How Long Is Forever?

by Erin M. Leaf

  “You don’t need to lose weight, Eva.” Charlie’s expression slid from anger into something Eva couldn’t interpret. “And you are not too tall. For God’s sake, these guys you meet are fucking morons.” He sat beside her and pulled her into a hug.

  Eva blinked against his shoulder. Charlie had never cursed like that in front of her before, not that it mattered. His vehemence changed nothing. “You rejected me, too, remember?” she pointed out, still bitter over that. “I asked you for help, and you said no.” She tossed the pillow aside.

  “Because I’m too old for you, not because you’re not the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever—” Charlie stopped in mid word. “Jesus,” he muttered a moment later, looking frustrated. “You’re not too tall. And you’re sure as hell not fat. If those guys can’t see that, then they don’t deserve you.”

  Eva rubbed her face until the skin of her cheeks hurt. She couldn’t seem to stop crying. “You say that, but no one else believes it. You don’t even really believe it.” She was sure of that. If Charlie had wanted her, he wouldn’t have been able to say no to her so easily. She tried to stand up, but Charlie pulled her back down to the sofa.

  “All the guys you know are stupid,” he said.

  “Well, then, I’ve never met one who isn’t, except for my Dad,” Eva said, implying that Charlie was stupid, too. There. Let him chew on that. She couldn’t regret saying the words. She hadn’t met a single guy who treated her well in her entire life except for the man her mom had married. Thank God for her dad. If he hadn’t been such a good guy, she would’ve grown up thinking that all men were idiots. “Between the random assholes who call me a cow when I walk to work, the guys who run the other way when I ask them out, and the jerks who harass me when I’m trying to do my job…” She trailed off, too tired to keep arguing with him. “Whatever. I’m tired. Maybe I’ll adopt a cat to keep me company.” She stood up. Charlie didn’t try to stop her this time. “Thanks for fixing my ceiling. I appreciate it.”

  Charlie stood, and Eva knew him well enough to tell that he was angry. The tension in his shoulders screamed it out to her. “The next time someone calls you some shitty word, you deck them, Eva.”

  “Really? That’s your advice?” Eva rolled her eyes at him. “If I did that, I’d be out of a job as soon as that asshole manager comes over to leer at me again, and I’d be punching every other guy on the street each morning.” She shook her head. “That’s not how life works, Charlie. Fat women don’t get to be angry. We’re supposed to be funny and cheerful and oblivious.” She ducked her head down and tried to walk past him, but he caught her up in a hug again. Eva bit the inside of her cheek, hard, but it didn’t help. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Again. He smelled so damned good. And she felt safe in his arms because he was actually bigger than she was, and that was so fucking rare. God, she hated that he didn’t want her.

  “Shh. I’ve got you,” he murmured, the jerk.

  Eva wasn’t sure if she wanted to punch him or cry harder. She was angry and upset and embarrassed. And she knew she looked like shit. When she cried, her skin went blotchy and snot ran out of her nose. She was not supermodel material, that’s for sure.

  “Just go home, okay, Charlie? I’m a mess tonight.” She forced a smile. She had some pride, after all. “I’ll be fine. It was just a really bad day. It wasn’t even an actual date. The guy didn’t hang around long enough for it to be a date. He was late anyway, so I ordered mozzarella sticks, which were delicious, and now I’m home and tired and I just want to go to bed. It wasn’t all that bad of a day. Really.” She hoped he believed her because she couldn’t keep this up. She was going to die of mortification if he stayed. How much humiliation could a girl take?

  He tipped her chin up. “So you went on a blind date to help your friend, and not only did the guy bail, he insulted you after getting there late. And then you ate all by yourself, and paid for your dinner. By yourself.”

  Eva’s face burned. “Thanks a lot, Charlie. I really didn’t need a recap about how pathetic I am.” She pushed at him. How could he? Even as anger surged through her, she couldn’t help but notice how damned solid he was. Pushing him felt like pushing at a wall—hard and immovable. Except, walls are cold, inanimate objects and he’s anything but, her libido whispered to her. She flushed as her palms tingled. She pushed at him again. This was the closest she’d ever been to him aside from brief hugs here and there.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He sighed and let her go when she kept shoving at him, but he didn’t let her go far. He grasped her wrists gently. “You are not fat. You are not too tall. You are magnificent.” And he smiled. “You are one of the strongest women I know.” His thumbs rubbed circles on her pulse points.

  Eva stared at him, trying not to lose her anger. Anger made her strong. Anger made her less likely to start crying again. But of all the things he could’ve said, magnificent wasn’t what she’d expected. “I’m not strong.” She felt tears well up again, damn it all to hell. She felt tired and trembly. If he weren’t holding onto her, she would’ve collapsed already.

  He shook his head. “You are, Eva. You graduated college early. You dealt with your parents’ illnesses all by yourself. After they passed away, you found yourself a job in the city and kept on going. You keep on living and trying things and challenging the world, despite all of the shitty stuff that’s happened, and despite the awful people who keep trying to pull you down.”

  Eva chewed on her lower lip. Was this the same man who’d turned her down? “If I’m so awesome, why did you say no to me, too? I asked you for—” She broke off, hardly able to believe she was pursuing this. But if I don’t ever try, nothing will happen, she thought, taking a deep breath and continuing. “I asked you to kiss me. To teach me. I told you no one else would. And if you don’t think that was humiliating for me, you’re dumb as a rock.”

  “A rock, hmm?” Charlie grinned, but then the smile slipped away. “Eva, all my life I’ve felt like a giant. The women I’ve dated were so small and fragile, and it never worked out.”

  He would understand, and that makes it worse, Eva thought. “Then you know what I’m talking about. You know what it’s like to feel as if there’s no one who could ever fit you. You know what rejection feels like,” Eva said, aggravated all over again. “And you still said no to me.” How was this her life? Was she doomed to be forever chasing after guys who didn’t want her?

  “Because if I say yes, I wouldn’t be able to stop,” he whispered, eyes dark.

  Eva frowned. What the hell did that mean?

  “Oh, hell. Don’t look at me like that, Eva,” he said. He still hadn’t let go of her wrists. He was so hot, his hands felt like brands on her skin.

  “What do you expect? I’ve got nothing to lose, Charlie. I’ve hit rock bottom here.” Eva wished he would let her go. She wanted to bury her misery in ice cream. “Let me go. If you don’t want me, just let me go.”

  Chapter Four

  Charlie stared at her while his body warred with his mind. Her wrists were soft and warm in his hands. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her and hold her and make sure nothing ever hurt her again, but he knew if he let himself take her in his arms again, he’d be lost. If he kissed her, he’d never be able to let her go.

  “Let me make you dinner,” he said, trying to find a way to help her without breaking every last one of his rules about what you did and did not do with your best friend’s daughter. “You must be hungry if all you ate were a couple of mozzarella sticks.”

  She blinked at him, and he could see the exhaustion on her face. “Is this some sort of trick question?”

  “No,” he said immediately. He tugged on her wrists, steering her through the living room towards her bedroom. “No tricks. I cook, you eat. Why don’t you put on something more comfortable?” He nudged her into her room and stood in the doorway. “I’m not the best cook, but I think I can manage an omelet.”

  She turned. “Eggs sound good,” she said, sounding conf
used. And tired.

  Charlie hated how tired she looked. A twenty-one-year-old shouldn’t look that exhausted, but then she’d had a lot on her plate for the past four years. “Come on out to the kitchen whenever you’re ready. I’ll get started.”

  He walked away. He had to. If he’d stood there any longer, he would’ve gone into her room and stripped off her clothes and taken her to bed. There was something about a tired woman that stirred every last one of his protective instincts. And when that tired woman was Eva, well… He barely had control of himself on a good day around her, let alone one where she was hurting.

  He headed for the kitchen and raided her refrigerator. Fifteen minutes later he had all the fixings for an omelet lined up on the counter. A noise behind him had him pivoting, but it was the sight of Eva in worn, tight sweats and a baggy t-shirt that made him swallow. She’d taken him at his word and dressed comfortably. How was she to know that the sight of a woman with her hair messy and feet bare was exactly the look he most loved? That level of casual implied trust, and there was nothing sweeter than a woman who trusted her man to take care of her. Except I’m not her man, and I never will be, he thought, surprised at how much that bothered him.

  “Looks yummy, Charlie,” Eva said, still sounding subdued. She sat at the breakfast bar and propped her chin in her hands. She’d scrubbed her face clean of makeup, but it didn’t make her look one bit less desirable. Eva was all woman at any time of the day or night.

  Wait a second. Woman? She’s not a woman—she’s Phil’s daughter. She’s only—

  Charlie’s thoughts crashed to a halt. Eva was a woman. She was twenty-one years old. And after nursing her parents through their final days, no one around could claim she wasn’t an adult. He stared at her for a moment while he wrestled with himself. His gaze slipped down to her breasts. She’d taken off her bra, and all that curvy goodness loose inside her t-shirt was enough to make him lose his fucking mind. He cleared his throat. “One omelet, coming right up. Anything in particular you want in it?” He turned to the stove and began whipping two eggs in a bowl.

  “Everything you have there is good,” Eva said, looking at the veggies he’d chopped.

  Charlie prepared her dinner, concentrating on making it as perfect as possible. When had he begun to see her as a woman instead of as a girl? And what did it matter, anyway? She was still hands-off to him. He was too old. She was Phil’s daughter. He had morals. He expertly slid her eggs onto a plate, then presented it to her with a flourish. He’d already set out drinks and toast. “There you go. Perfection on a plate, if I do say so myself.”

  She snorted. “Bit of an ego there, eh?”

  “I only boast when it’s true,” Charlie said, secretly pleased he’d made her smile, even if just for a moment.

  Eva rolled her eyes at him, so Charlie grinned and made himself an omelet with the leftovers. When he sat down next to her with his food, she leaned into him. He put an arm around her shoulders without even thinking about it. She felt perfect there. Charlie fought to keep it casual, but his body knew what it wanted, and it wanted Eva. He angled his hips slightly away so she wouldn’t see his erection pressing up against the front of his jeans. Seemed like he always had a hard-on around her these days.

  “I’m so tired,” she murmured after a moment. To his relief, she’d managed to eat most of her food. “I wish I could sleep for a year.”

  “Drink up. You need hydration.” Charlie nudged her sweet tea towards her as he inhaled his food. He hadn’t stopped to eat before coming over here, and he’d put in a full day at his construction site working on the latest order. “You had a rough day.”

  “I’ve had a rough year. Years.” She drank half the glass in one go. “Why do guys suck, Charlie?” she asked in a small voice.

  He sighed as his heart lurched in his chest. He hated that she was so miserable, and he especially hated that it was because so many men were such a bunch of fucking assholes. “They don’t all suck, Eva,” he said, hoping she believed him. She needed a bit of positivity right now. “You’ve just been unlucky enough to meet only the idiots.”

  “The idiots are loud and obnoxious. And there are a lot of them,” she said pointedly, sounding a bit more like herself.

  Charlie chuckled. “True.” He finished his dinner and watched Eva play with the last few bites of her food. He could tell she felt better, but he also knew she didn’t really want to feel better. And I don’t blame her. Being angry is sometimes the only way to get through a rough time.

  “Why won’t you at least kiss me?” Eva asked suddenly, turning her head to look at him. Her hazel eyes shone green in the setting sunlight slanting through the kitchen window.

  Fuck. Charlie went still. Her gaze felt like it had pierced through to his soul. “Because I’m too old for you, Eva. And you’re my best friend’s daughter.” He tried, God help him, but he couldn’t keep himself from looking at her mouth. She had the most kissable lips he’d ever seen on a woman. And the most startling, soft hair. And amazing skin. And he couldn’t forget her brains. Stop it, he admonished himself, forcing his gaze up to her eyes.

  “My dad died over two years ago. Your best friend is dead,” Eva said softly. She was no longer crying. She looked like a woman who knew her allure, no matter how strongly she denied it. “And I’m no longer a little girl.”

  Charlie swallowed against the lump in his throat. How could a man feel grief and lust at the same time? Phil would kill him if he were alive to know what Charlie was thinking about Eva, his little girl, wouldn’t he? The daughter he’d never expected to have. Phil had loved her with all his heart. Charlie had to respect that. “Eva—” he began, but she cut him off.

  “No.” She stood up and pushed her plate away from her. “Forget it. I’m done asking. I don’t want a pity kiss, and I’m tired of arguing with you.” Eva frowned, then kneaded her forehead with her thumbs. “I’m sick of begging for crumbs. I deserve better. You know the way out, Charlie.” She pivoted on her heels and strode to her room.

  Charlie watched her for a split second, then rushed after her. He knew he’d regret this even before he started moving, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He wanted her with a desperation that made no sense. He tried to tell himself that he hadn’t even thought of her in a sexual way until she’d asked him to sleep with her, but that was a lie. Even so, it felt as if that request had opened wide a door in his mind and his body, and now all he could think about was her. Eva. Her curvy body and sassy mouth were made for sex, and he knew she’d be so damned tight and wet and hot… He caught her arm just beneath the elbow and spun her around right before she entered her room. The tiny hallway where they stood felt like it had run out of air. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. “You’re playing with fire, Eva. When you do that, you get burned.”

  She laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound “You’re spouting clichés, Charlie. Go home.”

  Instead of listening, he pressed her up against the wall. She didn’t resist. “I’m too old for you,” he bit out, even as he leaned in. “You deserve better.” Even as he spoke, he sighed at the feel of her against him. Her body fit his perfectly in all the right places: thighs against his, belly against his cock, breasts against his chest. He’d never had the pleasure of holding a woman this tall and strong and curvy, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forget how Eva felt. He just barely kept himself from grinding his erection into her delicious softness.

  What are you doing? This is Phil’s daughter, he told himself, but he didn’t let go. He couldn’t let go. Just let me hold her for a minute. Just for a second, and then I’ll be good. I promise, he swore mentally, to no one at all. He couldn’t even fool himself at this point.

  “How old are you?” she asked, eyes glittering defiantly. She wasn’t the least bit intimidated by him. It was a shocking turn-on. Women had always found him just a bit overwhelming. The fact that she didn’t… His thoughts ran off into a jumble of arousal and need.

  “Y
ou’re always saying you’re too old for me. How old are you exactly?” Eva asked.

  “What?” Charlie asked, trying to make sense of her question. He glowered down at her, but thank God she didn’t look frightened. Charlie’d had to deal with that more than once in his life when he got up close and personal with a woman, and he hated it. He hated that his size intimidated women. But not Eva, a tiny voice whispered in the back of his head.

  “I mean, I know you’re younger than Dad was,” she continued as if he wasn’t looming over her. “But how much younger? Wasn’t your older brother friends with him first?”

  Charlie frowned down at her as his brain finally figured out what she was asking. Why did she want to know this now? “Yeah, he was, before my brother Frankie died, but it doesn’t matter. I’m still too old for you.”

  She looked at him for a long moment, making no effort to get away. “Then what are you doing, Charlie?” she finally asked, in a voice so soft it sent shivers down his spine. “What are you doing here with me?” She emphasized her words with the slightest wiggle of her hips against his erection.

  Charlie growled inarticulately under his breath. He had no answer for her. Instead of even trying to organize his thoughts and put them into words, he blew out a breath. Eva looked up at him, rumpled and sweet and so alluring he couldn’t think at all anymore. He gave up wrestling with his mind and conscience and leaned in to press his mouth to hers. She gasped, and he swept his tongue along her lower lip. She tasted like salt and sweet tea and woman. She tasted like home.

  I’m so fucked, he thought, but he didn’t stop. He just kissed her again.

  ****

  Eva gasped as Charlie’s lips met hers. He felt big and strong and so fucking hot she could barely think before he kissed her, but now her brain went nuclear—sparks in all directions. She mindlessly scrabbled at his arms and sank her fingers into his shoulders. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t stop or push her away. He took everything she threw at him like a solid wall of awesomeness.