by Marie Force
“You’re tired, baby.” He kissed her. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
Her eyes closed. “I want to talk about it now.”
“The heat’s back on. Do you want to sleep in a real bed or stay here?”
“Here. With you.”
He kicked off the sweats and slid in next to her. “I’m here.”
She took his hand and pulled his arm tight around her.
“Susie?”
“Mmm.”
“I love you.” He kissed her shoulder and then her cheek. “I missed you so much.”
“Mmm. Me, too.”
Chapter 11
Ryan held her close while she slept and was hopeful they had taken a big step back to each other. Having her warm and soft and naked in his arms was like a dream come true. How many nights had he fantasized about being with her like this again? They had covered a lot of ground and righted a lot of wrongs, but was it enough? When they got back to the real world, would it be enough to keep her from leaving? He didn’t know what else he could do or say to convince her their marriage would be different this time.
She had given herself to him so completely earlier and rendered him, as she always had, helpless. He’d never understood how one woman could have such power over him. Susannah had been right when she said other women were forever coming on to him, but none of them appealed to him the way she had from the first time he had spotted her at the Purple Porpoise in Gainesville. After that, it had taken him two days—and all his campus clout—to track her down. He could still remember the look on her face when she opened her dorm room door to find him there.
That she’d really had no idea who he was or what he meant to the university had utterly charmed him. He was beginning his senior year, and by then he had grown weary of his own buzz. She’d had a refreshing way even then of bringing him soundly back to earth by refusing to buy into all the hoopla that went with dating the biggest man on a big campus.
She grounded him. She had then, and she had in all the years that followed in the NFL. Without her around to remind him he was nothing more than an ordinary mortal with an extraordinary arm, he would’ve become completely insufferable rather than just somewhat insufferable. He chuckled softly to himself when he recalled arriving home after he won his first Super Bowl. They had walked into the house, and she’d said, “Ew, something stinks. Figure out what it is, will you, Ry?” No, his big win wasn’t going to his head with her around to remind him he was just a guy with something stinky in his house.
He shifted to relieve the ache in his ribs and ended up with a handful of soft breast that made him want her all over again. But rather than disturb her, he pressed his lips to her back and shoulder. Closing his eyes, he finally drifted off to sleep but kept his hand right where it was.
When Susannah awakened after ten that morning, Ryan was wrapped around her and sharing her pillow. She remembered teasing him on many a morning about sleeping in a king-sized bed but having to share a pillow with him. “I get lonely over there without you,” he would say with his child-like pout. Placing her hand over his on her breast, she lay still for a long time reveling in the feelings he aroused in her—feelings she now knew had only lain dormant during their long year apart. Despite what she’d tried to tell herself, they hadn’t disappeared.
As she gently extricated herself from Ryan’s embrace, the one thing she knew for sure was she couldn’t think clearly when she was naked and in bed with him. Reaching for her nightgown, she slipped it over her head and pulled on her socks. The fire had died down, but the room was warm from the heat. She padded to the kitchen to make coffee before she went into the bathroom. After she had brushed her teeth and done what she could with her hair, she examined her reflection in the mirror. Her lips were swollen and almost bruised, and her cheeks were flushed with color. “You look like you’ve been making mad love,” she whispered. With a giggle, she added, “Is there any other kind with Ryan?” He made love the same way he lived—with everything he had, which was why she was sore and achy in some interesting places today.
On her way back to the kitchen, she stopped to look at him sprawled out in their bed on the floor. The covers had slipped to his waist, giving her a panoramic view of his injured ribs. She winced when she imagined the pain he must have been in when it first happened. I should’ve been there with him, but part of me is glad I wasn’t. Watching him get hurt playing football had been one of the most difficult parts of a difficult marriage.
He sure is handsome, she sighed, thinking as she often had that the word “handsome” didn’t begin to describe him. She had never fully gotten over her awe at being picked out of the crowd by a man who could’ve had any woman he wanted. Over the years, she had made an effort not to let him see her awe because keeping him humble was a big enough job as it was.
She poured herself a cup of coffee and took it with her to look out at the shiny, white morning. The sun was back, and all signs of the storm were gone. The town appeared to have been frosted by the snow, and the mountain was littered with tiny dots—skiers taking advantage of the fresh powder. If he had been healthy, Ryan might’ve been up there with them. Or maybe this new Ryan would’ve stayed home with her and enjoyed some precious time alone.
As she stood there daydreaming, she remembered another morning in that very spot, the morning she had felt Justin move inside her for the first time. The memory had Susannah unconsciously reaching for her belly where her baby boy had once lived. The grief and emptiness still struck at odd times, like now when she hadn’t even been thinking about him. She’d been comforted yesterday to hear that Ryan thought of him often, too. Somehow, knowing that made her feel less alone with her loss.
Ryan startled her when he came up behind her and kissed her neck. “You were a million miles away. What were you thinking about?”
“Justin,” she said without hesitation.
Wrapping his arms around her from behind, Ryan held her close to him. “What about him?”
“I was standing right here the first time I ever felt him move. Remember?”
“How could I forget? You were screaming and yelling for me to come. You scared the crap out of me.”
Susannah smiled, and all at once the memory was a happy one. She turned to him and wasn’t surprised to find him still naked and on his way to being aroused. Turning her eyes up to his, she said, “Before yesterday I wouldn’t have told you I was thinking about him. I would’ve said I was thinking about nothing or made up something else. I was sad just now, but sharing it with you made me feel better. That’s what I should’ve done all along, and I’m sorry I didn’t. I’m sorry if I made you feel like it wasn’t your loss, too.”
He caressed her face. “It’s in the past now. We have only good things ahead of us.” Wiggling his eyebrows, he added, “Maybe we made a new baby last night.”
“After what we went through to get pregnant the first time, I doubt it.” She cringed at the memory of ovulation kits, thermometers, and invasive tests that found nothing at all wrong with either of them. “Lightning might not strike twice.”
“My boys were very well rested,” he said with that grin of his.
Susannah’s stomach twisted at the thought. “God, it didn’t even occur to me to use protection because we had such trouble before. Wouldn’t that be just my luck?”
His smile faded. “Wouldn’t it just?”
“Don’t be offended. I’m just saying, the timing would stink.”
“With Mommy being engaged to another man and all that.”
Looping her arms up around his neck, she brought him down for a kiss. At first he resisted, but she worked on him until he acquiesced.
“Do you like knowing you can have me any time you want me?” he asked with a fierce look in his usually soft brown eyes.
Full of her own power, she met his intense gaze with one of her own. “Yes.” Without looking away, she let her hands slide down his chest to grasp his throbbing erection. She stroked him th
e way she knew he liked it—hard and fast.
He hissed as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back.
She kept up the quick movements of her hands until he was rock hard and breathing heavily.
He backed her up to the kitchen table. “Right here?”
Susannah could tell she surprised him when she said, “Why not?”
He pushed her nightgown up to her waist and buried his fingers in her. The sound and feel of her wetness seemed to fire his already ferocious mood. “Now, Susie. Right now.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“What about protection?” he asked at the last possible moment.
“I’ll take my chances.”
All her earlier aches and pains were forgotten when he entered her. The thrusts of his tongue into her mouth mirrored the almost angry thrusts of his hips. She had pushed him to some sort of breaking point, but rather than being frightened by his furious possession she was exhilarated by it. She hooked her legs over his hips to take him deeper, and he slapped against her.
A groan rumbled through him, and he pulled furiously at the front of her nightgown. Buttons popped off, giving him the access he craved. He caught her nipple between two fingers, and still he kissed her with deep, passionate strokes of his tongue that alone would have left her weak. The combination sent her into a soaring climax.
He tore his mouth free of hers and cried out a moment after her. Breathing hard, he collapsed on top of her and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry,” he said when he could speak again.
Her fingers tunneled into his hair as she kissed away beads of sweat on his forehead. “For?”
“Acting like a mad man,” he said, still breathing hard.
When he began to withdraw from her, she held him tighter with her legs. “Why? I liked it.”
He lifted his head to look at her. “I’ve never treated you like that before.”
“You could have. I’m not fragile.”
“After all these years that you could still surprise me...”
“Right back at you.”
They locked eyes for a long, breathless moment before he lowered his head and swept his lips over hers with all the gentle care his earlier kisses had lacked. He nipped and licked and worshiped every corner of her mouth, growing hard again in the process. “Susie,” he whispered as he began to move his hips with a slow, aching patience. “You kill me.” He lifted her and tugged the nightgown over her head so he could nuzzle her breasts. “You make me feel weak and strong at the same time.”
He managed to put into words everything she felt for him. “Ry,” she gasped when he drew on her nipple. She clutched his head to her chest, wanting him like it was their first time all over again. Maybe it was. Maybe what she’d once declared over was being reborn in that very moment. Just maybe. If the pounding of her heart and the tightening sensation in her belly were any indication, this relationship was very much alive.
“Come for me, Susie,” he whispered. “I want to watch you.”
Since she was already teetering on the edge, his words sent her toppling over. Watching her was all he needed to go with her.
Tears sparkled in his eyes when he kissed her softly. “I’ve never loved you more than I do right now.”
“And I’ve never felt more loved by you. I could very easily drown in it.”
“I’d save you,” he said with another soft kiss.
“I’ll never look at this table the same way again,” she joked.
He smiled. “Why haven’t we ever done this before?”
“I don’t know,” she said as he helped her up. “Maybe because there’s something slightly depraved about doing it on the kitchen table?”
“If that was depraved, I gotta say I like it.” He stopped her when she reached for her nightgown. “Let’s take a shower.”
She followed him to the huge master bedroom and came to a halt in the doorway when she saw he had rearranged the room.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
“It’s different.”
“I had to do something to shake things up around here. I had no clue what it would be like to be here without you. There was many a day when I wished I had just given it to you or sold it.”
“It looks good,” she decided, moved by his words and feeling more for him with every passing moment. She conceded she would soon reach a point of no return—if she hadn’t already—when any further talk of a life without him would be pointless.
He held out a hand to her and led her into the spacious, sky-lit bathroom where everything of hers was just as she’d left it. They stepped into the steaming shower. When she wrapped her arms around him from behind he flinched.
“What is it?”
“The heart attack seems to be back,” he said with a grimace, running a hand over his injured side.
“No more mad sex for you. You’re injured.”
“Shoot me now and put me out of my misery if you’re going to cut me off.” The grin he sent her over his shoulder was lascivious, but his eyes gave away the pain he was in. “I’ll just have to let you do all the work until I’m recovered.”
“I think that can be arranged,” she said as she soaped his back and kneaded his muscular shoulders.
He propped a hand on the wall of the shower and dropped his head to his chest. “Feels good.”
“These bruises seem to be getting more evil looking rather than better.”
“At least my gorgeous face looks better today.”
“Yes, it does.”
He turned to her. “What’s this? No witty, ego-deflating comeback? You disappoint me.”
“It is a gorgeous face.” She reached up to caress it. “Easily the most gorgeous face I’ve ever seen.”
“Now you’re just scaring me, darlin’.”
He looked so genuinely concerned that she burst into laughter. “Am I that mean?”
“Usually,” he said without hesitation. “But that’s okay. I can take it. I know you love me.”
“When we were together, before, did I ever tell you what I really thought of you?”
“Now and then, but not with words. Sometimes it would be a look, or a touch, or a sigh at just the right moment. Don’t worry. I knew.”
“I used to look at you when you were sleeping—I did it just this morning, in fact—and wonder what it was about me that made such an amazing, sexy, devastatingly handsome man want me over all the others.”
The cocky grin was back when he said, “Devastating, huh?”
She smacked his shoulder. “Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Too late.” He leaned in for a kiss. “Do you really want to know what it was about you?”
She nodded.
“I’m glad you asked because I’d love to tell you.” He trailed kisses over her neck. “The very first thing was your incredible blue eyes. It was like wham, a punch to my stomach when you first looked at me. You were sitting there, so pretty and prim, surrounded by all your girls.”
“Prim?” she asked, raising a haughty eyebrow.
He nodded as he worked shampoo through her hair. “After I recovered from the punch to the gut and hunted you down, the next thing was you didn’t have any idea who I was, and when you found out, you didn’t really give a shit. I liked that, believe it or not. I was so sick of chicks sucking up to me because I played football.”
“Oh, poor baby,” she said, mimicking his drawl.
“Whew. You’re back. There was this other Susie here a minute ago, and she was really nice to me. She scared the shit out of me.”
She laughed. “They locked her back up in the loony bin.”
“Good, because there’s only one Susie for me—the one who calls me on my crap and doesn’t let me get away with jack shit. That’s the Susie I need. That’s the Susie I’ve missed coming home to over the last year.” He kissed her. “And that’s the Susie who’s going to leave a gaping hole in my heart and my life if she doesn’t give me another chan
ce.”
“Ry,” she sighed, smoothing her soapy hands over his chest.
He tipped her chin up so he could see her face. “What do you say, Susie? Can we try again? If you want me to beg, I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to show you I’ve changed. I’m not the same guy I was a year ago.”
“I know. I can see that.”
He brightened. “Is that a yes?”
“I want so much to believe it could be better.”
“It would be better. I promise you.”
“I just need some more time. There’s so much to consider.”
“You mean Henry,” he said with a flash of anger as he turned off the water.
“Among other things.”
He stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and handed another to her. “Take all the time you need, but just remember—we’re due back in court in six days. So think fast.” Turning on his heel, he walked out of the bathroom and into the large walk-in closet, closing the door behind him.
With a deep sigh over the pain she was causing him, Susannah went to the guestroom and got dressed. She reached into her purse for her hairbrush and grabbed her cell phone instead. With a guilty glance over her shoulder, she turned on the phone, and it went wild beeping with messages.
Dialing into voicemail, she discovered six new messages. The first four were from Henry. “Susannah, I’m sorry about the way we left things. I know none of this is your fault. Call me when you can. I love you.” She winced as she erased the message and listened to the next one. “I thought I would’ve heard from you by now. Call me.” The third one said, “Are you trying to punish me? If you are, it’s working.” The last one gave her a stomachache. “Don’t sleep with him, Susannah,” he pleaded. “Please don’t sleep with him. I think I could forgive anything but that.”
The next message was from her sister. “You need to call Henry, Susannah. What you’re doing is so unfair. Are you sleeping with that man? Don’t be weak. Do you hear me? Remember what he’s capable of. Remember how he left you after you lost the baby to go play football. Remember that, Susannah.”