Beautifully Shattered: Shadowcrest Pack Series Book One

by B. Livingstone

  It was my turn to blush as my thoughts took a turn down a very seductive road. My arousal is spiking, and I know they can smell it. As my blood pressure starts to rise, the world starts to get hazy with black stars twinkling in front of my eyes. I rest my forehead on Cree's chest as I close my eyes. He chuckles as he presses his lips to the top of my head in a gentle kiss. "I do believe, Axel; someone is turned on by the prospect of us together." Axel hums his agreement.

  "However, her body's fight through withdrawal and healing along with lack of proper nourishment makes it hard for her to have the strength to enjoy it," Axel professionally states before placing a sweet tender kiss to my shoulder. My very bare shoulder. What the fuck? I look down and for the first time since waking between their arms I notice I am only wrapped in a bath sheet and strong male arms.

  "Um, why am I in just a towel? And how long have I been out?" I ask, filled with confusion and worry.

  Cree regards me steadily like he's not sure if he should speak for fear I'll snap. It's Axel who breaks the silence first. "It's been almost a week since you stormed the castle, that is Cree's bar. You've been in and out of it since. There have been some rough moments, real touch and go ones where we weren't sure you were going to survive the energy drain." He pauses to take a breath. "Do you remember anything from the last few days?" His eyes study my expression.

  “Not really. The last thing I really remember is yelling at Cree. Everything else is kinda hazy. I vaguely remember the feeling of water and…” I freeze mid thought as an image of the three of us boxed in close together with water cascading down over our naked bodies flashes through my mind. “Were we out in the rain?” My cheeks start to heat again at the image.

  “No baby. We had to put you in the shower to clean you up. After running a fever for a few days and then vomiting all over yourself we couldn’t just let you lay there. We had to get you cleaned up and into a clean bed,” Cree explains. “Of course, that meant we had to come with you. You couldn’t sit up on your own, let alone stand and wash yourself.”

  He doesn’t seem at all apologetic about the fact he saw me naked and was in the shower with me. He actually looks kind of gleeful and smug. The bastard. I glare at him, but all too soon find myself distracted by the intensity of his eyes. My hand moving to land on smooth warm skin, my finger tracing the outline of tattoos on his muscular chest. I never really noticed all the amazing artwork he had. His body was a living canvas, covered from neck to ankle in ink, black with various shades of gray.

  My finger traces an image of a wolf that curls around the left side of his rib cage. Standing over the wolf is a large bear, his head bowed and resting his nose behind the wolf's left ear. The depiction is beautifully done. “What does this picture mean, the bear and wolf?” I ask as my finger traces over the ears of the bear and Cree squirms causing me to giggle. “Sorry, didn’t know you were ticklish.”

  "Mhmmm." He hums as I tickle him again. I just couldn't help myself. It’s so much fun to watch him squirm.

  His hand resting on my hip snaps to my side. Flinching, my eyes snap to his. "Don't even fucking think about it mister." He smirks as I flatten my palm on his chest and give a little shove. "Cree…I mean it. Don't you fucking do ..." My words are cut off as his fingers start to dig into my side. Over and over he tickles me without mercy.

  I try to push back away from his relentless hands, but Axel halts my futile attempts at escape. My eyes are watering as both guys are laughing. My stomach suddenly flips, and all fun is over. "Oh Gods!" I shove against Cree, pushing Axel off the bed and bolt across the room to the bathroom. Bending over I meet the floor and toilet. My hair is pulled back from my face and a cool cloth is placed in my hand. “Thank you,” I choke out.

  Once I am done cleaning all the acid and bile out of my stomach I lie down on my side on the cool tile, which feels amazing against my heated skin. Cree lifts my head and places it on his lap. Turning, I curl into him trying to absorb his healing energy and whisper a small plea. “Tell me what the bear and wolf mean. Please.”

  “Okay,” Cree agrees while stroking my hair. “The bear stands beside the wolf with his head wrapped over the wolf's neck as a sign of equality with a need to protect her. He doesn’t want to stand in front of her to block her from all harm and lead her. He doesn’t stand behind her to act as her subject or soldier. And he doesn’t stand over her to rule her. Rather he wants to stand beside her, as her equal. He wraps his head around her neck to show his love for her and to guard her blind spots from attack. His only desire and need is to guard and guide her as she needs him too. It is the natural way of the bear shifter.”

  He goes silent, allowing me to lie here on the bathroom floor, my head on his lap as I replay what he explained to me over and over again in my head. A part of me knows he’s talking about us. About what he wants to give me. I just don’t know if I can accept the kind of connection he’s offering. The idea of opening myself to another is overwhelming at best, but to five others is downright terrifying.

  I don’t know how long we were held up in the bathroom like this, at some point Axel brought me someone’s oversized t-shirt and blanket. Sometime later Cree lifts me up and carries me back into the bedroom and sets me down on the bed. “Better?” he asks me, the concern shining in his eyes is evident. The tenderness with which he handles me is telling. Too telling, he loves me.

  I couldn’t hold his stare for long. My heart starts to race, sweat starts to form on my brow, hands, and down my back. My breathing is coming in shorter and faster gasps. Ugly, deranged thoughts running through my head. He could never love you. You’re broken, ugly, and unworthy of his time, let alone his love. Everyone you love leaves you anyways so why bother. I close my eyes and picture the blue of Reed’s eyes, trying to focus on each individual shade I can recall. Using the focus point method Reed had worked with me on. Soon enough I was back in the room and out of my head, at least enough to hear Reed in the room now trying to get Cree to chill out. “Reed?”

  “Yeah, Riley, I’m here. You’re doing good, baby. Come back to us now. Tell me what your focus point is,” he instructs me.

  “Your eyes,” I reply back, feeling slightly embarrassed to admit that out loud.

  “Wow, I do believe you flatter me, Ms. Wright,” Reed states with a chuckle. “Good, keep going.” He reaches his hands out to me and just holds them there, palms up waiting for me. I slowly reach my hands out gliding my fingertips over his. Slowly moving over his palms until my hands rest inside his strong steady hands. He anchors me to the here and now and I take a large inhale of breath and slowly let it out. I look around the room to find all of the guys standing around me in a protective circle. My eyes land on Cree, his bear shining through. I see how agitated he is by what happened and how hard Cree is fighting to keep him at bay.

  A tear slips free from the corner of my eye. “I’m so sorry, Cree.”

  Cree leaps forward and grabs me by the chin forcing my eyes to meet his. “Do not ever be sorry, Riley. Not for this. Not for being human. For having a shit-show past that we have just touched the surface of. We all have shit we need to fucking deal with. And I promise you, Riley, we will fucking deal with it ... together ... all of us. We are not going anywhere.” As he emphasizes the word not, his eyes glance to Enzo. That whole little speech was as much for him as it was for me it seems.

  I nod in acknowledgement before I start to feel faint and sway where I sit. Axel jumps up behind me to steady me by my shoulders. “We need to get some food in you, sweetheart.”

  At the mention of food my stomach rolls again, completely turned off by the thought. “Gods no. If I even smell food, I’ll hurl.”

  “Well like it or not we need to get something in you before your blood sugar levels drop so far you go into a coma. Besides, your wolf needs the nourishment if she is going to be strong enough to continue healing you.”

  “What do you mean, continue? I thought I was pretty well healed from ... what happened.”

 
; Axel caresses my shoulders relaxing the tension that starts to build with the memories returning from that night. “You are, sweetheart, but you’re also going through withdrawal as well. You’ve gone through months of withdrawal in a week. Just like everything else about us is accelerated so is the withdrawal process. Which is why you were unconscious for most of it. It took a lot out of you and your wolf, another reason why it is so dangerous for shifters to go through the process. She needs rest and nourishment. That is also why other than feeling weak and a little off kilter from the lack of proper nourishment, you feel fine.”

  Looking inward I take stock, only to find he’s right. I do feel fine. I’m not in writhing pain anymore. I don’t feel like I’m burning from the inside out. I’m nauseous and weak but other than that I am truly and blissfully fine. Thank you, I whisper think to my wolf.

  Mates, is her only reply. However, I can feel the lust and roaring heat that begins to run through my veins. Settling in my core. My wolf is ready to truly mate with her mates.

  Are you fucking serious? We just truly woke up for the first time in a week and all you can think about is fucking five guys. Gods, you are such a hussy.

  With what I can only assume to be the equivalent of wolf grin and wink, she just shrugs her wolfish shoulders at me with a grin and wink. As if to say, Yeah, what of it?

  I snort and five sets of eyes land on me with a mix of amusement and concern on their faces. “Nothing to see here. Just an internal dialog with my wolf. Move along.”

  They all smile and laugh at that. Gods, what a sight to see.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Riley

  It’s been three days since I woke from my withdrawal-induced “semi-coma.” Cree told me to take time off and heal from the stress of the withdrawal, not that I really wanted time to sit around and ponder the shit-show that is my life. I know he means well but letting someone who escaped reality with pills and alcohol sit around alone to think was a really bad idea. All I wanted after the first day was a new high. My mind was running through all the fucking hell of every loss and every choice I ever made, and I just wanted it to stop. I think Reed knew what I was facing and the state my mind was in since he wouldn’t let me go back home. For that reason, I was now camping out in his spare room.

  After two days of my ups and downs, Axel tried to explain to me and the other guys the symptoms of withdraw that I’m going through. To be honest, I sort of tuned him out after about five seconds. I just couldn’t handle all the technical stuff and just really wanted to sleep. Even though the worse of it is over I am still dealing with the mental backlash. All the things I never wanted to deal with I now have to. Without my crutch to lean on it has been making me more distant than ever. The guys don’t make that easier on me either, which only serves to make me more irrational and vindictive.

  They never leave me here alone, always making sure one of them is here to babysit at all times. It's as if they don’t trust me to be left to my own devices; they think I'll slip up. I know they're probably right and am grateful for the safeguard they are providing. However, my irrational mind and emotions are pissed the fuck off. These guys are supposed to be my fucking mates, right? Shouldn't that come with a level of trust? They want me to open up to them, to share the scars of my past. To put my fragile broken trust in them, yet they don’t show me any in return. That’s not how it works. This is all just fucking bullshit. How can they be my mates if they can’t trust me in return? Simple, they’re not my mates. Now I just have to keep telling myself that and maybe I’ll believe it.

  Mates. Yes, my mates. My wolf has been on this kick the last three day. Reminding me they’re my mates and they’re the reason I made it through the worst of the withdrawal. When I asked what she meant by that she told me about how they stayed with me and as my mates they were able to lend me their strength and take some of my pain to lessen the stress on my body and her.

  No. They don’t trust us. Not mates. I protest this time. I really can’t see how they could be my mates if there’s no trust.

  There’s a knock at my bedroom door, they never knock at the front door since Reed gave them all keys. Not having to look; I know it’s Enzo by the harshness of the knock. Oh, and not to mention the yelling on the other side. Seriously, what the fuck? “Riley! Open this fucking door before I take it off its hinges!” Right, did I not mention that I haven’t left this bedroom in three days either? With their need to be near their ‘mate’ it’s driving them and their beasts to insanity. They try to bring me meals three times a day, but I won’t answer the door, so they leave the plates outside my door. I don’t even let them see me. Irrational and vindictive, that’s me.

  Another bang at the door has it rattling on its hinges. “Fucking hell, Enzo. Chill the fuck out. I’m coming.” The last thing I need is no way of locking them out. In more ways than one. The door has become not only a physical barrier but an emotional one as well and I cannot let him break it down.

  I’ve come to rely on the comfort that being close to them brings me, which is dangerous and I need to put an end to it before we all get hurt. I unlock the door, turn, and walk over to the bed and climb back under the covers. Enzo busts through the door. “What do you want, Enzo?” My face remains uninterested in his reason for barging into my room but inside my nerves are running wild. My palms are sweaty and vibrating with nervous energy. Enzo hasn’t come to see me since that moment we shared almost two weeks ago. A moment I recall in vivid color.

  “You need to get the fuck out of this room, Riley. You’ve been in here for three fucking days,” Enzo barks then takes a deep inhale of breath and releases it in one aggressive exhale. I go to retort but am cut off by his next words, which have my eyes bugging out. “I’m worried about you Riley. You’ve been sitting alone in the dark for three days.” I can see the vulnerability in his eyes as emotions I can’t label flit across his face. It took a lot for him to say he was worried about me, for that reason alone I won’t bark back at him for barging in here like an asshole alpha douche.

  I place a smirk on my face as I quip, “I have the light on.”

  He rolls his eyes at me. Fucking rolls his eyes. What a teenage girl move. “Not the fucking same as getting out, Riley, you know that. What you are doing is not healthy for you or your wolf. You’re supposed to be healing and part of that is rejoining society. You can start with dinner. With us. You know as well as the rest of us, your wolf needs the companionship. Wolves are pack animals; they don’t do well on their own.”

  “I’m fine, Enzo. I just want to be alone. I’m not ready to be out there. Not yet.”

  “No, you really aren't, Riley. But ...”

  I couldn’t hear what he was about to say so I cut him off. “Enzo, you don’t know a fucking thing about me. Let alone how I feel. You’ve stayed away for weeks. Weeks, Enzo. So, if I say I’m fucking fine and just want to be alone, take it at face value and leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone.” I annunciated each of the last words slowly and loudly so he could absorb the seriousness of them and share it with the others. I meant them, every single word, I really did. I think.

  "Not gonna fuckin’ happen, Riley."

  Wilder

  Three days. Three fucking long ass days. That's how long Riley has been ignoring all of us. Cree has been spending most of that at the bar for fear he may scare her away more than she already is. Reed is on a secret mission he thinks we won't approve of because it involves Riley's past that she has yet to share with us. Enzo has been doing what Enzo does best. He gets fucking pissed off and beats the shit out of others in the boxing ring. Lastly, Axel has been counting every calorie that Riley sends back out on her plate while I've been cooking up those calories for her. All meals that are Axel approved and certified. Only problem is Riley hasn't been eating. Which is why Enzo is currently in a stand-off match with Riley in her room.

  "I don’t fucking care what you want, Enzo. I said fucking no!" Riley protests loudly, I’m sure our neighbors on the third floor can h
ear us from our penthouse on the twenty-fifth floor. Riley knows we’ve all been here a lot. What she doesn't know is that we have all been living here. Reed invited us to stay to be closer to Riley. I don’t think she would appreciate the gesture at the moment.

  “Riley, get the fuck up, shower, then get your fine ass out here for dinner.” Gods, Enzo, has no tact. I don’t believe Riley is just going through the phases of withdrawal. I believe she is also going through the seven stages of grief. I overheard Reed and Cree talking about the loss of Riley’s family. Two years ago, she lost her sister which is when Riley dropped out of college, lost her job, and started working her way through the bar scene, ultimately ending up at Cree’s a little over two months ago. She’s lost, hurt, and maybe even a little confused by what has been going on.

  “Seriously, Enzo. If you don’t get the fuck out of here, I swear to the Gods that you will regret your decision to be seen by me again.”

  “What are you going to do, Riley? Knee me in the balls like you did to Cree. You wouldn’t be the first female to take a knee to me and I doubt you’ll be the last,” Enzo proclaims. Unfortunately, he went too far.

  “What?” Riley whispers in disbelief.

  I can’t take it anymore; Enzo is only going to push her further away if he continues with this alpha dipshit I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude. She's been keeping us all at arm’s length ever since Cree told her to take time and Reed demanded she stay here. I start to walk down the hall when Enzo’s voice drops to that of a man about to give a confession. Peeking my head around the corner, I see him sitting on the edge of the bed with Riley.

  Enzo