Real Love

by Alexandria House

“He is,” I said.

  As he led us through the living room to the kitchen, I was sure Mom and Pop had helped him out. This stuff looked expensive. As I sat down at the table, I said, “Hey, this is a nice place, man.”

  “Thanks, H. Mom and Pop bought most of the furniture. I think they were so glad to finally get me out of the house, they were willing to do anything.”

  I shook my head. “I doubt that. They weren’t tryna get rid of their baby boy.”

  “Nah, man. You’re the one they’re so crazy about. Before that little dinner we had, Ma was always talking about how much she missed your ugly ass.”

  I grinned. “Shit, nigga, you look just like me.”

  “Nah, bruh, you ain’t got it like me. You know light skin is in again.”

  We laughed, and Denise just sat there smiling at us.

  “Aye, I’m sorry for having an attitude and dipping out on dinner like that that day. Mama had been on me that day about growing up and it kinda upset me, because it was the same stuff you’d been saying to me. I didn’t wanna hear it, but she was right. So were you,” Rafiq confessed.

  “When am I wrong?” I asked, with a big grin on my face.

  “There you go thinking you the shit. I told you, it’s all about the light skin now,” Rafiq said, puffing his chest out.

  “Whatever. But thanks for inviting us over, man. I actually missed your sorry ass.”

  “Hey, I knew you needed to see what handsome looked like again. You know? So, I thought I’d let you come over and look at me for a while.”

  “Shiiit, man, if you ever look as good as me, you might get somewhere in life.”

  Denise cleared her throat. “Um, I hate to interrupt y’all’s little pissing contest, but what’s for dinner? Did you cook, Rafiq?”

  “Hell, naw. I can’t cook. We having KFC. I hope you like original, Denise. The Petersons don’t mess around with that crispy,” Rafiq responded.

  “Grilled, either,” I said.

  “I’m good with original. I’m just ready to eat,” Denise said.

  “A’ight. Look, the food’s on the counter over there. Y’all gon’ have to make your own plates,” Rafiq informed us.

  So much for hospitality.

  We all made our plates, and as we ate, Rafiq told us about the job Thalia had helped him get at the DFW airport in customer service.

  “Is that right? You and Thalia a thing now? I mean, are y’all exclusive?” I asked.

  “Man, I’m trying, but these females be on me. But for real, I care about Thalia and she always got my back. If I was to ever settle down, it’ll be with her. But, shit, I’m still young. You, on the other hand, you did the right thing, because if you hadn’t snatched Denise up, I was coming for her,” he said.

  Denise shook her head. “Sorry, Rafiq, but you didn’t stand a chance.”

  “Damn, I know,” Rafiq said.

  I raised both of my hands. “What can I say? I’m the man!”

  Denise rolled her eyes, and before Rafiq could fire back at me, there was a knock at his front door. He hopped up, and said, “That might be Thalia. She was gonna try to get off early and come eat with us. I’ll be right back.”

  I looked at Denise with raised eyebrows. “Wow, he’s almost a full-grown adult.”

  “Well, he’s impressing the hell out of me,” she said. “You’ve got to give him credit for trying. A job and an apartment? You should be proud of him.”

  “Actually, I am.”

  “Hey, I’ma get some more mashed potatoes. Want me to get you something while I’m up?”

  “You’re serving me? What?”

  “Yeah…don’t get used to it.”

  I chuckled as I handed her my plate. “Hook me up with some more chicken, baby.”

  “You got it.”

  When I heard Rafiq raise his voice, I figured he and Thalia were getting into it about something like they always did, so I just sat there and sighed and decided some things just never change. But then I heard him yell, “Look! I don’t know no damn Noah, lady! You need to leave before I call the cops!”

  Denise had made it back to the table, and we just sort of looked at each other. Then I said, “Oh, shit.”

  Denise frowned. “What?”

  I stood from the table and headed for the front door with Denise right behind me, asking me what was going on. I didn’t have time to explain anything, I just knew I needed to get to that door and quick.

  When I got there, Rafiq turned and looked at me. The woman on the other side of the door looked at me with relief in her eyes, and said, “He’s so beautiful. He looks so much like you!”

  My heart fell to my feet and my mouth went dry. “What…what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here. You have no right to be here!” I yelled.

  “H? You know this crazy-ass woman? She up here calling me Noah and shit. Who the hell is she?”

  “Noah,” Mrs. Wycliffe said, as she reached out to touch Rafiq’s face, but he quickly swatted her hand away. “It’s time you finally knew the truth. I’m your mother, and Hasaan is your father.”

  39

  I stumbled backward a little bit and felt Denise’s hand on my back. I think she asked me if I was okay, but I can’t be sure, because shit just got all murky and confusing after Mrs. Wycliffe broke the news to Rafiq. I could hear Rafiq screaming something at her and Denise trying to calm him down. I saw Mrs. Wycliffe’s mouth moving and tears rolling down her face, but I couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying. I started feeling light-headed, like I was going to pass out or something, so I turned and looked at Denise, and said, “Shit…I think I’ma black out, baby.”

  She grabbed my hand and led me over to the sofa. I had only been sitting there for a second when Rafiq got in my face with a look of terror on his, like somehow he knew what she was saying was true, but at the same time wanted it to be a lie. I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands as Denise rubbed my back. When my hearing finally returned to normal, I could hear her telling me to breathe. I could hear Mrs. Wycliffe sobbing loudly, and I could finally hear Rafiq’s words.

  “H! H! What is she talking about? Come on, man! Tell me that shit she said ain’t true! Bro! Bro, talk to me!”

  I looked up at him, at my son, and I said, “It…it’s true. You’re her son. She named you Noah before Mom and Pop changed it to Rafiq.”

  He stumbled backward with his mouth hung open. “And you…you? You’re my—shit, I can’t say it. You’re not, are you? You can’t be! And I’m half white? How is she—what the fuck is going on?!”

  “She-she was my teacher and she—we—” Damn, I couldn’t say it. Not again. Not to him.

  Mrs. Wycliffe stepped closer to Rafiq. “Hasaan and I started seeing each other when he was my student. I know it was wrong on my part, but I really did love him. He meant the world to me, but I was married, and—”

  “Hell, no! You are not going to stand there and act like y’all had some love affair. You want Rafiq to know the truth, bitch? You need to tell him the whole truth! You took advantage of a thirteen-year-old boy with a big penis! You used him! Y’all weren’t seeing each other! He was just going to school and your ass was supposed to be teaching him, not screwing him!” Denise screamed.

  I looked up to see that Mrs. Wycliffe was as white as a sheet as she said, “You have nothing to do with this. You are not a part of this family.”

  “Yeah, well, I think I am since I’m engaged to that boy your ass was so in love with, and as his woman, I feel it’s my duty to put my foot in your a—”

  I put my hand on Denise’s knee to stop her from getting up from the sofa. “Calm down, baby. I got this, okay?”

  She hesitantly nodded.

  Rafiq just stood there and stared at me.

  “’Fiq, you all right, man?”

  He slowly shook his head. “Nah, I ain’t nothing close to all right.”

  “Look, ’Fiq, I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

  “Did you mean for me
to find out at all? I mean, were you ever gonna tell me?”

  “I…was gonna try. Eventually, I was gonna try.”

  He spun around and looked at his mother. “You told her where I live?”

  I assumed that question was directed at me, so I said, “No. I have no idea how she found out where you live.”

  All eyes were on Mrs. Wycliffe now. She fidgeted with the keys in her hand, and said, “I’ve, uh, been following you for weeks, Hasaan, hoping you’d lead me to him.”

  “Following him! Screw this, I’m gonna knock this ho’s ass out right now!” Denise shouted.

  “Denise, baby, just calm down,” I said.

  “I can’t!”

  “Are you some kind of crazy person or something?” Rafiq asked Mrs. Wycliffe.

  “No…I just wanted to meet you. That’s all. I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time, but the Petersons wouldn’t allow it.”

  Rafiq rubbed his hands over his head. “I gotta get out of here. I need some air or something. Shit! My whole life is a damn lie! Y’all been lying to me since I was born, H! Wait, am I still supposed to call you that? I don’t know what the hell any of this means.”

  Before I could respond to him, he’d bolted out the front door, almost knocking his mother down in the process. I didn’t think twice before I stood and ran after him, leaving Denise and Mrs. Wycliffe in the apartment alone.

  40

  I sat there with a raised eyebrow, my eyes fixed on the slut of the century as she stood staring out the open door. I cleared my throat, and she turned her tear-streaked face toward me, her eyes widening as I bent over and began taking my boots off, my eyes never leaving her. Then I stood and removed my earrings from my ears. I shook my shoulders to loosen them and cracked my knuckles before stepping right in front of the woman who was at least six inches taller than me. Hell, I’d beat men’s asses before. I definitely wasn’t afraid of her scrawny, geriatric ass.

  “Uh…” she uttered as I smiled at her.

  “You know? I don’t understand people like you. You nearly ruined Hasaan’s life before he even had the chance to build one, but that just wasn’t enough. I mean, never mind the fact that he had to deal with being a black boy in this country, but you had to give him even more shit to deal with. And now, here you are, trying to do the same thing to Rafiq. Women like you just don’t deserve to walk the earth freely.”

  She shook her head. “No, no, Noah is my son, and I have every right to be in his life!” She was trying to stand her ground, but her voice was shaky.

  “No! You lost every right you had when you gave him away!”

  “I had no choice!”

  “Yes, you did! If I was his mother, they would’ve had to snatch him out of my cold, dead hands! He was an inconvenience to you! And when you realized what you’d done, you tried to take him back like he was a damn dress or something. You had no right to come here and do this! It was Hasaan’s duty to tell Rafiq the truth and his alone.”

  “You don’t understand…”

  “I understand that if you ever, EVER, contact Hasaan or Rafiq again, you will regret it. Now, what I’m gonna do right now is beat the shit out of you as a little reminder in case you decide to pull something like this again.” I pounded my fist into the palm of my hand.

  “No! What if Rafiq wants to talk to me again? What if he wants to get to know me?”

  “Then he can find you. He’s a grown man, and I’m sure he knows how to access the Internet. Now, it’s time for me to kick your ass…”

  She tried to run out the front door, but I tripped her.

  When Rafiq left his place and took off in his car, I knew exactly where he was going. So I jumped in my truck and followed him. We got to my parents’ house at the same time, but Rafiq was thinner than me and lighter on his feet, plus he had a key, so he made it inside before I did. Once I reached the front door he’d left lying open, I just stood there as the reality of what was going on hit me. Rafiq knew the truth. After twenty-one years, he finally knew. I can’t lie, there was a weight lifted off of me when that reality hit me. No more secrets and lies, because he knew. He finally knew.

  It was around six that evening when me and Denise made it to Rafiq’s apartment. When I stepped over the threshold of my parents’ front door, it was close to eight, so I knew they were probably getting ready for bed.

  I slowly walked through the house and up the stairs to the hallway that led to their room, knowing that was probably where Rafiq was confronting them. I rounded the corner and entered their room to find my mother sitting on the side of the bed in her robe with tears in her eyes. My father was talking to Rafiq in a voice so hushed I couldn’t make out what he was saying. And I just stood there thinking that although my folks had apologized and said they wanted to be a part of my life, I still felt like I didn’t belong there in that moment. It seemed personal, and I felt like I was intruding. Plus, I started thinking they’d blame me for this, like they had anything that had to do with my brother—son.

  Shit.

  I turned to leave.

  “Hasaan, please don’t go.” My mom’s voice was shaky, light.

  I stopped but didn’t turn around. “This is not my fault.”

  “Sweetheart, I know that. Rafiq told us what happened. We knew he’d find out eventually.”

  I just stood there with my back to them. What else was I supposed to do?

  “Hasaan, I want to say something I should’ve said twenty-one years ago. It’s not your fault. None of it.”

  I dropped my head and closed my eyes.

  “You were a good boy then, and you are a good man now,” she continued. “We failed you. That whole situation, it was…it was just hard and very frustrating, but we did what we thought was best for both you and Rafiq. It was a pleasure being a mother to both of you.”

  I turned and looked at my mother, letting my eyes drift over to my pop and Rafiq, who were both staring at me. I could tell Rafiq had been crying.

  “What am I supposed to do with this? Y’all are the only parents I know. And H? Man, you were everything I ever wanted to be, my hero. I looked up to you. You were like, like a second father to me. Man...what am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to call you?” Rafiq asked me.

  “Call me H, like you always have, because the truth is, I’m what I’ve always been, your big brother. Mom and Pop are still your parents. They raised you, and despite how they might have treated me in the process, they were good to you and they loved you.” I shifted my eyes from Rafiq to my parents, who were now sitting side by side on the bed as my father tried to comfort my mother. “Mom, Pop, I’ve never thanked you for raising Rafiq, so I’m gonna do that now. Thank you for raising my son. You didn’t have to, but you did, and I appreciate you. If you hadn’t, there’s no telling what might have happened to him. I got to see him grow up and be safe and loved, and that means a lot to me.” I turned back to Rafiq. “’Fiq, I regret a lot of stuff, but you being in this world is not one of them. I love you, and I’m proud of the man you’re becoming. I don’t know how to be a father to you, and I don’t need to, because we both have a good father already, but if you’ll let me, I’ll keep being the best brother I can be to you.”

  He stepped closer to me and pulled me into a hug. “I love you, too, man. Father, brother, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. I love you, H.”

  He let me go and hugged our parents, too. Then he said, “What do I do about that lady, my-my mother?”

  I shrugged. “That’s up to you.”

  He looked from me to our parents again. “I can’t talk to her, not right now. I mean, I just can’t. Maybe one day...”

  I nodded. “I understand.”

  “Yeah, maybe one day I’ll get to know her, but today, I got what I need right here. Y’all are all I know. Y’all are all I wanna know.”

  41

  I was trying to clean up Rafiq’s living room when he and Hasaan made it back. Hasaan took one look at the place, and said, “Oh, shit.”r />
  I swept the last of the glass onto the dust pan and walked into the kitchen without responding.

  Hasaan followed me. “Uh, baby? What happened? You didn’t—”

  I spun around and faced Hasaan and Rafiq, who was right behind him. “Rafiq, I owe you a new coffee table and a lamp.”

  Rafiq frowned. “What happened?”

  “I beat that white woman’s ass,” I said matter-of-factly.

  Rafiq’s mouth dropped open.

  “Um, where is she now? I mean, you didn’t kill her, did you?” Hasaan asked.

  “No! You see a body around here? I’m strong, but I can’t move a body by my damn self.”

  “Okay, that’s good. Um, baby—”

  “Look, she now understands that she can’t just show her ass up whenever the mood hits her. And she understands that following you is not acceptable at all. From now on, Rafiq will contact her if he chooses to.”

  Rafiq raised both hands. “Nah, I’m good for right now. But damn, H! You marrying a real G!”

  Hasaan looked down at me and smiled. “Yeah, I figured that out a while ago.” He leaned in and kissed me. “What am I gonna do about you and that temper of yours?”

  “Baby, I’ma work on my temper, but you know she deserved to have her ass kicked. You’re a man, so you couldn’t do it. I’m your woman, so it was my pleasure to stand in proxy for you.”

  He shook his head as he wrapped an arm around me. “You have no idea how much I love your little short, crazy ass. No idea.”

  I smiled up at him. “I bet I love you more.”

  By then, Rafiq was in his living room on the phone. “Hey, Thalia? Yeah, I need to know something. Would you whoop a woman’s ass over me? Like if you knew she did something to hurt me in the past?”

  I could hear Thalia’s shrill voice through the phone. “Hell, yeah!”

  He smiled. “I think I want you to move in with me.”

  42

  I married Denise Buhari on December fifth in Dallas, Texas, in the living room of our brand new house. There, surrounded by our family and friends with Rafiq as my best man and Trevia And Greer as her matrons of honor, we vowed to love each other forever, and I meant every single word.