Old Demon and the Sea Witch: A Hell Cruise Adventure (Welcome to Hell Book 10)

by Eve Langlais

  “Who can handle herself without my help. I wouldn’t dare offer.” Lucifer shook his head.

  “I’d usually agree, but I don’t know if she can defend herself. They put some kind of pearl necklace on her.”

  “Really? I didn’t take her for the kinky type.” Lucifer’s gaze brightened.

  I snapped. “Not that kind of necklace. A real one. With giant pearls.”

  “Still kinky. You obviously don’t know how they’re made. Neptune has a fine gig going with those suckers. Mine is only fit to burn.” The devil glanced down at his groin with a moue of annoyance.

  “What does the necklace do?” I asked since the devil had veered off track.

  “Those are known as Ursula’s pearls. The strand was specially made eons ago to control sea witches. It stifles their power. Makes them malleable to the commands of the one who controls the matching ring.”

  “Oh, Dottie won’t like that,” I muttered.

  “I daresay it’s the king who won’t like the result. Thinking he can pearl a witch of mine. I shall have to ensure a good seat to watch on the morrow. The showdown will be delicious.”

  “Or you could help me get to the island early, perform some daring rescue in your name, and show this king he shouldn’t mess with minions serving Hell.” My words got a little loud at the end.

  The baby stirred.

  Lucifer froze. I held my breath.

  “Gngngn.” The baby continued to snore.

  Lucifer relaxed and said in a hushed tone, “I will not indulge your patriarchal fantasy of riding to a little woman’s rescue.”

  I blinked at him. “What the fuck did you just say?”

  A grin pulled at the devil’s lips. “Just quoting some of the new shit coming out of my lawyer’s office. Part of the non-bias based on everything rule. I’m thinking of incorporating it more widely. I mean, there’s so many applications for it. Think of the number of potential hero types we could decimate by recognizing that everyone is strong and can save themselves.”

  “Sometimes, people need to be rescued.” In Dottie’s case, it had nothing to do with her strength or her abilities. The right thing to do involved action, not standing by and watching.

  The baby grumbled and squirmed. Lucifer glared at me and mouthed, “You are dead if he wakes.”

  The baby settled, and I was the one to breathe in relief.

  “Are you sure this isn’t sour grapes that Dorothy is apparently doing a better job of sussing out interesting things than you are? She makes a much better minion,” Lucifer declared.

  “I thought Dorothy being kidnapped by the king of Atlantis was interesting.”

  “Not really. King Rex.” The devil sneered. “He thinks he’s such a big shot. Have you seen the size of his cock? The term baby finger comes to mind.”

  I winced. “Ouch.” But reassuring. Dorothy would probably laugh if he came after her with his teenie winkie. “Why would he go through so much trouble to steal a sea witch?”

  “Why does anyone want them? Disagreeable lot. They have potty mouths. Attitude. And tempers. Is it any wonder they’re among my favorites?” Lucifer muttered, his expression soft with fondness.

  “I’m pretty sure the king didn’t steal Dorothy for her cussing abilities.”

  “No, more like her spell-making ones. She is the most proficient sea witch currently alive. Even her sister can’t hold a candle to her.”

  “Rex thinks he can use her.” Again, something Dottie wouldn’t like.

  “The man—fish?—has been living on the bottom of the ocean too long. He really hasn’t the slightest clue how things work. I blame the inbreeding. Your mother shouldn’t also be your sister and your aunt. His great-grandfather really couldn’t keep track.”

  Off topic again, I reeled Lucifer back. “Are you or are you not going to help me? Because if you’re just going to run your mouth, then you can leave.” Frustration over Dottie had me lashing out at the devil. And I really didn’t care.

  The baby opened a sleepy lid and peeked at me.

  The devil didn’t notice, and the baby closed his eye again.

  “Chill out, dude.” Lucifer did a horrible impression of a surfer dude, and the baby burp-smiled in its sleep. The devil gazed at him with something akin to affection. “Such a pity everything keeps saying he has to die.”

  I blinked. “You’re planning to kill your son?”

  “Not yet. There’s no challenge when they’re this small. But in a few decades, when he comes after me, I won’t have a choice.”

  “What makes you think he will?”

  Lucifer softly quoted. “’For the child shall inherit the kingdom of the father, sit upon the throne, and wear the crown of fire and thorns. But it shan’t be a gentle passing, and the blood of the mother shall stain the hands of the child, soaking into the very river of death to signal the start of a new reign.’”

  I blinked. “That’s—”

  “The prophecy my wife has been searching for. The one that disappeared from Hell’s library a while back.”

  “You have it?”

  Lucifer rolled his shoulders, and the baby did a chubby-armed stretch, still sleeping, but his mouth opened to yawn. “I used to have it. I threw it in Hell’s furnace when I found out that Gaia was pregnant.”

  “Why?” I whispered the word. Because I didn’t get the impression that fear had led to him destroying a prophecy.

  Lucifer eyed me. The baby opened a sleepy lid and watched me. In an uncanny moment of synchronicity, they both smiled, mirror images of evil. It was Lucifer who said, “Because it is the only one that claims Gaia will die, too.”

  I had a moment of stunned silence as my mind wrapped around the admission. “You don’t want Gaia to have it because it involves her.”

  “It involves her being killed by our child!” Lucifer growled. “The one thing she loves almost as much as me. It has to be a lie. I won’t let it happen.”

  It was strangely romantic in a perverse way.

  “So, you would prevent my possible death but do nothing about your own?” Gaia appeared in a swirl of green taffeta.

  Lucifer drew up tall. Taller surely than the ceiling had room for. “I am the Lord of Hell. I am allowed to be selfish. I insist all the prophecies be about me. And only me.”

  “Those damned things all claim you die by our son’s hand. I won’t allow it.”

  “He is the Son of Perdition. The Branch of the Terrible Ones,” Lucifer intoned. “He won’t have a choice.”

  “We all have a choice, you big, horny idiot.” Gaia somehow managed to be in Lucifer’s arms, the fabric of her skirt swirling around his legs.

  “We do get to choose, and mine involves ensuring you have a long life. So, deal with it,” the devil growled.

  “Oh, Luc.” She breathed his name as she gave him a kiss.

  I stared at the ceiling, ignoring the wet sounds that followed. The baby wisely made a noise of complaint.

  “How did you know I was looking for the prophecy?” Gaia asked, a touch breathless.

  “Ah, my dear, conniving wife. Did you really think I wouldn’t know you were visiting another man?” Lucifer’s nose flared, and his breath huffed hot smoke.

  “Jealous?” she said, batting lashes that resembled the wings of a butterfly.

  “Extremely. When was the last time you snuck off to be with me?”

  “Is my big, bad devil feeling neglected?”

  “Yes.”

  I began to inch away as the passion between them charged, two forces of nature, pushing and pulling, ready to combust.

  With a baby between them.

  Lucifer and Gaia stared at each other.

  “I need you,” he said.

  “Need you more,” she parroted. “Shax, be a dear and mind Damian for us.”

  “But—Dottie—and Ian—and—”

  “Everything will be fine. You’ll see Dorothy tomorrow when we dock in Atlantis. Ian is screwed no matter what. So, enjoy some time with Damian
. After all, you are his demon father.” The non-Catholic equivalent of a Godfather.

  I groaned. “Why me?”

  “Because I lost a coin toss,” Lucifer grumbled. “Now, stop being a cock-blocker and take the baby.”

  Before I could run screaming, the baby ended up on my shoulder, snoring and drooling.

  Gaia waggled her fingers. “We’ll grab him in the morning before we dock. Remember, he only drinks breastmilk.”

  Plink. Plink.

  A pair of bottles appeared alongside a stack of diapers and sleepers.

  “But…”

  “I owe you,” Lucifer said with a wink. “Now, I’m off to plow me wench.”

  “Oh, I’ll shiver your timbers, all right.” A giggle that faded as they stepped through a portal to somewhere else, leaving me with the devil’s baby.

  Since I’d only cared for Ian starting at the toddler years, I had no issue at all hunting down a true expert. Valaska took pity on me and let me hang out with her family. When the baby woke, my nieces/nephews kept the child entertained. Then Damian kept us busy for a few hours, chasing after him as he pulled a baby Jack and kept popping in and out of places on the ship. Inside the mouth of an Orc proved to be the most heart-stopping place.

  By dawn, we were all passed out, me on the floor with Damian tied to my chest.

  “Rise and shine, mateys!” It was a beaming Lucifer who came to fetch the child as the ship docked.

  I groaned. The baby stretched, the rope just falling through his body. Freed, Damian extended his pudgy arms. “Da!”

  “There’s my boy! Did you drive them absolutely crazy?” Lucifer chuckled as he bent to grab him. From this angle, the hickey on the devil’s neck was bright green.

  The baby clung to his father with a giggle.

  “The kid actually likes you,” I said almost in surprise.

  “For now. Eventually, I always let them down.” Lucifer’s expression almost appeared sad as he glanced down at his son, who snuggled against the devil’s chest.

  “Your daughter Muriel still likes you, and Bambi’s pretty close, too.”

  “For now. Muriel is only coming into her power. And if she turned against me, Bambi would follow. Even my own granddaughter could pose a dilemma one day.”

  “Yet you let them live,” I remarked.

  “It was time to stop killing them in the womb,” Lucifer said with a shrug. “Even the original devil can’t rule forever.”

  A strange thing for him to say.

  “Any word on Dorothy and what the king has done with her?”

  “Really, Shax. Asking me to do your job for you. I don’t know how you expect me to have had time in between debauching my wife and defiling the mother of my child to look into the mere kidnapping of one of my witches.” Lucifer began to fade from sight, but I heard one last thing. “A word of advice. The prophecy is no longer in the library. And neither is a cure for Ian. So, don’t waste your time looking.”

  Truth or a lie? With the devil, you could never know for sure.

  Relieved of my babysitting chore, I managed to make it ashore before the rest of the passengers. Easy enough to clamber down a tethering rope and find my way onto the docks. No one saw me. I had the Forgotten Book in my pocket, a tiny tome often overlooked, its ability to remain hidden in plain sight growing as it aged. Even better, a person holding such a magical thing might be ignored, as well.

  I had many useful books packed in a bag. I never left the library without an arsenal. The saying that the word was mightier than the sword? Sometimes, it was true, if you had the right tome. And I had access to the best.

  As the dawn rose, lighting the delicate coral stone minarets of Atlantis, I made my way through shadowed streets to the palace. I knew the path, having studied the city before even coming on this trip.

  My guess was that Dorothy and Ian’s wife would either be close to the king or in the dungeons under the castle. As for Ian… A glance over my shoulder, and I saw him heading in his man shape for the palace, as well. According to Adexios, he’d returned to the ship in the early hours of the morning—without his wife.

  I thought of slowing down and waiting for him, but every second might count. Ian could handle himself. I had my own mission.

  Library or throne room? I’d yet to make the decision which to hit first. Lucifer had told me not to bother with the library, which made me think I should. After all, it was part of my original plan.

  Before reaching the final steps leading to the palace, I pulled out the Forgotten Book and promptly had no idea what was going on.

  Look, there’re some stairs. Should I go up them? Are those guards? I don’t see any. They don’t see me. Let’s just go past them.

  I almost forgot to put the book back into my pocket. Once I did, though, it reduced some of the book’s effect. Blinking, I had to reorient myself and move quickly. Someone might notice the very demon-looking fellow wandering the halls.

  When I heard a noise, I put my hand on the book. I only made two wrong turns before finding the library. A massive space, it tunneled down several stories. I could see the many rings as it descended, tiers of shelves. Empty shelves.

  Impossible.

  I found a ladder and climbed down to see the shelves practically bare. Only in the lower levels did I find a few stone tablets along with someone cleaning.

  The fish man didn’t even look up as I approached. “You there, mopping the floor, where are the books?” Had they been stored elsewhere?

  “No books.” The words burbled from the heavily fishy male in his loincloth with his rag and bucket.

  “What do you mean, no books? This is a library. The library of Atlantis. It’s famous for its knowledge.”

  “No more. Gone. Sank.” The fish man exploded his hands. “Books melt. All gone.”

  I stared at the shelves in disbelief.

  I’d come here for nothing. I’d made the wrong choice. I glanced up and steeled myself for the climb.

  The janitor gurgled. “Faster.” He pointed a gray-scaled hand that was more fin.

  I noticed a glass tower in the corner tucked into the wall itself so only the front of it showed, the water inside agitated. There was a circle in front of it.

  I stood on it and said, “How does it—glurg.” It sucked me into the watery tube, and I shot up, up, up.

  Out!

  I flailed my arms and legs as the water cannon shot me out a hole. I had a second to notice the surprised face of a guard before slamming into him.

  I lifted myself muttering, “Sorry about that. Your elevator system needs to come with a warning.”

  The guard groaned and didn’t get up. Probably for the best.

  I limped off the impact as I traced my way to the throne room. The Forgotten Book helped me past some more guards, allowing me to ease into a kickass throne room.

  Tall pillars reached to an open sky. A fountain in the center spewed water. A dais with a big-ass chair, a king sitting on it.

  My Dottie looked like an annoyed statue standing beside the throne, and Ian, my poor nephew, was dodging spears.

  Too many of them. The boy did his best to weave, but sheer volume felled him, and I was too far away.

  A spear struck him in the thigh, and Ian dropped to a knee.

  The boy I’d raised. The one I’d learned to make cakes for. Who’d taught me the worst knock-knock jokes. Who loved me. He was going to die in front of me. I could already see the next round of spears aiming, readying to fly.

  My gaze went to Dorothy, silently begging even as I ran to try and stop it.

  Those damned pearls remained around her neck. She wouldn’t be able to act.

  “Ian, no,” I huffed, sprinting for him, seeing the arc as all those pointed missiles sailed towards my nephew.

  I stumbled in disbelief as they all clattered to the floor, broken and bent as if they’d hit a shield.

  A smile spread across my face as Dottie turned to the king by her side, her lips pulled back over her t
eeth. “How dare you?”

  The king rose and began to back away. “Impossible. You wear the necklace. You must obey.”

  Relief made me chuckle as I neared the dais. “You obviously don’t know Dottie very well. She doesn’t take orders—"

  “—from anyone!” she snapped. She wrapped her fingers around the necklace and yanked, tugging until it broke, and the pearls scattered, the only noise in the silence that fell. They bounced off the dais and plinked down the steps before rolling to a stop all over the floor.

  A breeze arose out of nowhere, hot and hinting of ozone. Overhead, dark clouds formed, hiding the warm sun, and the wind turned sharper, colder, slapping into the warm breeze, a clash that had lightning flashing, immediately followed by a thundering boom.

  Dorothy’s hair whipped as she hissed, “How dare you think to control a sea witch? I am mightier than any king.”

  Also more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen. Powerful, too, with magic at her command. I almost applauded when she pointed at the stunned king. He barely had time to yell before he got slapped with a hard burst of wind. It propelled him off his feet into a pillar.

  He landed with a thump and cracked the totem. Both fell to the floor.

  I glanced away from Dorothy to Ian. He yanked the spear out of his leg, and I winced in sympathy.

  My fault. I should have come straight here and ignored the library.

  Those fighting noticed me, and even the Forgotten Book couldn’t make them all unsee my presence. Fish men poured in and attacked. While Dottie handled some, I had to take care of others. A wild and wet battle broke out, with the wind whipping raindrops against my skin. Lightning illuminated the makeshift battle ring in a burst that blinded. Thunder rattled the very air all around and stunned the ears.

  For every creature I brought down, another took its place. A glance showed Ian on his feet, barely, leaning on a broken spear as a crutch. Dorothy did better, still toying with the king, smashing him into pillars while holding off his guards. But she couldn’t do this forever. I could already see the use of all that magic taxing her strength. We needed out of here.

  Even more soldiers poured into the throne room, rushing for Dottie, the biggest threat. She didn’t let it daunt her but flung bursts of wind that tossed the soldiers around. With a cackle, she jabbed her finger to strike with lightning.