The Good for Nothings

by Danielle Banas

  I tapped the screen of my comm, slipping the device into my pocket before stepping out of the shadows. The guard was hunting down another drink, and he didn’t even notice when I approached the warden, who was still dabbing his pants with a napkin, and tapped him on the back.

  “Hiya,” I greeted. “Fancy seeing you here.”

  “Cora Saros,” he growled. His aura glistened with triumph as he looked down his nose at me. “At last, you—”

  “Oh! You there! Hi!” I called to the warden’s guard, who was weaving back through the crowd, fresh drink in hand. When the man spotted me, he dropped his glass. It shattered on the floor.

  He raised his blaster, and the party around us ground to a halt.

  Sighing theatrically, I offered the guard my hands, waiting for his biting cold shackles to clamp around my wrists.

  “I guess you win,” I said. “You can arrest me now.”

  27

  Surrendering went against every instinct I possessed.

  “Anders is in position. How did it go down there?” I whispered to Wren once the guards pulled her from the labyrinth. I’d told them exactly where to find her. The partygoers jeered as we were paraded, handcuffed, through Verena’s foyer.

  Wren’s only response was a timid squeak.

  “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Elio?”

  “No. He’s right where he’s supposed to be. But … we hit a snag.”

  “What snag? No snags. Wren, we don’t have time for snags!”

  Wren gulped. “The chest was at the bottom of a well. Right where Verena said. But when we pulled it up … the key wasn’t with it.”

  “What?” I winced when the guard behind me, a brawny Andilly woman, shoved me up the ramp leading to the upper floors. Every step was one closer to Evelina. And if Wren was correct, we were about to face her while still missing the last piece of the puzzle.

  “It’s okay. It’s fine,” I muttered. “We don’t need the last key. We can just blast the chest open.”

  “Tried that already,” Wren said. “Didn’t work.”

  “Silence!” The guards cuffed both of us on the backs of our heads.

  “This is bad.” My chest throbbed, my mind foggy. “This is really, really bad.”

  If we couldn’t open the chest, Verena wouldn’t get what she wanted. And if Verena didn’t get what she wanted, I wouldn’t get what I wanted.

  “We rushed into this. And just why did I tell everyone to meet us on the roof? I mean, I guess every good showdown takes place on a roof, but like, what’s up with that?”

  “You’re nervous babbling,” Wren hissed. “Stop it.”

  “I said silence!” The guards smacked us again.

  As the screams of the crowd faded away, I was finally able to think over what Wren said. What Verena had said. She told us the chest was in the labyrinth … not the key. And yet, it had to be in the mansion somewhere. Surely she would have told us if it wasn’t, if our plan was useless, if …

  Oh stars.

  Verena’s hoarse voice filled my mind.

  How is your grandmother?

  Our paths have crossed.

  The key was in the mansion. But it wasn’t with the treasure chest.

  “Wren,” I gasped, “the last key is with—”

  “SILENCE!” shouted the guards. They shoved us forward, hard enough to make us stumble. The door on the top floor of the mansion was thrust open, shadows from the cliffs around us flooding the air like spilled ink.

  Evelina couldn’t even do me the courtesy of looking at me. She glanced up from the far side of the roof, which dropped off sharply above an angry sea, and had eyes for only Wren.

  “Where is it?” she hissed, hurrying forward. Our side of the tile roof sloped down gently toward the mansion gardens and the crowd celebrating in the streets. I peered over my guard’s shoulder, wondering if they could all see us up here.

  Evelina clenched Wren’s arm. “They said you found the final key. Where is it? Where?”

  “At least say please.” Wren motioned for the guards to remove the key from the chain around her neck. The fake key I had created in the Starchaser’s laboratory.

  Blair elbowed his mother and father. “We’re going to be so rich.”

  Nana Rae just looked out over the ocean and smiled.

  Cruz said nothing. That hurt the most. I expected Evelina’s selfishness, was even shocked during those rare moments when she treated me as a human instead of a cog in the family’s crime machine, but Cruz … he could have at least done something, one way or the other. I could feel his guilt, but if he still refused to act on it, then to me that was even worse.

  Evelina snatched the key as the guards behind me and Wren shoved us to our knees beside Anders. His hands were bound, which I’d expected.

  “Did they hurt you?”

  He just looked at me, then looked at the ground.

  Evelina’s voice carried across the roof, over the roar of the wind off the ocean. “This is it, correct?”

  The group of Andilly guards she was standing next to parted, revealing the warden in all of his revolting, red-faced glory. He took the key, running his fingers over the edges, sniffing the metal, poking it with his tongue.

  “Appears to be a true key of Teolia.” He removed a second key from an inside pocket in his coat, the gemstones sparkling even in the darkness. “This makes two. We agreed upon all four, Evelina.” All twelve of his guards pointed their blasters in my family’s direction. They actually looked nervous. They must have been disarmed before Wren and I reached the rooftop.

  “You will have all four keys,” Evelina insisted. “One is with my daughter. The other is with that pitiful servant bot that she drags around. Once we find it—”

  “You’ll do what, exactly?”

  Blair cleared his throat. “We’ll, uh, we’ll rip it apart! Yeah. We’ll throw its gears and wires in the ocean and take the key, and…” He trailed off under the warden’s scrutinizing gaze.

  “How cutthroat. But messy. I was under the impression you trained your employees better, Evelina.”

  She shrugged. “Blair is young.”

  What? She never granted me the same excuse, but I’d promised myself I would remain impassive until the right moment. But I didn’t hate her any less.

  “As I’ve told Cora,” the warden said, “I expected a bit more from your family. Did you not attempt to infiltrate the treasury on Vaotis? Did you not pillage every planet in this galaxy and numerous others?”

  Evelina held her head high. “Of course we did. I assure you, we are professionals. You agreed to overlook our transgressions if we located the keys.”

  He nodded. “So I did. The issue is that the last key is not here.” He stepped away from her, kneeling down beside me and ripping the chain and the key from around my neck. Anders made a sound in the back of his throat at the sight of his father, but the warden paid him no attention. He grabbed my face instead.

  “Tell me more about the impressive things your family has done, Cora Saros. If I were to take a transport across Condor to your home right now, what would I find?”

  “Keep quiet!” Evelina snapped, but the warden held up a hand, silently ordering his guards to close in on her.

  “You’ve run out of options, Miss Saros. Answer my questions honestly, and perhaps I won’t kill you once we return to Andilly. Perhaps I’ll only dismember two of your limbs. I’m feeling generous today.”

  I looked up—at Evelina, who was fuming at the line of blasters aimed at her head. At Cruz, who still said nothing. At my aunt, uncle, and cousins, who finally seemed to realize this meeting was not going according to plan.

  Speaking would incriminate all of them. My family. But that was just a word, really. A bond made by blood. There were other kinds of families. The ones you laughed with. The ones you got sloppy drunk in a bar with and crashed a spacecraft with and walked away still breathing with. The ones who vowed to help you even after you proved you weren’t worth
y of their friendship. The boy and girl next to me—they were family. That group cornered by guards across the roof—they were just a bunch of people whose bad day was about to get a whole lot worse.

  “If you visited my house in the manufacturing district,” I told the warden, “it would look completely innocuous from the outside. But on the inside you would find millions of ritles, most of which were earned by ransoming a group of toddlers on Viicury about two years ago. Evelina bragged about that accomplishment for months. Let’s see, what else? You would find priceless gems, all acquired illegally, typically ferried to elite jewelers throughout the universe. Ancient artifacts from Earth and Condor and everywhere in between. Blasters without proper registration. Badminton rackets and a whole crate of something from Earth called parachute pants, neither of which are crimes, but it does prove that Evelina has, at best, questionable taste.”

  Wren snorted.

  “You would also find an entire family of people who are cruel to androids and humans alike, including but not limited to all the times they attacked my bot, Elio, and the time they tried to drown me in a pool to teach me how to swim—”

  “We didn’t drown you!” Evelina yelled. “You floated fine!”

  “See? No remorse. I can see why you get along with her. I’d also like to add to the record that Evelina has tried and failed to rob Empress Verena’s fine mansion once before.”

  The warden looked over to Evelina. “Interesting. Do you deny it?”

  She huffed, exasperated. “No, I don’t deny it. What is this, a trial? For as much dirt as you have on me, I have just as much on you. You sent the entire universe to hunt down a group of children for your own enjoyment. You put a bounty on their heads, but they didn’t escape your prison. You let them walk right out the door!”

  The warden grinned, finally releasing me. “I didn’t do that,” he said, standing. “Actually, what I mean to say is that someone here did, but it certainly wasn’t me.” He pointed down at Anders. “It was him.”

  Wren let out a theatrical gasp. “No!”

  I frowned at her. “Work on your acting.”

  The warden stepped back. His skin started to bubble, the scar on his face replaced by several on his neck. His features shifted, turning younger, softer. A goofy grin full of life formed on his lips, a smile that I had certainly never seen the warden wear …

  But one I had glimpsed on the face of his son several times.

  After the transformation was complete, Anders—the real Anders—uncuffed my arms and Wren’s, and helped us to our feet. “I never enjoyed pageantry, but that was quite fun.”

  “You didn’t do a villainous monologue,” I said. “I’m disappointed.”

  “Maybe next time.”

  “What is going on?” Evelina demanded. I could barely hear her over the confused mutterings of my family. Minus Nana Rae.

  “What’s going on,” said Anders, “is a concept the Earthans refer to as payback.” He nodded to his double, who writhed on the ground, screaming through his gag as three guards held him down. Anders pulled a comm from his pocket and tapped the screen.

  In a blink, the warden appeared at our feet, seething mad.

  “How’s this for a villainous monologue?” Anders ripped my VED from the warden’s back. “While he was fuming over getting a tray of food dumped on him, I stuck this to his jacket. His guards didn’t even notice. By the time he realized he was wearing an illusion, they thought he was me and they took him into custody.” He patted the warden on the cheek. “Enjoy your time in Ironside, Father. I tried my best to keep my cell warm for you.”

  The warden finally managed to remove his gag. “Release me!” he screamed at the guards. “As the warden of Ironside prison, I command that you release me at once!”

  “They don’t listen to you anymore,” said Wren. “They listen to the highest bidder, who at the moment is our new friend Empress Verena of Condor.” She turned toward the door leading back into the mansion.

  Evelina’s jaw dropped when Verena stepped out of the shadows, pushing back the hood of her cloak, and took frail steps across the roof. Her lips turned down in anger, but it shockingly wasn’t because she had a group of criminals standing on top of her house.

  “Carter did cheat on Marci,” she said. “She was about to poison his dinner in revenge, but I had to turn it off to come up here and deal with all of you scoundrels!” She winked at my grandmother. “Hello, Rae-Rae.”

  On the other side of the roof, Nana Rae gasped. “V? Is it really you?” She turned to the rest of us and tried to whisper (but Nana Rae was never capable of whispering anything). “We went to the university together. We decided to just be friends, but really … we wanted to be more.”

  “You go, Nana,” Wren cheered under her breath.

  “Mother, what—” Evelina started.

  “Quiet,” Verena snapped. “I’ll deal with you later.” She held up her comm. “I was watching inside on the cameras that Miss Cora set up. And I believe I’m not the only one.”

  “What?” Evelina shrieked.

  I leaned over the edge of the roof. Down below in the streets, net screens flashed, all the revelers glued to feeds from Verena’s rooftop security cameras that I had rigged to broadcast into every festival tent. There would be no mistaking what happened here tonight. Verena knew the truth, and now all of Condor did too. My family and Anders’s father would finally answer for their crimes.

  Grinning like a maniac, Wren pulled three orange lollipops from her pocket, handing them out to me and Anders.

  “The tangy taste of justice. Oh, how the tables have turned.”

  Verena cleared her throat. “As long-standing empress of the nation of Condor, planet nineteen in the Andromeda Galaxy, I hereby condemn the Saros family—with the exception of their daughter Cora, her grandmother Rae, and any other children under the legal age—to report to Ironside maximum security prison immediately to await formal sentencing. The same goes for Ironside’s former warden.”

  “No!” Anders’s father screamed, thrashing against the guards’ hold.

  “You are all being held on numerous counts of conspiracy, theft, intergalactic smuggling, trespassing, possession of illegal weapons, and murder. You are also a loathsome group of people, which technically isn’t a crime, but I think it bears mentioning.”

  “But what about her!” Evelina started toward me, but she was held back. “Cora and her band of idiots destroyed an entire outpost! They stole a ship! Any illegal weapons I own, she built!”

  Verena shrugged. “Their crimes are pardoned in exchange for your arrest. I am also taking into account that they brought Teolia’s treasure to me. Painstaking work, which deserves to be rewarded.”

  “Where is the treasure?” the warden screamed. “Where is the elixir? I demand to see it!”

  Beep-beep!

  The door flew open again. Anders, Wren, and I ran to help Elio, who was struggling to lug an iron chest through the doorway and onto the roof. His body was dripping wet, twitching with what looked like the aftermath of a glitch, but he wrapped his arms around the chest, hugging it like a trophy.

  Saturn’s rings, it’s really real.

  The chest felt like one of the mirages in Rebrone’s desert, liable to vanish if I tore my eyes away for even a second.

  “Um, Nana Rae?” I said. “I think you have something we need.”

  “What?” Evelina screeched again. Stars, I wished she had a mute button.

  Nana Rae dug through the folds of her jacket. A collective hush fell over the roof when she extracted a key—thick and brass and covered in moss—and presented it to Verena.

  “I kept it safe for you, V. Just like you asked.”

  Wren gathered up all four keys, kneeling over the chest as she inserted each into a lock. The four of us stood behind them, turning them simultaneously.

  The lid flew open with a puff of smoke.

  Inside on a purple cushion lay the elixir.

  Elio plucked it out,
presenting it to the crowd. This was it. His salvation. All contained in a small glass vial.

  Evelina lunged forward. “NO! I am not rotting in a cell while the rest of you claim my treasure! It was supposed to be mine—”

  “Ours,” interjected the warden.

  “Oh shut up, you pathetic man. All of you shut up!”

  Cruz looked at me over Evelina’s head and shrugged. He seemed unperturbed to be surrounded by so many guards. Blair and his parents punched and kicked at the guards before being thrown to the ground.

  Evelina bit at a man’s hand before he struck her in the temple. He tried to snap cuffs around her wrists, but she ducked under his arm, spinning with the grace of a dancer. Of a thief who didn’t know the meaning of getting caught. She ripped his blaster from his belt. Then, faster than I could process what was happening, she aimed her weapon at the chest.

  No—she aimed her weapon at the four of us, standing behind it.

  Anders and I reached for our blasters, but Evelina had already pulled her trigger. Her shot soared across the roof, an arch of cracking blue energy aimed right at Wren’s heart—

  I lunged to grab her, but I was too slow.

  Elio leaped into the air to protect her—his friend—and the shot hit him instead.

  “ELIO!”

  I screamed as he shoved Wren out of harm’s way—right before the blast threw him backward off the highest point of the roof.

  With only the cliffs below to break his fall.

  I rushed to the edge. The blaster’s glow fizzled around him, ripping through his weak body, tearing apart every panel and gear and wire I loved so much.

  We weren’t in Verena’s labyrinth anymore. There was no hologram at the bottom to disappear through. No chute to carry him away to safety. Nothing.

  He collided with a cliff halfway down, his body splintering in two.

  Then he hit the ocean and vanished beneath the waves.