Not Quite Whole

by Kaye Draper

  I grumbled to myself as I shoved aside a stack of underwear with leg holes big enough to fit my entire torso through. Fin’s generic, child-sized boxers were amusing alongside Emerson’s tent-like ones. A bit of black peeked out and I dug through hoping for my own simple, fitted boy shorts. What I got instead had me curling my lips into a snarl. I held up the scrap of lace pinched between two fingers like it was a dead rat.

  Angel’s melodic chuckle got my attention, and I glanced sideways at him as he came to slip his long arms around my waist from behind, leaning up to peer over my shoulder. He could move as silently as any shifter, when he wanted to. “You can borrow them if you want. They’d look nice on you.”

  I huffed and carefully set the offending garment on top of the dresser to throw away later. “Right,” I said dryly.

  Angel hummed against my back, one graceful hand smoothing the fluffy towel over my stomach as he pulled me back more firmly against him. “I have other colors too. Do you want to see?”

  I rolled my eyes at him. He was fucking ridiculous.

  But as comfortable as things were between us most of the time now, something always managed to get in the way. Angel pulled back a little, his hold on me loosening. “I haven’t worn them for anyone else,” he said quietly. And...there it was. He thought I was scoffing at his weird men’s lingerie because it was whorish.

  I thought I had made it clear to him that I didn’t give a fuck if he used to be a prostitute. But then he’d shy away from something like this and I’d realize how badly my thoughtless jabs had hurt him over the years—how deeply I’d cut without really meaning to, all in an effort to shield my own weak heart.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I muttered. “Moron.”

  He huffed a laugh but let his arms drop away, releasing me. “Hmm...name calling isn’t really my kink sweetheart.” He was joking now, all indifferent and careless.

  Bullshit.

  I growled and yanked my towel free, letting it fall to the floor at my feet. Then I bent and yanked on the stupid lacy micro shorts. Turning to face Angel, my face flaming, I held my arms out to the sides, inviting his inspection. “Well? What do you think? Do I look like I give a flaming fuck where you got your damned underwear?”

  He stared at me in wide-eyed shock for a second before laughter bubbled up out of him like a fountain. I crossed my arms over my tits and glared. If he was sensitive about his past, I was sensitive about my damned body. “What? Freaks in lace don’t do it for you, Siren?”

  He stopped laughing immediately, his gold eyes shimmering with emotion as he crossed to me and stood there, staring into my eyes. “You aren’t a freak, Sam. And you didn’t have to do this. I know you don’t like feeling...feminine—even if they are made for men. I was only teasing you when I suggested you wear them.”

  I arched a brow at him, pretending I didn’t feel like a display at the weird, nomad carnival that sometimes rolled through Westhold. “You’re right,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “I do get all weird about girly stuff. Emerson can tell you all about it. At length.” I rolled my eyes. Then I took a deep breath and forced myself to say words that were true, rather than just hiding from Angel like I always did. “But it’s not because I want to be a guy. I...just don’t know how to....” I gestured wildly with one hand, words failing me.

  Angel gave me a soft smile as he tucked a strand of damp hair behind my ear. “Be all of yourself?”

  I nodded, feeling like I needed to stab something. Angel just leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine, his glimmering gold eyes glowing with the nearness to his new power source. “I think everyone struggles with that, Sam. I’m sorry I’m so touchy about my past. I’ve only ever wanted to be good enough for you. And once I realized how much judgement people have about sexual freedom, I convinced myself I never would be. Old habits are hard to break, aren’t they?”

  I huffed a laugh and slipped my arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug. “You aren’t fucking kidding.”

  He pressed a kiss to my forehead, then pulled back, arching a questioning brow at me as his graceful hands slid down my back to my ass, stroking me through the thin layer of soft lace. “Am I allowed to tell you how hot you look in these now?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m not wearing a push-up bra. That shit’s ridiculous.”

  He chuckled, his graceful hands sliding lower, gliding over the back of my thighs as he knelt on the floor. “Whatever you want, Sam,” he murmured, leaning in to press a kiss just below my belly button. “I don’t care if you dress like a lumberjack or a queen. You’re always just Sam to me.”

  I slid my fingers through his fine, silky silver hair and tugged. “How do you always do that?”

  He tilted his head and glanced up at me in surprise. “Do what?”

  I shook my head. “You say the stupidest, sappiest shit like it doesn’t even bother you.” I could feel my face burning with a furious blush as I looked down at him. It was ridiculous.

  Angel’s smile turned wicked. “Oh, that. I just tell the truth, sweetheart.” Then he leaned in and nuzzled my rapidly hardening cock, nibbling along the lace-covered shaft, teasing me while he smoldered up at me with those beautiful gold eyes. “You’re so beautiful it makes me ache, Sam. See. It’s easy when it’s the truth.”

  I closed my eyes to block out the sight of the beautiful guy kneeling in front of me, spouting nonsense that made my heart stumble, like it was the easiest thing in the world for him. “Fuck.”

  He laughed and smoothed his hands up my thighs in a slow, sensuous glide. “Of course. If you want.”

  “Sam?” Emerson’s voice was distracted, his attention still on the electronic device he held in his hand big hand. “Did I leave one of those old charger cords around here somewhere?”

  He glanced up and stumbled to a halt in the doorway to the walk-in closet, his green skin taking on a pink tint. “Oh.”

  I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment, standing there with my tits on display, wearing nothing but a stupid scrap of pretty lace. “No idea, Em,” I managed to grind out.

  Angel took the opportunity to slide his mouth along my lace-covered cock again, his hands coming up to grip my hips and keep me still, not the least bit deterred by the audience. I groaned and tried to pull away, and he responded by moving over to bite my thigh, hard and sharp.

  I yanked at his hair and glared down at him. “Jackass!”

  He stood, graceful and smooth as always, and I immediately regretted it. I couldn’t hide behind Angel when he stepped away, heading toward the bedroom without a backward glance. He stopped beside Emerson and looked up at the hulking ogre, giving him a wink. “Pretty sight, isn’t it?”

  Emerson licked his lips, his heated gaze bouncing between Angel and me as if he didn’t quite know where to focus. “Sam’s always pretty.”

  Angel reached up and smoothed a hand over Emerson’s shoulder in passing. “Exactly. Good boy.”

  I rolled my eyes at them and crossed my arms over my chest to hide my breasts, feeling vulnerable just because of a stupid piece of lace.

  But the newly brave part of me insisted we get over this. No one was going to insist I suddenly start wearing skirts and putting on lipstick. They just...appreciated whatever I wanted to do. They loved me no matter what I did. All of me. The girl and the boy. The hardened hunter and the stupid, sappy mess I was rapidly becoming these days.

  Emerson set his tablet aside without even really looking where he was putting it. Then he took half a step toward me, the heat in his red-brown eyes melting into concern. “I’m sorry, Sam. Are you okay?” I could tell by his tone that he didn’t even really understand why he was worried. Just that he was. He knew my brain would automatically link lace and femininity—even if they were Angel’s fucking underwear and he wasn’t exactly feminine—and have some sort of freakout.

  I huffed a wry laugh and dropped my arms. Why the hell was I hiding from Emerson, anyway? I walked over to him and looked up into hi
s eyes. “I’m fine, you big idiot. But it’s not like your underwear or Fin’s would fit me and I can’t find my own in the pile. And how the fuck did everyone just decide to share my underwear drawer anyway? You bunch of squatters!”

  He let out a huff of laughter and lifted a tentative hand to touch my face. “You’re so pretty. Even when you’re yelling at me.”

  I rolled my eyes, but stepped closer in invitation. “Well? Aren’t you always telling me it’s okay to be a girl? I expected more of a reaction, big guy.”

  He swallowed hard, his eyes raking over me, filled with heat. Then he bent and wrapped one thick arm around me at thigh level, hoisting me up like I weighed nothing, my ass perched on his bicep like he was carrying around a kid—or a precious little female. He didn’t speak, just cupped his other big hand around the back of my head and dragged me down into a searing kiss that told me just how happy he was to admire my stupid borrowed underwear.

  I clutched Em’s broad shoulders and prayed he didn’t drop me when he pulled back long enough to carry me into the other room. Fin was sitting on the bed, talking to Angel about something. They stopped chatting when Emerson bent and laid me on the bed like an offering. The leprechaun’s eyes lit up and he grinned in wonder. “Fuck, Sam, that’s hot.”

  I resisted the urge to bury my face in my hands to escape the three searing gazes that were burning into my skin. For fuck’s sake, it was just underwear.

  But I kind of understood. I shifted my leg and the soft lace rubbed against me in a way that made me very aware of how it outlined my dick and hugged my ass. I imagined how much I’d appreciate the way the tiny boy shorts looked on a woman—or on Angel’s perfect male body, for that matter—and I suddenly needed someone to fuck me in the worst possible way.

  I might have some issues.

  Or not. No judging anyone’s kinks, right? That was one of Angel’s million stupid rules about sex.

  Fin crawled over to me, rubbing his nose along my jaw and planting kisses on my neck and collar bones. “You do know we’re just gonna tear those right off though, right?”

  I laughed and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him on top of me so I could kiss him senseless.

  Angel sighed as if Fin was threatening to ruin all his fun. “I only just got those on them. Don’t you dare take them off!”

  Emerson muttered something that sounded suspiciously like enthusiastic agreement with Angel. I nipped at Fin’s lips, feeling his growing erection pressing into my stomach through his clothes. “Why am I the only one naked?” I demanded, pulling back to glare around the room.

  “Yes, yes, Sam,” Angel snarked. He glided over to Emerson and started in on the ogre’s fly as Em tugged off his soft, worn t-shirt. I loved how the huge ogre still blushed all the way from his broad chest to his face, even after several rounds of group sex. I couldn’t help my feral grin.

  I slid up to sit against the headboard, pulling Fin with me. Then I started unbuttoning his shirt, pausing to nip at every bit of exposed skin along the way, enjoying the way he squirmed against me. The leprechaun was as uncomfortable with me fussing over him as I was with my gender issues. But I was determined that we’d both get over it, one way or another. Right here, surrounded by the people who loved me, there was no room for fear or judgement. Stripping Fin out of his shirt, I smoothed my hands over his chest, admiring defined muscle and his soft sprinkling of red-gold hair. When I tweaked a nipple, he smacked my hands away. I didn’t think Fin fully appreciated how hot he was himself. He was fixated on his proportions, when honestly it didn’t matter—he was just as hot as any guy twice his height.

  Besides, he was Fin, of course he was amazing.

  The little terror rolled off my lap to get rid of his pants. Then he returned, sliding his small hands up my legs and pushing my knees apart. I let my head drop back against the headboard with a thunk when he ran a hand over my dick before pausing to pull the soft lace aside. His hot mouth enveloped my small cock and I tangled my hands in his hair. I swear, for a guy who didn’t like dick, Fin was amazingly good at sucking it.

  Maybe I should borrow clothes from Angel more often, if it got me blowjobs.

  The bed dipped and I lifted my head to see Angel had joined me. He sat with his back against the headboard too, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me in for a soft, lingering, soul-stealing kiss. I leaned into him, groaning as Fin slid a finger inside me, moving it in time with this mouth on my cock. Angel’s arm around me tightened and I pulled away long enough to see Emerson kneeling by the bed, head bent as he took Angel’s cock into his mouth.

  The siren’s gold eyes glimmered as he winked at me, then he slid a hand through Em’s thick black waves. “Good boy, Emerson. So good.”

  I huffed a laugh and leaned in to nip at Angel’s neck, even as Fin nearly brought me over the edge. “You’re such an ass,” I informed the siren in a breathless voice.

  Angel responded by yanking me closer, urging me away from Fin and into the siren’s lap, displacing Emerson entirely, the bossy, selfish asshole.

  I was stronger than Angel, at least physically. But I didn’t fight him. One thing I’d learned early on as a hunter—when you were out in the wastes with a more experienced hunter, you let them lead. Angel could boss me around in bed all he wanted. I was never going to tease him about his previous employment again. He was an expert.

  I found myself pressed against Angel’s sculpted chest, my breasts squashed against his smooth skin as he slid down so he lay beneath me. His soft lips dragged over my throat and he moved to the juncture of my neck and shoulder to deliver a stinging bite, leaving a mark with his sharp teeth that would take a while to fade. Just like my shifter side wanted.

  I wriggled against him, wanting his long, perfect cock buried deep inside me, not trapped against my own. He rewarded me by lifting his hips, rubbing his hard dick along mine with just the right amount of friction, despite the stupid underwear that was still between us. “Patience, Sam,” he purred.

  I growled and bit the smooth skin of his pec, hard and sharp. “Fuck that.”

  Fin laughed and smacked me on the ass, which was when I realized what Angel was up to. The siren gave me a sly smile as he shifted, tilting my hips just so, thrusting my ass up in the air. “Lube is on the nightstand,” he said helpfully.

  Emerson handed the bottle to Fin, then dragged a chair over by the bed so he could sit right next to us, his big hands smoothing over my back. Fin’s warm hands smoothed over my lace-clad ass reverently before he pulled the lace to one side and got to work prepping me. I hissed in a combination of pleasure and discomfort, turning my head to let Emerson distract me with a sweet, hungry kiss. Angel thrust up again, rubbing against my dick with a promise of what was to come, and I moaned.

  I hadn’t taken it in the ass in a long time, but it was inevitable with this bunch of idiots.

  Not that I was complaining. At all. Once he was satisfied that I was telling the truth when I said I was ready, Fin slid his fingers out and lined up his cock, easing himself into my tight ass, a stream of curses or prayers spilling out of him in his native language.

  I hissed and pressed back against him until he was fully seated inside me. We both shuddered. Then Angel was urging me up off his chest, rocking me back toward Fin so the siren could slide his long, hard dick into my aching pussy.

  “Fuck,” I panted, stuffed full and pinned between the two men.

  Emerson stroked my hair back from my face and kissed me again, one big hand caressing my breast, then moving lower to gently stroke my poor, neglected cock with one massive fist. He leaned in to trail those sweet, slow kisses down my neck to my tits, pausing to suckle and tease. I tangled a hand in his hair as I clenched around the two men inside me, feeling like I was on the edge of coming apart at the seams.

  Emerson pulled out of my grip. I growled and let out a strangled groan when he bent over and wrangled us around until he could get my cock in his mouth.

  Angel’s graceful hand reache
d around and stroked through Emerson’s hair in praise while the other hand reached up to stroke every exposed inch of my skin he could reach. “Move, Sam,” he whispered, his voice low and melodic, laced with magic in a way I was pretty sure he couldn’t stop right now if he tried.

  I wanted to snap at him, maybe bite out some witty, scathing remark just to let him know he wasn’t my master. But it was hard enough just to fucking breathe right now. My brain wasn’t up to forming words.

  It was awkward, with us all crammed together, but I slowly shifted my hips, pulling away from Fin slightly and thrusting into the warm, wet grip of Emerson’s mouth, sliding up Angel’s cock along the way. Then I sank back down, gasping for air.

  Everything got kind of blurry after that, my senses overloaded and all human thought taking a backseat to the primal need to drown in my mates. Angel’s hand on my hip guided my movements until I lost all control and turned into a shivering, begging puddle of goo. Then he and Fin took turns, gliding in and out of me in a dance that felt as if they’d rehearsed it a million times before.

  My body sang, it felt so fucking good. I planted a hand between Emerson’s shoulder blades, digging into the miles of green muscle there, unable to do anything but tilt my head back and ride the waves of pleasure that washed over me.

  Angel’s magic swelled, the elusive, deceptive siren’s song pulling at my soul, promising pleasure beyond my wildest dreams, if only I’d give him everything I was. I might be slow, but I was learning my lessons. I didn’t resist the magic that danced between us, writhing and beckoning like a living thing. Instead, I opened myself up to it, giving him all of me.

  Colors burst behind my closed eyelids in a dazzling rainbow as my back arched, body bowed. I’d never come so hard in my fucking life.