True Blue

by Connie Bailey

  “It’s not locked, Peyn.” Peyton turned the knob and came into the room. As he’d expected, Blue was on his bed, back to the wall, his face lit by the glow of his laptop. Peyton brought the bottle out from behind his back. “I have here a very fancy red wine that somehow didn’t get opened with the rest of the case.” Peyton switched on a lamp and prowled around until he found two plastic cups. Taking a corkscrew from his pocket, he opened the wine and poured. “Here,” he said, offering a cup to Blue. “Take two of these with bed rest and you’ll feel better.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Bullshit. I know you a little. I know that look on your face.”

  “I’d kind of like to be alone.”

  “I don’t think so. I think that’s the last thing you want. Drink up and tell your wicked Uncle Peyn all about it. I might not be able to help, but I’ll help you heap abuse on who or whatever.”

  Blue took a sip of the wine. “Got anything to eat?”

  Peyton pulled a plastic bag of cheese cubes from his right pocket and tossed it to Blue. “Do I know you or what?”

  “A little.”

  “So…what are you perving on?”

  Blue closed the laptop. “Nothing.”

  “Good. Then I’m not interrupting.”

  Blue nibbled a piece of cheese and took a big drink of the wine. “What’s wrong with me?”

  “Not a whole lot. You want unconditional love, but that’s not very realistic and so you get disappointed. Only our mothers ever love us like that, and we spend the rest of our lives chasing it.”

  “Psychobabble.”

  “Yeah, but I really don’t think you’re any more screwed up than anyone else.”

  “Thanks.” Blue scooted back and leaned against the wall. “How did I get here?” he asked as he held out his cup for more wine.

  “This is where your parents wanted you to go?” “No. I mean…at the end of the summer, I knew who I was. Now, I have no idea. I’ve done and said things that I never thought I would. I’ve got two guys who claim they’ll do anything to be with me. Me. A scrawny, snarky space case being chased by two guys.”

  “You forgot to mention that the guys are totally hot.”

  “Sadly, that is a factor. Now I feel shallow.”

  “Well, you’re not.” Peyton pushed his luck and moved from the chair to the bed. He settled next to Blue and propped the bottle between his legs. “You’re the best person I know.”

  “Someone else said something like that to me not long ago. I told him he probably didn’t know many people.”

  Astor rolled his eyes. “Tell me what happened tonight.”

  “More wine.” Blue held out his cup as he popped another cube of cheese into his mouth. “You don’t have any chocolate, do you?”

  “Oh, crap.” Peyton reached into his left pocket. “It’s a little melty.”

  “I’ll lick it off the wrapper. Hand it over.”

  “Leave me a couple of fingers,” Peyton said as Blue grabbed the candy. “So does your mood have anything to do with Case declaring his undying love in the theater?”

  “That shook me, but it was just a warm-up compared to Astor’s surprise. He’s getting married.”

  Peyton almost spilled his wine as his head swung toward Blue. “What?”

  “Not tomorrow, but someday. His mom already has the bride picked out. She’ll make pretty babies.”

  “I’m flabbergasted.” “It’s the timing that’s killing me. Over Christmas, he told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that he’d never be one of those pathetic gay men that get married and sneak around. And less than a month later, I find out he’s practically engaged.”

  “I’m sorry. I really am.”

  “I’m just staggered, you know. I believed him and the hell of it is that I still do. He doesn’t really want to get married. He’s doing this for his family and he’s going to be miserable for the rest of his life.”

  “So you can’t even hate him.” Blue shook his head and a teardrop fell to darken a spot on his trousers. Peyton set his cup on the floor and put his arm around his friend. He took Blue’s empty cup and put it down, pulling Blue’s head to his shoulder. Blue let the tears fall, but he stayed composed. “Thanks for coming to check on me.”

  “I care. It’s my curse,” Peyton said airily. Blue lay down and put his head in Peyton’s lap, staring at the toes of his high-tops. “All I want is a barbarian warrior prince who’ll appear on his flying stallion and take me captive to serve his pleasure. Is that too much to ask?”

  “My dream man’s an international jewel thief who wears skintight black outfits when he’s working and gambles in a tux at Monte Carlo when he’s not. Does yours have a big sword?”

  Blue smiled. “I can always count on you to bring it back home.”

  “As if you’re not as big a horn dog as I am.”

  “Once I started having sex, I went a little overboard, huh?”

  “I wouldn’t say that. I’d say you’re pretty normal for an eighteen-year-old boy, especially considering you’re a late bloomer.”

  “Did you just call me normal?”

  “I take it back.”

  “Good. I’m really not in the mood to kick your ass.”

  “So what were they like?”

  “What was who like?”

  “Case and Aldrich. How do they measure up in the sack?”

  “I’m not going to give you a blow-by-blow, but I have no complaints about either.”

  “Bor…ring. I’d tell you.”

  “I wouldn’t listen.”

  “Boring times infinity.”

  “Yes, I’m boring and I’m tired.” Blue sat up. “Thanks, Peyton. I appreciate the shoulder.”

  “That sounds like goodbye.” Peyton stood up and tousled Blue’s hair.

  “See you tomorrow,” Blue said, as Peyton went to the door.

  “One thing’s for sure; play practice won’t be boring.” Peyton shut the door on Blue’s groan. Chapter 14

  Playpractice was anything but boring, but not due to any drama between any of the players. All the drama came from Peyton’s script. The actors were excited to be performing something written by a peer. The language was current and the invented slang was fresh. Buckley Caldwell and his part-time assistants had started on the costumes and everyone loved the uneasy combination of distressed prep school uniforms and fur. Buckley’s partner Carrington Foster was able to use makeup to suggest a blend of human and beast without using any rubber noses, and Blue gave him the Web address of a company that made inexpensive sets of fangs that didn’t look cheap.

  There was only one set, divided into sections that filled the stage with a bizarre tangle of elements both futuristic and primitive. The eye would light on a structure that seemed familiar, but it had been twisted, or truncated, or had disparate items attached that rendered it alien, creating in the viewer a sense of vague anxiety.

  Peyton in director mode was demanding, but extremely pleased with how everything was coming together and his mood permeated the cast and crew. Mr. McIntyre sat back and basked in the glow of knowing he’d taught his pupils well. His main contribution was a brief conversation with Avery Aldrich, head of the board of trustees, in which he illustrated the unfairness of the board’s intention to prohibit the staging of Menagerie .

  Each day after the Founder’s Party, Astor managed to corner Blue, speaking sincerely and at length in a determined effort to change Blue’s mind. Blue told Astor at the outset that nothing he could say would alter the fact that what he proposed was deceitful. The lies they would have to tell were too much to pay.

  Astor knew this as well as Blue and yet was willing to lock himself in that closet. It was a brick wall between them that neither could see through and it grew thicker each day. Blue resumed his habit of hanging out in anime chat rooms, staying online for hours with role-players from the UK, Japan, and Australia. When his eyes began to burn, he closed the laptop and often went
outside to let the cold and the mindless rhythm of walking clear his head. Memories kept him from the lakeside path that led past The Monks, but one morning around five, he got tired of being herded by the past and took the downward trail. He could smell water and hear the lapping of wavelets on the shingle when he became aware of another sound. Running footsteps kept a muffled beat, growing louder as the jogger approached. Blue almost stepped into the trees, but at this time of year, they gave little cover.

  Heydn stopped in his tracks when he saw Blue. “Hey,” he said, exhaling a cloud of warm breath.

  Blue nodded and started to walk around the other young man.

  “Are you in a hurry?”

  Blue shook his head.

  “Could we talk for a minute?”

  “I’m sick of talking.” Blue was standing close enough that it was easy for Heydn to take him by the shoulders and kiss him soundly. Taken completely by surprise, Blue stood quiescent as Heydn tenderly melded their mouths together, pouring all his longing into the caress. When Blue put a hand on Heydn’s chest and pushed, Heydn let go of him instantly.

  “Sorry,” he said. “That was pretty stupid, huh? But when you said you were sick of talking, it just popped into my head and I did it.”

  Blue stared at Heydn, his lips parted, breathing in small puffs. Without warning, he took Heydn’s head in his hands and pressed their lips together hard. Heydn tasted blood when Blue flung away from him. “Ow,” Heydn said.

  “Now we’re even.”

  “Does that mean if I grab your dick, you’ll be compelled to grab mine, and so on?”

  “Get out of my way.”

  “I’m not in your way.”

  “The hell you aren’t.” Blue licked his lips, still tingling from Heydn’s kiss. “No matter where I go, or what I do, you’re there in front of me.”

  “You mean that?”

  Blue nodded.

  “Oh, man! I thought you hated me, that you couldn’t ever love me again.”

  “I love you, Heydn.”

  Heydn’s eyes sparkled in the gloom. “You don’t know what that means to me. I never thought we’d ever be able to…”

  “Easy,” Blue said softly. “Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m taking you back.”

  “Oh…. I thought maybe…. God, how stupid can one man be?”

  “I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you bought into something and forgot who you were.”

  “Don’t worry; I’ve been reminded.”

  There was silence until Blue broke it with a question. “I heard you quit the track team. Why are you out running at this forsaken hour?”

  Heydn shrugged. “I like to run.”

  “It must have been hard for you to quit.”

  “It woulda been harder to stay.”

  Blue was curious in spite of himself. “What happened?” “I started noticing things about my new friends that bothered me, but I ignored them. Maybe rationalized would be a better word. Anyway, I heard some rumors that were circulating about me and I assumed that Peyton was the one spreading them. I told Allerton about it, which made me feel like the biggest fool in the world when I found out by chance that it was him who started the rumors. If I hadn’t run into that chick Clarissa at Christmas, I’d probably still be walking around at the end of Allie’s leash.”

  “You got fooled. Happens to everyone.” “Yeah, but it sure cost me.”

  “Pain is the price of wisdom, according to some guy in Humanities class.”

  “Does it have to hurt this much?”

  “I’m…I’m sorry you lost your chance at a scholarship.”

  Heydn laughed. “Do you really think I give a shit about that anymore? College? It’d be just another place where you aren’t. I’m not makin’ sense.”

  “Don’t make me the reason you give up on your dream.”

  “But you give the dream meanin’, don’t you get that? Without you to share it, it’s nothin’.”

  Blue put his hands under the earflaps of his knitted hat. “I can’t hear any more of this.”

  “Want a doughnut?”

  “Do youhave a doughnut?”

  “Oh, so now you can hear me. No, I don’t have one, but if we hightail it to the bus stop, we can be at the diner in about fifteen minutes.”

  “I hate Acton’s ‘no student vehicles’ policy.”

  “I think everybody does. So, do you want to go?”

  Blue thought for a minute. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “It’s just coffee and doughnuts.”

  “I know. Last one there buys.”

  Heydn sprinted away, leaving Blue staring after him. Blue shook his head at his own idiocy and ran after the other young man, intensely annoyed that he couldn’t keep his gaze from Heydn’s perfect ass.

  “SoI have to hear from the grapevine that you’re going with Heydn Case again?” Blue looked at Astor in the mirror, his face made up to resemble a fox’s impish features. He glanced to the side, but Carrington was at the far end of the room helping Buckles glue points on Rhodes’ ears. “I’m not going with Heydn.”

  “Then why are you with him all the time?”

  “I’m not. I spend just as much time with Peyton, but even if I was, it has nothing to do with you.”

  “It’s not like you to be mean, Blue.”

  Blue turned in his chair and stared at Astor until the other young man dropped his eyes. “I miss you,” Astor said in a quieter voice.

  “I miss you, too. There’s a big hole in my life where you used to be.”

  “Take me back.”

  “Tell your mom you can’t get married.” Astor’s jawline hardened as he gritted his teeth. Taking a nebulizer from his pocket, he put it in his mouth and squeezed. He breathed deeply and after a moment, the pinched look of his features relaxed a little. However, his relief was short-lived.

  “Blue,” Heydn said, as he plopped down in the chair next to Blue. “Guess what’s on the Sci-Fi channel tonight.”

  “Hi, Heydn,” Blue said, looking at his reflection.

  “Kamakura Kazui’sSinbad . It’s not available on DVD, and I’ve been waiting for a chance to get some kind of copy.”

  “I’ll capture it for you. No problem.”

  “I thought you’d be more excited. You love that movie. It has that badass CGI flying horse.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe a guy on a flying horse just doesn’t thrill me anymore.”

  “You’re crazy. It’d be the coolest thing ever to have a horse with wings.”

  “Do you have any idea how large the wings would have to be to get an animal the size of a horse off the ground?” Astor asked.

  “Really, really large?” Heydn guessed.

  “No, they’d have to be really, really,reallylarge,” Astor replied.

  “Oh, so roughly a wingspan about as wide as my dick is long?” Blue snickered; he couldn’t help it. Looking wounded, Astor opened his mouth to retort when Peyton came in. The director announced that he wanted all actors and crew out front in ten minutes and sent Buckley and Carrington into a tizzy. When everyone was gathered, Peyton had them sit in the audience while he took the stage.

  “I got a note today,” Peyton said, holding a crumpled piece of notebook paper up for all to see. “It’s not signed, unless ‘death to fags’ is a name. The writer, using some rather creative spelling choices on the harder words, wants me to know what will happen if I don’t stop spreading my queerness around. He includes everyone in the Drama Club, by the way. Apparently, if you’re in the theater, it automatically makes you gay. Don’t laugh. The person that wrote this is not funny. He’s scary.”

  “Oh, come on,” Rhodes said. “He wrote a note. All bark and no bite.”

  “The Saturday Killer wrote notes,” Blue said. “You’re not comparing this jackass with a serial killer, are you?”

  “Crazy is crazy, regardless of degree.”

  “You’re the expert.”

  Blue smiled at Rhodes. “Now you’re getting a c
lue.”

  “Eyes front,” Peyton said loudly. “I’m telling all of you about the threats because you have a right to know. If anyone wants to drop out of the production, he can go to Mr. McIntyre’s office and tell him.”

  “This is just a lot of melodrama,” Rhodes said. “I’m not quitting.”

  “Thank you, Rhodes,” Peyton said dryly. “All right, everyone. Take five and we’ll get started.”

  Heydn leaned forward in his chair behind Blue’s, interposing himself between Blue and Astor. “I’ve got a pretty good idea who’s writing love letters to Peyn,” he said.

  “I’m sure Peyton does too,” Blue answered.

  “Think he’ll tell anyone on the faculty?”

  “Of course he will,” Astor said. “Why wouldn’t he?”

  “Because it would give them a legitimate reason to close down the play?”

  “Yes it would,” Blue said. “For just a second, when Peyton started talking, I suspected that he wrote the note just to stir us up, but he wouldn’t risk that. This play is everything to him right now.”

  “You’re kidding,” Heydn deadpanned.

  Blue smiled and Astor frowned.

  “We could be using this time productively,” Astor said.

  “How mature of you,” Heydn said.

  “Someone has to be.”

  “My whiskers itch,” Blue said.

  Heydn laughed and Astor frowned again.

  “That’s just the gum that’s holding them on,” Astor said, touching one of the plastic filaments with a forefinger. “They’re cute,” Heydn said. “The ears remind me of your Halloween costume.” The second the words were out of his mouth, Heydn knew they were the wrong ones. In his haste to one-up Astor, he’d reminded Blue of a bad memory.

  “I think it’s been about five minutes,” Blue said as he stood. “I’m going to find Peyton.”

  Astor gave Heydn a long look behind Blue’s back. He didn’t know why, but the other young man’s words had bothered Blue and even if Blue wasn’t with Astor now, Astor still felt protective. Heydn met Astor’s eyes and stared back as if he had all day and nothing else to do.