The Practice

by Grant C. Holland

  Dr. Benton smiled and nodded his head. He said, “I remember that very well. Many other children told me they wanted to be a veterinarian someday just like me, but you were the only one who was aiming directly for my job.”

  Thomas laughed. “I hope I didn’t force you into early retirement.”

  Ellen spoke up and said, “He should have retired earlier than he did.”

  Dr. Benton nodded. “Ellen did everything but drag me kicking and screaming out the door.” He said, “Thomas, now that you know the position here and are familiar with the community as an adult, obvious differences include the money and the number of colleagues, but are there other costs and benefits to consider?”

  Thomas rubbed his chin. He said, “Well, both you and Mrs. Benton know that I’m gay. There is a much more vibrant gay community in the city and more options for dates.”

  “You’re looking for dates?” asked Dr. Benton. What about the Rogers boy across the street. “You’ve spent a lot of time together. Am I misinformed about what that means?”

  “This is why I needed to talk to you, Dr. Benton. You see right through me. Yes, the time spent with Hadley means what you think, but we’ve hit a rough spot.”

  “You broke up?” asked Dr. Benton.

  Thomas looked at Ellen, and her face was a mask of disappointment. He said, “I don’t really know for sure, but I’m not sure he’s right for my future.”

  “Do you want him to be, Thomas?”

  Thomas sighed deeply. He knew deep in his heart that he wanted Hadley to be the one. That’s why he hated so much the walls thrown up by Hadley to keep their relationship from being known by people like Aunt Mae. He knew that he was falling in love, and he was trying to protect himself from even more pain in the future. Thomas finally said, “Yes, I do. I think I’m falling in love, Dr. Benton.”

  “Does he know that, Thomas?”

  Thomas assumed it was obvious. He gave Hadley a key. He invited him to spend the night. He brought Hadley into his entire life in Catlett’s Cove. Surely, Hadley understood it was something more than just a short-term thing. “He must, Dr. Benton.”

  Dr. Benton shook his head. “Thomas, one of the most important lessons of adulthood is to never make assumptions. If you want someone to know something, you have to tell them directly. If you love the Rogers boy, then tell him, Thomas. You might be surprised by the response.”

  Thomas slowly nodded in agreement. Then he asked, “One more question, Dr. Benton?”

  Dr. Benton said, “I doubt this is the last question of the night, but go right ahead.”

  “How did you know we were spending so much time together?”

  A playful smile curled Ellen’s lips. Dr. Benton asked, “How do you think a curious man spends his time in retirement?”

  22

  Hadley

  Hadley couldn’t remember a day in which he felt more nervous at work. He tried to keep his focus on the pattern punching, but it was difficult. Either he was busy wondering what was going on in Thomas’ life or he was focused on the impending conversation with Aunt Mae. In another eight hours, Hadley would never be able to hide again.

  Hadley drove straight home when the work day ended at 5:00 p.m. As he climbed out of his truck, he glanced across the street at the carriage house. He wondered how many pups were left. He wondered how Thomas was feeling. It was a major struggle, but he managed to stop himself from crossing the street just to check.

  Instead, he decided to bite the bullet and begin the conversation with Aunt Mae. He found her seated in the living room in her favorite chair watching the movie Key Largo with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. Aunt Mae silently held up her hand and whispered, “Two minutes.” That meant the movie was about to end, and Aunt Mae never wanted the endings to be interrupted. She once said, “The difference between a good movie and a great movie is in the end.”

  Hadley sat on the couch and watched the black-and-white images flicker by. His thoughts were far too fixated on what he had to say and how he should say it to pay any real attention to what was happening on the little screen. A moment later Aunt Mae clapped. Hadley loved that she always applauded at the end of movies that she liked, even when she was sitting alone at home.

  Aunt Mae turned the TV off with the remote control and asked, “How was your day, Hadley?”

  He lowered his head. “Long, very long.”

  She said, “You look a little distressed. Is something wrong?”

  Hadley blurted out, “Aunt Mae, I need to talk to you about something. It’s really important. I don’t know if I’m going to figure out exactly how to start, but we do need to talk.” He asked, “Would you like something to drink?”

  She raised an eyebrow. “There’s sweet tea in the refrigerator. I would like a glass of that, and you are welcome to have some, too, Hadley.”

  He said, “I think I need a beer. I’ll be right back.”

  Hadley watched his own hand shake as he poured the tea into a glass filled with ice cubes. He pulled a beer bottle from the fridge and dug through the kitchen drawer to find a church key to pop open the lid. He sucked down a mouthful of the beer and took a deep breath. Hadley thought about being in Thomas’ arms with Lucky sleeping happily on the foot of the bed. The thought brought a smile to his face.

  Hadley whispered, “This is for you and me both, Thomas.”

  Aunt Mae was sitting in her favorite chair, arms crossed over her chest. She looked like her old self with the cast gone from her wrist and more color back in her cheeks.

  He handed her the tea. “A nice, fresh glass of iced tea, Aunt Mae.”

  She said, “Your hand is shaking, Hadley. There’s no reason to be nervous around me.”

  Hadley said, “That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.” He seated himself on the couch and placed the beer bottle on a coaster. He asked, “Aunt Mae, can you tell me again about how you met Uncle Ed?”

  Aunt Mae scrunched up her face looking perplexed. “This is about Ed and me?”

  Hadley said, “No, but it’s a way for me to get to the point. Please play along, Aunt Mae.”

  She smiled softly. “Okay, Hadley, but I think you know all of these stories.”

  With a nod, he said, “But sometimes I like to hear them again.”

  Aunt Mae closed her eyes and leaned back. Hadley watched a gentle smile spread across her face. He knew that she was seeing Uncle Ed, the love of her life, in her mind. Opening her eyes again, she said, “I was from the wrong side of the tracks. I was sort of a hell raiser, and I had an undeserved reputation as a bad girl.”

  “You a bad girl, Aunt Mae?”

  “Yes, I wore tight sweaters. I liked to draw attention to myself, but boys assumed it meant that you would do more than a nice girl, too. Anyway, Ed was so handsome and so popular. I accidentally ran into him in the hall in our high school one day. It was a real collision. My books went all over the hall.”

  Hadley said, “Wow, that must have been embarrassing.”

  She said, “With any of the other boys it would have been. The popular girls and boys immediately started pointing and laughing, but Ed called them off. He told them they should be ashamed. I couldn’t believe a boy like Ed was protecting me like that.”

  “Uncle Ed was great.”

  “Yes, he was a wonderful man,” said Aunt Mae, “But he was also just an ordinary man. He was led by his sense of decency and knowing that everyone has the right to be treated fairly.”

  “He helped you pick up your books?” asked Hadley.

  “I had to crawl across the floor to gather my books. I can still remember the burning on my knees as they scraped along the hard linoleum. Ed helped me up, and as he did, he said, ‘You’re really pretty, what’s your name?’”

  “Wow,” said Hadley.

  She said, “We started to have little conversations each day at school and eventually he asked me on a date. We didn’t advertise being together, because neither of our groups of friends would have approved, but he di
dn’t hide it either.”

  “That’s such a wonderful story, Aunt Mae.”

  She smiled. “It was just the beginning of a story that lasted over fifty years, and it’s really not over. I feel his presence somewhere every day.”

  “How did you find the energy to face up to everybody who thought it was wrong?” asked Hadley.

  Aunt Mae unfolded her arms and placed them on the sides of the chair. She said, “Hadley, when you find the one that you truly love, you need to do everything in power to hang on to them for all you’re worth. Keep them in mind constantly and that will give you the strength.”

  Hadley bit his lip. “I guess so.”

  Opening her eyes wider, Aunt Mae said, “I’ve been meaning to ask you a question, Hadley.”

  “You have?”

  She nodded. “I haven’t seen him for awhile, so I’ve been curious. How are things with Thomas?”

  Hadley hesitated and blinked his eyes. He asked, “With…Thomas?”

  She smiled warmly. “You are very handsome together, and it was obvious how deeply he cares about you, Hadley. I was expecting to see him regularly. I even thought it was possible you found the one.”

  Hadley’s jaw dropped open wide. Aunt Mae did know. He wasn’t really sure how she knew, but it was obvious that she did know. Hadley’s throat suddenly turned dry, and his voice was hoarse as he asked, “How…did you know?”

  Aunt Mae clucked her tongue. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Hadley. It was obvious before he even arrived. It was the only realistic explanation for your panic over cooking dinner.”

  He hung his head and said, “Yes, we were dating.”

  A look of worry crossed Aunt Mae’s face. “Were? Has something happened.”

  “We had a big argument,” said Hadley.

  “Over what?” asked Aunt Mae.

  “Me trying to hide our relationship. I told him I wasn’t ready to come out, and most of all, I wasn’t ready to tell you about us.”

  She immediately asked, “Hadley, is he the one?”

  Hadley stared back at Aunt Mae. He swallowed hard. He thought of Thomas. He thought about the first kiss when he shoved Thomas away. He thought about the first time he touched Thomas’ naked body. Finally, Hadley said, “Yes.”

  Aunt Mae smiled. She said, “Then I’m sure it’s only a temporary problem. You are the one for him. I saw that in his eyes when we met. He’s yours, Hadley. You just need to go out and get him back.”

  Hadley sighed. “I hope it’s that easy.”

  “If he was a girl, I could tell you what to do, but he’s a man. I’m not sure, but maybe you can start by saying you’re sorry and telling him that you know he’s the man for you.”

  So much seemed to be happening at once. Hadley’s head was spinning with both comments and questions. He asked, “Aunt Mae, are you okay with me liking guys?”

  She said, “Hadley, you’re my great nephew, and great in more ways than just the relationship definition. Could you do anything about liking guys even I wasn’t okay with it?”

  Hadley knew that he learned that lesson when he tried to resist his attraction to Thomas. He shook his head. “No, I can’t.”

  “It’s just the way you are, Hadley. You have a lot of choices to make in life. You choose your job. You choose where to live. You choose whether to care for your great aunt, and you choose whether to say yes to a good man like Thomas, but, the way I understand it, you didn’t choose your feelings about men in general.”

  Hadley wiped at the corner of his eye. He said, “I went to the cemetery yesterday. I told mom and dad about Thomas in my own way.”

  “And…?” asked Aunt Mae.

  Hadley smiled softly. “That’s when I knew that I needed to let you know, too.”

  Aunt Mae said, “I don’t mean to make big speeches, Hadley, but you are who you are. You are a good, young man.'

  With a sigh, Hadley said, “I really hope it’s not too late with Thomas.”

  “You do realize you might have a house full of dogs forever?” asked Aunt Mae.

  Hadley laughed. The comment was a relief. He felt like he had been holding his breath for at least twenty minutes. The laughter shattered the tension, and he thought about Thomas with puppies clamoring at his pant legs. He said, “I think that comes with the territory, Aunt Mae. He’s a veterinarian. He loves animals.”

  “And he loves you, too, Hadley.”

  Hadley stood and walked across the room to Aunt Mae’s chair. He leaned down and wrapped her in his arms. He said, “You are an amazing woman, Aunt Mae. I’m so glad that you moved in here with me.”

  She smiled. “I must admit in that case, you were right, Hadley. I was just being a stubborn old woman. Now, you just need to bring Thomas back, so that I get to have a second handsome nephew.”

  23

  Thomas

  Dr. Benton’s advice was enough to set Thomas on the right track, but, as a medical professional, he still thought a second opinion would be helpful. He decided to pack up Molly and take her downtown to help continue her socialization, and he left Lucky with some rare quiet time entirely to herself. Molly was getting big enough that she was running her mother ragged. Her demands to play only stopped when she fell asleep in an exhausted heap in the middle of the floor.

  Thomas parked downtown and settled Molly into the dog carrying backpack he slung over his shoulders. The first stop would be Derek’s bookstore Undercover. Derek was always a little too busy with his own life to truly slow down and take stock, but he was a good observer and sounding board for his friends.

  Thomas pulled open the door and heard the jingle of the little bell announcing a new customer as he stepped inside. Molly squirmed in the carrier, and Thomas looked around letting his eyes adjust to the change in light intensity from the sunny day outside.

  Some significant changes had taken place in the store from the last time Thomas visited. It looked less cluttered, the lighting was brighter, and there was more seating available. Thomas was surprised to see Yale, instead of Derek, as he approached.

  “Well, look who stumbled in,” said Yale.

  “Yale, are you working here now?” asked Thomas.

  He nodded. “Yep, I started helping Derek out with the store. I made him take the day off today. I sent him home to spend the day writing. He will stop in for lunch, but otherwise he’s not allowed in the store until tomorrow.”

  Thomas grinned. “I think I like that take charge attitude, Yale. It fits you well.”

  “I’m doing my best.” Yale stepped behind Thomas and rubbed Molly’s head. He asked, “And who is this?”

  “That’s Molly. I think I told you about the pregnant dog that Hadley rescued?”

  “MmmHmmm.” Yale rubbed behind an ear while Molly tried to lick his hand.

  Thomas said, “This is the last of her puppies. I gave the others away to good homes, and I’m keeping Molly.”

  Yale said, “I can see why you kept her. She’s a little heartbreaker.”

  “She is adorable, and she’s a bundle of puppy energy.”

  Yale tilted his head to the right. “Speaking of Hadley. How are things going with him?”

  Thomas shrugged and said, “We hit sort of a rough patch.”

  Stepping around to Thomas’ front side so that he could look Thomas in the eye, Yale asked, “How rough is rough?”

  Thomas shifted slightly on his feet. “We had an argument. I was insisting that he come out.”

  Yale said, “Why don’t you come over here by the magazines and we can sit. We don’t have many customers in the morning, and we don’t have any but you so far. We can just relax and talk. Maybe you can take Molly out of the bag, too?”

  “I’ll do that, but I’ll keep her on the leash. If I just let her go, you’re likely to have chewed up picture books or something.”

  Thomas removed the backpack and pulled Molly out. She flailed her legs until he set her on the floor. Just as she started to bolt, he snapped the leash on her collar. H
e said, “She’ll have about a ten foot radius to roam. That should give her plenty of space.”

  Yale asked, “Didn’t you say Hadley is bisexual?”

  Thomas nodded. “Yes, he is.”

  “Is he the right guy, Thomas?”

  Thomas nodded again. “Yes, he is. I’ve never met anyone who comes close to Hadley.”

  “Does he know that? Did you tell him how you feel? Did you tell him that you love him?”

  Thomas reflected on the questions. He knew that Yale was quickly getting to the same kind of point that Dr. Benton made. He wasn’t forthcoming enough with Hadley. He treated everything too casually. Thomas said, “No, I didn’t.”

  Yale crossed one leg over another. “Well, look at it this way, Thomas. If you really aren’t the right one, and the two of you break up because you aren’t really in love, then obviously the two of you look for someone else, right?”

  Thomas nodded. “Yes, that makes sense.”

  Yale said, “I’m not bisexual, but if I was, and was rebounding from a bad experience with a guy, I sort of suspect I might go back to a woman next. So…what was the point of coming out about being into men?”

  Thomas whispered, “Being authentic…”

  Yale began to roll his eyes. “And how many gay men do you know that already question whether a bisexual person is being authentic in the first place? If I were you, I would be hoping Hadley would say he loves you, too, and the whole being out thing would take care of itself.”

  Thomas asked, “When did you get so smart, Yale?”

  Yale rolled his eyes again. “You just really need to go out there and open yourself up, Thomas. When someone is upset about somebody else not being open enough, they will usually find out they have been a little closed themselves when they look in the mirror.”

  Somehow Yale managed to get right to the center of everything. It was like he had a laser beam focused directly at Thomas’ heart. He knew that he wasn’t as open as he could be from the moment he set foot in Catlett’s Cove again. He was hedging, because he didn’t think he could really have it all. He didn’t think that everything that he needed and wanted was really there in the small town where he grew up.