Not Quite Whole

by Kaye Draper

  I sighed. He was right. But did he have to be so fucking...noble all the time?

  I went to join him at the bar so I could refill my own glass. I had a feeling I was going to need to stay buzzed until Carlyle was dead if I wanted to keep my damned sanity. Theo was playing a dangerous game. He might secretly be some scary powerful fiend, but he spent most of his life in a form that was as weak and vulnerable as any human. He wasn’t immune to shit like assassination or angry mobs. And as much as I hated to admit it, I did actually care about the dumbass.

  “We’ll find Carlyle,” I said with a glare. “So just don’t do anything stupid in the meantime.”

  Theo sipped his drink and turned to me, arching an eyebrow. “Somehow, I get the feeling your definition of ‘stupid’ and mine might differ, Viceroy Forest.”

  I ran a hand through my hair. “There’ll be riots.”

  He leaned back against the bar and crossed his arms over his chest, looking as unconcerned as usual. “Undoubtedly.”

  “People will want you removed from office. Probably missing some vital parts—like your head.”

  He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “Of course.”

  I set my booze aside and squeezed the bridge of my nose. “Theo.”

  He straightened and stopped pretending to be unruffled for once in his damned life. Not that the vulnerability in his blue eyes was any better. Fuck me, it was worse. It made my chest hurt and my lungs stop functioning.

  “I need to shift soon,” he admitted. “And things go much easier if I do it on purpose, before I’m overwhelmed and lose control of the power. I won’t be trapped in my shifted form for as long, and I’ll retain more of my consciousness. I may as well use the opportunity to foil Carlyle’s plans.”

  I stepped closer to him, some stupid part of me wanting to wrap the human-looking man up and keep him safe from the world. The impulse hit me at the exact same time that I met Theo’s sparking blue eyes. The flames there flared as he realized what I was doing. Some stupid part of me was being overprotective of him. As if he was mine. Fuck me sideways.

  I sucked in a breath at the sudden, palpable tension between us. Theo’s eyes never left mine, and I could see it all there. How hard he had to work to maintain the boundaries he’d set around our relationship for both our sakes. How hard he was trying right now to behave, even when his fiend shift was pressing at the edge of his being and his damned dinosaur bird side must be screaming at him to dominate and claim.

  “You’ve got Angel,” I said on an exhale, the stupid words spewing out of me involuntarily. We didn’t talk about Theo wanting me as a mate. Ever. That was the deal between us. But he needed a mate bond to calm him the fuck down right now and help him get control of his birdy. That was just how it was with the species of fiends who heard the mating call. I forced myself half a step back, the motion harder than it should be, as if I was trying to pull my feet out of quicksand. “I mean. He can help you control your shift, right?”

  I sounded all breathless. And moronic. Get it together, Sam.

  Theo took a deep breath and let it out. “I want to show the city who I really am, Sam,” he reminded me, skating around any discussion of romance and mates. “This just moves up the schedule a bit.” He closed his eyes in a long blink, probably trying to get control of his fluctuating magic. “But if I shift now, I’ll be weak again when I shift back.” He opened his eyes and gave me a wry look. “I had hoped to save my power for an actual physical confrontation with the spineless asshole.”

  I huffed a laugh at his words. But he wasn’t going to distract me from the point here. “That’s why you’ve got me,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest, but not moving away. His eyes flared again, and I shook my head. “As your viceroy, moron. And your...friend. I’m meant to kill shit, right? And what about the rest of your people? You’re surrounded by idiots who would die to help you make your stupid utopian dreams come true.” I huffed at him. “Moron. You were never going to face Carlyle alone anyway. So, what does it matter if you phoenix out now? Carlyle is just as dead, whether you set him on fire, or I put a bullet between his eyes.”

  Some of the tension bled from his body, but that strange awareness was still between us when he spoke again, a little bit of a smile lifting one corner of his lips. “You’re right, of course,” he said softly. “I never would have thought you wise, when we first met, Sam.”

  I rolled my eyes and he pulled himself together, becoming the epitome of smooth and in control, just like always. “As you said, there is still a chance we’ll find Carlyle before the end of the week. And you’re correct—I should probably rely more on those who can assist.” He gave me a wry look. “Thank you for so generously sharing your mate with me, hunter.”

  I bared my teeth at him. “I don’t own Angel. He does what he wants.”

  And we both knew I wasn’t going to stand in the way of what Angel and Theo had. They clearly loved each other, and Theo didn’t have the same hesitations about Angel that he had about me. I cared about both of them enough to let them have this. Even if some deep, dark part of me was a little butthurt. Theo didn’t want me, not really. He’d told me as much back when he admitted to feeling a mating call toward me. It was just his animal instinct that was interested. The human-like, thinking part of the man clearly found the idea repulsive. But he wanted Angel.

  Theo nodded, clearly oblivious to my tangled thoughts on the matter. “I appreciate that you are so understanding and...adult about the matter.”

  My eyelid may have started twitching as I turned away and headed back over to the desk. “Sure, boss.” I shoved the awkward feelings away. “Carlyle. Anything new about his location?”

  Theo sighed and topped off his drink before returning to his desk chair. “We thought we got a lead near Golding, but it went cold. I think he’s using wards and magic to stay off our radar.”

  I snorted. Wasn’t that just typical? The guy who was out to ruin Theo’s life because Theo was a magical beast was out there using magic himself to stay safe. Humans—or curs so weak they might as well be humans—were such hypocrites.

  “Emerson’s been working on some sort of tracking thing,” I said absently. “I think he said he wanted to show you today, but you know he’ll be too shy to ask for your time, so it will probably take him a week just to get his nerve up to talk to you.”

  Theo smiled slightly at that—a real smile filled with amused fondness for my mate. “He’ll get over my title eventually. You certainly did.”

  I waved a dismissive hand at him. “I never cared about your title to begin with. You’ve always just been an annoying, spoiled rich guy to me. Nothing’s changed.”

  He huffed a laugh and jiggled the mouse that was attached to his desktop computer. He hadn’t had that a few days ago when I was in here. I was betting that was Emerson’s work too. The ogre cur loved finding old tech and getting it working again—usually with a bunch of improvements.

  “Please tell your ogre I won’t set him on fire for existing,” Theo said easily. “In fact, it’s fascinating how his mind works. I quite enjoy hearing him talk about his ideas.”

  Of course he did. Because Theo had to be fucking good like that. It’d be much easier to hate the idea of mate bonds, and rich, entitled bosses if he was more of an asshole.

  “Oh,” he said absently as he clicked through something on his screen—probably emails. He was wealthy enough and well-connected enough to get those. Weirdo. “I almost forgot. I heard back from Finlay’s clan. They’re sending an elder to take a look at his magic and see to his training.” He rolled his eyes. “Reluctantly.”

  I snorted. “Yeah...leprechauns are assholes.” Which, if I was right in my suspicions, was exactly why Fin had no idea how strong his magic was or how to safely use it. His clan was a bunch of stubborn, prejudiced assholes, and Fin had probably responded to that by being a stubborn asshole right back.

  I finished my drink while I watched Theo work, enjoying the easy silence. He pou
nded out a few replies to emails and fielded a couple of calls with city officials. He paused when Jules knocked and glided into the room. The butler set a cup of something steamy and laced with his weird water magic in front of the sovereign, then nodded to me and glided out. I was willing to bet that was something to help with maintaining control of Theo’s fiend magic and his upcoming shift.

  I hadn’t been lying earlier, when I said all I saw when I met Theo was a spoiled, rich human. But that was then. Now I saw a hell of a lot more. I saw all the ways—big and small—that he was taking care of me and my mates. I saw how he constantly balanced his human act with his true nature. I saw how everything he did was truly, stupidly motivated by his desire to make the world a better place, starting with Westhold. I saw how the people he governed were just as precious to him as a mate, how he was constantly involved in politics, and meetings, and oiling the machine that kept Westhold running in a world that was constantly one-step away from an apocalypse or interspecies war. And I saw how he juggled everything all at once, all while hiding what he really was from the world, pretending to be human.

  It had to be exhausting.

  I set my tumbler on the desk, suddenly not in the mood for thousand-dollar hooch. “So,” I said dryly, as if I was just dying to get out of my responsibilities. “I suppose there’s a bunch of other bullshit you need me to deal with, right?”

  He glanced at me in surprise, and it took a minute for him to fully shift his attention from the note he was making in his planner to me. “You’ve done your job for the day, Sam. I know how much you hate all this.” He waved at the stacks of paperwork in his filing tray and the phone and computer in front of him. Jules and some other staff helped with the basic secretarial stuff, but there were a lot of things Theo preferred to handle himself.

  I licked my lips, hating every single second of this fucking conversation. “I wouldn’t call it a job, really. I hardly even got to shoot anything,” I griped.

  He tilted his head at me in that bird-like way of his, as if he was examining a confusing rodent he’d found on the ground, wondering if it was edible. I arched a brow at him.

  Theo’s eyes widened. “Are you...asking for more duties, Viceroy?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know what, I think I’m about to change my mind and go to the gym with the guards instead.”

  His lips twitched, but he managed to keep a serious expression on his face. “No,” he said, pitching his voice to sound like a haughty ruler. “I’m sorry, Viceroy, but I’m afraid that will have to wait.” He plucked a folder off his desk and tossed it in front of me. “The chief of police wants to know how to best integrate curs into the force. The idea has merit, but the logistics of training, PR, and human resources are a nightmare. Your unique perspective as a cur with weapons who is also a functioning member of society would be greatly appreciated.”

  I glanced at my tumbler of whiskey, then at Theo’s mug of steaming magic. “Jules!” I bellowed toward the door.

  The butler stuck his head in a second later, not looking even the least bit surprised by my shouting for him in the middle of the sovereign’s elegant mansion. “Yes, Viceroy?”

  I pointed at Theo’s cup. “You have anything up your sleeve to help with tension headaches and....” I pulled out one of the notes from the folder, “...policies?”

  Jules smirked at me. “I’ll see what I can do, Viceroy.”

  I waved him away and sat back in my chair, pulling the folder into my lap and reading through the police chief’s letter—the letter where he specifically fucking asked for my input, since I was Theo’s viceroy and one of the few curs who had managed to work for the hunter’s association for years. I glanced up at Theo, but he ignored my scowl as he dialed the phone. “What the fuck, Theo? This letter was for me to begin with!”

  Theo arched one brow at me as he warmly greeted someone at the local homeless shelter and started yammering about donations, and publicity, and fundraisers. I shook my head at him. I knew my position was technically supposed to be much different than what it was now. Usually—if they were instated at all—a viceroy was part advisor, part assistant, and able to make decisions in the sovereign’s place in a pinch. I was more of a hired gun who consulted on things directly related to cur rights and crap like that, with a side of shoot-things-on-site-if-you-think-it’s-necessary.

  Gods damn it. Theo had been doing even more work because he was trying to make me happy by only giving me the jobs he thought I’d like. He was the worst fucking ruler I’d ever met.

  Okay, so he was the only ruler I’d ever met. But still. Where was the ruthlessness? The callous disregard for people’s feelings? He hung up the phone and I tossed the letter on the desk so I could stab my finger at the way it was addressed to me. “Opening other people’s communications is a legal offense.” I reminded him. “Keep your hands off my mail.”

  He huffed a laugh, but I thought I saw a flicker of understanding cross his tired eyes. I was willing to do my fucking job if it meant he didn’t work himself to death over his stupid-assed aspirations. “Of course, Sam,” he said smoothly. “I apologize.”

  I sat back and got to work with one final glare in his direction. “Fucker.”

  Theo’s laughter shouldn’t be the best thing I’d heard all week, all honest and able to warm me like a good shot of fairy moonshine—but it was.

  Chapter 3

  When I was finally done with the torturous nightmare of doing paperwork and outlining policies for the police chief, I did actually go join a group of off-duty guards in the gym. I wasn’t lying when I told Theo I was disappointed about my morning hunt. Supervising, rather than risking my life down in the thick of a kill, was boring as shit. I needed to stretch my muscles and work out some of the pent-up energy that always built inside me when I was in the presence of prey.

  Of course, I also ended up training the guards in the finer points of fighting dirty and hand-to-hand combat while I was at it. For fuck’s sake, my whole life had turned into a job. This viceroy thing was insidious. Suddenly a whole fuckload of people valued my opinion on everything from running the police force to how best to avoid eating dirt in a brawl.

  I refused to acknowledge the part of me that wanted to strut and purr like a self-satisfied cat. For fuck’s sake, it wasn’t as if I was suddenly enjoying my life. Absurd. That kind of idiocy was for normal people. Not freaks like me.

  When I got back to my suite, I wasn’t the least bit surprised to find it full of people. Fin was watching a movie while he cleaned and checked over our weapons. Angel was lounging in a chair reading a book (about court politics in the middle ages, of all the fucking stupid things.) But I was surprised to see Emerson. I was sure he’d still be locked away in his workroom, taking apart the tech we’d found on the giraffe fiend. Instead, the ogre was sitting at my desk in the corner of the room, hunched over a laptop that looked miniature next to his hulking body. He pecked away at the keyboard with careful jabs of one thick finger, his bottom lip trapped between his square white teeth as he concentrated on some puzzle only he would understand.

  “Hey, Saber,” Fin said, setting aside one of my knives and turning the volume down on an ancient movie about killer time-traveling robots that had come out way back in the nineteen eighties.

  I stooped and pressed a kiss to the leprechaun’s mouth, then pulled back to stare into his bright green eyes. “The next time I hear that damned name cross your lips, I swear to fuck I’ll rip out your tongue.”

  He just snorted at me. “Nice try, but I’m not afraid of you, kitty cat.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. That was even worse than “Sabertooth.”

  Angel smirked and flipped a page in his book, not looking at me. “Don’t worry, Fin. We all know Sam likes your tongue well enough to leave it attached.”

  I huffed and stood, shooting a glance toward Emerson, who was so lost in his own geek universe that he probably didn’t even know I was there. “How’d you manage to pull him away fr
om his cave?”

  Angel’s gold eyes met mine and his smirk said all I needed to know. “Don’t worry, Sam. I can manage your mates just fine while you’re gone.”

  Fin rolled his eyes and flipped him off. “Manage this, asshole,” he muttered, returning his attention to watching the weird-looking plastic actor with the sunglasses blow things up.

  I shook my head at them and headed to the shower. Everything was so weird now. Angel might seem like a soft, pretty guy who would be happy to sit back and let everyone else call the shots, but I had no doubt at all who was the dominant force in our little group of idiots. He wasn’t joking about managing the rest of my mates. The siren’s ability to motivate and manipulate everyone around him was legendary. What surprised me most was that aside from a little flare of old, remembered fear now and then, my independent shifter nature seemed just fine with that. It felt almost like we were equals for once. Like the instinctive thing inside me really did expect him to look after my mates while I was gone. It was fucking weird.

  I stripped off my sweaty clothes and showered, finally feeling relaxed, now that I’d gotten to beat some people up. And now that I could feel the subtle energy of my lovers in the room next door. Stupid cat and its stupid shifter bullshit.

  When I got out of the shower, I realized I hadn’t brought any clothes in with me. I sighed at how distracted I was by the men in the other room. It was sad, really. Wrapping a big, fluffy white towel around myself, I padded out to the ridiculous walk-in closet and opened a dresser drawer. I frowned at the jumbled contents and let out a sigh. Generally speaking, it was absolutely mind-boggling how easily I had adjusted to the fact that everyone just seemed to fucking move right into my space, even though they had their own damned rooms in the over-sized mansion Theo called home. But at times like this, I was reassured by the return of my real personality.