Old Demon and the Sea Witch: A Hell Cruise Adventure (Welcome to Hell Book 10)

by Eve Langlais

  Good thing Gerard, a mortal man, had already died by then. The man had proven boring and predictable in the sack. Given Shax’s intriguing new confidence, I didn’t think he would leave me yawning. Just one kiss and I’d almost creamed myself. Obviously, a sign I needed to get out more often.

  Quickly making it to my room, I hopped into the cramped shower. There was barely room to move around. Good thing I didn’t have to shave my legs.

  The lack of space didn’t stop the devil from appearing, looming on the other side of the tiny frosted door.

  “How come no one told me there would be Undine sushi?” he exclaimed.

  “Is that what that thing was called? An Undine?”

  “Judging by the smell of its guts in your hair, a variation of.”

  “Whatever its name, it was on board the ship, spying.”

  “Not very well, obviously, or he wouldn’t have been caught.” The devil snorted.

  “It died before we could find out much. I don’t suppose his soul came to you in Hell?”

  Lucifer shook his head. “The Undines are interesting creatures. Possessed of some intellect, and more closely resembling the humans on the Earthen plane than any other animal. Except for one thing. Their souls don’t come to me.”

  “They go to Heaven?” Because that was the only other place that came quickly to mind.

  “Nope. They go somewhere else.”

  “Cool.” And not entirely surprising. There were many planes out there. And different timelines. Reality could change with the killing of just one person. Not a butterfly as the mundanes liked to quote. Only grave and pivotal deaths could affect huge shifts big enough to spawn a new timeline.

  In another world, I might have married Shax. Being married, would he still have chosen to become a demi-demon to save his precious library? Or would he have lived a mundane life and died an old man?

  “More than likely, the Undine you killed worked for Atlantis,” Lucifer announced.

  “Shax already figured that out.”

  The devil eyed me with sudden raptor-like interest. “Of course, he did. Tell me, do you know what that old demon is up to? You haven’t reported anything to me yet.”

  “Because there’s not much to say.”

  “I beg to differ, seeing how often my wife,”—spoken on a growl of puffed smoke—“has popped onto this ship. To see him. Not me. She gets a few minutes off, and is she looking me up to show me her female parts? No. She’s plotting against me.”

  I debated letting Lucifer froth himself into a righteous rage, but he might accidentally take it out on Shax. I’d feel bad if that happened.

  “She’s not cheating on you.” I rinsed off the last of the soap and debated whether to keep the water on or not. I wasn’t about to step out without a robe or a towel, which might sound odd. After all, I’d danced around countless bonfires in the buff while the devil watched. But that was during rituals with the coven. Alone with Lucifer? That was grounds for having Mother Nature pay a visit and imprison me with vines while some carnivorous plant ate me.

  “Are you sure about that?” It seemed strange to hear Lucifer actually worried about something, as if he had…feelings.

  Nauseatingly cute. And it in no way diminished his cruelty to the arriving souls who deserved Perdition, the newest prison they’d just finished building in Hell. It contained the latest in torture, including a room that played the Baby Shark song over and over.

  Shudder.

  “Mother Nature is not cheating on you because she’s too busy trying to protect you.”

  “I see.”

  I waited for him to rant that she was trying to emasculate him in front of his legions. He said nothing. Didn’t break into dance or song either. Which was truly a blessing. He’d done that to a celebrating coven a few All Hallows’ Eves ago. One never forgot the way he hit those notes in all the wrong ways and made even the most robust witches cry. And as for the dancing… He’d gotten naked and sexually scarred more than a few with his bouncing, hairy…

  “You’re not mad she’s coddling you?” I asked, surely tugging on his horns, but I didn’t understand his lack of explosion.

  “That would be a waste of time. What is she protecting me from?” The words emerged low, and to my surprise, a towel suddenly appeared tucked around my head and a robe on my body.

  I stepped out to find my bathroom suddenly much larger than it should be. The devil paced in the expanded space.

  He muttered, too. “Gaia needs Shax to find something. But he’s not in his library. He’s not hiking some mountain or trekking across a wasteland. He’s here on this boat, so the thing they need is here.”

  “Not necessarily. Shax is on this cruise because of his nephew,” I reminded Lucifer.

  The devil waved a hand. “Secondary. My wife is involved. She would have provided a good cover. She wanted him on this ship going…” Lucifer snapped his fingers. “To the same place we had a spy from. Ding. Ding. Ding.”

  “Seems kind of obvious.”

  Lucifer glared. “I was waiting for you to come to that conclusion. Now that you have, it’s clear you need to go to Atlantis.”

  “In case you hadn’t noticed, I am. We dock tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow is too long. You must get there before Shax. Find whatever it is they seek first.”

  “But that would mean betraying him.”

  “And?” Lucifer really didn’t grasp the problem with it.

  “I can’t.”

  The devil exhaled hotly. “Why the fuck not? Do you have a problem with winning?”

  “No, but I do have a problem with cheating. The only reason I’m spying on Shax is because of you, which means swooping in and stealing whatever he’s looking for wouldn’t be right.” It felt important to not screw Shax over. A perverse honor among demons and witches and all that.

  The devil clearly felt differently. His eyes glowed. “Are you refusing to do your job?”

  I’d have to tread carefully. “Just wondering how you think I can get there early. Unless you’re planning to portal me there.”

  Lucifer’s lips turned down. “Fuckers put some kind of shield up.”

  “A place you can’t get into. How fascinating.”

  “You’re supposed to be on my side,” Lucifer reminded. He stood still long enough for the shadows that trailed him to stop and give him shape. The massive wings at his back, the impression of size, and menace.

  “I’ll be on your side when you start showing some respect, starting with knocking instead of just entering. Maybe if you tried that once in a while, people wouldn’t want shields that keep you out.”

  “Rules. So many rules. You’re ruining all the fun. Making everyone miserable. Don’t do this. Don’t do that.” The devil roared. “It’s unconscionable.”

  “And it’s only going to get worse.” The current generation liked their rules to have rules. And then those had more regulations. It wouldn’t be long before Hell changed its name because someone’s feelings were hurt.

  “I want to know what’s in Atlantis,” Lucifer snapped “And I want to know yesterday.”

  “Too bad, so sad.” To use a popular turn of phrase. “Flying via broom over that much water in search of a moving island isn’t happening or even feasible.”

  “Then find another way. Where there’s one Undine, there’s probably more.” The shadow mist on the devil’s body suddenly expanded, hiding him. When it faded, he was gone.

  The bathroom felt like a coffin, and I was running late. We were in DJ’s Locker, and the ship had stopped. I’d best say hi to my daughter and son-in-law before I ran off to save Shax from himself.

  Rushing out on deck, I was just in time to see my granddaughter rescue her one true love, the possessor of the locket with the love spell. I’d done it again.

  But that was all I got to do. Forget saying hello to my daughter and annoying her pirate husband. Suddenly, crawling over the railing, a group of fish men confronted me.

  Only
three. I could handle three.

  “Hello, boys.” I looked at the Undines with their tiny loincloths.

  A pair of them gripped spears. The middle one held out a long hunk of braided seaweed. “Hands,” he gurgled.

  “I don’t think so.” I took a step back and froze as I heard a rustle of motion.

  A sharp glance over my shoulder showed three more fish men flanking me. Then another group. Nine in total to form a semi-circle while I stood with my back to the bulkhead of the ship. I kind of appreciated that they took me seriously.

  I held up a balled fist. The wind flowing past halted and began to form a ball.

  The fellow in charge—the Undine with the seaweed—shook his head and spit. “No magic. You come.”

  “Where?” I asked. If he said Atlantis, then maybe I should hitch a ride and see if I could arrive before the boat. That would please the dark lord. And then I’d share whatever info I discovered with Shax, and hopefully, prevent two gods from destroying the world.

  “See king.”

  “Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

  He shook the seaweed at me. “Hands. Come.”

  Lucifer told me to get to Atlantis before everyone else. Mission accomplished.

  I held out my wrists, and when he grabbed me with a bit more force than warranted, I chided him. “No need to get rough.”

  Before anyone could tie me up, the most unlikely person came to my rescue. “Don’t worry, Dottie. I won’t let them take you!”

  Before I could give Shax hell for interrupting my kidnapping, from out of nowhere, a lasso appeared, wrapped around the left fish man, and yanked him away.

  I no sooner blinked than another rope came whipping, this one managing to snare a pair.

  The Undines didn’t so much move as fall over as if tipped. A hole in the semi-circle opened, and Shax leapt into view, already twirling another rope.

  “Lassoing?” I exclaimed. “You took up lassoing after I left?”

  He smiled. “Does the least amount of damage to the books when we need to rid the library of an infestation.”

  Hold on. Had he just implied that he was some kind of exterminator? The way he handled that rope explained the muscles I’d seen. This mature version of Shax had a killer body and some mad skills.

  Two more Undines went down, but the last one bolted. I ran after the fish man, especially because he was the only one of them all to have a special pouch dangling from his belt. I could smell the power on it from here.

  What did he have? A magical object of some kind? I wanted it.

  The fish man vaulted over a railing, and I followed. One light touch of my hand and I had the boost needed to soar after him. A breeze rushed up and slowed my fall. I hit with a bend of my knees and a cackle—the advantages of a younger body.

  I sprinted after the Atlantean operative as he weaved through the people on deck. No one paid us any mind. A Hell cruise often had people running for their lives.

  I headed right to the very tip of the ship, where a heap of netting sat in an untidy pile. I thought that odd but ignored it until the soggy mound moved.

  More fish men piled out, brandishing snarls and weapons. So many of them sent to capture little ol’ me.

  I was rather flattered.

  Before I could waggle my fingers, Shax waded in. The rope he was using was now some kind of nylon thing, not as slick as the one he’d used before. But he still did some damage, especially when he went after the fish men, fists swinging. He didn’t have as much raw magic as I did. He appeared to be more defensive.

  My style tended to be on the more aggressive side. I balled my fist and held it out. Come to me. I called the magic, reached out to the sea. Born of land but a daughter of water. A sea witch, the ocean answered and filled me. I flung a ball of power that bowled a few Undines over. But more of them arrived, and I wondered that no one had sounded the alarm on the ship. No one said a thing.

  As if reading my mind, Shax yelled, “They have a shield hiding us.”

  The moment he said it, I could see a glimmer. Someone with magic camouflaged the Undines’ actions.

  And still, they swarmed, cutting us off from the ship. Separating us. Meaning I could stop pretending and fighting.

  A bellow sounded, that of an angry beast somewhere on the cruise liner, followed by the cannonball of all splashes. It rocked the ship. Enough to send me off balance and right into someone.

  Something cold went around my neck, and I looked down.

  I wore a necklace.

  Of pearls.

  Uh-oh.

  I knew what these were. “Ursula’s pearls,” I muttered, clutching at the strand. The fact that they were around my neck meant this had been a targeted attack. Against me. Kind of flattering and predictable.

  “I see you recognize the jewelry. Then you know what they do.”

  The group of Undines parted, and I glared at the man who came to stand in front of me, his helm shaped like a crown. He wore a toga over his body, the chainmail pretty but more ornamental than for protection. Square-jawed, not bad-looking. A dead man walking given what he’d done. But not yet. I had use of him still.

  I sneered. “You think to stifle my magic with jewelry?”

  “Not think. Have. You are under my control now. I have the crest.” He held up a ring. “You will do as I say. When I say it.”

  “And you are?”

  “The King of Atlantis. Let’s go.”

  “Where?” My fingers rolled over the pearls. I had yet to test the boundaries of the necklace.

  “My kingdom, of course. Take her.”

  The fish men surrounded me and wrapped me in seaweed tight enough that I could barely breathe. But I wasn’t worried. They wanted me alive.

  As they tossed me overboard into the water, I caught an angry gaze. Not yet bound, Shax watched from amidst the Undines, who didn’t pay him enough mind.

  I mouthed, “See you in Atlantis.”

  His eyes widened, and then I only saw the side of the ship as I plummeted to the ocean.

  7

  Shax: Does she want me to save her? Should I save her? All the books contradict themselves.

  When those fish men tossed Dottie off the ship, I saw the smirk on her face. She was going with them on purpose to beat me to Atlantis. She knew I was on a quest for Mother Nature and fucked me over anyhow.

  Because she put Lucifer’s orders ahead of me.

  I had to beat her there. Turning to the nearest fish man, I dropped the rope I’d yanked free from the waistband of my swim shorts. More garrote than lasso, but it would work.

  “Look, I’m surrendering. Take me to your city.” I even held out my hands.

  There was something immensely irritating about the wave of fish men ignoring me and leaving the ship. Diving off the side, disappearing with Dottie, abandoning me with no way to follow.

  “Argh!” I bellowed. I stomped back to my quarters to see myself standing in the hall.

  I blinked. “Uh, excuse me. Who the hell are you?”

  The image of me wavered, and Gaia appeared. She waved. “Hi.”

  No explanation for why she wore my body.

  “What were you doing? Why were you being me?”

  “Because you couldn’t exactly be in two places at once, of course, silly.” She rolled her eyes.

  “You’re right, I couldn’t. So, what was I doing here?” I pointed to the door to Ian’s room where she stood.

  “I was being supportive, seeing as how you were busy.”

  “Why did Ian need support?” I shoved past Mother Nature and scanned the room. The empty room. “Where is he?”

  “A trio of Undines kind of stole his wife, and he went completely kraken. Last I saw, he was chasing after her. Super romantic if you ask me.”

  I took a moment to process what Gaia had just said. “Some fish men took Sasha?”

  Mother Nature nodded.

  “And you did nothing to stop them?”

  Gaia s
hrugged. “It would have ruined my disguise.”

  “You let them take my nephew’s wife, the only thing that could cure him, and now he’s gone, too. Fuck me!” I yelled, scrubbing at my face. I stomped through Ian’s room and went right to the railing. I saw nothing. He’d be long gone. Just like Dorothy was.

  I’d failed them both. I whirled and stomped back into the suite, pointing a finger. “You need to help me get to Atlantis.”

  “I told you, I can’t.”

  “Then how am I supposed to get there?”

  “The ship docks in the morning.”

  The mightiness of my glare did not shrivel Gaia’s expression in the least. “Tomorrow might be too late.”

  “Sorry, but in this place, my powers are too limited.”

  I sighed. “Do me a favor then, please. In the future, if you’re not going to save people I care about, don’t pretend to be me.”

  “Then how would you have had that lovely chat with Ian?”

  “What chat? Argh. Never mind. Go away.” Yes, I yelled at a goddess. I didn’t particularly care.

  She did. She sniffed. “Be that way. I’ll go where I’m wanted.” With a burst of petals, she disappeared.

  “I hear they’re looking for space cadets,” I muttered. I paced, sorting through my options, of which there were few.

  I couldn’t hope to follow the fish men under water. With night falling, even if I could manage a boat, I’d never be able to track their trail.

  But the Sushi Lover wouldn’t dock at Atlantis until the morning. Too long. Surely, there was another way.

  I bellowed for Lucifer.

  He apparated, looking bleary-eyed, his son sleeping wrapped around his neck, the dark lord’s robe appearing as if it had gone through a war with baby spit-up. “This better be good,” he shout-whispered. “This is our nap time.”

  “The Atlantean king kidnapped Dorothy, and I think he took Ian’s wife, too.”

  “Excellent.”

  “How is that excellent?”

  The devil blew a raspberry. “Because they’re agents of chaos. Where they go, interesting things follow.”

  My lips pressed tight. “Aren’t you the least bit concerned? Dottie is your minion.”