Real Love

by Alexandria House

  Now I wanted to find that bitch and kick her ass! “Hasaan, why the hell were you talking—”

  “Wait, let me finish. I’ma tell you everything, I promise.”

  I nodded. “Okay…”

  “So, one of the officers at the station just happened to be a friend of the family. He told them I was a kid, and they let him take me home. My folks lost it when I got there. But here’s the crazy part, they were mad at me, not her. They went off on me. Told me I was stupid for messing around with her. Anyway, shit quieted down. Mrs. Wycliffe’s husband—yeah, I was fucking her and still calling her that—made her quit teaching, and it was too late for an abortion, so she had the baby. She said they were both hoping maybe by some miracle it would be her husband’s baby. When she had Rafiq and they saw that he was brown, her husband told her she had to give him away, so she had a nurse call my folks to see if they’d take him.”

  “And they did...”

  “They didn’t want to at first, but then my mom said she couldn’t bear the thought of him being in the system. Remember, she was a social worker. So, they agreed to take him and raise him only after a DNA test confirmed he was mine, which it did. So, my son became my brother. We stayed in Ludlow for a couple of years after he was born, but Mrs. Wycliffe kept coming around trying to see him, wanting to take him back, and Mama wasn’t having it. As pissed as she was at me, she despised Mrs. Wycliffe even more, and as much as she hated her, she loved Rafiq. She never wanted him to know the truth. So, we moved, didn’t tell anyone where we were going. She never contacted us again. Until now.”

  “Why now?”

  He rubbed his hand over his head and sighed. “Well, evidently, all of this shit drove her crazy, because more than anything, she always wanted children and never had any more after Rafiq. She’s been in and out of psychiatric hospitals. In between that, she’d try to find us, but couldn’t. She said she doesn’t trust private investigators for some reason, and my parents’ numbers have been unlisted forever. Plus, she said she was pretty computer illiterate.”

  “Yeah, I’m learning that a lot of older people are. Put them in front of an open web browser and they have no idea what to do.”

  “Right, so she said she finally had a friend help her do an Internet search for me and that’s when she ran across my crowdfunding account, not long after I opened it. That’s my only online presence. You know I don’t do social media. Neither do Rafiq or my parents.”

  “Wow…”

  “Yeah. That big donation? It was an anonymous one from her. She’s got some money from a lawsuit she filed against one of those psychiatric facilities. Anyway, she said she wanted to get to meet Rafiq and to apologize to me for fucking my life up. She definitely did that.”

  “All of the stuff you did when you were younger, it was because of what she did to you?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, you see, I didn’t even know how messed up the whole situation was for years. Not until I started hearing of other cases like mine. Shit, the only person who got arrested was me. My folks blamed me and then pushed me aside to raise Rafiq. My mother even said Rafiq was her chance to get it right, because they must’ve messed up with me for me to do what I did. They spoiled him, gave him all of their attention. But I never resented him, I loved him. I’d do anything for him...he was my brother, but I never forgot that he was my son, too. I never forgot that, Denise. But I also didn’t know how to handle it, any of it. Shit, I was a kid. What the hell was I supposed to do? So, I just went fucking wild. Women, liquor, whatever. I went buck wild, doing anything with anybody. Shit, I didn’t care about anything, including myself.”

  I scooted closer to him and rested my hand on his back. “What made you change?”

  “Honestly, one of the many women I was screwing told me one day I would regret using people. That I was going to have kids and someone was going to do the same things to them. Shit, she didn’t know I already had a kid, but I did. And I loved him. I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. That scared the shit outta me, so I slowed down to a crawl. By the time I met you, I’d been celibate for almost a year. I haven’t had a drink in two or three.”

  “Hasaan...Rafiq is really your son?”

  He nodded.

  Hasaan was thirty-four. Rafiq was twenty-one. It all added up. Shit! “That’s why you were always running to his rescue. You felt obligated?”

  “I still do. I mean, I didn’t raise him, so I felt I owed it to him to always be there for him.” There were tears in his eyes as he faced me.

  I wrapped my arms around him, and he leaned against me. “H, you were a kid. You couldn’t have raised him.”

  “I know...I know…”

  “And it was good for you to want to be there for him and have his back, but son or no son, Rafiq took advantage of your kindness.”

  “I know that, too. That’s why I finally cut the cord, but I still feel the guilt, you know?”

  “I know...”

  “Denise, I’m sorry for lying. It’s just that, I’ve had to keep this secret for so long, it’s like second nature, and shit, it’s just not something I like to talk about.”

  “I-I understand. I’m sorry for acting a fool, I—”

  “No, I know how it looked. I shoulda told you a long time ago. I shoulda trusted you with it. If I’d asked, you woulda kept it a secret. I know you would’ve.”

  “Of course, I would’ve. I’ve got your back, baby. Always. But that white bitch? She needs her ass kicked!”

  He shrugged. “She seems really sorry, told me her marriage was fucked up back then and she was lonely and really attracted to me at the time, but that she knew it was wrong to have sex with me. She apologized about ten times and gave me this today for all the trouble she caused me.” He slid his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, pulled a piece of paper out of it, and handed it to me. It was a cashier’s check made out to him for five hundred thousand dollars.

  “Shit,” I muttered.

  “Yeah, she must’ve won a lot of money in that lawsuit. I should give it back, huh?”

  “Hell, no! This is the least the ho’ could do! Nasty bitch! But I hope she doesn’t think this absolves her for being a damn pedophile.”

  He gave me a shocked look.

  “Baby, you were thirteen and she was a grown-ass woman. A damn predator! She’s a pedophile.”

  He looked really alarmed. “Damn, I just never saw it like that. I mean, I knew it was a fucked-up thing for her to do, but damn...”

  “Yeah. The bitch shoulda been locked up!”

  “You-you think I should let her meet Rafiq?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, he’s grown, but I don’t know. I do know he deserves to know the truth.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think I can tell him, Denise. I don’t think I can tell him I’m his-his father.”

  “Well, you don’t have to rush to make that decision. Take your time and think about it.”

  “But Mrs. Wycliffe keeps contacting me. Sending me emails and shit, begging to see him.”

  “Look, you don’t owe her sick ass shit! She can wait. I don’t give a damn if you don’t decide what to do until that bat is dead and in her grave, you don’t have to operate on her timeline. She can kick rocks. Next time she wants to meet, take me. I’ma mess her up for doing that to you! You saved her ass in that café when you shoulda let me get her!” Tears sprung into my eyes. I was so upset, I didn’t know what to do!

  “Baby, calm down. I didn’t want your crazy ass to get an assault charge. There would’ve been witnesses. Look, she got hers, believe me. In and out of mental wards and shit, and her husband left her. Her family turned their backs on her. Her life’s been a cluster fuck for real.”

  “Mm-hmm, bitch almost made me lose my man.”

  “Nah, I wasn’t going nowhere. I just needed you to calm your ass down and listen.”

  I glanced around the apartment. “Shit, I gotta clean up. I’m sorry. I’ma make this up to you.”

  �
��You need to. You called me a bitch.”

  “I’m so sorry. You are far from a bitch. I’ll never call you that again, no matter how mad I get. That was disrespectful, and you didn’t deserve it.”

  “And you know folks were recording you at the café? Our asses are probably viral by now.”

  “Damn…”

  “You gotta learn to calm down, baby. You got a business to protect now. Can’t be acting a fool in public like that.”

  “I know…”

  “Baby, tell me this, why did you instantly think I was cheating? Why couldn’t I have been setting up a surprise for you or something? Why’d your mind go there? Have I given you a reason to think I’d mess around on you?”

  “No, but I caught you in the middle of a lie, and then I got in that café and before she left, I saw how that woman was looking at you.”

  He frowned. “How was she looking at me?”

  “Like just about every other woman looks at you. Like she was about to die of thirst and you were the only drink of water in a hundred-mile radius.”

  He shook his head.

  “It’s the truth! But look, I really am sorry and I’m gonna make it up to you like I said. I tell you what, after I clean up, I’ma give you some bomb head, and after that, we can do it and I’ll let you smack my ass as hard as you want.”

  That made him smile. “As hard as I want, huh?”

  “Yeah…”

  “I really love your crazy ass, you know that?”

  I leaned in and kissed him. “I love you, too, H.”

  Early the next morning, Hasaan’s phone started buzzing. I shook him awake and told him to check it.

  “It’s Rafiq,” he said, glancing at me.

  “You gonna answer it?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, what if he’s tripping again? We haven’t talked since that day at my folks’ house and we really didn’t talk then.”

  “He hasn’t called in the middle of the night like this in months, not since you checked him about it. It might be something serious.”

  “Right.” The buzzing stopped and started back. Hasaan answered it this time. “Hello?”

  After a few seconds of silence, he said, “Yeah...I’m good. Thanks, man.” He glanced at me. “She’s good, too...yeah...really? That’s great, Rafiq! Sure...that’d be great...a’ight, see you, then...I will...bye.”

  I stared at him expectantly until he finally looked at me, and said, “He asked me to apologize to you for calling so late.”

  “Okay...”

  “Um, so, he got a job and he’s got his own place. He officially congratulated me on our engagement and invited us over for dinner next Saturday. I accepted.”

  “Wow, good for him! I’m glad you two talked.”

  “Me, too, baby,” he said softly.

  “What’s wrong, then?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe this is a sign that I should tell him.”

  “Maybe...just don’t rush it. You just had a civil conversation with him for the first time in months.”

  “You’re right. I’m really glad he called, baby. I’ve missed his stupid ass.”

  “I know you have.”

  37

  “Denise Latrice Owens-Buhari! What in the world is going on? Do I need to come to Dallas and have you committed?” Greer screamed into the phone after I made the mistake of answering it.

  I leaned back in my chair in my office. “What are you screaming at me about?”

  “She’s screaming at you about that video that’s going around on Facebook.” That was Trevia.

  “Trevia? Hey? You in town?”

  “No, we’re in Houston, but do I need to come help Greer get you some help? Because you have clearly lost your mind!”

  “What the hell are you two talking about? What video?”

  “The one where you’re wrecking shit in the One Stop Coffee Shop!” Greer shouted.

  Oops. So there actually was a video out there. “Uh...look, that was a few days ago. We’re good now.”

  “Hasaan is still with you? Maybe I need to come have him committed instead,” Greer said.

  “I had reason to act like that before he explained things to me. I’ve apologized and everything,” I said.

  “What happened, Denise?” Trevia asked. “I saw you throw your ring at him. And the look on his face? You really should be ashamed of yourself.”

  I sighed into the phone. “You think I’m not? Look, he lied about where he was and...” I told them all that happened up to Hasaan’s revelation. They were my sisters and I trusted them not to spread his business, but I didn’t think it was right for me to spread it, either, not when Rafiq didn’t even know the truth.

  “So he and the woman were discussing some old family business, some secret that you can’t share with us?” Greer inquired.

  “Yeah...I’m sorry. I just don’t feel it’s my place to share it. At least not right now.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line. Were my two friends mad at me? “Y’all still there?” I asked.

  “Yeah...I’m just—I’m proud of you. There was a time when you couldn’t hold water,” Greer said. “Now look at you, protecting Hasaan. I think that’s beautiful.”

  “Nuh-uh, you got me mixed up with Trevia.”

  “Whatever, ’Nise. Hey, I think it’s sweet you’re protecting your man and all, but you are gonna tell us eventually, right?” That was Trevia for you. She loved receiving and sharing gossip as long as it wasn’t about her.

  “When I feel the time is right, I will. It’s too heavy for me to even think about right now.”

  “Wow...well, did you get your ring back?” Greer queried.

  “Yep, got it back that night.”

  “Girl, I bet you had to put in some bedroom work to make up for what you did,” Trevia stated.

  “Shit, you know I did. Had to pull all my tricks out the bag. But you know what, for the first time in my life, I actually regret acting a fool. I wish I could go back in time and erase it.”

  “Wow, you really love him, don’t you? I mean, I knew you did, but wow...” Trevia shared.

  “That, or his secret is a really serious one,” Greer mused.

  “It’s both. But anyway, what’s up with y’all? How are you and Kennedy and Derek, Greer?”

  “We’re great! Derek just closed a big deal, so he’s on cloud nine, and Miss Kennedy is just as spoiled as ever. I’ve got a trip planned to a black independent film festival in New Orleans next month, and Derek and Kennedy are coming with me, so I’m excited about that. We’re bringing a sitter along.”

  “That sounds so good, Greer. Dang, you still stay traveling and I’m still jealous,” I said.

  “Whatever, rich lady. Since you told Hasaan about the money, I thought y’all would be making it rain all over the place by now,” Greer said.

  “Girl, he’s just as scared to spend it as I am.”

  We all laughed, and then I quizzed Trevia. “So, what’s going on on your end, Mrs. Adams?”

  “Just glad to be in Houston and not on the road. I always love being with Nyles, but traveling somewhere new every other night is rough, and I could tell by the end he was exhausted. We both needed a break, but I’ve got some great news. He just signed a recording contract. He’s going to do a spoken word album.”

  “Wow!” Greer and I both screamed into the phone and asked her to give Nyles our congratulations.

  “I will, and you know you’re both invited to the release party when we have one. We’ll probably do it at Plush,” Trevia informed us.

  “I’ll be there!” I said.

  “You know I will,” Greer added.

  “Oh, and guess who has a new man?” There was gossipy Trevia at her best.

  “Who?” Greer and I both took the bait at the same time.

  “Jayla! Somebody’s got my sister grinning from ear to ear, talking about she’s in love,” Trevia said.

  “Already? Damn, someone really put it on her,�
� Greer said.

  “And they put it on her good!” I said.

  “Right! But as long as it’s not Amir’s ass, I don’t care if she’s dating Donald Trump.”

  We all laughed again.

  When I heard a key turn in the front door of my office, I knew it must have been Hasaan delivering my lunch, and I hoped he was delivering some dessert in the form of himself. When he stepped in front of my desk looking good enough to eat, I said, “I gotta go, y’all. This fine brotha’ just broke into my office.”

  “Okay, tell Hasaan we said hi,” Greer and Trevia said almost simultaneously.

  After I ended the call, I hopped up from my chair and kissed him. He put our food on my desk, wrapped his arms around me, and said, “Hmm, I think your kisses taste better than the smothered cabbage I got from your mama’s place.”

  I backed away from him. “We got smothered cabbage? Shit, let’s go eat.”

  Hasaan chuckled as he followed me to the breakroom.

  38

  As it turned out, Rafiq lived in an apartment pretty close to our parents’ house. One even nicer than mine. That made me wonder if he was really paying the rent all by himself, but I decided I’d leave that alone for now. I had missed him enough to appreciate just being around him for a little while. Maybe eventually, we’d get back to the bond we had shared in the past.

  “Hey!” he said, as he opened the door and let me and Denise in.

  He gripped me up, and I grinned at him, and said, “What’s up, knucklehead?”

  He smiled and shrugged. “Man, nothing. Been on my grown folks’ shit. Tryna make my big brother proud.” He turned to Denise, and added, “Hey, Denise. I would hug you, but H’s ass will probably punch me if I do.”

  Denise laughed. “You’re probably right.”