Breathless With Her

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  And that was the perfect segue into why I was over there for the day. I just hoped she didn’t hate me for it. Considering we were already at odds when it came to Devin and me, this would probably end badly.

  “I have something to tell you,” I said, wincing when she stiffened.

  “Well, that change in subject doesn’t bode well.”

  She turned in my hold and pulled away, folding her arms over her chest.

  She’d piled her hair on the top of her head, and she didn’t wear a stitch of makeup. I knew she worked hard on her skin and had a nice, wide array of skincare products that I tried to pilfer every once in a while. She was gorgeous, happy, and living her best life.

  I really didn’t want to ruin it.

  But I was missing something. And I needed to find it.

  I just hoped that I didn’t break us both in the end.

  “I hired someone.”

  “Well, considering we were just talking about you getting Devin’s dick, I guess you didn’t hire a gigolo.”

  That made me smile. “No. But I did hire someone to find Dad.”

  Her eyes widened, and then she shook her head, her jaw tightening.

  Our dad left us when we were young. And our mom had worked so many jobs trying to keep our heads afloat that she had lost part of herself. I remembered going hungry, I remembered smiling and laughing like it was Christmas when we actually had a whole can of tuna for dinner.

  I remembered living out of our car for one semester of school, and the looks the other parents gave my mom. Looks of pity and scorn, as if it were my mother’s fault that she only had a high school education. Our dad had been the one providing for us, and then he skipped town with all of our savings.

  He had taken Mom’s identification, even our birth certificates.

  And it had cost money to get those things back. Money we didn’t have. We lived on government sponsorships and programs. But that money had dried up quickly. Even through all of that, we’d had a roof over our heads. Sure, the roof had been a car roof for a semester, but other than that, we always had running water and a place to sleep.

  We had been safe, at least as much as we could be.

  And we knew our mother loved us.

  But she was always distant. Jennifer and I had grown closer over those years, even with our age gap.

  And then, as soon as she could, our mother left us. I wasn’t even old enough to be called an adult yet when she left. But Jennifer had been able to take care of me, and Mom had run off to a commune. One where she could just be free and the woman she needed to be.

  I hadn’t known that type of woman was inside her the entire time. One who could leave us just so she could find herself and be who she needed to be.

  As an adult, I understood that you needed me time, had to be able to find moments to just breathe, and figure out who you were.

  But we were her children. Her responsibility. And as soon as she had been able to hoist that responsibility off onto someone else, she’d left. Just like Dad had.

  But at least I knew where my mom was. I didn’t know where my dad was. And I needed to know. I just needed to know.

  “You hired someone,” Jennifer said, her voice dull.

  “I need to know where he is, Jenn. Need to know what happened. Why he didn’t come back.”

  “Because he’s a deadbeat father. That’s why he didn’t come back.”

  “Maybe. But I need to know.”

  I kept repeating it, and Jennifer kept pulling away.

  “Good for you. But I’m done. He left us, Erin. Left us with our crazy mom.”

  “Mom isn’t crazy,” I said, rationalizing it like I always did. Yes, she was irresponsible now, but she had been responsible during our childhood. She’d kept us fed and clothed. That had to count for something.

  “You know, maybe Mom isn’t crazy. But she’s living in a commune with a group of people we don’t know because she was done dealing with life after raising us.” Jennifer shook her head and pushed past me to fold a pile of clothes she had made. I tried to help, but she flicked her hand, pushing me away. “I have my family,” she said, continuing. “I have my life. I don’t need Dad.”

  I looked down at my hands, and then at her, wondering why what I had wasn’t enough for me. Why it had never been enough. “I don’t have that. I guess I just need to see. Let me have this.” I didn’t know why I needed her to be okay with my decision. Why I had thought that maybe she’d want to come with me if I ever got a chance to see him.

  But she wasn’t going to. She wanted nothing to do with it or with him. And I hated myself a little for how badly I wanted to know more. To know him.

  “And when you get hurt, you know what you can do?” Jennifer rolled on me, and I took a step back, pain radiating through my heart and down my arms. I didn’t want her to hate me. I didn’t want her to push me away like everyone else had.

  Because everyone did.

  Just like Devin would eventually.

  “What? What happens when I get hurt?” I asked, my voice hollow.

  “Fuck,” Jennifer muttered. “I won’t say I won’t be there. That I won’t be by your side. Because I’m always going to be. I’m your big sister, damn it. I will always be here for you. But I can’t see him. I can’t talk to him. I hope you understand that.”

  “I do. It’s my decision.”

  “Okay. So, just don’t get hurt. Because you don’t deserve that. None of us do.”

  And then she opened her arms, and I curled into my big sister. Our lives hadn’t been perfect, far from it. But we always had each other.

  She was the one person I knew I could rely on, no matter what happened.

  That was a lesson I had learned young. One I had brought with me.

  I’d tried to lean on Nicholas, attempted to make my marriage work. And I failed.

  I wasn’t going to do it again.

  Chapter 12

  Devin

  There was a Tim McGraw song that had come out when I was like a freshman in high school or so, and it flashed in my mind as soon as I saw Erin slide into my truck. It was like we were in Texas, and there were cowboys and ranches and horses around. I swore I could hear the familiar twang, and even though it wasn’t Labor Day weekend, and I wasn’t seventeen, I could just see that song as she came up to me in that miniskirt. And, yes, I was indeed wearing a white T-shirt. One that, according to her, was tight enough to showcase the muscles in my arms, and the ink sliding down my sleeves.

  Not too bad.

  But that damn miniskirt? Yeah, she was killing me in it.

  She also had that suntan line and had put on red lipstick to go with her jean miniskirt and red tank.

  There were probably a few other country songs that I would be singing by the end of the day considering that we were on our way to an outdoor country music festival over at Red Rocks. But, seriously, Erin in that skirt was going to be the death of me.

  “Devin, if you keep looking at me like that, you’re going to have to pull over so we can get each other off before we go to the festival,” she said, tugging down her skirt.

  I groaned, gripping the steering wheel harder. “Seriously. You’ve got to stop talking like that.”

  “You’re the one who started it.”

  “You’re the one wearing that skirt.”

  “Really?” she said, and I looked over, wincing.

  “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Oh, I know. And I am wearing this skirt to get you hard. And because I’m hot.”

  “Yeah, damn straight, you’re hot.”

  “I meant, it’s hot out. We’re going to be outside. And the amount of sunscreen I’m wearing is a little ridiculous right now.”

  “Well, you just let me know when you need me to apply some more.”

  “You’re a lecher.”

  “But I’m your lecher.”

  She gave me a weird look and then shook her head.

  “What?”

  �
��My sister said something similar, but about her being my asshole.”

  I chuckled, turning into the parking lot. “Do I want to know?”

  “Nope. It was a few days ago, and not that important.”

  I had a feeling from the tone of her voice that it was very important, but I didn’t press her on it. She didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and we were about to meet the rest of my family and our mutual friends. Not the best time to get into it.

  “Well, I’m here if you need me.”

  “I know.” She studied my face, and the heat between us died just a little. I wanted to know what she was looking at, what she was thinking. But, again, not the right time.

  “Okay, so how did we get time off for this?” she asked, unbuckling her seatbelt.

  I quickly got out of the truck and walked over to her side to help her out. She slid down my body again, and I held back a groan.

  “We really need to get you a stool or something.”

  “You know, one time I was in a grocery store and this big truck—I think it was a dually even—pulled up in front of the entrance. The passenger side opened, and this stool was thrust out on a rope.”

  “A stool on a rope?”

  “Yep. And then she used the rope to position the stool exactly where she wanted it and then got out and then put the stool back in.”

  “You don’t need a damn rope. If I was going to actually let you get a stool, then I would get my ass out of the cab, walk around, get the stool, and help you down.”

  “Ah, but what if the man couldn’t?”

  “Well, that’s one thing. But I am not going to let you have a stool on a rope.” This was a ridiculous conversation, but it was making her smile. Me, too.

  “Anyway, it’s my normal day off, and you were able to actually take some time off for yourself, and everyone else sort of just worked it out. My friend Tucker is the one that got us all the tickets, so we were able to make it all work. Only Dimitri and Thea aren’t coming up because they have something going on today with Thea’s family.”

  “The infamous Montgomerys.”

  “Infamous is a good word for them.”

  “You know, now you’re making me a little worried about meeting them.”

  “Oh, you’ve probably met one or four. They’re Montgomerys. They’re just everywhere.”

  She shook her head and laughed and reached for her purse. She slid it over her body, and I tried not to look how it pressed her boobs apart ever so slightly. I really needed to calm down. We had a long day of being near family and in close proximity to others ahead of us. I really didn’t need a hard-on the entire time.

  “Okay, so who’s going to be here?” she asked, sliding her hand into mine.

  “Well, Caleb is coming.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. He’s actually gracing us with his presence.”

  “You said he hadn’t been to a couple of your family dinners recently.”

  “Not the last two. But it was mostly for work. We don’t let him sulk for long.”

  “Do you know why he’s sulky?” she asked.

  “Nope. We’ll figure it out. I think Dimitri and I are the first wave, and if we can’t figure it out, Amelia can.”

  “Aw, that’s kind of nice that you save her for last.”

  “Nice? She’s dangerous. We save her for last because we don’t want her to come after us.”

  “That’s so sweet for your little sister.”

  “You say sweet, I say she’s evil. But she’ll be here. And so will Tobey.”

  “Are they dating?” she asked as we handed over our tickets. They took her bag to search inside it, and then we walked through the metal detectors.

  “Not that I know of. But she wouldn’t tell me if they were. But they’re chummy and nice and snugly. I don’t really know. And I don’t want to know. If he hurts her, I’ll castrate him. That’s pretty much all I need to know.”

  The guy walking near us winced and then gave me a tight nod.

  Either that man had younger sisters and understood, or he had daughters. Either way, he got it.

  “I don’t think you need to castrate him. I think Amelia can handle that on her own.” Erin grinned, and I shook my head.

  “You know, that’s true. Oh, by the way, Zoey will be here. And Tucker, of course.”

  “How have I not met Tucker yet? I thought he was one of your best friends.”

  “He is. He just works a lot. He’s a diagnostic radiologist?”

  “Are you asking me?” she asked with a laugh.

  “No, but I always forget exactly what it’s called. All I know is that he’s fucking brilliant and works longer hours than we do. And Zoey’s coming because she’s friends with all of us, and it’s nice to see her around.”

  “It is nice to see her around. She’s been a good friend.”

  “And so it will be the group of us. I’m just glad you’re here.”

  “Aw, that’s nice.” She went on her tiptoes and kissed me, her lips soft against mine. When her mouth opened, I deepened the kiss, and then groaned against her lips when someone cleared their throat.

  “Really?” Caleb asked with a growl. “You’ve been here for like two seconds, and you’re already making out? Is this what type of day we’re in for?”

  “Oh, be nice, they’re all sweet and in love and happy,” Amelia said, leaning into Tobey. I looked up and raised a brow. I met her gaze, and she winced, blushing.

  We were not going to discuss the L word. No way. After all, Erin wanted nothing to do with that, right?

  “Well, I for one am glad you’re here,” Tucker said as he pushed past Amelia, winking down at her. He had physically pushed her, so she flipped him off. He just ignored her.

  My best friend leaned over, took Erin’s hand, and brought it to his lips. He was very lucky that I didn’t kick him in the balls right then.

  “Ah, even more beautiful than I remember.”

  “Remember?” Erin asked, confused.

  “Well, Devin speaks about you so much, I have a clear vision of you in my head. Plus, there was a photo.”

  She turned her head to me so fast, I held up both hands.

  “Of your face. We didn’t take any of those photos. Dear God, Tucker. You want to get me killed?”

  “And you wouldn’t be showing off naked photos of Erin,” Caleb said, looking all serious. “At least, not without showing me first.”

  “Okay, now I’m going to have to kick your ass, too,” Erin said, acting sweet as sin.

  It was Caleb’s turn to hold up both hands.

  “You know, I think she could do it,” Caleb said, meeting my gaze.

  “Yeah, she could,” I agreed.

  “She is standing right here. So, you must be Tucker. It’s very nice to meet you. Even if that was a very strange introduction.”

  Tucker just grinned that patented smile that made women go to their knees in effigy and drop their panties. And a few men for that matter.

  I still didn’t know why I let him be around Erin.

  “It is wonderful to meet you. It’s nice to see the girl who has my guy over there all twisted up.”

  “Shut it,” I warned.

  “Yeah, I don’t think I do that,” Erin said, looking at me with an easy grace.

  There was nothing easy when it came to what I felt for Erin. But that was my problem, not hers. We were going to have fun today, goddammit.

  “So, who’s playing today?” Zoey asked as she walked up to Caleb.

  I looked between the two of them and held back a wince.

  Caleb, honest to God, didn’t even notice her. Well, he noticed her presence, but not Zoey herself.

  I vaguely remembered Zoey pining over him back when we were in school. But that had been years ago. Apparently, the crush hadn’t ended.

  And Caleb was just as oblivious as ever.

  Well, there went my baby brother, annoying the hell out of me just by not noticing the wonderful woman beside him.<
br />
  Although, honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted Zoey to have to deal with my brother.

  “So, who’s playing today?” Tobey asked, echoing Zoey’s earlier question as he put away his phone. “I didn’t really have time to look at any of the headliners or lists. But Amelia said she wanted to come out, so I’m here.” He grinned down at my sister and kissed the bridge of her nose.

  She blushed, and I met Caleb’s gaze, and then Erin’s, and then Zoey’s, and then Tucker’s.

  We all just shook our heads.

  Were they dating?

  Well…maybe.

  But if I asked, Amelia would likely kick me in the shin, and I really didn’t want to have to deal with any new bruising.

  “A few local bands are starting soon, and then the bigger bands will wrap it up. It’s an all-day thing, though, so do you want to go get a couple of beers and maybe some food?” Amelia asked, pulling out her phone but still leaning into Tobey.

  “Beer sounds good,” Caleb said.

  “A beer sounds wonderful,” Erin said as she wrapped her arm around my waist.

  “I should have tried to bring Jenn and her husband. They never get to do anything like this.”

  “Kids?” Tucker asked, staring down at her with such intensity that it worried me. But that was just Tucker. He was an intense kind of guy.

  “Yes. Three little girls.”

  “I can probably scrounge up three more tickets if needed.”

  “No, it’s fine. They have plans as a family. But maybe next time we all do something like this.”

  “I think Jenn would like that.”

  Tucker snapped his fingers. “Jenn. Your ex?” Tucker waggled his brows, and I flipped him off.

  “Hey, I’m fine with it. And you get to be, too,” Erin said sweetly. But I had a feeling there was a bit of edge to that. I liked it.

  “Hey, I’m not getting in the middle of that.”

  Zoey left Caleb’s side and wrapped her arm around Tucker’s waist. Tucker slid his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

  “You like to get in the middle of everything, Tucker,” Zoey said with a laugh.

  “She knows me. It hurts. But she knows me.” He put his hand over his heart and gave his chest a good rub. “Okay, I already know where we’re sitting, and I got it set up for us. VIP seating and everything.”