wide smiles when she walked in.

  “Is your mom here?” Ann asked.

  “No, not today,” Danni replied.

  “That’s too bad. Be sure you tell her I said hello and thank you again for yesterday,” Ann said.

  “I will.”

  Darren watched their exchange with an unreadable look in his eyes. Thinking of the way they ended their phone call the night before, Danni wondered if he was mad at her for not saying she loved him too.

  When she moved to stand next to him, Darren patted the side of his bed. “Come sit with me.”

  Danni shot a self-conscious glance at his parents. “Are you sure?”

  “Actually, Ann and I were just thinking of heading out for a bit,” Gerald said. “Thought we’d do some errands and maybe grab some lunch.”

  Ann got to her feet. “Did you kids want something?”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to do that,” Danni answered.

  “It’s no trouble. We’re going to get something for ourselves anyway,” Gerald explained.

  “Where are you going?” Danni asked.

  Gerald smiled at her. “I was thinking about a square hamburger. Do you like Wendy’s?”

  She nodded. “I love Wendy’s.”

  “In that case, we’ll bring you a burger and some fries,” Ann said. “You want anything, Darren?”

  “No, thanks,” he said, and Danni suddenly felt like a greedy pig.

  “All right then,” Ann said. “We’ll see you kids shortly.”

  Danni waited until his parents were gone before taking a seat on Darren’s bed. “You have nice parents.”

  “It’s funny, but before the accident it wasn’t like that for us,” Darren said. “They were always worried about my relationship with Whitney and saying I was getting too serious. Anyway, when she and I broke up they were glad, and it made me mad.”

  “Do they know you guys… you know?” Danni couldn’t bring herself to say the word.

  “You and J.J. are the only people I actually told,” Darren replied. “That doesn’t mean they don’t know though.”

  “Do you tell your brother everything?” she asked.

  “Not everything,” Darren said with a sly grin. “Listen, Danni, about what I said last night about not being able to get any girl I wanted, you know I didn’t mean anything bad. It was just the drugs and pain talking.”

  Danni forced herself to smile at him. “I know. It’s really not a big deal,” she replied, or at least she didn’t want it to be.

  The trouble was Danni couldn’t get over the feeling that Darren was taking whatever he could get with her because he was worried no one else would want him. Even his own brother said it meant a lot to him to have a girl who could love him when he was like this.

  “Did you want to watch a movie?” Danni offered.

  “I’d rather talk to you,” Darren replied.

  “I told you it’s not a big deal,” she insisted.

  “I know. I just like talking to you.”

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Okay, well, there is something I’ve been wondering about you.”

  “What’s that?”

  “How come you’re so shy?” she asked. “You’re like the king of the school.”

  “I wasn’t popular until I got to Taft. Before that I wasn’t a loser or anything, but I was just another kid in school,” Darren said.

  “So, were you always shy, or did you get like that in high school?”

  “I was always like that, still am. I don’t say a lot to people unless they talk to me first.”

  Danni laughed. “You seriously expect me to believe that when I’ve seen you flirt with every girl in our English class?”

  “They flirt with me,” he corrected.

  “And you’re just such a nice guy that you have to flirt back?”

  Darren grinned at her. “Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

  Danni thought back over the last few years. Every time she’d seen Darren, he had been surrounded by people. Whenever he walked into a room, they converged on him. He never had to seek out friends. Everyone found him because he could draw them in with nothing more than a smile.

  She could still remember the first time she saw Darren. It was on the first day of freshman year. Danni was the first of her friends to get off the bus when she spotted him. Even from a distance, she could see the smile that would later be voted the nicest in the entire freshman class. Darren and all his baseball buddies were hanging out in front of the school, surrounded by girls, most of whom were dressed in cheer uniforms. In that moment Danni had known two things; Darren Jacobs was the cutest guy she had ever seen and he was untouchable.

  There were so many times when Danni wanted to say something to him, but she couldn’t bring herself to take the risk. Not even when he took the seat beside her in English class. Instead, she contented herself with watching and listening to him and secretly going to his baseball games while wishing he was her boyfriend.

  “What about you?” Darren asked. “Were you always so shy?”

  Danni knitted her eyebrows together. “I’m not shy.”

  “Then how come you never talked to me?”

  “We’ve been over this. You’re popular and I’m not,” Danni reminded him. “Losers and popular kids don’t hang out unless they’re both in a Disney movie.”

  “And kids with one arm aren’t popular unless it’s a Disney movie,” Darren added with a hint of sadness in his words.

  “I used to go to some of the baseball games just to watch you play,” Danni admitted.

  Danni’s face warmed when Darren frowned at her. Why did she always have to speak without thinking about what she would sound like?

  “It wasn’t like I went to all of them,” Danni backtracked. “It wasn’t that many at all actually. I just went to a couple, if you want to know the truth.”

  Darren resumed his grin.

  “What?” Danni asked, still blushing.

  “Did you think I was any good?” Darren asked.

  “I guess you were okay.”

  Darren raised his eyebrows. “You guess?”

  “I don’t really know much about baseball.”

  “You don’t have to know about baseball to know if you thought I was good.”

  “You did make the varsity team when you were a sophomore so you must have been good.”

  Darren leaned forward. “What did you think when you watched me play?”

  “I thought you were amazing,” she said. “You were always in control. I guess that’s another reason why I can’t believe you’re shy. You didn’t seem like that when you played.”

  Darren shrugged. “That’s different. I had confidence in the way I played. Now I don’t have confidence in anything.”

  Danni mashed her lips together as guilt inched up her chest. They shouldn’t be talking about baseball. It was just going to remind
him of everything he had lost.

  “What’s your favorite book?” Danni asked. “I know you like old movies, but do you like old books too? I don’t really have one. A favorite book, I mean. I like to read, but I don’t have one book I always read or tell other people to read. My friend, Marcy, loves to read though.”

  Darren smiled at her. “I’ve noticed something about you.”

  “Do I want to know what?”

  “It’s not a bad thing. I just noticed you talk a lot more and a lot faster when you get freaked out.”

  “I do not.”

  “Yeah, you do, but it’s okay. It’s kind of cute. And I don’t have one either.”

  “One what?”

  “Favorite book. I’m not really into reading. I like movies better.”

  There was a pause in their conversation when the nurse’s assistant entered the room to deliver Darren’s lunch. Unlike Sally, who always stopped to talk to them and made sure to call Darren a cutie, the weekend aid didn’t acknowledge them as she placed the tray in front of him.

  The meal was the most unappetizing thing Danni had ever seen. A mound of greasy, red spaghetti topped with flakes of parmesan cheese sat in the center of the tray. The rest was no better: a couple of tiny breadsticks, a fruit cup and a handful of green salad.

  “What about music?” Darren pushed the tray aside.

  “What about it?”

  “What’s your favorite?”

  “Pop, I guess. Aren’t you going to eat your lunch?” Danni asked.

  A slight blush crept up Darren’s neck. “The thing is I was left handed. I still look kind of stupid doing things with my right hand.”

  “You don’t think I’d laugh at you, do you?”

  “No, but I still don’t want to look like an idiot in front of you.”

  Danni smiled. “Oh, well, I can help you with that.”

  “Yeah, how?”

  “I can either turn my back while you eat or I can feed you.”

  “Let’s go with the last one,” he suggested.

  “At your service, sir.”

  After opening the plastic package that held the utensils and a flimsy paper napkin, Danni took the fork and twirled some spaghetti around it. Darren gave her a shy grin as she brought the utensil to his mouth. It was kind of hot the way his lips parted to accept her offering.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.

  “You have nice lips,” Danni said and then realized the words sounded better in her head.

  “I like the way you feel about me,” Darren said.

  Danni spooned another bite of food into his mouth. “What do you mean?”

  Darren swallowed before replying. “I like that you still think I look okay. I can tell you mean it when you say stuff like that, and it makes me feel good.”

  “Oh.”

  “Are you afraid of me, Danni?”

  “No, I’m scared of how I feel and what it could make me do.”

  “What do you want it to make you do?”

  “Right now I want it to make me kiss you,” she whispered.

  “Then you should kiss me,” Darren said, already reaching for her.

  She could taste the spaghetti sauce on his lips, but it wasn’t gross or anything. Even with a whole mouthful of spaghetti, she would have kissed him.

  “Yeah, this is the right room.”

  Danni’s eyes widened as she turned her head over her shoulder. Chelsea and Marcy stood in the doorway. While Chelsea was giving them a sly smile, Marcy’s gaze was fixed on the wall above their heads.

  “What are you guys doing here?” Danni said.

  “You know them?” Darren asked.

  “They’re my best friends,” she explained.

  “Not that anyone would ever know it with all the time she spends with you,” Chelsea said. “Anyway, if you’re busy we can come back later.”

  “It’s okay,” Darren said. “Could you give us a minute though?”

  Chelsea backed away. “Oh, sure, okay. Sorry. We’ll just wait outside until you’re ready.”

  “What’s wrong?” Danni asked.

  “Would you mind covering me with the blankets?” Darren replied.

  “They already know you lost your arm.”

  “I know. I’m just not ready to face people yet.”

  Danni tried not to let any pity show on her face as she pushed the lunch tray aside and arranged the blankets around the space where Darren’s left arm used to be.

  “Thanks, baby,” Darren said.

  “No problem.” Danni kissed his forehead before calling out, “Come on in.”

  Chelsea smirked at them as she reentered the room. “Now I know why they call it a quickie.”

  “Chelsea!” Danni gasped. When Darren laughed out loud, she turned her hard stare in his direction. “You think that’s funny?”

  “A little,” he said, still laughing.

  “Whatever,” Danni replied. “Darren, these are my friends Chelsea and Marcy and—”

  “And this is Darren Jacobs,” Chelsea cut her off. “The most popular guy in school doesn’t need an introduction. Anyway, we thought we’d come by and see what Danni looked like these days since we don’t see her much anymore.”

  “What Danni looks like or what I look like?” Darren countered.

  Chelsea fixed him with a serious gaze. “Maybe we did come to see you, but that’s because we needed to confirm this rumor we heard.”

  “What did you hear?” he asked.

  “That Danni’s dating the most popular guy in school,” Chelsea answered with a wide smile. “We thought we should check it out for ourselves, and it’s true. Maybe there’s hope for me and Marcy yet.”

  Darren frowned at her. “What?”

  “If Danni can get the guy she’s been after for the last four years then maybe there’s hope that me and Marcy will get the ones we want,” Chelsea said.

  “What guys do you want?”

  “Your brother would be fine.”

  “How do you know what my brother looks like?”

  “We saw him on Friday when we came by to see if you made it out of surgery okay,” Chelsea explained.

  Darren’s eyebrows shot up. “You did that?”

  “Yeah, we’re good friends, not that you’d know.”

  “Chelsea,” Danni groaned.

  “Sorry,” Chelsea replied. “That’s just my jealousy talking.”

  Darren knitted his eyebrows together. “What?”

  “Nothing,” Danni said.

  “Aren’t you going to eat that?” Chelsea nodded toward the lunch tray beside the bed.

  “Nah, it’s not that good,” Darren said.

  His parents stepped into the room, and Danni caught a whiff of the cheeseburger and fries inside the Wendy’s bag Ann held in her hands. The smell made her stomach growl loud enough for everyone to hear and she hoped she wouldn’t start drooling too.

  Ann beamed at the group of girls gathered around Darren’s bed. “What do we have here?”

  “These are my friends, Chelsea and Marcy,” Danni explained. “And this is Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Chelsea replied. “I guess we should go now.”

  “You girls don’t have to run off,” Gerald said.

  “It’s okay,” Chelsea assured them. “We just stopped in for a quick visit.”

  “We’re so glad you came by.” Ann gave the girls a smile that began on her lips and stretched all the way up to her eyes. “Here’s your lunch, Danni.”

  “Thanks, I’m starving,” Danni said, glancing over at Darren. “I’ll just walk them out and I’ll be back.”

  “Okay,” he replied. “Thanks for coming, Chelsea.”

  Darren didn’t say anything to Marcy. He didn’t even look at her. Even though she didn’t blame him, Danni felt sorry for her friend.

  “I don’t think he likes me,” Marcy told her when they were out of the room.

  “That’s because you didn’t sp
eak and just stared at his missing arm the whole time,” Chelsea said.

  “I’m not good with sick people,” Marcy said.

  “Darren’s not sick,” Danni pointed out. “Why don’t you just admit you’re afraid to see him without an arm?”

  “I think he’s just as afraid,” Chelsea said. “He’s the one who covered it up.”

  “Maybe that’s because he’s afraid of people treating him like Marcy just did,” Danni said.

  “I’ll try to be better next time,” Marcy offered.

  For the second time that day, Danni tasted guilt in her mouth. Marcy took a big step in coming to the hospital; one she didn’t have to take.

  “That’s okay,” Danni told her friend. “Thanks for coming.”

  The elevator doors opened, and the two girls stepped inside with the other passengers.

  “See you at school tomorrow,” Chelsea said as the doors slid shut.

  “Ready for lunch?” Ann asked when Danni returned to the room.

  Danni nodded. “I’m starving.” At that point, even a cold burger and fries sounded good.

  “Tell you what, why don’t you kids enjoy your lunch together and we’ll get going?” Gerald suggested. “We’ve got a lot more errands to do today.”

  “We do?” Ann frowned, and Gerald gave her a pointed look. “Oh, right, we do. We’ll see you later.”

  “Thanks for lunch,” Danni said.

  “Of course, dear,” Ann replied over her shoulder.

  “It’s been like Grand Central Station in here,” Danni said as she pulled the burger and fries from the greasy paper bag.

  Darren nodded. “Yeah.”

  “I know you’re probably mad about the way Marcy acted, but I promise you she’s really nice,” Danni said.

  Darren snorted. “Yeah, I could tell.”

  “It’s not her fault. All her life she’s been picked on because she’s this quiet girl who’d rather read a book than be a cheerleader.”

  “What’s that got to do with her treating me like a freak?”

  “No offense, Darren, but guys like you have spent the last four years either picking on her or ignoring her,” Danni tried to explain. “It makes it hard for her to relate to you.”

  “But I never did anything to her,” Darren said.

  Danni sighed. “You know what I mean.”

  “I can’t believe you’re sticking up for her after how she acted.”

  “She’s my best friend.”

  “And I’m your boyfriend. I thought you loved me.”

  “Are you asking me to choose between you two?”

  “What if I am?”

  Danni took a deep breath as she tried to push aside her growing anger. Who did Darren Jacobs think he was? How dare he expect her to drop one of her best friends just because he didn’t like the way she acted? Just because that’s how his friends operated didn’t mean everyone else did.