Promise Me Forever (Sweet Beginnings Book 3)

by Maggie Dallen

  He met her gaze evenly.

  She huffed with impatience. “Come on, just admit it.”

  He took a bite of his toast.

  She tilted her head to the side as she studied him. “Have you really never thought about leaving the ranch?”

  His gaze never wavered but his chewing slowed and that laughter faded from his eyes. “Nope.”

  “Huh.”

  They sat in silence for a while. No doubt he would have been happy to continue sitting there in silence, just listening to a clock tick somewhere in the other room, but after five seconds she felt like she was losing it.

  “I can’t just sit here and wait,” she said with a sigh.

  He set down his plate and met her gaze evenly. They’d been over this already this morning. Multiple times.

  They’d talked to Katy, Liam, and Hannah’s agent this morning and every one of them had tasks to do to help track down Hannah but Alice had been told to sit tight. Most of the work waiting for her this week had been in relation to Hannah’s wedding and no one was even certain if it was happening.

  Katy had some other potential clients lined up but since it was a Saturday there was nothing to do there either.

  Alice gnawed on her thumbnail. “I hate waiting,” she muttered.

  “I know.” His smile was small and understanding.

  “I’m not a patient person.”

  His brows drew down in feigned confusion. “Really?”

  She nodded. “It’s true. I’m the worst at being patient. I will literally lose my mind if I have to stay here for one more second and stare at the clock.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “Literally?”

  She gave a huff of exasperation as she came to stand and tossed a throw pillow at him in the process. “Don’t play grammar police with me right now, mister. I’m not in the mood.”

  He set the pillow to the side as he too came to stand. “Then what are you in the mood for?”

  She opened her mouth and closed it again. That was an excellent question. “We are in California, James. A whole new state, a completely new city. We should be taking advantage. Especially since your days here are numbered.”

  She’d started to move toward the door as she spoke but she heard him mutter behind her. “My days are numbered?”

  She turned back quickly. “Too dramatic?”

  He held his fingers up, an inch apart. “Just a bit.”

  “Come on.” She tossed him the keys. “You’re driving.”

  “Okay.”

  She ran around the house packing up anything she thought they might need for a day out. She tipped her chin down to hide her silly grin as they exited the house and locked up.

  Okay, he’d said. That was it. She loved how easygoing James was, especially when she got a bee in her bonnet like she had this morning.

  “Where to?” he asked as they climbed in.

  “Let’s see. We could go to a museum, or get some legit ethnic food, or we could do one of those tours of celebrity homes, or…” She glanced over. “You have any ideas?”

  He shifted a bit. A tiny tell, but it spoke volumes to her. “What is it?”

  He shrugged. “I’ve never seen the ocean.”

  Her jaw fell open. “What?”

  He shrugged again.

  This shouldn’t have shocked her. She realized this. In all the years she’d known him, she’d never seen him leave the ranch for any notable stretch. She’d always teased him about being a homebody but for the first time she realized how little she’d known about his life before coming to the ranch.

  Her parents hadn’t been swimming in money but they’d taken them for road trips as kids and she’d just assumed…she’d always thought…

  Her mouth clamped shut in embarrassment.

  What a spoiled little brat she was to assume that everyone around her had the same opportunities she’d had.

  “Then the ocean it is,” she said brightly, hoping to cover her awkward reaction.

  He flashed her a quick grin as she plugged directions into her phone and led them out of their neighborhood.

  “So…” She shifted to face him after they turned onto the highway. “Your parents never took you on a road trip as a kid?”

  His answer was a grunt in the negative.

  It spoke to their friendship, she supposed, that she understood whether his grunt was an affirmative or a negative.

  “What were they like? I don’t really remember your dad and I don’t think I ever met your mom.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  She stared at his steely features, her laid-back cowboy best friend suddenly nowhere to be seen.

  “Come to think of it, I don’t know much about your family—”

  “Give it a rest, Alice.” His voice wasn’t curt but it brooked no arguments. She frowned over at him. All she remembered about his family was whispers she’d overheard when she was little. His dad used to work on the ranch, but then he’d been drunk on the job too many times so he’d been fired or maybe he just left, she wasn’t sure. And then it was James working there instead as soon as he was old enough.

  His father had moved away some years ago, back before she and James had grown close. Before she would have felt comfortable asking. As for his mother...well, she was a taboo subject and always had been.

  She leaned back against the truck door with a sigh. “How come you know every single detail of my family life and I know nothing about yours?”

  He stiffened. Her first instinct was to ease the tension, to let him off the hook. But something in her knew that this could be it. One of the last opportunities she’d have to talk to him like this—like it was just the two of them. Her brothers, the ranch, none of that was around as a reminder of who they were in relation to one another.

  The fact that she was the ranch owners’ only daughter, and now the little sister, while he was the ranch hand… It never mattered to her.

  But she suspected it mattered a whole lot more to James. She’d always suspected it, but it was a topic they never touched.

  More than that, she knew in her gut that this history he refused to talk about, the family that he pretended didn’t exist...that was why he wouldn’t leave the ranch, why he was so certain he didn’t deserve anything more than the life he’d been given.

  Which was why when she normally would have eased this unbearable tension, this time she pushed the issue. “Well?” she asked. “Why don’t you ever talk about your childhood?”

  He huffed in exasperation but after a glance in her direction he relented. “Because there’s not much to say, Alice. I didn’t have the loving parents you had, or the brothers who adored me.”

  “What did you have?” she asked quietly.

  His short laugh held no humor. “A mother who ran away when I was too little to remember her and a father who resented the fact that he was saddled with a baby.” He shot her a quick look as if to gauge her response.

  She knew better than to show any of the sympathy she felt because he’d surely read it as pity. “I’m sorry.”

  He nodded, turning back to the road. “Yeah, well...that’s why I don’t talk about my family. I had none.”

  She winced a bit at the bitterness that laced his voice. “You had us.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. I had your parents and your brothers and...you.” He glanced over at her. “And for that I’ll always be grateful.” His deep inhale was audible. “I’ll never be able to repay your family for saving me the way they did. For giving me a home.”

  Something about the words rubbed her raw. It spoke of owing them all something. It made her think of debts and loyalty and subservience.

  “They gave you a home because you’re a part of our family, James. You know that, right?”

  His hands shifted on the wheel, unwrapping and regripping it. “But I’m not, Alice,” he finally said. The words seemed to come out of him against his will and anger underscored his words, or maybe just frustration. “Don’t you get it? I’m not your f
amily.”

  And thank heavens for that. She kept her mouth shut but the thought was loud as day in her head. Her feelings for him were anything but sisterly, and they never had been.

  “No, you’re not my family,” she said, the words coming from somewhere so close to her heart it hurt to get them out. Could he really not see it? Did he not feel how much he meant to her. “You’re not my family,” she repeated. “But you are my home.”

  Chapter Ten

  You are my home.

  The words pricked like arrows against his skin as they drove in silence. Her face was turned away from him and even she seemed content to sit in silence for once. Maybe she, too, had been thrown by the enormity of what she’d said.

  Or maybe not.

  Maybe she didn’t know what she was saying.

  But even that thought didn’t keep those words from burrowing into his skin, from sinking into his bones…

  You are my home.

  That didn’t stop them from taking up space in his heart, filling all the dark and empty spaces and making his chest feel too tight.

  His mind, however…

  His mind still had no idea what to make of those words by the time they’d parked a few blocks away from the beach and walked over in silence.

  He stopped short the moment the ocean came into view.

  For one crazy, breathless moment, he forgot everything. His mind was wiped clean and every doubt and insecurity dissolved in the face of the monumental beauty that lay before him.

  “Amazing, isn’t it?” Alice whispered beside him. She leaned against him and for countless moments they took it in, blissfully unaware of the crowds who hurried past them as she gave him this time to take it all in.

  When he was finally ready to move they split up the picnic basket full of food, the blanket, and the bag of beach supplies and made themselves a little camp at the water’s edge.

  “It’s incredible, isn’t it?” Alice said as they leaned back in companionable silence.

  Incredible was one word for it. Another was overwhelming. Awe-inspiring.

  It was extraordinary.

  “It reminds me of the first time my dad took me out with him to ride the range at Twilight.”

  He felt her gaze on him, and it was no wonder.

  Where had that come from?

  He’d gone years keeping his family history wrapped up tight and a couple of prying questions from Alice had all those bad memories surfacing.

  Although...

  He stared out at the expansive ocean with its neverending crashing waves, the vast sandy beach that spread in either direction, the sunlight that doused the whole scene with a bright and beautiful sheen.

  Even the darkest memories paled in this bright light of day. He turned to glance at the beautiful woman beside him with her warm gaze and her gorgeous smile.

  Those memories seemed to fade in this sunny atmosphere and they didn’t stand a chance in the face of Alice’s smile.

  Her nose crinkled in amusement. “This beach reminds you of Twilight?”

  He laughed and turned back to the sea. “Not exactly, just...the way I felt at first seeing this ocean. The only other time I felt like that was when I rode the range with my dad for the first time.” He shook his head at the memory. The only good memory in a sea of bad ones, and it had taken coming here to this place to recall that day and the way it had made him feel. “Up until then I’d had no idea how vast our world could be.”

  He saw her nod out of the corner of his eyes. “It is an awfully big world. I guess that’s why I always wanted to explore it.”

  “Makes sense,” he said, he leaned over to nudge her elbow. “You’ve always had an adventurous spirit.”

  “And you,” she said, turning to face him. “You’ve really never thought about leaving?”

  A muscle near his eye twitched. This was a topic she’d been skirting since they’d gotten on the road and he was no more keen to talk about it now than he had been then. “Nope,” he said simply. “Never thought about it.”

  She eyed him for a while. “Liar.”

  He winced. It was a bit of a lie. It wouldn’t have been a lie up until he’d heard she would be leaving, but ever since he’d found out...he’d wondered.

  When his thoughts got away from him and his mind ran wild with crazy ideas about what might have been between them...yeah, he thought about it.

  He thought about what it would be like to run off with Alice. To follow her to the ends of the earth, if that was what it took. To watch her as she took on the world.

  It would be an honor to be at her side, to have her back. To make sure she was safe and happy and…

  Home.

  He had to clear his throat because emotions choked him as her earlier words came back without warning. You are my home.

  She shifted to face him and the wind whipped blonde strands around her face that she didn’t seem to notice but that he itched to tuck back into place.

  “Are you really going to sit here and tell me you never once wondered what life might be like outside of Lulu?”

  He let out a little sigh that was carried away by the wind. He couldn’t say that because of course he had, and those thoughts had taken on a life of their own these past few weeks. “You don’t know what it’s like,” he eventually said, his voice gruffer than he would have liked. “You’ve always had a home that you could come back to, a family who would be waiting for you, the love and support of your parents and your brothers and everyone in Lulu.”

  She narrowed her eyes and he exhaled loudly. He knew that look. She was ready to battle.

  Which was why her next words surprised him. “I guess you’re right.”

  He let out a huff of shock as he nodded, turning back to the ocean with its hypnotic ebb and flow.

  “I mean, I don’t know what that must have felt like for you, especially as a kid,” she said.

  He braced himself for the ‘but’ he knew was coming.

  “But…”

  There it was.

  “I cry baloney.”

  He turned to stare at her. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.” Her chin was set in defiance. “I’m not saying I don’t sympathize with the fact that you didn’t have your mom around and your dad was...well, your dad. But I think you’re hiding behind your messed-up childhood to avoid doing something scary like leaving home.”

  “I told you, I don’t have a—”

  “That’s a lie and you know it. Twilight is just as much your home as it is mine. My brothers think of you as part of the family just as much as they think of me as their sister.”

  His mouth opened and then he closed it again. He was used to Alice getting worked up over things. The girl had a dramatic streak a mile wide. But he’d never seen her get worked up over this...over him.

  It was impossible to ignore what she was saying. Worse, it was hard not to acknowledge a glimmer of truth there.

  “Where would I even go?” It wasn’t the protest he’d planned and it came out without him thinking it through.

  Ah crap. It sounded like he was fishing for her to ask him to stay. Which he wasn’t.

  Was he?

  She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Anywhere.”

  He looked back to the sea, oddly deflated by that answer.

  “It’s bad luck that you got stuck with such terrible parents, but when you don’t have family, you also don’t have the obligations to stay. You have freedom, James.”

  He knew what she was thinking about. Those years when she’d been desperate to spread her wings and leave the nest but had felt compelled to stay and help keep Twilight running.

  Freedom to her had always been the be-all end-all.

  And now she had it.

  So who was he to try and make her stay?

  No one, that was the answer. She deserved this opportunity without his own emotions holding her back.

  He looked away from her searching stare, afraid of all that she might see.
Being alone with her like this, so far away from the reality that was his life on Twilight, the reality that always reminded him of who he was. Who she was. And why they could never be together.

  She leaned in close, her breath against his cheek a temptation he couldn’t block out as she spoke. “You could go anywhere, James. You could be anything. You don’t have to live with your parents’ sins and you don’t have to pay a penance for their faults.”

  He nodded slowly. “I know that.”

  “Do you?” Her voice was quiet but impassioned. “You are free to go anywhere you want and you’re throwing that away.”

  Her words settled over him and he let them stew. Some part of him felt a lightness, like she was granting him this freedom personally. But even as he thought it, an ache opened up inside him. He turned to her and met her gaze steadily. “Don’t you get it, Alice? What you refer to as my freedom—no one needing me, no one relying on me or caring about whether I come or go…” He swallowed and looked straight ahead at the ocean which suddenly seemed terrifyingly large. “You call that freedom, but to me that sounds just plain lonely.”

  Her gasp startled him. It sounded for all the world like she was in pain. And when he turned to face her, that was exactly what he saw. Her pain on his behalf was written all over her sweet features and plain as day in her eyes. “Is that what you honestly think, James? That no one needs you? That we don’t care?”

  Ah crap, now she’d gone and taken it personally. “I didn’t mean—”

  “No, you listen to me, James Henley.” Her expression was fierce as she reached for his shoulders to turn him toward her. She was so close he could see the glint of gold in her eyes and taste the warmth of her breath through the salty ocean breeze.

  “We will always need you, James. My brothers…” She let out a short laugh. “They wouldn’t know what to do without you. And not just because you’re the best rancher they know, but because you are their friend. They could manage the ranch without you if need be but they could never live without you in their lives. You’re as good as a brother to them both. Closer, in some ways, because you’re not blood related so you don’t drive them up the wall the way they do to each other.”