Starting Over

by Sheri S. Levy

  “You don’t need to pretend you’re okay. Sarah called Wednesday and told Peyton about your accident. I feel terrible I haven’t spoken to you. How’s the ankle?”

  He paused long enough for me to say, “Okay.”

  “Oh, that’s good. I’m assuming you didn’t call me because you felt so bad. I hope you’re not mad at me? Will you tell me what happened?”

  “I will, but first, I want to hear what you’ve been doing. It’s been a while.” I didn’t mean to sound annoyed. Or maybe I did.

  “Oh, just busy with stuff. Logan and Sydney keep me hopping. I’ve gotten involved with the art club at school. Did you know that Jessica—she said she knows you from PAALS—goes to my school? We’re making posters and designs for tee shirts for their next fund raiser. My way of getting involved.”

  My body tensed. I lowered my voice and spoke slow to stay in control. “Aww. That’s why I haven’t heard from you.” My eyes burned. Closing them, I clenched my jaw and told myself not to be jealous. But anger took over. I couldn’t handle any more pain. “Chase, I’m not feeling well. Can we talk another time?”

  There was a long silence. His voice softened and he whispered. “Please don’t think I’m ignoring you. I think of you every day, but it is so hard being so far away. Just because I’m staying busy, doesn’t make me miss you less. I’m going to hang up and call back tomorrow. Please answer the phone. I still want us to be, you know, friends.”

  And he hung up.

  I crashed on the couch, irritated. He must have been, too. I hadn’t answered him, and we left each other upset. That added a new pain to the list: a crumbled heart.

  Boys! They were nothing but trouble.

  Tuesday morning, I tried hard to look normal, but I didn’t pass the test. That night Chase called, but I didn’t answer. I needed time to figure out how to handle us being apart.

  Wednesday, I moved a little better, but Mom firmly put her foot down.

  Thursday, I woke early, dressed, and fixed my own cereal. When Mom entered the kitchen, I smiled up at her with a full mouth.

  She tilted her head, looked at me sideways. “So you think you’re ready?”

  I nodded.

  “You can handle school all day?”

  I nodded, twice. Now, I’d prove to her I was ready.

  Mom poured herself a cup of coffee, sat at the table, staring at me.

  I had laid a plastic grocery bag on my lap. I put my spoon and empty bowl in the bag, slid my hand through the opening, and gripped the crutches. The bag hung from my wrist and flopped back and forth as I hobbled to the sink.

  Mom laughed and stood. “Enough. You’ve proved your point. I’ll get your book bag and take you to school.”

  At the front circle, Wesley rushed to my car. Mom snickered and pushed the button to pop open the trunk. He lifted the crutches, helped me stand, snatched my book bag from the back seat, and threw it over his left shoulder.

  I shook my head in awe. “How’d you know I was coming back to school?”

  He shrugged, grinning. “I’ve waited each day, knowing you’d eventually come back. I planned to be here when you returned.”

  Exasperation made me scowl, and then a smile slipped out. “Thanks, Wesley.”

  In each class, a friend guided me through the maze of chairs or desks to a side table where I could prop my leg. Wesley supplied a small pillow for me in English. I had never felt so pampered. Determined to be cheerful and pay attention, I breezed through the first two classes. Then the day started to wear me down.

  By lunch time, I ached all over from the crutches and lost my appetite. After making myself eat half of my sandwich, I had a few minutes to stretch out on the cot in the nurse’s office and waited for the next bell. Only two more classes to go.

  After school, Sarah made sure I had all my books, carried my book bag, and rattled on in a whisper all the way home. Mom dropped her at home. I napped in the recliner with my phone timed for one hour. Before starting homework, I sipped a protein drink. I had work to do. One day down, and only one more to go.

  Morgan surprised me by coming over to visit and filled me in about the barn, Mrs. B, Chancy, and Knight. “The only thing I can’t do are the horse treats at night. Mom and Dad expect me to be home. I’m still checking in with them even if they’re not around. Dad is having an easier time juggling his schedule, but Mother forgets. Or gets tied up, so I still call the taxi. Dad is involved in everything that is happening. Once you’re up and around, the horses will be happy to have you back. This Saturday?” Morgan paused, and wiggled her nose. “You’re getting Colton back, right?”

  “That’s the plan.” I smiled a giant grin. “I’m not babying myself any more. I have to get with it.”

  She clapped. “If he comes back on Saturday, I—”

  I held the palm of my hand in front of her face. “There’s no if. Colton will be back on Saturday.”

  “Super! I’ll be over to help.” Her eyes lit up. “Remember, I promised you when you helped me. You’ll have to show me what you need me to do. Okay?”

  “That’d be great. How are you with writing? Math? I’m really falling behind in math, and making a ton of mistakes in my writing. Maybe it’s the meds.”

  Morgan smiled. “Trina, I have played down my academic skills. If my parents knew how easy things were for me, they’d demand more. I purposely bring home unfinished work, so they think I’m not doing well. Instead of attention, I used to get left behind so I’d work harder. It was a vicious circle, but it’s definitely getting better now.”

  “That’s terrible.” I reached out toward her and grimaced “Morgan, I’m getting sore and stiff. I need to move around. Would you mind getting my crutches? I’m not getting stronger sitting here.” I took my phone out of my pocket and checked to see if I had missed any calls. No messages, so I left it on the side table.”

  Morgan followed me outside, and we sat on the porch. She helped raise my leg onto a pillow. “What’s happening with you and Knight? Are you ready for your next show?”

  “I’m working hard, and Knight is fantastic. We’ll leave next Wednesday. I’ll have a couple days with my grandparents before the show. Everyone plans to watch each event. I hope I place, so they’ll want to watch again.”

  I shook my head. “It shouldn’t matter if you win, but you’re trying your best and having fun.”

  “Right.” Morgan whined and then gave a small chuckle. “Well, my family isn’t like yours. I’m taking this one step at a time.”

  “Probably a good idea. Hang in there. I’m pulling for you to work this out.”

  I had mastered staying awake and doing all of my assignments, just not as carefully as I should. At night, I lay awake, figuring out what I really wanted to do. In my spare time, I spent hours researching agility training on the computer. Colton was too young to jump. He had to be at least a year old, but there were many obstacles we could do with me in a wheelchair.

  The computer spelled out the directions on how to teach a puppy to go through the tunnel, navigate the weave poles, and walk on a flat board. Kids younger than me were running their dogs through courses and competing. Puppy agility was encouraged for mischievous and energetic dogs, and it was cheaper than competing with a horse.

  Friday afternoon, I struggled to make the trip to the barn with my crutches over bumps and around holes in the dirt path. When I got close, I called out to Chancy. Hearing my voice, she neighed from her stall. My heart raced with delight and anxiety. Life was getting back to normal, but I was limited on choices.

  As I stood in the barn, Chancy swung her head sideways, interrupting Heather’s task at tacking up. My stomach knotted, and I couldn’t catch my breath. Heather’s long brown hair was clipped with a barrette under her riding hat. Curious to see why Chancy reacted, she peeked my way.

  Her shoulders fell and in a halfhearted voic
e, she said, “Hi, Trina. Welcome back.”

  “Hey, Heather. Thanks for taking such good care of Chancy. I’ll watch you two ride.”

  Her hazel eyes widened. “Really?”

  “I won’t be riding for a long while.” I looked down at my cast, inhaled through my nose, and whooshed it slowly threw my lips. “I’m glad you two are getting along. I’ll still come and see Chancy and do treats at night. You can keep her in shape.”

  Morgan walked over and stood next to Heather.

  I glanced at Morgan. “I can still help with a few things at the barn. Then my eyes fell to the floor. “It will be months before my ankle is healed.” I braved looking up and caught Heather’s face.

  Heather stared at me. “So, it would be okay if I ride Chancy every day?”

  “Yep.” A boulder crashed into the pit of my stomach. Squirming to hide my ache, I nodded in Heather’s direction, and said what she wanted to hear. “That’d be good for her.”

  And then I turned away.

  Chapter 37

  October

  Saturday was like having Christmas morning during the second week of October. Butterfly wings tickled the inside of my stomach. My legs and arms tingled with anticipation. Dad surprised me first thing in the morning with a wheelchair.

  And Morgan waited with me for Colton to arrive. I sat in my wheelchair rolling back and forth, back and forth, until she fussed. “Stop moving. You’re making me crazy!”

  I maneuvered the chair by the front window. “What time is it? How much longer before they’re here?”

  “They’ll get here.” Morgan made a face at me. “You never know how much traffic is on the road.”

  I stared at the driveway. “What if they were in a car accident?”

  “Trina. Stop that.” Morgan shook her finger in my face. “They’re just running behind.”

  Just as Morgan finished her sentence, I spotted a car through the branches of red, orange and yellow leaves on the street. I screamed. “They’re here!” I turned the wheels as fast as my arms could push, but I still didn’t get there fast enough.

  Mom and Dad faked not being excited. They let Morgan help me over the threshold. I waited outside on the porch, all jittery inside. When I saw my boy bouncing in his harness on the backseat, every part of me buzzed.

  Dad opened the back door, unharnessed Colton, and lifted him in his arms. I wanted to run to him, but I had to wait until Dad set him on my lap. Colton licked each tear dripping down my cheek as I held him tightly. He seemed to have doubled in size during his missing three weeks.

  His warm eyes stared into mine, tilting his head, as if questioning me. Where did you go? How come you gave me away?

  I squeezed his body closer, and whispered in his ear, “I’ve missed you so much, and we’ll never be separated.” I choked and swallowed the words. Even though he didn’t know what they meant, I couldn’t go there. So I added. “Just wait until you see what fun I’ve planned for you.

  I started to roll us into the house, and Colton sat upright looking at the wheels and back at me. My body tingled with happiness. Having a broken ankle had given me a new opportunity with Colton’s training. We’d learn new tricks together.

  Morgan volunteered to walk Colton to the barn until I needed help getting the chair over bumps on the path. She handed me Colton’s leash, and for the first time in weeks, I gained control of my boy. Morgan chattered as she pushed me forward. I inhaled the cool, crisp air with a scent of burning leaves.

  Grinning, I finally had to ask. “So are you really allergic to dogs?”

  She leaned her head over my shoulder. “I had to have an excuse not to get close.”

  “And that would be because…?”

  “Now that you know about my family, you know I could never have a dog.” She snickered. “And if I liked Colton, which you know I do, I’d have trouble not wishing I had one.”

  “That makes sense.” I turned as around as far as I could in the chair and smiled at her. “I didn’t really believe you were allergic, anyway.”

  Chancy neighed as we headed toward the barn. Heather was already there. She smiled at us and removed Chancy’s bridle. Colton flopped across my lap, panting. I spoke to Chancy but didn’t rub her nose. It was Heather’s time with Chancy.

  I wrapped Colton’s leash around my wrist and had him Look, Sit, and Wait while Morgan tacked up. Then we followed her to the stadium. Colton lay next to my chair as she warmed-up. “Okay, Trina I’m ready. I’ll do my dressage routine.”

  I pulled out my fancy phone, and noticed I had two missed calls from Chase. How had I missed his song? I turned up the volume and made sure the sound was on.

  After staring at his name, the adrenaline hissed through my arms, and I clicked video. Trying to keep my hands steady, I got most of Morgan’s test. Instead of watching her test recording, my mind drifted to Chase. Guilt made me blush. I really had messed things up. We both were in the same spot, wanting to be together with no way of conquering the distance. And I wasn’t making it any easier on either one of us.

  She walked Knight to the fence. “Okay, Trina. Let me see what I need to do.”

  My thoughts of Chase interfered. I only caught snatches of her comments.

  “Oh, I need to work on my…I went too far before I saluted. Umm. What else?” She stared at the video and moaned. “Knight…we’re supposed to be walking. And, I see my posture isn’t right.…and my hands…Okay, Trina, let me try again.”

  My head popped up, and I pretended to be in step with her. “Ready?” I asked with feigned enthusiasm. We repeated the process, me filming and Morgan correcting those sections until my leg screamed. I was at my limit, and waved to Morgan, “We’re out of here. I’ve had enough. Come over for lunch.”

  Morgan waved back, hoped off Knight, and set up more jumps. “Will do.”

  At home, I lifted myself on my good leg, scrambled butt first into the recliner, and texted Chase, apologizing for being so stubborn. Colt curled under his paws next to the chair, and I dozed off until my phone played “When I’m With You.”

  I didn’t let the song play long. “Hey, Stranger!”

  Chase said a sad, “Hey!”

  “I probably shouldn’t call you a stranger. It’s my fault, not yours. I was jealous. My leg ached, and my feelings hurt. I was a mess and not thinking straight. I’m sorry for not talking. Can we try again to be friends?”

  Chase made a mournful sigh. “That would make me really happy. I’m not sleeping and not able to focus on anything. If I could make the miles go away, I’d be at your front door.”

  “I know. I feel the same way. Let’s promise to share everything. We can pretend we’re in front of each other and talk. Maybe one day we’ll be back together, but for now, it’s okay if you’re with other girls. Just don’t like them too much. Okay?”

  He chuckled and made crazy promises.

  “I’m so busy with training Colton, I don’t have time for anything else, but it’s nice to know we’ll still be good friends.”

  “Whew! I feel better already.” His voice cracked and a deeper twang came out. I had to smile. “One more thing we need to get straight. If we don’t have time to talk, neither one of us will get upset.”

  “Yes, I agree. With my new phone, I have unlimited texting now!” We talked for another thirty minutes catching up. I was wired, but enjoyed stretching out, day-dreaming about the days we had shared together.

  Morgan’s high pitched voice roused me from the kitchen, discussing her upcoming horse show with Mom. Not quite ready to move, I listened to Morgan’s conversation and her dreams spilling out. I hoped she’d be happy now.

  What about my dreams? Was I meant to train dogs? I’d been riding for years, but I hadn’t gotten very far. If I continued working at the barn, I could afford dog shows and the entry forms. But how could I be around the horses and
not feel the call to ride? My stomach ached those first few days of ignoring Chancy, and a rush of sadness started at my neck and tingled down my back. I pretended not to care as Heather became her friend, and by Wednesday I pushed myself to compliment her. Chancy would understand soon. I was not her caretaker right now.

  Morgan practiced for her last time before going off to her show. I stayed away until the weekend. I could call Chase anytime now, and that helped.

  Colton learned new commands, Tug and Drop. Once he grasped those skills, I’d tie ropes on door handles and let him learn to pull open doors, the refrigerator, and the dryer. He needed to learn to fetch things for me and turn on lights. My heart bubbled with eagerness. We had a lot of work ahead.

  Morgan called Wednesday evening and Thursday afternoon. For the first time, she talked like an excited child on her first excursion to Disney World. She babbled about her grandparents’ house and their barn, and how Knight loved their arena. She carried on about how she and Knight had become a team. I listened since getting a word in edgewise was impossible. She didn’t slow down until she told me about each of the activities they did together. After a short pause, she promised to call Friday evening after she had organized her tack room and walked the cross country course.

  Late Friday afternoon, I put my phone on the end table, propped my leg on pillows, and dozed. It seemed like only seconds since I had stretched out, but Mom patted my shoulder.

  “Time for dinner, Hon.”

  Colton hadn’t budged nor begged for dinner. He waited patiently for me to care for him. I glanced outside. The days were growing shorter and it was getting dark earlier. I checked my phone. No messages or calls. Every muscle in my stomach tightened and twisted. Maybe Morgan had forgotten me. Maybe she was too busy to call. I sighed and hoped everything was going as planned.