Starting Over

by Sheri S. Levy

  “I think Mother recognized her secret behavior glowed like a red flare. And I thought Dad was going to boil over like lava. He knew Mother wasn’t thinking about me, but herself. I quickly told them, how I’ve gotten attached to Knight, and how I wanted to compete with him. The clincher was how I’ve found my something special.” Morgan paused.

  I waited her out.

  “Okay. Here’s my new idea.” She snickered. “I plan to learn therapeutic skills with Knight and work with special needs people like you do with dogs.”

  “Wow! You never told me.”

  “I have other reasons I’ll share later.” Morgan’s voice soared with excitement. “I’ve been watching you and Colton. I’ve heard the stories about Sydney and Logan at the beach from Sarah.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know.” I smiled and my heart swelled with warmth.

  “Anyway, Dad nodded. His eyes were wet when he said, ‘I always believed you were content if you were at the barn.’ I looked him square in the face and told him, ‘Part of that was right. I just didn’t like being stranded for hours at a time, never knowing when someone was going to get me, or if I needed to call the taxi.’ Then Dad choked and asked. ‘What do you mean, call a taxi?’

  “This is when I realized Dad had no clue about how my life played out when he traveled. He made me feel terrific when he raised his voice at Mother. Her face sagged. I couldn’t tell if she was angry at me or Dad or maybe with herself. All I know is Dad asked her to follow him to their bedroom. Watching them leave made me want to set off fireworks.

  “When Mother and Dad returned, she sat in front of me and looked at the floor. She took a long breath and lifted her chin. Her stern face showed no emotion at all as she began talking. ‘Morgan, as I grew up, my mother—your grandmother, whom you never met—was overwhelmed with four kids and teaching school. Your grandfather was a doctor and gone all the time. Mother ignored me and badgered me to do well in school. Now, I see she wanted me to be different from her and to have a better future. I always thought it was because I could never be good enough for her. She pushed me into studying and setting goals, and I tried to do those things to gain her love. Which never happened.’”

  As Morgan said this, I blinked to clear my eyes. The pain meds and her story caused an eruption of emotion and I lost all control. With my tears overflowing and dripping down my cheek, I moved my mouth away from the speaker.

  Morgan sobbed on the other end of the phone and caught her breath. “Between Mother’s waterworks she told me, ‘Until now I never realized I was doing the same thing to you.’ Shocked by her comment, I just stared at her. She held my chin, making sure I paid attention as she said. ‘I’m going to get some counseling. And maybe we should all go.’”

  I blurted. “Oh, Morgan, that’s great. So you didn’t get into a lot of trouble?”

  “I guess I should say no,” Morgan grumbled. “But now I have to check in with my parents, especially my Dad, and tell them where I am. I don’t really mind. It’s actually kind of nice that they’re interested. Listen to this.” Morgan’s voice grew shriller. “Our next horse show is in Florida. And they’re going to let me miss three days of school. And we’ll stay with my Grands. They have a barn, and Knight can stay with us. And I can practice in their arena. Everyone is going to watch my events. I will practice hard now.”

  “Yay!” I bumped my shoulders to my ears. “Once I have a wheelchair, I’ll have free hands and can video you on my new phone.”

  Morgan added a spark to her voice. “Sounds like a plan. Ugh. Got to go. Footsteps coming this way.”

  Chapter 35

  Tuesday evening, I worried myself sick about Colton coming home. How long would this terrible pain last? Could I train Colton from a wheelchair? The moon slipped away as the sun rose. In a few hours, I’d get the real cast and start counting down the days until Colton was home.

  Dr. Mack made me promise to stay down until all the pain had disappeared. He warned me, “The earliest you should return to school is one week from today, but it depends on how your ankle is healing. If it still hurts, you need to stay off your feet.”

  My brain lit. Anxious about getting Colton back home, I decided to fake it.

  Six days later, Dad argued with Mom about letting me go back to school one day early.

  She put her hands on her hip. “It hasn’t been a whole week.”

  He lifted his head, smiled, “If Trina says she’s doing well, we need to believe her.” He grinned at me.

  He didn’t persuade Mom.

  On Wednesday, Mom gave in. Dad drove Sarah and me to school. He pulled out my crutches from the backseat, and Sarah grabbed my book bag. For years, I had found quiet ways to help others and stay unnoticed. As I hauled myself down the hallway, friends and acquaintances noticed me in my purple cast and on crutches. In seconds, they surrounded me like an eager mob seeing a celebrity, and I had nowhere to hide.

  “Trina!” Wesley yelled.

  I recognized his voice before I saw his face, and wanted to turn the other direction. What in the world? I didn’t know Wesley was at my school. We never talked about school or other things, only dog stuff.

  He shoved through the crowd, pushing them out of his way. He reached his hand out to Sarah. “Here. Give me her book bag.” And pulled the book bag from her hands.

  Sarah scowled at Wesley, and then glanced at me.

  I shrugged. I wanted to hide my blushing face, but I had no free hands. “Thanks, Sarah. I’ll see you later.” Not wanting to make a scene, I let him carry the backpack. “Okay. I’m heading to English on the next hallway.”

  He grinned from ear to ear. “I know. I’m in the same class.”

  I lifted my head. “You are?”

  He snorted. “I’m behind you, three rows back. I saw your empty seat. Just transferred on Monday. Ms. Stevens mentioned to the class why you were absent.”

  My eyebrows spiked. “You never said anything about moving or changing schools at my birthday party.”

  “I had a feeling I’d scare you if I was around too much. But see? It worked out. Now you know. I took notes for you yesterday and gave them to your friend.”

  “Sarah?” I scrunched my face, thinking. “She never said anything last night about who gave her my homework. Thank you, Wesley. That was very nice. Are you in any other classes with me that I don’t know about?”

  “No.” His smile dissolved, and then his eyes glimmered with hope. “But I could meet you at your other classes and help you get to the next ones.”

  This was getting to be a bit much. “That’s very nice, but I don’t think I’m going to need help from room to room. I have to learn to do things on my own so Colton can come home.”

  His head drooped, and he stared at his shoes. “Okay. But will you let me call you and check on you?”

  “That’d be fine. When I get home, I won’t be going anywhere.”

  He smiled and let me hop in front of him. Mrs. Stevens had me change seats with Freddy, who sat on the end of the row. She placed an extra chair next to my desk and propped my leg on it. As soon as I settled in my seat, I glanced back to where Wesley sat.

  He waved. I cracked a small smile and the flush of warmth trickled up my neck.

  Mrs. Stevens announced to the class. “It’s nice to have you back, Trina.”

  Friends agreed. I smiled for second before I bent my head and twisted a loose curl.

  Every time I glanced at the clock, it seemed to be stuck. My ankle throbbed and burned. I couldn’t concentrate on what the teachers said nor take decent notes. I stared straight ahead, letting my thoughts worry on what Colton was doing. Two more days and he’d be home, unless Ms. Sue thought he wasn’t up to par on his training skills.

  In the last class of the day, Social Studies, I fell asleep sideways. My friend, Janie, sitting next to me, tapped my arm just before the bell blared. She h
ad written down our homework and handed it to me.

  “Thank you. I’m out of it today. This has been really difficult.”

  Janie smiled and said, “Ms. Lester knew how you felt and told the class to let you sleep.”

  I leaned on my elbows and covered my cheeks with my hands. Sarah walked over to help from the other side of the room. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

  Clomping down the hall, I didn’t make any eye contact and forced a smile as other students offered support. Seeing Mom parked in the handicap spot by the front door brought instant relief.

  Poof! Wesley appeared. He shoved himself between Sarah and me. She backed away as he opened the front car door, helped me slide in, and placed my cast on the floor. He proceeded to place my crutches in the open trunk, and then waved goodbye. I tried not to grimace.

  Sarah climbed in the backseat behind me, leaned forward, and rubbed my shoulder. “Wesley! He’s too much!”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “What is wrong with him?” And then I moaned. “Mom, please, take me home.”

  Just two days until Colton would return. I planned to not complain about hurting, but I secretly wondered how in the world I’d care for Colton or train him.

  The next day, Mom studied me at the breakfast table. “Did you get any sleep, Trina? You don’t look well.”

  My head hung low. I dripped some milk on my tongue and swallowed one Cheerio. My stomach didn’t want it. I hadn’t finished my homework and dreaded going back to school. But my motivation was to get Colton home. With me. If I couldn’t do regular activities, no way they’d let him come back. I resisted looking up and spoke to my bowl. “I’m okay. I did wake-up a thousand times, but I’ll be fine. I just have to make it two more days.”

  Mom pulled her chair closer to me. “Honey. Look up. I want to see your eyes.”

  I didn’t move. She lifted my face to hers, and I twisted the other direction.

  “Why are you hiding your face?”

  “I miss Colton, and I’m scared.” I glanced up for a second, not wanting her to see my blood-shot eyes.

  “Trina, you have nothing to be frightened of. Ms. Jen wants you to get well and be his trainer. This is just a minor setback. You need to be honest with yourself. If you bring Colton home too soon, it may slow down his learning. I’d say, no more school this week. I want you to do your assignments here and rest. Then you’ll have to decide if you’re ready for Colton to come home. Ms. Sue is taking him on all kinds of outings, and he’s with other puppies. He’s happy and doing well. But he’s still yours.”

  I raised my head and tears blurred my vision. “Can I go back to bed for a little while?”

  “Yes. I’ll wake you when Sarah comes to give you your homework.

  Mom helped me to the guest room, and I collapsed into bed. As soon as she disappeared my chin trembled and my face puckered. My armpits and hands already ached as much as my leg. Six weeks in this awful cast. And then I have to wear a walking boot for two more weeks. After burying my face under the covers, I grumbled and pounded the mattress then cried until I ran out of tears. No one could hear me. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. I couldn’t spend any more time feeling sorry for myself. Maybe next week, I’d begin working with Colton in the wheelchair. I needed hands.

  The pain was tolerable if I didn’t move. Mom brought me a protein milkshake and some vitamins, and yesterday’s homework. The minute I started to study, I fell back on my pillow, and slept another couple of hours.

  Dreams filled my head with memories of Colton’s first night, his first bath, his first walk on the grass. I remembered his face watching his first bird flying overhead, and his body quivering as his first squirrel darted in front of him and dashed up a tree. There were so many firsts, they ran on and on like a movie show. Someone rang the doorbell, and the movie fast-forwarded to Colton racing at the front door. But I woke to voices. One sounded like Sarah. I wanted to be alert and seem wide awake. I only had one more day until the verdict was decided on Colton coming home.

  Footsteps headed my way. I heard Mom saying, “She’s slept all day. It is time to wake her up and get her moving.” Then I only heard whispers. I worried about what Mom wasn’t saying out loud.

  I sat up, stepped down on the floor with my good foot, and grabbed my crutches. They both jolted when they saw me approach. “Hi Sarah. I heard your voice. Let’s go to the den.”

  Mom tossed her head up and smiled. “How about some chocolate chip cookies. I baked them while you slept.”

  “Yum. I smell them. I’m actually hungry.

  “Oh, I love hearing that. I’ll make you a grilled cheese sandwich. Sarah, do you want one?”

  “No thanks, Mrs. R, but I’ll have a cookie. I can’t stay long. I have a ton of homework and soccer practice.”

  I made a quick trip to the restroom by myself. Wobbling made my leg throb. I hopped my way back to the kitchen exhausted but put on a happy face.

  Sarah filled me in on school. “Poor Wesley. He waited for you to show up at school and refused to go to class when the bell rang. The principal came out and told him he had to go to class. He gave me this English assignment after school and said he was going to call you. So be prepared.”

  “He’s too much.” I snickered. “I’m not going back tomorrow. I need more time to recover and catch up on my work.”

  Sarah’s eyes smiled. “How’s that going?”

  “Not well so far. Maybe this afternoon I’ll make some headway.”

  We chatted, and I nibbled on my sandwich. I got one half of it down and broke a corner off of a cookie. I slumped in my chair and my chin fell to my chest. “I think, I need to lie down.”

  Sarah followed me to the bedroom and helped move my leg across the bed. “Give me your phone. I’ve found this new app to add a tune to the person’s name. I’m putting in the lyrics, “Oh…I Won’t Let You Down,” on my name. Whenever you hear that tune, you’ll know it’s me. She poked around on my phone and then called me from her phone.

  We listened to the words play twice.

  “I won’t let you down,” and I hung up. “Oh, that’s fun! Thanks.”

  “Here, hand me your phone again. Let’s add one for Chase. What song do you want to use?”

  “Umm. How about, “When I’m With You.’”

  Sarah giggled. “That’s a good one. I guess you’ll have to test it out when he calls.” She leaned over and gave me a tiny hug. “I’ll come see you after school tomorrow. I called Peyton and told him about your ankle. He’s telling Chase.”

  My head flopped back on my pillow. “Did you two talk any?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah. He’s staying busy like I am. He’s passed his learner’s test and is practicing driving. Maybe once he has his license, we’ll all be able to see each other.”

  “That’d be great.” My eyes closed for a second, and then I forced them open. “Thanks for coming. But Sarah, please don’t tell anyone at school how I’m really doing. I don’t need them feeling sorry for me. I have to prove I’m ready for Colton to come home.”

  She gave me a thumbs up and winked. “I won’t let you down.”

  Chapter 36

  On Saturday morning, Mom’s phone rang. I hoped it was Chase, but he would have called my cell phone. I would have heard my tune. My heavy heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. It had to be Ms. Sue. Being honest with myself hurt. I was behind in my studies, and I couldn’t stay up for more than a few minutes. My heart pounded so hard it was like hearing a constant drum beat inside my head.

  Mom answered the phone. I flung myself into the kitchen, and in between my pulsating heartbeats, I listened to her side of the conversation.

  Mom nodded and repeated, “That’s wonderful…We sure miss him…Yes. I think so. Trina’s right here. Let me get her on the phone. She’ll be thrilled to hear all the good news.”

 
; My hands sweated, and I couldn’t get any air into my lungs. My good leg shivered. I had to get a hold of myself. Mom continued to speak into the phone, giving me time to settle in a chair. As soon as she handed me her phone, I licked my lips and tried to speak, but nothing came out. I cleared my throat, and suddenly a whisper emerged. “Hi, Ms. Sue. Sorry, I’m having a hard time talking. I’ve missed Colton and I’m worried about him.”

  She answered, “There’s no reason for you to be concerned. He’s happy and doing well. You need to get yourself strong so you can take over.”

  Silence hung on the phone. I didn’t know what to say. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I needed him to be with me.

  “Trina, I know your mom has said it’s your decision, and it should be. Both of your parents are working, and you have to go to school. I know you miss him, but this is the tough decision. Are you ready to work with him?”

  My stomach did a somersault. I stared at Mom through my tears. I shook my head, blotting my lips, making them disappear. Not able to say a word, I handed the phone to mom.

  Mom’s eyes leaked, and she leaned over to put her arm around my shoulders. “Sue, Trina knows she’s not ready. I think one more week, and she’ll be up and around.”

  I couldn’t listen anymore and hauled myself back to bed. My heart ached like someone had drilled a hole right through it. I let myself cry for a few minutes and then made up my mind. I had to start pushing myself to get stronger, do my homework, and be ready for Colton next Saturday.

  Over the weekend, I wiggled my toes, kept my cast high above my heart on a stack of pillows, and didn’t take any meds. I forced myself to tackle my assignments and eat. I had to get my strength back.

  Monday morning, Mom folded her arms and shook her head. “I’m going to have a say this time. And it’s no. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.”

  That evening, my cell phone rang with “When I’m With You.” My hands flew to my chest. I wanted to squeal. Chase!

  Frustration and excitement made my heart gallop. I had carried my phone in my pocket for days, getting more bothered with each day that passed. I let the short tune repeat twice, thought about not answering, and then answered in a perky voice. “Hey, Chase. What’s up?”