Weird Theology

by Alex Raizman

  “Ishtar,” Enki responded, his voice low and angry. A small part of Ryan’s brain, the part that wasn’t fighting exhaustion or terror, wondered why Enki was calling Crystal by a different name. He would have to ask her if they survived this. “Thought you learned your lesson back during the Crusades. Thought you were going to stay the out of my way.” In a single, swift motion he lowered his hand, no longer attempting to strengthen the tornado. The lack of resistance on Crystal caused her to overcorrect, like they’d been playing tug of war and he’d let go of his end, but instead of a rope whipping to lash at the people who had been tugging on them, the variables did. The vortex was dispersed with a clap of thunder that radiated outwards, forming a mile-long ring of clear sky in the middle of the storm clouds.

  Crystal cried out and clutched her head in pain from the backlash. Ryan sank to one knee, still trying to fight away the clouds of darkness that tickled the edges of his vision. He thought that the raw terror would cut through that, but it wasn’t enough to overcome his need to pass out. Enki continued talking. “Thought you were going neutral, like the damn Swiss. You should have. I’m going to kill this Eschaton, then I’m going to rip you apart every time you reform for the next hundred years, you obnoxious whore. But for now…”

  And he gestured. Equations that moved so fast Ryan couldn’t comprehend them leapt across his swirling vision. Their effect was immediate: massive iron chains shot up from the parking lot, forged from the pipes that ran under the gas station. They stabbed into Crystal’s forearms and legs, and she screamed again in a combination of anger and pain as they burrowed in.

  Ryan doubled over, realizing he needed his hands on the ground to stay upright. He could feel tears forming in his eyes from the effort of keeping them open. He certainly didn’t feel the strength needed to fight off the slowly advancing brute. Enki reached down and grabbed the back of Ryan’s hair, pulling him to his feet. Enki still focused on Crystal, like Ryan was some trash Crystal had dropped.

  “For now, I’m going to make you watch while I beat him to death.”

  ​Before Ryan could react, Enki was already there.

  ◆◆◆

  The punch didn’t toss Ryan into the air. It lobbed him, sending him a twisting arc that tumbled him end over end floating through the air with the grace of a drunken chicken. This flight took him up and away until his motion was arrested by a brief but solid interruption in the form of the gas station wall.

  Ryan’s everything hurt. The wall of the gas station wasn’t drywall but solid concrete, and Ryan had felt it break behind him. He was certain down to his core that if he had still been fully human, that blow would have killed him, as opposed to just scrambling his brains.

  The shock should have at least cleared his vision, but instead the clouds at the edge grew stronger, thicker. Tendrils of darkness started creeping further into his line of sight.

  “No. Not now. I won’t-”

  “You won’t do shit.” Enki had crossed the distance and again had Ryan by the hair. “You won’t do any damn thing, you hear me?”

  He tossed Ryan upwards. The sensation of being thrown by the hair with enough force to launch him thirty feet was immensely painful, a pulling sensation that ran down his scalp and face all the way to his neck. Through the fog of pain, Ryan found himself wondering if Enki could have pulled his face off like that. That thought sent a fresh wave of fear through him that helped clear the pain, but not fast enough to prevent gravity from reestablishing its dominance over Ryan and sending him falling back to the ground. His reunion with the Earth was cut short, however, by Enki’s foot - a kick which sent Ryan tumbling across the pavement until he skidded to a stop at Crystal’s feet.

  Ryan felt nothing but pain and terror. Judging from Crystal’s expression, though, what she felt was rage. Ryan found himself looking forward to what she was about to do.

  Unfortunately, before she could do it, Ryan was sliding along the ground, pulled towards Enki by an invisible force. He scrabbled at the ground with his fingers, which was as effective as if he was falling out of a window and trying to grab onto the side of a skyscraper.

  Think, Ryan, damnit. Enki was toying with him, dragging him at a lazy pace. Once he got ahold of Ryan again, he’d toss him or punch him again and Ryan didn’t know how much longer he could hold back that darkness in his eyes. He needed an edge, he needed to…

  One hand stopped scrabbling at the ground. This has to work. If it didn’t, he was dead, Crystal was dead, and Enki would do…whatever it was he wanted to do. If Crystal could have done something, she would have by now. It was up to him. He stretched out his hand to try and twist reality before he reached Enki. He called up the same certainty that he would die if he failed to stop this that had allowed him to overcome the tornado. This time, though, it wasn’t an attempt to manipulate a rapidly changing system like a forming tornado. It was a relatively static manipulation - weakening the laws of electromagnetism holding together molecules. Simple, really, Ryan thought sarcastically.

  It was still almost more than he could stand, and for a moment he blacked out. He came to a good foot closer to Enki, almost within the brute’s grasp, and readied himself for what he had to do as soon as he got in range.

  “I’m gonna slap your face in, son. I’m going to rip your throat oooooOOF - ” and it was Enki’s turn to get an unexpected one-way trip into the air. Ryan lowered his foot from where it had connected with Enki’s gut. Enki’s eyes widened from either shock or just the impact, and he was lifted off the ground and sent careening away what had to be at least twenty feet, slamming into the parking lot’s sole lamp post. The post bent in half from the impact. I did that? Ryan thought to himself, blinking stupidly at this own foot as the tendrils resumed their worming path across his vision. I...holy crap I just kicked him across a parking lot?

  Enki wasn’t wasting time extracting himself from the ruins of the lamppost. He took time to brush himself off, tilting his head back and forth. Even from here, Ryan could hear his neck crack. Enki flashed him a grin full of more spite than a thousand invectives, and Ryan realized all he had accomplished with the kick was pissing his opponent off. “Whoo boy. You got a spark there. Some of that good old-fashioned gumption. Course, you’re still Nascent. Can’t have a whole lot of juice left. Gotta be running on empty, really. So go ahead, boy. Hit me with your best shot.”

  Ryan rose to his feet and extended his hand. The storm still roiled above, building with potential. He began to twist his hands, the right one modifying variables, adjusting positive and negative charges until -

  With everything that would come later, if he survived, Ryan would do some amazing things, see some incredible things. But nothing would ever compare to the rush of the first time he hurled a lightning bolt from the heavens and struck Enki with five hundred of mother nature’s very best megajoules of electricity.

  The light seared his retinas, the thunderclap obliterated his hearing. Enki vanished behind that flash and that rumble as the world exploded. If he screamed, Ryan couldn’t hear it, the sound completely drowned out by the detonation of lightning so close to Ryan’s face.

  Before Ryan’s vision could recover, Enki came bursting out of the light, slamming a fist into Ryan that sent him flying back into the gas station.

  “Damn, boy, you’ve got a bit of a punch.” Enki approached slow and heavy. His skin and hair were singed, but otherwise he was unharmed. He cracked his neck as he approached. “I felt that, I really did. But it doesn’t change a single thing. Not one single damn thing. I’ve been drawing power off my nanoverse since humans first crawled out of the mud. I was one of the first.” He was right next to Ryan, and crouched down, nearly spitting in his face. “Do you really, honestly, think you could fight me, could outlast me?”

  Ryan let out a pained chuckle. It wasn’t a defiant chuckle, or an arrogant chuckle. It was the kind of laughter that slips out of your lips when everything is falling apart, and the world is collapsing, and at the last possible
instant you notice a ray of hope so faint you could almost miss it. “I didn’t...need to outlast you. You’re the one...without backup.”

  Enki’s beady eyes suddenly contained a glimmer of something besides the murderous rage. Just a glimmer, but seeing fear in those tiny eyes was the most satisfying thing Ryan had seen since this whole thing started.

  It was even more satisfying seeing that fear turn to shock as a foot connected with the side of Enki’s head, driving it into the wall.

  Crystal reached down with a blood-soaked arm, grabbing Ryan and helping him to his feet. “Good bloody show, love. I just knocked him senseless, though. We gotta move before he wakes up, yeah?” Ryan nodded, and they rushed back to the door. Crystal was limping from the wounds in her legs, and Ryan was gasping with pain. Behind them Enki bellowed with rage, pulling his head out of the wall with immense, groaning effort.

  The door was still open, and the pair dove through. It slammed behind them and began to vanish.

  “We made it. Bloody hell, we made it...oh no, not again.”

  Ryan heard Crystal’s voice, but it didn’t matter. The irrefutable fact of their safety sung like a song in Ryan’s thoughts, and the effort to hold back those black tendrils was finally overwhelming. For the third time, he passed out.

  Chapter 6

  Red Tape

  Ryan awoke to a faint buzzing sound. While godly resilience had kept him alive, it did not prevent every single muscle in his body from being in pain. He supposed he should be grateful - after being rag dolled around a parking lot, even if he wasn’t dead he probably should have broken every bone in his body. But at the moment, any feelings of gratitude were washed away by agony.

  Groaning, he rolled over on his side in the silver bed. Across the room, Crystal lay in another bed.

  Some people were just angelic when they slept. Hair perfectly falling around their faces, small smiles playing upon their lips, cuddled under the blankets.

  Crystal was not one of those people. She was sprawled out on the bed, one hand flopped over the side. Her hair was a messy halo and her mouth hung open. That faint buzzing sound had been her breathing, not quite loud enough to qualify for a full snore but far too loud to qualify for any word more dignified.

  There was a paper laying on the bed next to her, with a note on it. The ink had been smudged by what was probably spittle flying from her lips as they droned out a snore.

  If you’re up before me, check my arms. If the wounds are gone, wake me. If not, bloody let me sleep and get yourself some food from the fridge.

  Ryan did check her arms, and the wounds were mostly gone. The flesh was still pink and puffy, scarred from where the chains had punched through flesh and bone. Ryan decided to let her sleep for a bit longer just to make things were fully healed up, and walked over to a silver box that definitely hadn’t been there before.

  In the box was a variety of sandwiches in individually wrapped bags, each one labeled. Salami. Pastrami. Roast Beef (Don’t Eat This One You Wanker). Turkey. Ryan grabbed the pastrami and took a few bites. It occurred to him that this was the first time in his life that he’d ever been alone and could really bask in it. Sure, Crystal was there, as the gentle buzz saw reminded him, but she was asleep. No one was looking at him, no one was watching him.

  It was a terrifying relief. On the one hand, the idea of being fully alone had always fascinated him. It had sounded wonderful in theory, but in practice he’d always had the ability to make eye contact with a silent watcher. Not having that comfort was like walking a tightrope when safety net was gone and had been replaced with a tank of boiling acid full of sharks that could survive acid and heat. And he didn’t have a gas mask.

  The constant buzzing provided a degree of comfort, a reminder that there was another person there. He decided it still didn’t count as being alone, not really. Just unwatched. And unwatched was...comfortable.

  Ryan reached in and grabbed another sandwich. He took a moment after grabbing to make sure it wasn’t the Roast Beef (Don’t Eat This One You Wanker), and, realizing he had grabbed that sandwich, put it down carefully apart from the others so he wouldn’t make that mistake again. I do not want to find out what Crystal would do if I ate her roast beef. Probably nothing, but why risk it? Trying to clear the sleep from his eyes, he grabbed another one, and this was definitely wasn’t the sandwich calling him a wanker. It occurred to him that, aside from passing out a few times, he hadn’t need to sleep, eat, or use the restroom since he’d stared into the nanoverse, and hadn’t seen Crystal do any of those either. Do I not need to anymore? Or I just need to do it less frequently? Now that he was eating, it felt good - felt great, really - but there hadn’t been any hunger or weakness before the fight.

  Crystal stirred on the bed, looking up at him. Her hair had somehow gotten even messier in the process of getting up. “That better not be my bloody roast beef, you wanker” she said.

  He smiled. “No, it’s not. How’re you feeling?”

  “Like I got stabbed in the arms and legs by some prick. Oh, wait, that’s what happened.” She got out of bed and walked over to the fridge, grabbing the sandwich. “Clever play, breaking me free like that. So, that was your first taste of gods clashing. What’d you think?”

  Ryan rubbed his face, realizing how clammy his hands felt as soon as he started thinking about it again. “It hurt. But it didn’t feel very divine. Aside from the chains and the dragging and a lightning bolt, it was mostly just...punching.”

  She took a bite out of the sandwich and let out a happy little moan. “That’s the way it usually goes, love. We save the power for the big plays or the drama. Most fights between us really comes down to who tires out first, yeah?”

  After a moment’s thought, Ryan nodded. “That’s why Enki waited till I was stopping the tornado to attack.”

  A nod from Crystal as she took another bite. “Pretty much. Even with you being nascent, two on one aren’t great odds, even for a powerhouse like Enki. Same reason he forced me to hold back the tornado, even as he pushed it down. Much more effort on my part.”

  He bit his cheek in thought. He saw what Crystal was doing, walking him through everything step by step to calm him down, and it was not unappreciated. “No, don’t tell me. Because…” he finished his own sandwich to give himself time to think. “The storm wanted to form a tornado. That was where it was headed. So it’s harder to make it go against that because you’re not just pushing against Enki, but pushing against what the storm was already doing.”

  She beamed at him. “Hole in one, love. You’ve almost gotten a first-grade understanding of how we work.” The tone was teasing, but Ryan still felt his ego deflate. She patted him on the cheek. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you there.”

  “In time to end the world?”

  The patting stopped, but she kept her hand on his cheek. “Yeah. That’s about the long and short of it.” Her voice was sad. “But don’t worry - we’re not gonna kill everyone. We’ll figure out another option.”

  He stared at her a moment. “Why? What happens if the world doesn’t end?”

  She pulled her hand away with some hesitation, like now she didn’t want to break contact with him. She didn’t seem to want to meet his eyes anymore. “I told you, Ryan. The world dies.”

  Ryan was insistent, “How?”

  “Roll with-”

  “Crystal.” His voice was hoarse. “Please, I need more than that.”

  She looked up at him, and he saw the same look in her eyes he had seen in Cipher Nullity. Pain from wounds a million years old, cut with determination that could burn a man alive. “If you don’t, the sun expands into a red giant. The end of the world is a sacrifice that resets the sun’s life.”

  He blinked at her. “But...that’s what the sun’s going to do in five billion years anyway.”

  That at least got a dark chuckle out of her. “True. And the sun going red giant has been five billion years away for about eight billion years now. Which means if we don�
��t do it, those five billion years come due plus three billion years of interest. It’ll probably go supernova right away.” She looked into his eyes and let out a small, sad laugh. “Told you it was best to roll with it, love.”

  “I don’t...I don’t understand. What about the rest of the stars? Wouldn’t we be able to tell?”

  “No. Earth isn’t all that special. Happens on other worlds across the universe all the damn time, keeping the whole thing young. Can you leave it at that?”

  “I...okay, yeah.” He could feel a headache coming on. “But how can you be sure?”

  She finally looked away from him, but he didn’t take her hand off his chest “Because it almost happened. Last time. We...thought we could break the rules. It didn’t work. Barely did the reset before the world exploded.”

  “You were there last time?”

  Crystal nodded. “I saw it all happen. Maybe I’ll tell you the full story some time later on love.”

  “Crystal...you’re talking about the end of the world. I need something more to go on than that.” Ryan hated pushing her right now. She looked almost fragile. But...Ryan, she wants you to end the world. You can’t just ‘roll with it.’

  She sighed. “I don’t know how I can prove it to you. I’d love to, I really would, but it happened a million years ago. There’s no trace of it left.”

  “Surely there’s something. In the fossil record or-”

  Crystal was shaking her head. “Ryan, love, your science is great. Your people have gotten pretty damn far with it. But we’re talking about things that were designed to escape mortal eyes. The Creator, whoever they are, apparently didn’t want people to spend their time worrying about the end of the world. Whatever has to happen to hide this from people happens. So please, don’t make the mistake we did. Don’t think you can beat this.”

  There was that plural again. “We?”

  She nodded, and when she turned back to him, her eyes were firm. “That’s the thing, love. I wasted my time trying to stop it, and so the only way to save the bloody world was to go fast, brutal. We couldn’t save anyone. But we have more time, you and I, and I’m not...I’m not going to let you repeat my mistake, yeah? We’re going to find a better way. I know it has to end. I saw it, I lived it. But there’s rules. And rules can be broken, rules have loopholes. We’re going to find those loopholes and we’re going to find a way to end the world while saving every single one of the wankers on it. I don’t want to end lives, Ryan. I want to save them.”