The Small Talk Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Conversationalists
Page 7
can be connected to, agreed with, disagreed with, or added to. An opinion can paint something in a new light,
can show a new perspective, or can add an interesting angle.
Opinions can also prove that you understand a topic. For example, a mother was talking about the
challenges of raising her first child. Another mother added, "I always say parenting is like making pancakes.
That first one is usually burnt, but then you get better at it the more you make!" Which immediately
demonstrated that she understood the situation.
Go beyond what a chatbot would say. Exceptional conversation is about everything else you sprinkle on top
of the message—all the fun, human stuff that adds the unique zesty flavor. Let's look at the difference between a
chatbot and a boss. The topic of having a garage sale comes up and both the chatbot and the boss offer their
thoughts:
Chatbot: A sign on the road will increase traffic.
Boss: You have to have a good sign on the road if you want to increase traffic. You can't be like those people who let
their toddler scribble something on the back of an old pizza box!
Both comments achieve similar results, but one is interesting, and one isn't. Conversation itself is more
than just a way to learn or share information—it's a medium for expressing ideas, feelings, and thoughts in
interesting and figurative ways. Bosses revel in the act of conversation itself, rather than aiming solely at
accomplishing an objective. They enjoy playing with language.
So, remember, don't stop at the observation. For example, while driving, you comment:
That house is in bad shape.
Follow up with a more subjective opinion to ignite a better discussion:
. .I bet someone could make a nice investment flipping it.
. .I wonder how many drugs are sold out of that place.
. .it's completely bringing down the value of the neighborhood.
When in doubt, add an opinion to your initial comment. Adding opinions to initial comments typically
transform your contribution into something more engaging. Did you bring up an interesting fact or event?
Don't stop there—add a comment about how it made you feel. What did it impact? What was it like? Comment
about what you just said.
Let's say you're talking to some parents about crazy things parents do for kids' birthday parties. "One time
this guy filled up his hot tub with Jello..." said one parent. You then add, "That reminds me of that movie where
they filled a pool up with spaghetti." That's a fun fact, but you could transform it into something much more
interesting and engaging with an opinion packed with a little emtion. For example, "...that would be Rowan's
dream come true!" Or, "I don't think I have the patience for something like that.could you imagine how long it
would take?" Or, "I might consider filling up a toddler pool, but my wallet isn't big enough to buy enough
noodles," Or, "I think I'd have more fun in it than Rowan would!"
USE IT OR LOSE IT
Think of an objective observation about something in your environment right now. Now stretch it further into
something more subjective and exaggerated. Add some flavor to it! Creativity of this sort takes lots of practice,
how many more observations can you stretch?
22.
BOSSES
SPRINKLE
OPINIONS ON
EVERYTHING
Opinions are the lifeblood of interesting and good flowing conversation—don't hold bach
Remember the elderly woman in those Frank's RedHot ads? Her name is Jean Hamilton and she rose to fame for
exclaiming, "I put that shit on everything!" When it comes to opinions, be like Jean is with RedHot sauce. The
fate of your small talk relies on free-flowing information and opinions. Don't succumb to a passive mindset
when it comes to offering opinions—be proactive and freely offer your opinions and observations (especially if
they're non-offensive and about more trivial topics). Don't hold back your opinion or wait to be asked.
Exaggerate. Dramatize. Consider what a chatbot would say—and then say it better. Most people won't ask
your opinion. Don't wait for the other person to ask. Initiate the conversation with your feelings and
preferences. Are you going to a concert Friday night? Let people know how much you're looking forward to it. Just
saw the concert? Initiate a conversation by telling about your experience. Did it disappoint? Was it better than
expected? Was it similar to something else? Share your experiences and stories. If you just saw a movie, what
was your favorite scene? Was it better than the book? Why do you love going to movies?
Does the chocolate cake at the restaurant look good? Or does it look like a five-year-old baked it? Then say
so! Express how you feel about it. If you order the cake, go beyond saying "This chocolate cake looks good." Use
an exaggeration to make the point more interesting. "A day that includes chocolate is a good day." Take it even
further by saying, "I think I may have an addiction—someone may have to stop me before I order three more
slices." Fun is contagious! Catching your playfulness, perhaps the other person replies, "Maybe you should find
a rehab center specializing in cocoa addiction." To which you could respond "Well, admitting you're an addict
is the first step toward recovery, right?"
Have something positive, playful, or complimentary to say about the other person? Say it!
That is really creative. How do you come up with that stuff?
You're always thinking of the neatest ways to do _____ .
You're a life saver!
Humans are fascinated with the biggest, best, worst, etc. The Guinness Book of World Records is popular for
a reason. Incorporate more hyperbole, definitive, categorical, and absolute statements. Check out a few more
examples:
I love it there—they have the best fitting rooms.
Is there anything more delicious/grotesque than a greasy Philly Cheesesteak sandwich from a food truck? If there is, I
haven't found it yet.
They have _____ here? This place wins. This place is my new favorite diner.
That is the worst character on TV. Everything he does is illogical.
That was probably the wimpiest moment of my life.
Again, adding opinions and support to bland, factual statements, can instantly make them more multi-
dimensional and entertaining. If you make an observation, "They're selling Laffy Taffy over there," follow up
with a fun, exaggerated opinion, "And they have strawberry! That's the best flavor—I could eat a whole bag
right now."
I needed to make small talk with a CEO one time, so I complimented him on his suit, "Looking sharp today,
Bill." My observation kicked-off the topic. But then he proceeded to offer the opinion, "Thanks, I love suits
because they take all the guesswork out of what to wear." And I connected to my own opinion, "You're right,
that's also why I love seeing fully dressed mannequins at department stores, because I can just say, 'I'll take
everything he's wearing.'"
Opinions about other people and the nuances of human behavior constitute a large area that is ripe for
opinions. For example:
I think all kids should join at least one sport.
Aunt Betty has the craziest laugh.
The project at work should he managed hy Bill instead of Boh
I think my girlfriend should keep her hair long.
Justin's probably going to be late.
Your cat is not going to enjoy getti
ng his flea medicine.
You always make the best cookies.
You're going to love the new coffee they have now.
USE IT OR LOSE IT
Think of 5 to 10 strong opinions about some random topic right now. If possible, say them out loud.
23.
BOSSES ADJUST
THEIR OPINIONS
ACCORDINGLY
Strong opinions about trivial topics are the best kind of opinions for light conversations.
What kind of opinions are best for small talk? You won't always know the temperature or vibe of a
conversation until it's been tested with a feeler statement. Exaggerated opinions are more interesting, but, of
course, they aren't always appropriate. Generic, non-committal opinions help you figure out which direction to
steer the conversation when you're unsure. But of course, generic opinions border on boring. For example, not
sure about their political views? Try, "I think there are probably corrupt politicians in every party." Softened
opinions aren't always as fun or interesting, but they help you avoid risky conversations or controversial
points-of-view.
Strong opinions are best paired with trivial topics. Offering the following strong opinion about a coworker
isn't a laughing matter:
I think Bob's new haircut is horrible—it looks like a small rodent got trapped on his head!
But change the subject to someone from pop culture, and the opinion becomes playful:
I think Justin Biebers new haircut is horrible—it looks like a small rodent got trapped on his head!
A strong definitive opinion about trivial topics can spark light-hearted and playful conversation. You
typically don't need to "test the waters," so to speak, with trivial topics. Even negative opinions—though
normally frowned upon—are perfectly acceptable when aimed at trivial topics.
Remember, business relationships are sometimes forged during the small talk that occurs spontaneously
throughout the day: in the hall, at lunch, before and after meetings, etc. Display your conversational skills
during these informal opportunities and the good impression you make will carry over to other situations. The
good news is that when discussing most small talk topics, such as sports, clothes, and food, the risk of
accidentally offending someone is low.
Check out the following three interesting opinions:
1. I'm obsessed with M&M brownies, there's nothing better on this planet.
2. Is there anything better than a double cheeseburger from Five Guys? If there is, I haven't found it.
3. It doesn't come with cruise control? That's a deal breaker; I don't want that piece of junk!
Let's strip the exaggerations, superlatives, and playfulness from the above opinions and see what happens,
shall we? Now they represent weak opinions that someone who isn't good at small talk may offer:
1. I like M&M brownies a lot.
2. I like the double cheeseburger at Five Guys.
3. It doesn't come with cruise control? That's not good.
USE IT OR LOSE IT
Here is a bland observation about a very trivial topic:
You know, generic brand Q-tips usually don't work well.
Before reading further, how might you exaggerate it to form a stronger opinion?
After you have exaggerated it, check out the second version, below:
Yeah, I never go generic on Q-tips—there's only one Q-tip. The others are just wannabes. Generic brands are just little
stich that can poke your eardrums out.
24.
BOSSES PASS
THE OPINION
SPEED TEST
Offering a great opinion 30 seconds too late won't help your conversations.
You might be saying to yourself, "But I can't think of good opinions quickly enough." If you can't, that's
because you haven't been practicing. The more you do it, the more your brain becomes primed to recognize
and form opinions about everything in your life. Once forming opinions becomes a habit, you'll automatically
start remembering and recycling opinions that work well.
Bosses are experts on themselves. They have already formed thousands of interesting opinions about
virtually everything in the world. They are in-tune with their preferences and feelings.
Do you think you're already an expert on yourself? Being an expert on yourself means that you can do more than
just ace a test on you. It means that you can ace the test while only having three seconds per question. It means
that when you're put on the spot, you're able to recall a myriad of personal opinions and insights. And
unfortunately, in most conversations, you only have a few seconds. Many smart people have difficulty
communicating their opinions effectively and in a timely manner.
See if you can answer each question in the following Opinion Speed Test without hesitating for more than
three seconds (you may be surprised by the results!):
Opinion Speed Test
What is one of your favorite desserts?
What's your biggest pet peeve?
If you could only keep one book, what would it be?
What new technology wouldyou like to see?
What's your favorite car?
Who would make a great president?
What's the best place to visit inyour town?
Be honest. Could you answer those seven questions without thinking more than a few seconds per
question? I'm betting you couldn't. Don't worry, most people can't. Only people who have already previously
assembled their thoughts on those topics could. Answering five of the seven is still very good.
Let's talk more about preferences and opinions. What are your thoughts concerning college education? The
Middle East crisis? Ed Sheeran's haircut? Can you tell me your political views? Why do you believe what you do?
What are your goals? Hopes? Fears? Can you tell me about your favorite places to visit? Why are those your
favorites? Do you prefer mall shopping or online shopping? Why?
Also, don't be afraid to communicate interests or hobbies that stand out from the norm. Do you have a
secret love for 1960s comedies? Are you obsessed with baking pies? Quirky traits can be endearing and help
express your uniqueness.
USE IT OR LOSE IT
The Opinion Inventory Worksheet will help you add more opinion-based conversational nuggets to your
conversation storage tank. Don't worry if you can't answer everything right now— merely attempting the
worksheet will boost your natural propensity to form opinions.
The Opinion Inventory Worksheet
Think of/write down THREE FAVORITES and ONE LEAST FAVORITE for each topic (when applicable):
For example, my three favorite dinners:
(l) Corned Beef and Cabbage, (2) Pizza, (3) BBQ Pulled Pork
Lease favorite dinner: Greek Salad.
Dinner:
Booh:
Authors:
Phone Apps:
Technological Devices:
Clothing Brand/Store:
Cars:
Movies:
Movie Lines:
Actors/Actresses:
Current TV shows:
Older TV shows:
Hobbies:
Artists:
Sports Teams:
Athletes:
Stores:
Games:
Desserts:
Drinks:
Breakfast:
Fast Food:
Current Bands:
Older Bands:
Musicians:
Motivational Songs:
Sad Songs:
Fun Songs:
Pets:
/>
Vacation Spots:
Restaurants:
Bars:
Plants:
Junk Food:
Radio Station:
Local Attractions:
Political Leaders:
Newsworthy Figures:
Historical Figures:
Historical Events:
Friends:
Celebrity Crushes:
Days:
Websites:
Gifts Received:
Fictional Characters:
Daytime Activities:
Nighttime Activities:
Parties:
Advice:
Hypothetical occupations:
Places to live:
Human behaviors:
Physical traits (self):
Physical traits (attracted to in others):
Bonus Section: Things
Three things I despise:
Three things I love:
Three things I'm good at:
Three things I'm bad at:
Three things I wish I could do:
Three scariest things:
Three coolest things:
Three funniest things:
Three grossest things:
Extra challenge 1. Go back and explain WHY they are your favorites or least favorites!
Extra challenge 2. Go back and think of superlatives for each, when applicable. Think of the best, biggest, longest,
tastiest, coolest, most frustrating, most enjoyable, etc.
*Keep in mind, all these topics would make great questions to ask others also.
25.
BOSSES OFFER
PLAYFUL
OPINIONS
As you gain social confidence and increase your level ofi comfort with conversation partners, try to offer more playfixl
opinions.
Hey, did you hear the joke about the llama and the sheep? I did, and it wasn't funny. When you feel like taking
some risks or when you're with friends, you might try initiating with more playful comments. But for Pete's
sake, please stay away from canned jokes. When executed correctly, playful feelers are some of the best tools for
initiating and maintaining conversations. And remember, most playful comments should be said with a smile,
or they may not be understood correctly.
When you're good at playful comments, the payoff is so much higher and more rewarding than when
making any other kind of comment. However, the topic of humor is too complex for this book. (I'm currently