Today's Edition
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riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Reconciliation is a wonderful concept, as it embodies the spirit of compassion and understanding underpinning our society. Having said that, it is important to remember there can never be any reconciliation whatsoever with a traitor. Once a traitor, always a traitor. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
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And now for some public service announcements.
Yasmin Amarantos, the accomplished investigative journalist known for (among other things) that classic fifteen episode documentary, “One Hundred Things To Do Before Graduation”, will be interviewing random citizens in I sector during the next weekstretch. Don't be put off by the bright lights, cameras, or the heavily armed contingent of security guards! Remember to answer all of citizen Yasmin's questions openly and honestly. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors.
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The Color of the Patriot is blackout.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition (TM), the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A previously undisclosed investigation by Human Resources into the quality of the personnel at the correctional facilities under its jurisdiction has revealed a bleak pattern of neglect and abuse. The Bunker's prisons are a holding place for citizens whose crimes pose no serious threat to the continued existence of our utopia and whose wellbeing is therefore still valued. Common infractions punishable by temporary confinement and reeducation are drunken and disorderly conduct, certain violations of the General Guidelines on Sanitation and Hygiene, or being the twenty-sixth person standing in a queue. The report assigns most of the blame to the private firm in control of daily operations at our prisons, Justice For All, Inc (TM). Additional details will be related as they become available.
In other news, an exciting trend has been sweeping through the Lower Quarters of virtually every sector. As everyone knows, cologne is marketed and sold to men, whereas women wear perfume. But why? Well, what started as a consequence for losing a friendly bet has turned into all the rage. What are we talking about? Men wearing perfume! You might have picked up on the scent in our corridors or even tried it out yourself. And why not? Breaking gender roles is a tradition the Bunker is proud of. Beyond providing a job, nutrition, and security to each and every one of its citizens, the Bunker is also a place for all of us to get to know and express ourselves. What about you, ladies? Ready to try on some cologne?
And now a word from our sponsors.
You look like someone who appreciates a good story. As you already know, Today's Edition (TM) has been sold once again and is now in the good care of Savanna Publishing, Ltd (TM). As you doubtlessly also know, reporting the news costs money. Lots and lots of money. At the same time, managements appreciates the importance to society of making this information available to everyone. That's why Today's Edition (TM) can still be read free of charge for a slightly higher nominal fee than you were already paying. But if you really want to know what's going on, you'll be interested in our premium service. Published each daystretch, every installment contains more of everything you've come to expect from Today's Edition (TM): more stories, more in-depth analysis, and more information about the Bunker's best and most innovative private firms and their products. Sign up today!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Possession of firearms of any sort requires an Epsilon clearance or higher. But what if in the course of our daily lives we chance upon one lying abandoned in the back of a closet or lost under someone's desk? Remember, citizen, it is not your responsibility to retrieve the weapon in question. Leave it where it is and report its location immediately to someone from Homeland Security. Firearms are restricted to persons with a security clearance for a reason. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The Ronald W. Reagan Plaza Q-7 sector has been selected as the venue for the upcoming Race To The Top! Climbers who aspire to scale the dome can register on X.net. Also, a new bank of lifts has been installed at the Theodore Anthony Nugent Building R-8 sector. The stairwells will therefore be reclaimed for additional office space.
And now a word from our sponsors.
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The Color of the Patriot is fuchsia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition (TM), the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Recently, the leaders of the Bunker's chief conglomerates – Control, Human Resources, Defense, Procurement, Developmental Engineering, Housing and Construction, Production and Logistics, Homeland Security, and Central Management – as well as representatives from the military and the major trade and recreational associations gathered at the palatial James Henry Hammond Complex W-2 sector to discuss the state of the economy. Held at irregular intervals under the tightest of security, this top-secret gathering of Alphas from every corner of the economy is responsible for assessing progress in the context of Control's general guidelines and deciding on concrete steps for the next stage of economic development. A communiqué issued by the group shortly after its conclusion states that the threats facing our paternalistic utopia have never before been greater. Even more terrorism is expected in the coming weekstretches. Citizens are expected to be vigilant. A full summary of their findings has been placed on X.net.
And now a word from our sponsors.
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In other news, a fire is currently sweeping through a warehouse in an industrial district in V-10 sector. The cause has not yet been identified, but firefighters from Defense now have the flames and air quality under control. The warehouse – owned and operated by P&L – is known to contain harmless asbestos fibers as well as stockpiles of friendly bromine monochloride, hydrogen sulfide, and sulfur tetraflouride. Although the occasional violent explosion can be observed from the safety of the corridor outside, the only hazard to ordinary citizens going about their business is the jolt caused by the sudden noise. Traf
fic through V-10 sector, although slightly impeded, is proceeding smoothly.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Control is the ultimate source of wisdom in the Bunker. Some citizens, however, defer to the nefarious God and Freedom Church. Although its adherents profess to hate terrorists with a zeal rivaling that of genuinely loyal citizens, this God character of theirs is not to be trusted. Known on Earth for the ruthless fanaticism of its devotees, God was powerless to prevent the inevitable apocalypse that unfolded there. The God and Freedom Church is illegal. Its members are traitors and will be treated accordingly. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
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