The Fortunate Mistress (Parts 1 and 2)

by Daniel Defoe

me." "Well," says I, "as to that I am content, and yetI could tell you I might have been a princess if I would have quittedyou, and believe I could be so still." "It is not in my power to makeyou a princess," says he, "but I can easily make you a lady here inEngland, and a countess too if you will go out of it."

  I heard both with a great deal of satisfaction, for my pride remainedthough it had been balked, and I thought with myself that this proposalwould make me some amends for the loss of the title that had so tickledmy imagination another way, and I was impatient to understand what hemeant, but I would not ask him by any means; so it passed off for thattime.

  When he was gone I told Amy what he had said, and Amy was as impatientto know the manner how it could be as I was; but the next time(perfectly unexpected to me) he told me that he had accidentallymentioned a thing to me last time he was with me, having not the leastthought of the thing itself; but not knowing but such a thing might beof some weight to me, and that it might bring me respect among peoplewhere I might appear, he had thought since of it, and was resolved toask me about it.

  I made light of it, and told him that, as he knew I had chosen a retiredlife, it was of no value to me to be called lady or countess either; butthat if he intended to drag me, as I might call it, into the worldagain, perhaps it might be agreeable to him; but, besides that, I couldnot judge of the thing, because I did not understand how either of themwas to be done.

  He told me that money purchased titles of honour in almost all parts ofthe world, though money could not give principles of honour, they mustcome by birth and blood; that, however, titles sometimes assist toelevate the soul and to infuse generous principles into the mind, andespecially where there was a good foundation laid in the persons; thathe hoped we should neither of us misbehave if we came to it; and that aswe knew how to wear a title without undue elevations, so it might sit aswell upon us as on another; that as to England, he had nothing to dobut to get an act of naturalisation in his favour, and he knew where topurchase a patent for baronet--that is say, to have the honour and titletransferred to him; but if I intended to go abroad with him, he had anephew, the son of his eldest brother, who had the title of count, withthe estate annexed, which was but small, and that he had frequentlyoffered to make it over to him for a thousand pistoles, which was not agreat deal of money, and considering it was in the family already, hewould, upon my being willing, purchase it immediately.

  I told him I liked the last best, but then I would not let him buy itunless he would let me pay the thousand pistoles. "No, no," says he, "Irefused a thousand pistoles that I had more right to have accepted thanthat, and you shall not be at so much expense now." "Yes," says I, "youdid refuse it, and perhaps repented it afterwards." "I nevercomplained," said he. "But I did," says I, "and often repented it foryou." "I do not understand you," says he. "Why," said I, "I repentedthat I suffered you to refuse it." "Well, well," said he, "we may talkof that hereafter, when you shall resolve which part of the world youwill make your settled residence in." Here he talked very handsomely tome, and for a good while together; how it had been his lot to live allhis days out of his native country, and to be often shifting andchanging the situation of his affairs; and that I myself had not alwayshad a fixed abode, but that now, as neither of us was very young, hefancied I would be for taking up our abode where, if possible, we mightremove no more; that as to his part, he was of that opinion entirely,only with this exception, that the choice of the place should be mine,for that all places in the world were alike to him, only with thissingle addition, namely, that I was with him.

  I heard him with a great deal of pleasure, as well for his being willingto give me the choice as for that I resolved to live abroad, for thereason I have mentioned already, namely, lest I should at any time beknown in England, and all that story of Roxana and the balls should comeout; as also I was not a little tickled with the satisfaction of beingstill a countess, though I could not be a princess.

  I told Amy all this story, for she was still my privy councillor; butwhen I asked her opinion, she made me laugh heartily. "Now, which of thetwo shall I take, Amy?" said I. "Shall I be a lady--that is, a baronet'slady in England, or a countess in Holland?" The ready-witted jade, thatknew the pride of my temper too, almost as well as I did myself,answered (without the least hesitation), "Both, madam. Which of them?"says she (repeating the words). "Why not both of them? and then you willbe really a princess; for, sure, to be a lady in English and a countessin Dutch may make a princess in High Dutch." Upon the whole, though Amywas in jest, she put the thought into my head, and I resolved that, inshort, I would be both of them, which I managed as you shall hear.

  First, I seemed to resolve that I would live and settle in England, onlywith this condition, namely, that I would not live in London. Ipretended that it would choke me up; that I wanted breath when I was inLondon, but that anywhere else I would be satisfied; and then I askedhim whether any seaport town in England would not suit him; because Iknew, though he seemed to leave off, he would always love to be amongbusiness, and conversing with men of business; and I named severalplaces, either nearest for business with France or with Holland; asDover or Southampton, for the first; and Ipswich, or Yarmouth, or Hullfor the last; but I took care that we would resolve upon nothing; onlyby this it seemed to be certain that we should live in England.

  It was time now to bring things to a conclusion, and so in about sixweeks' time more we settled all our preliminaries; and, among the rest,he let me know that he should have the bill for his naturalisationpassed time enough, so that he would be (as he called it) an Englishmanbefore we married. That was soon perfected, the Parliament being thensitting, and several other foreigners joining in the said bill to savethe expense.

  It was not above three or four days after, but that, without giving methe least notice that he had so much as been about the patent forbaronet, he brought it me in a fine embroidered bag, and saluting me bythe name of my Lady ---- (joining his own surname to it), presented itto me with his picture set with diamonds, and at the same time gave me abreast-jewel worth a thousand pistoles, and the next morning we weremarried. Thus I put an end to all the intriguing part of my life--a lifefull of prosperous wickedness; the reflections upon which were so muchthe more afflicting as the time had been spent in the grossest crimes,which, the more I looked back upon, the more black and horrid theyappeared, effectually drinking up all the comfort and satisfaction whichI might otherwise have taken in that part of life which was still beforeme.

  The first satisfaction, however, that I took in the new condition I wasin was in reflecting that at length the life of crime was over, and thatI was like a passenger coming back from the Indies, who, having, aftermany years' fatigues and hurry in business, gotten a good estate, withinnumerable difficulties and hazards, is arrived safe at London with allhis effects, and has the pleasure of saying he shall never venture uponthe seas any more.

  When we were married we came back immediately to my lodgings (for thechurch was but just by), and we were so privately married that none butAmy and my friend the Quaker was acquainted with it. As soon as we cameinto the house he took me in his arms, and kissing me, "Now you are myown," says he. "Oh that you had been so good to have done this elevenyears ago!" "Then," said I, "you, perhaps, would have been tired of melong ago; it is much better now, for now all our happy days are to come.Besides," said I, "I should not have been half so rich;" but that I saidto myself, for there was no letting him into the reason of it. "Oh!"says he, "I should not have been tired of you; but, besides having thesatisfaction of your company, it had saved me that unlucky blow atParis, which was a dead loss to me of above eight thousand pistoles, andall the fatigues of so many years' hurry and business;" and then headded, "But I'll make you pay for it all, now I have you." I started alittle at the words. "Ay," said I, "do you threaten already? Pray whatd'ye mean by that?" and began to look a little grave.

  "I'll tell you," says he, "very plainly what I mean;" and still he heldme fast in his arms. "I inte
nd from this time never to trouble myselfwith any more business, so I shall never get one shilling for you morethan I have already; all that you will lose one way. Next, I intend notto trouble myself with any of the care or trouble of managing whateither you have for me or what I have to add to it; but you shall e'entake it all upon yourself, as the wives do in Holland; so you will payfor it that way too, for all the drudgery shall be yours. Thirdly, Iintend to condemn you to the constant bondage of my impertinent company,for I shall tie you like a pedlar's pack at my back. I shall scarceever be from you; for I am sure I can take delight in nothing else inthis world." "Very