The Search for Ulyssa

by Heidi J. Leavitt

  Kendra gave up. If she couldn’t even get Dina to understand how she felt, what hope did she have of fixing things with Bren?

  ♦

  The next day she sat in her regular spot when her afternoon seminar was over, waiting for Bren to finish. Her seminar ended half an hour before his, so she had plenty of time to agonize over what she should say to him.

  Tell him that kissing him had been a mistake? Tell him emphatically that she just wanted to be friends? Both of those sounded more hurtful than she wanted. Forget telling him anything and throw her arms around his neck and kiss him enthusiastically?

  I like that option best, Dina said.

  It is definitely appealing, Kendra agreed wistfully. But I don’t think he’ll get the idea that I just can’t live with myself if I go around kissing a guy who’s engaged, no matter how long distance the engagement is.

  However, when a quarter of an hour had passed from the time the classes let out and Bren still hadn’t come out to meet her, she started to grow worried. Was he avoiding her? A new thought occurred to her, one that made her feel even worse. Maybe he regretted kissing her? Maybe he hadn’t enjoyed it after all, and now he was going to go out of his way to make sure they didn’t end up alone again?

  You’re overthinking this, Dina said. I guess it’s possible he could regret it, but if he does I guarantee it’s not because he found kissing you a nasty experience. It’s more likely he regrets doing something that made you run out on him.

  Kendra tried to accept that. She knew on a rational level that she was being ridiculous, but her irrational brain seemed to have taken over—starting with that moment when Bren had drawn close to her in the study room and stared into her eyes.

  She was so distracted she didn’t notice Mikal until he was standing directly in front of her.

  “Waiting for Bren?”

  She jumped, her eyes flicking up to Mikal’s face. His expression was unreadable; for once he wasn’t sneering at her.

  Ugh, what does he want now? Dina complained.

  At least he’s alone this time. His thuggish friends were nowhere to be seen. There were still a good number of students milling around the courtyard as well, enjoying the late afternoon sun, so Kendra wasn’t nervous. But chatting with Mikal was way, way down on the list of things she wanted to do.

  “Yes, actually,” she said, looking around. She knew Mikal was in Bren’s seminar. “Have you seen him?”

  “He left early. He was ill, I think.”

  “Bren’s sick?”

  Is he really sick? Or just avoiding me again?

  “I think it’s a very short-term illness. The kind that you recover from once you get out of class early,” Mikal said.

  Avoiding you, Dina said.

  Kendra sighed. Here we go again.

  “I wanted to let you know that I’ve convinced Bren to come to an important meeting the night of the inaugural ball. So he won’t be able to go with you.”

  “What?” Kendra frowned at him. That made no sense at all. Bren had zero desire to attend any more “meetings” with Mikal. And why would he agree to something the night of the inaugural ball? He couldn’t back out on her now!

  “You’re a bad influence on both of us. I see that now,” Mikal said, his tone completely flat. “Stay away from my roommate. He’s not like the rest of you Citizens. You’ll only make him a target.” Then he spun on a heel and strode away without another word.

  Kendra stared after him, her mouth gaping open.

  What in the name of the stars was that about?

  Nothing good, Dina said grimly. I’m certain of it.

  Well, there’s no point in hunting Bren down at his room right now. Not if it means following Mikal there.

  You’ll just have to stake out his classes. He can’t skip them forever just to avoid you.

  He might try, Kendra said glumly.

  ♦

  As it turned out, though, she didn’t have to stake out his classes at all. When Kendra arrived at the study room in the library, Bren was already sitting with Zara, trying to hold a halting conversation in Denicorizen. They stopped when she trudged through the door, both heads swiveling her direction.

  “Hey guys,” she said, dumping her bag onto an empty chair and slumping into another. She avoided looking at either of them.

  “You are late today,” Zara observed.

  “Yeah,” Kendra said, shooting a glance at Bren. “I was waiting for someone who didn’t show.”

  He cleared his throat. “I, uh, had to leave the seminar early and run back to my room.”

  “Yeah, Mikal told me you left early. He said you were ill.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “But you look just fine to me.”

  Zara’s eyes widened, and she actually made eye contact with Kendra. “You stayed to converse with Mikal?” Her tone indicated that she thought Kendra was nuts. Clearly she remembered Mikal’s crazy attack on Hugo as well as Kendra did.

  “Not willingly,” she said. “He approached me while I was waiting for Bren.”

  Bren frowned at her but didn’t say anything.

  “What did he want?” Zara asked nervously.

  Kendra looked at Bren again. Had he told Mikal that he wasn’t going to the inaugural ball? His eyes dropped to the table.

  “Nothing important,” she muttered. She dug into her bag, pulling out the day’s Denicorizen practice sheet. “You know,” she said, changing the subject, “I think I can pronounce every phrase on today’s sheet. It’s a miracle!”

  That got a laugh out of both Bren and Zara, breaking the tension in the room. They went back to their stilted practice conversation while Kendra stared at her practice sheet.

  Aren’t you even going to ask him about the ball? Dina wanted to know.

  In a little while. She didn’t want to admit it, even to Dina, but she was afraid of what he might say.

  ♦

  Kendra didn’t gather her courage until after they had finished their study session and Zara hurried off to make it to her dance class on time. She collected her assignments slowly, stowing them carefully back in her bag, wondering if she should bring up yesterday’s kiss or her conversation with Mikal. Both subjects were so awkward she didn’t even know where to begin.

  You need to say something, though, Dina said. Or you won’t sleep again tonight.

  It was Bren who finally spoke first.

  “I’m sorry, Kendra. About yesterday, I mean. I don’t know what came over me.”

  She looked up at him, still struggling to find the right words. He ran both hands through his hair.

  “It’s crazy, the effect you have on me. But I know better. You just see me as a friend, and that friendship is a gift.”

  “Bren, I do see you as a friend, one of my best friends, but . . .”

  He held up a hand. “I know, and I promise you I won’t let anything get in the way of that again.”

  Kendra should have felt relieved, but she didn’t. Instead, his words felt like a shower of cold water, drenching all the butterflies that had been dancing in her stomach.

  Dina, wisely, remained silent, letting Kendra gather her thoughts. She pulled herself together, reminding herself that this was for the best, that she and Bren had no future anyway, that he was engaged, for Harrah’s sake.

  “OK,” she said, her voice wavering just the slightest bit. She hoped he didn’t hear it. “What about the ball? Will you still come with me?”

  He rubbed his cheek. “Well, Mikal is pretty much demanding that I go to some important event his father is hosting, and I figured that it’s probably better if I don’t go anyway . . . even as a friend. That way you can invite someone else, someone you like better.”

  She rolled her eyes. “There is no one I like better, Bren. Don’t be ridiculous. Who am I going to invite? Hugo?”

 
“At least Hugo wouldn’t crush your feet during a Blue Promenade.”

  “I promised you that you wouldn’t have to dance!”

  “But that would ruin the night for you. Can you honestly tell me that you want to spend your very first ball standing around and talking the whole time?” Bren said reasonably. She balled her hands into fists and stared at the floor. Why wouldn’t he just come? She knew Tiran was going to spend the whole evening with Markus. Yes, she wanted to dance, but if she could just get Bren there she was sure she could convince him to dance at least once.

  And sneak a kiss or two in? Dina added. Balls are supposed to be very romantic. The heroines in those books you borrow from Tiran are always managing to kiss handsome strangers at balls. Of course, Bren isn’t a stranger but . . .

  Dina! She sighed in resignation. It was probably just as well that Bren didn’t come. “Have it your way, Bren. But keep the invitation, just in case you change your mind.”

  13. The Inaugural Ball

  When the evening of the inaugural ball finally arrived, Kendra sat on a stool in Tiran’s room while her cousin carefully applied the adhesive for the tiny pattern of face jewels that would go on her cheek. Kendra had finished Tiran’s style first; she had meticulously pasted tiny teardrop-shaped sparkles up both sides of her neck. The hairstylist had already worked her magic on Kendra’s hair—long ringlets hung down her back. Tiran’s shiny black hair was swept up into a knot that made her look much older than she was. After returning from the stylist, they had taken turns applying a wide variety of cosmetics to each other’s faces. Neither Kendra nor Tiran regularly wore makeup, especially not the formal cosmetics that would be expected for the ball. But they had been practicing for weeks with Aunt Andie’s new kit, and Kendra felt she had done a pretty good job on her cousin’s face. The face jewels were the hardest part; she tried to hold perfectly still to make it easier for Tiran while listening hopefully for the terminal chime through the open door.

  You’re not going to hear a comm from your room all the way over here, Dina said unhelpfully. Besides, who are you expecting a comm from?

  Well, Bren could still change his mind. I don’t want to miss a comm from him. The dorm has some common terminals he could use.

  He’s been ignoring every reference you’ve made to the ball all week. He’s not going to change his mind.

  Kendra sighed heavily, and Tiran cocked her head to the side, coming out of her own reverie.

  “Still upset about Bren not coming?” she asked.

  “No,” Kendra lied, trying to smile. Tiran raised an eyebrow. “Just worrying about what I’m going to do all by myself while you’re off dancing with Markus.”

  “You don’t need to worry. I’m pretty sure you’ll be asked to dance so many times you won’t even get a break,” Tiran said as she scooped another jewel from the bowl on her nightstand. “You might even meet someone.”

  “Someone?”

  “You know, a tall, dark, handsome, mysterious someone,” Tiran said, waving a hand around. “Like Nerit does in Night at Monk Bridge.”

  “Nerit was a simpering idiot!” Kendra protested.

  “I’m not saying you’re like Nerit. But what if you met someone like Danyel?” Tiran pressed a hand to her chest. “Wouldn’t you love to be kidnapped by someone like that?”

  “Been there, done that. I don’t want to be kidnapped by anyone. It’s not romantic at all.” Kendra started to shake her head in disgust at Tiran’s romantic nonsense and then froze as Tiran tugged sharply at her head.

  “Don’t move,” she ordered. Kendra froze, holding her breath, and Tiran pressed the jewel against Kendra’s skin. “That’s because you were only a little kid.”

  “And because they were heartless criminals.” Kendra rolled her eyes. Tiran treated the kidnapping like it was some kind of exciting adventure.

  It’s a good thing she’s not having this conversation with your sister, Dina said.

  Yep. If anyone even so much as mentioned the kidnapping in general terms, Berry got panicky. Even after countless sessions with a psychologist. It was a major reason why Berry couldn’t bring herself to leave the family compound in Tarentino. Kendra, on the other hand, had never felt traumatized by what had happened. Perhaps it was because she had Dina with her the whole time, talking her through everything scary and helping to protect her. Perhaps it was because the kidnappers kept her, unlike Berry and Erik, with her mother. Between her mom and Dina, she’d never really been afraid, even when she probably should have been.

  “OK, so no kidnappers, then. What about Melmon in The Consuming Summit?” Tiran proposed.

  “A schizophrenic, brooding prince? Are you kidding?”

  “But he loves Rima more than his own life! He dies to save her!”

  Kendra snorted. “Thank goodness. Living with him would have been awful.”

  “Kendra! Rima’s story is about as romantic as it gets. Of course they would have been happy together.”

  Your cousin is seriously deluded, Dina remarked.

  Kendra gave a mental shrug. She’s in love with Markus. She can’t help but see romance in everything, I guess.

  “There.” Tiran pressed the last jewel along her cheekbone and then gently fanned her face with the dryer to set the adhesive. “Hopefully these are stuck on well enough to last the night.”

  ♦

  An hour later both girls were dressed and waiting in the front sitting room. Kendra’s uncle came down the stairs first, dressed almost completely in shiny black fabric, with wide-legged pants and a slim, long-sleeved shirt with a black brocade vest. The only color came from small flaps of lavender clipped to his band collar that Kendra realized must match her aunt’s dress. It was very different from the formal slimsuits she was used to seeing on Zenith, but it was nothing like the ruffled suits that her Denicorizen professors wore to class.

  “You look nice, Uncle Casey,” she offered.

  “Thank you, Kendra. Luckily formal wear in Roma is less hideous than Kruundin City casual wear. It could be worse, that’s for sure. Although,” he said, lifting a pant leg, “look at these shoes. They give me at least another three inches.” Kendra saw that they had tall, thick heels. “I’m not sure I can walk in them.”

  “I don’t want to hear any complaints about that from you!” Aunt Andie called from the top of the stairs. “I’m not sure I can even make it down the stairs in my shoes!”

  “Yeah, Dad, Mom definitely wins the shoe torture contest,” Tiran said with a laugh. Kendra watched her aunt grab the handrail and carefully make her way down the stairs in her narrow slippers with tall, stiletto heels.

  “You’re going to dance in those?” Uncle Casey’s eyes widened.

  “I’m going to do my best. I’ve been practicing.”

  Kendra and Tiran exchanged smirks. They had both seen Aunt Andie hobbling around the house in the slippers, trying to get used to the shoes ahead of time. Luckily, though the dress merchant had insisted that only high-heeled slippers would be fashionable at the ball, Aunt Andie had flatly insisted on reasonable shoes for both Kendra and Tiran.

  ♦

  When they made it through the palace security at the gates and started to walk up the main avenue toward the palace, Kendra gaped in awe, not caring that it must make her look like a rural bumpkin. The house before them could hardly be called a house. The enormous white stone building appeared to glow, with columns towering at least three stories high. Dina was impressed too.

  Look at all those windows! There must be at least sixty just here in the front!

  Can you imagine having to wash them? No wonder they kicked the king out!

  Everything about the exterior was ornate—and huge. Kendra had never seen anything like it before. Sure, there were big buildings on Zenith—the Quintan Edge took up several blocks, if she remembered correctly. But it was as boring to look at a
s a warehouse, and it had never been a family residence.

  They had just about reached the enormous front doors when Kendra felt a jolt of shock from Dina. Her steps faltered.

  What is it?

  She’s here.

  Ulyssa? asked Kendra excitedly.

  I can feel her. But I can’t tell where she is exactly. There was a mental groan from Dina’s side. Being tied to you with all your human senses has dulled my own.

  What should we do?

  Dina was silent for a moment as she considered.

  Just go ahead and enjoy the ball. I’ll keep searching for her. She must be shadowing someone here, though I can’t guess why. It’s not your aunt.

  Kendra was about to reply when her aunt asked the door attendant about the cloakroom. Tiran grabbed her hand and squeezed, flashing a brilliant smile. Kendra smiled back, letting her cousin’s enthusiasm seep into her mood. It was going to be a good night. Tiran was going to get to dance with Markus, and Dina had found her twinspark, even if she hadn’t communicated with her yet. Compared to that, it shouldn’t matter at all that Bren refused to come.

  But the tiny knot of gloom in her chest refused to give way.

  The women checked their cloaks and bags and adjusted their dresses in the retiring room while her uncle waited for them in the grand entry hall. Kendra looked down at her dress and smoothed the folds of her billowing turquoise skirt. The bodice was tight and sprinkled with tiny beads that sparkled in the bright glow of the dressing room lights. Her back and arms were bare, but her hair cascaded in spiral curls that covered her bare skin, leaving her feeling a little less exposed. What had looked so stunning and adult when she chose it felt far too risqué now that she had to walk out in front of hundreds of strangers.

  Aunt Andie noticed her fretting in front of the mirror and stepped behind her, adjusting the beaded band that held Kendra’s hair back from her face. Then her aunt put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed gently.

  “You look beautiful tonight, Kendra,” she reassured softly. The compliment warmed Kendra right through. Then her aunt grinned. “Even prettier than your mother, and that’s saying something. I spent my whole childhood jealous of my gorgeous older sister.” She laughed without a trace of bitterness. Kendra took courage from that and straightened her shoulders. She was going to enjoy tonight, just like Dina and Aunt Andie and Tiran wanted her too. She shoved all thoughts of Bren to the back of her mind.