Poodle

by K. L. Savage

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a long time ago,” Hector grunts.

  “Wrong thing to say.” Poodle lifts the dagger and slashes the tip across Hector’s cheek, slicing it open. “Tell me the truth. Oklahoma. You broke into a small trailer. Blonde woman. You stabbed her, twenty fucking times!” Poodle shouts and stabs Hector in the shoulder as a reference. “Do you remember now!”

  Hector laughs, and Poodle rips the dagger from his shoulder. “I remember,” Hector spits. “I remember how she screamed.”

  I choke on a sob when I see part of Poodle’s killer break.

  “I remember her calling out for you. James! James!” He heightens his voice. “James! I love you. She was in so much pain when she died, but you weren’t there when she called out for you.”

  “Don’t listen to him. He’s baiting you,” Skirt says.

  “Oh, am I?” Hector says before Poodle shoves the dagger in his other shoulder, but it’s like he doesn’t even feel the object tearing through his skin. “Is your name not James? You grew up, son. I remember seeing the happy family photos on the walls when I walked into your bedroom. She was a pretty little thing. Looked sweet. I almost had me a taste.”

  Poodle yanks the dagger out and stabs Hector in the gut, and Hector crumbles.

  I love seeing him fall.

  “Where’s my daughter? My child! The baby you took that wasn’t yours?”

  “You want her back, don’t you? Don’t you think I know you’ve been looking for her? You’ve come close so many times.” Blood drips from Hector’s mouth.

  Poodle lifts his foot and smashes it against Hector’s face. The bone crunches, and I turn my head away when I see blood gush from his nose. The entire place smells like iron, and it’s making me lightheaded. “Where is she? Stop fucking with me, and tell me where my daughter is!”

  “I killed her years ago,” he says without remorse. “She wouldn’t stop crying. All the time, she cried and cried. I wanted her to shut up!”

  I hold my sister tighter and look toward Poodle. Skirt and Reaper, Tongue, Badge, and Braveheart, they all stop breathing, waiting to see what Poodle will do. Everyone stares at him with sadness, pity, and heartbreak.

  Mourning hangs heavy in the room, a wrecking ball of pure anger waiting to destruct.

  “Where’s her body?” Poodle’s voice breaks, but he doesn’t shed a tear as he bends down and twists the dagger in Hector’s gut.

  “I burned her,” Hector lifts his head up to look Poodle dead in the eye. “You’ll never find her. She’s fucking dust.”

  Poodle tears the dagger free and sinks it deeper in Hector’s flesh. Over and over. Hector is unmoving, and Poodle doesn’t stop driving that dagger into him, all over his body, through the skull, thigh, neck; every space the body has to offer, Poodle uses it to paint his murderous picture. It’s more than twenty stabs.

  It’s more than twenty-one.

  He’s breathing heavy and sweating by the time he’s done.

  “Poodle.” Skirt reaches out, and Poodle dodges the touch and runs to me.

  When he sees my sister, he gathers her into his arms, pushes her hair out of her face, and then leans down to place a kiss on my lips. “Let’s go home.”

  “What about this place?”

  “My brothers will take care of it.” He can’t stop looking at my sister. “She looks around the same age my Ellie would be.” He closes his eyes to take a deep breath, to pull himself together. “But Ellie is dead. Your sister isn’t. Let’s go have Doc take care of her.”

  I’m not sure when it will hit him that the one thing he lived his life around is no longer there. He built his entire life around finding Ellie, only to find out his hope had been dust all along. Maybe he won’t react at all since he’s had so many years to get used to the idea, but it’s different when the tragedy is finally at your feet.

  All I can do is be there for him.

  All I can do is love him through it.

  And I hope one day I can show him how beautiful life can be when we stumble out of the dark.

  29

  POODLE

  A lot has happened in twenty-four hours.

  Too much for me to wrap my head around. The hot water runs down my back as I lean against the shower stall. I’m processing. She’s really gone. She’s dead. I tried to prepare myself for this moment, because I was certain she was alive, but that was my hope speaking for me. I’m so stupid. My Ellie is gone. My sweet baby. I had her before I was ready for kids, but God, what I’d give for her to be with me.

  I turn around and let my face hit the water to wash away the tears. I won’t suffer any longer. It’s time to put this to an end. I know now. I can’t let it consume my life anymore. Maybe Reaper will let me make a tombstone for her and Holly. Just somewhere I can go to talk to them.

  The truth is a hard pill to swallow and right now, it’s choking me. I twist the handles of the faucet and turn the water off. Steam fills the bathroom, and that familiar numbness swirls around me again, making the death of Ellie easier. It isn’t fair.

  I wrap a towel around my waist and head to the bedroom. Melissa is sitting on the bed waiting for me. Reaper wants to meet with us to see how we’re doing. I’m just fucking peachy.

  “Hey,” she greets me and wraps her arms around my wet waist. I bend down to kiss her head and graze my thumb over her jaw where Hector hit her. I’m so glad I killed that fuck. Not just for Holly, but for Melissa and her sister. They deserve peace.

  “Hey, sunflower.”

  She squeezes me tighter and presses a kiss on my stomach. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I say. She never tries to give me a lecture or give me fake comfort when I’m in my head because she knows nothing can make it better. Only time.

  And even then, certain times are a real bitch.

  I toss on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I don’t even bother to comb my hair like usual. I throw it up in a messy bun and plop it on my head. “Ready?” I hold my hand out to her, and she grins, sliding her palm in mine where it belongs.

  “No one should look so effortlessly hot. It isn’t fair,” she says with a cute pout of her bottom lip.

  I don’t have it in me to full-on smile, so I give her a small crooked grin. I’m tired, more exhausted than usual, and I want to lay down and sleep for a week. Maybe when I wake up the pain of losing Ellie won’t be so numb.

  I open the door, and Lady flies out of the bedroom in search for Yeti. I don’t even see why I keep them apart. We need a small walkway that connects Tool’s house and the clubhouse for these dogs.

  “What is taking you so long?” Doc bombards me while walking from my room, and I run smack into his chest. “We need to talk. Didn’t Reaper tell you?” Doc looks exceptionally tired today, just like the rest of us. His blond hair is dirty with grease, and his eyes have bags under them from the lack of sleep. He was probably up all night with Elizabeth. Same, only I couldn’t sleep for another reason.

  “I showered,” I say and move around him to walk to church.

  “Showering could have waited.” He shoves my back with his hand, and I stumble into the room where all of the members are. The table is freshly shined, my blood officially scrubbed from the surface, and the members look hopeful for some damn reason. I sit, and Melissa goes to sit in the chair next to me, but I grab her around the waist and pull her on my knee. I need her close right now.

  “Bout time you showed,” Reaper says; the gavel made of human skeleton from the Ruthless Kings’ first kill is in his hand. It reminds us that anyone can be an enemy, and anyone can be in the hands of someone ruthless.

  “Didn’t know it was that kind of meeting. You said to show. I’m here.” I sound disrespectful again. I close my eyes and pinch my nose with two fingers. “I’m sorry, Reaper. It’s been a rough … thirteen years.”

  A few guys snort around me, and Reaper grins, leaning his hands on the table. “I have some good news that I hope will turn that around.
First, we’ll start with you, Melissa.”

  “Me? What did I do? Are you taking a pound of my flesh? Can I pick where you take it from?” Melissa starts to panic, and all the guys chuckle while Reaper shakes his head.

  “No, nothing like that. We don’t hurt women. How many times do I have to tell you that? Anyway…” He clears his throat and slides a yellow envelope to her. “We couldn’t find you in any database because you didn’t exist. You don’t have a social security number or a birth certificate; nothing that lets the world know you are a person.”

  “Oh.”

  “You’re my person. No documentation needed,” I say and kiss her cheek, feeling it warm beneath my lips from the blush.

  “So we created some documents for you. I hope you don’t mind,” Reaper says as he leans back in the chair, looking smug as he stretches.

  Melissa tears into the envelope like it’s Christmas morning, and she gasps when she sees all the required paperwork. License, birth certificate, marriage certificate—

  “Marriage certificate?” Melissa and I question in unison.

  “We took the honors of giving you a different last time,” Reaper says. “I know it isn’t really romantic, but it’s convenient, and we fucking party.”

  The guys bang their fists on the table and cheer. Pirate is already ahead of everything and drinks right out of the bottle.

  “Winston,” Melissa gasps and turns on my lap to look at me. “Winston!”

  For a moment I’m too shocked. I open and close my mouth, unsure of what to say.

  “Melissa Winston!” She giggles as she tries her new name out. “I love it.”

  I bend her back and kiss her with every ounce of love I possess. My hands keep a grip on her lower back so she doesn’t fall, and I dip my tongue in her mouth, wishing that Mrs. Winston and I were in the bedroom to celebrate.

  Catcalls whistle through the air, and Melissa breaks the kiss, and her face is as bright as a tomato. She has tears in her eyes, but my heart is so fucking happy. “You’re mine now. You can’t get away,” I say. I’m going to have to buy Reaper a great fucking gift for doing this for me. She’s tied to me. Legally bound. And I’ll never let her go. Not even the law would be able to stop me.

  “Where am I going to go?” she asks, bopping my nose with her finger. “You’re my home.”

  “Awwwww,” the guys croon, and I flip them off. Fuck them, they can’t ruin this moment for me.

  “Alright, alright, calm down. It isn’t the last of it. Doc, you want to take over?”

  “Yes! Fuck yes, okay. Wow. Hi, everyone,” he stumbles over himself. “Um…” He flicks through his note cards, and then they all fall on the floor. “Shit.”

  “Is Doc afraid of public speaking?” Tongue teases, and Tool cackles along with Bullseye.

  “Shut up,” Doc hisses. “This is a big deal. Fuck it, they’re all out of order now anyway. I just have to come out and say it.” He takes a deep breath, lays his palm on the table, and his blue eyes score mine from across the space. Shit, this is serious.

  “You’re freaking me out, Doc,” I say with a nervous laugh, and Melissa reaches for my hand, gripping it with the strength I need to keep myself from passing out.

  “Your sister, Melissa. She isn’t your blood relative; I’m sure that doesn’t matter to you. I ran a DNA comparison, and there were no matches.”

  “I figured,” Melissa says. “We don’t look alike at all. Is she okay?”

  “She will be,” Doc says. “But there was a match. We found her family.”

  “I’m her family. I’m who she knows!” Melissa yells. “You can’t take her from me; I won’t let you. You’ll have to fight me!”

  “No fighting necessary. Poodle, that’s your daughter downstairs. That’s Ellie.”

  “No fucking way!” Tongue slaps the table and jumps for up for joy. “You did it, Poodle. That’s your girl!” I’ve never seen him so happy before.

  Tears pool in my eyes, and I look away, hiding my face behind Melissa’s shoulder. “You’re sure? That’s her? You’re positive? She has black hair… It can’t be right.”

  “It’s colored. Her natural hair color is blonde. Hector must have changed it,” Melissa says. She’s crying too. “It’s Ellie?”

  “I’m positive. It’s Ellie, Poodle. It’s her.”

  I bury my face in my hands and quietly cry, my shoulders shaking with each sob. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. This can’t be real. My daughter is here. My little girl. My baby. “Can I go to her? Does she know about me? Does she know what happened?”

  “Yeah,” Doc smiles. “I told her everything. She’s anxious to formally meet you since she didn’t know who you were at The Shack.”

  I fly out of the chair, and Melissa almost falls to the ground. I make sure she’s okay, and I swing my body around the wall by using my hand to grip the trim of the doorway and sling myself down the hall. The faster I can get to her, the better. Tears blind me, my heart pumps fiercely, and happiness courses through me. Thirteen years.

  Thirteen fucking years and my daughter is actually alive. I could kill Hector all over again for lying to me. I try to open the door, but the damn knob won’t turn. “What the fuck! It won’t open!” I scream and kick the damn thing. Melissa is there and twists the knob easily and swings the door open.

  Show off.

  I jump down four steps at a time, and when I get to Doc’s treatment room, Ellie is sitting in bed with her hand pressed to her head. She has a white bandage around it from where she fell and a horrible scar around her neck from that damn collar. She lifts her chin to look at me, and I’m nearly blown away. She has my eyes and her mother’s lips. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.

  “Ellie…” My voice shakes as I take the last step with languid motion. I barely feel like I’m moving.

  “Dad?” she asks, her bottom lip trembles as her green eyes overflow with tears like mine. “Dad, is it really you? Are you really my dad?” she cries.

  I sprint over to her and wrap her gently in my arms and hold her to my chest, not wanting any more space between us. Thirteen years is enough space to last me a lifetime. “It’s me, baby. It’s me,” I’m ugly crying, and I don’t care. This is my daughter. I missed her entire life, but I won’t miss the rest. “God, you’re so beautiful. You look just like your mom.” I hold her face in my palms and peer into her eyes. “I love you. I love you so much. I never stopped looking for you. I never stopped.”

  “I know,” she cries and squeezes her arms as tight as she can around me, laying her cheek on my chest. “I always knew you were out there,” she confesses. “I knew Hector wasn’t my dad.”

  I hold my daughter for the first time since she was four months old, letting the relief wash over me. She’s so grown. We have so much to talk about. I’m sure she wants to know about her mom, see pictures, ask questions, and I’m all for it. We have forever now.

  I have something I never thought I’d have.

  A wife.

  My daughter.

  The next thirteen years will be the best years of my life.

  The static of the record player that echoed in the back of my mind as a constant nightmare has finally stopped spinning.

  I’m at peace.

  Epilogue

  POODLE

  One month later

  “Wow,” Tool whispers as we sit in the dark on the living room floor, watching Lady give birth.

  “Wow is right.” We have our flashlights on like nerds, and for the first time we aren’t arguing about stupid shit. Yeti is next to Lady, licking her snout for support every time a contraction hits.

  “What are we going to do with them?” Tool whispers, so he doesn’t wake anyone up. We have been watching lady for the past few days because she was starting to nest, so we knew she would deliver soon. “Do we sell them? Do we keep ten Pidoodles?”

  I turn my head and hum, “I don’t know. That’s a lot of dogs. I don’t think Reaper would like that. Maybe we n
eed to play it by ear. Dogs aren’t old enough to leave their mom until they’re six weeks.”

  “Dad?” Ellie’s sweet voice comes from the bedroom. Reaper and Sarah gave up their old room and Melissa and me moved in. Ellie took my old room. I look over my shoulder and smile when I see her rubbing her eyes, her blonde hair stacked on her head just like mine. First thing she wanted to do was take the black out of her hair. It took like five trips to the salon and like a thousand bucks, but it was worth it because my baby was happy.

  I can’t get over how much she looks like Holly, especially with the blonde hair. We fell into a quick father-daughter relationship. I think it’s because both of us missed each other so much.

  “What are you doing up, baby? You know you need to be asleep.” I slightly scold her.

  Slightly.

  Because I know I’ll end up giving in to whatever she wants. She has me wrapped around her finger.

  “I heard you two “whispering”, and it woke me up.” Yeah, there’s the attitude Holly had. There’s no way she heard us, though, so I can only think that she had another bad dream. I hold out my hand and motion for her to come to me.

  She settles in the nook of my arm, and I point to Lady. “She’s in labor.”

  Ellie gasps and squeals. “Oh my god! Can I keep one, please? I’ve never had a puppy before. Dad, please, please, please?” she begs, batting those damn eyes at me.

  “So screwed,” Tool chuckles.

  “Uncle Tool, tell him.”

  “Yeah, Uncle Tool, tell me,” I mock.

  “Oh, give the girl a puppy,” Melissa says from behind me, sliding her arms around me and Ellie.

  “Okay,” I give in like I was always going to give in, and Ellie squeals, high-pitched just like girls do.

  Ow.

  “Mom, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll take the best care of him or her. I swear.” Ellie throws her arms around me then Melissa, and then cuddles up next to me as we watch Lady push the first puppy out.