The Middle Road

by K. G. Reuss

  “Stop it. OK?” I take a seat at the table again. “I’m not easy to know either, just ask Derek. I can be an asshole. Everyone can be given the right circumstances. I judge people on how they treat me over time, because moments are just that…a small place in time, and each has its own special circumstances surrounding it. A good moment to you may be exceptionally bad to me. Everyone deserves to be given a chance or as many chances as it takes for others to see the good inside. Just because one person, or a set of people, didn’t like you doesn’t mean others won’t find you amazing and talented. Just like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I just happen to think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  She places the lid on the pan and turns down the flame before turning to face me. “I know who you are, Carter George,” she says, clenching her hands at her sides, completely ignoring my feeble attempt at being sweet. “You take down the lives and vitality of those around you, like a common criminal. You’re a monster. Will the real ruthless New York real estate billionaire please stand up?”

  I drop my head into my hands and rub my fingers in circles over my temples. My headache is returning in full force. I fucking hate Page Six and Google.

  The door opens, and Derek walks in with grocery bags hanging from his arms. He sets them down on the counter and starts to empty them, whistling a tune. I don’t feel like socializing anymore, so I stand. Teddy is staring at me. Sadness flickers in her eyes as I rise.

  “Like I said, everyone deserves a chance to show their goodness.” I head back into my room and pull the door shut. Derek calls after me, but I ignore him.

  I skip eating. I’m not feeling it anymore. Instead, I lie in bed, my eyes focused on the ceiling.

  Will I only be remembered as Carter George, the rich asshole who ruined more lives than he saved?

  The idea makes my guts churn. I know deep in my heart though that if I hadn’t been diagnosed with impending death, I would’ve never changed. Maybe I really was a monster. Doing a few nice things doesn’t change a man. It just makes the man more wicked, because really, who tears the world apart then tries to brighten it with a few good deeds? That’s like putting a band-aid on a self-inflicted knife wound. What good is that?

  Maybe it’s too little too late.

  A soft knock pulls me from my morose thoughts. I don’t even bother acknowledging it.

  “Hey,” Teddy’s soft voice wafts to me.

  My treacherous heart kicks up at the sound of her voice, but I don’t look at her, wondering if maybe she’ll just leave me to my self-loathing in peace. The depression that has set over me today is real.

  My bed sinks down as she lies beside me, taking my same position with her hands resting on her stomach and her eyes focused on the ceiling. I imagine it’s how I’ll look stuffed into my casket in a few months. May as well start practicing now.

  “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier,” her voice is timid, very unlike the person she is.

  “You weren’t wrong.” I continue to stare at the ceiling.

  “I was, though,” she persists, rolling to her side, all her dark hair spilling around her. She leans forward so her face is partially obstructing my view of the ceiling. Her hair tickles my chin. “I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t even know you.”

  Tearing my eyes from the ceiling, I lock them on her wavering green ones. Such beautiful eyes. She keeps so much hidden inside, but those eyes. . . they tell a story. On instinct, I reach up and cup her cheek in my hand, my eyes searching her face. My thumb rubs a soft circle on her cheek. Her lips part as she stares back at me.

  “Bad always overshadows the good,” I whisper. “I am a monster. I’m only trying to be a better one, but maybe it’s too late for all that now.”

  “It’s not,” she murmurs, a plea in her voice, her fingers splaying across my chest. The touch is electric. My heart rate kicks up. “Derek told me about what you did for Luke.”

  “One good deed doesn’t change a man,” I say sadly, unable to pull my touch from her.

  “One good deed is a start, though. And I admire that.” She grows quiet, her eyes darting to my lips. A faint flush paints her cheeks before she speaks again, “I’m a monster too. And one monster shouldn’t judge another. Trust me when I say that I screw up and disappoint people more than I make them happy.”

  “Are you proposing monster solidarity?” I raise an eyebrow at her. A beautiful smile that lights up my entirely too dark fucking world spills across her lips.

  “Strength in numbers, right?” She leans into me, her breath catching as my thumb moves to brush against her bottom lip.

  This is your chance! Take it, Carter! You only have so many left! The moment is screaming at me. My heart somersaults in my chest like an unsteady gymnast.

  Reality slaps me in the face with its giant, veiny dick.

  I’m a dead man. No woman would want a dead man. What? I’d love her for a moment before leaving her broken?

  Nah. I spent my life breaking women. That’s not how this will go down. Not this time.

  My hand falls from her face, breaking whatever spell we’re under, and I sit up, breathing hard over what I’d almost done. What I so fucking desperately wanted to do. If this was a different life, I’d have loved that girl so hard.

  But it isn’t a different life. It’s a half-life. What’s left of my life.

  And I’m not dragging anyone down with me.

  Twelve

  Teddy

  I almost kissed Carter. If he wouldn’t have pulled away from me, I know I would’ve. Something about him just reels me in. I can’t shake him. Even after our first meeting, he was all I could think about.

  Something’s up with him though. I spend the better half of the morning Googling his name only to come up with information on how ruthless he is and how many women he’s been through. Other than that there’s nothing. No known long-term romantic relationships. No reasons for his sudden departure from his company, which is making headlines around the world. Nothing. Carter George is an enigma.

  I wipe my sweaty palms down the front of my shorts, blowing out a shaky breath. The moment with Carter in his bedroom is still with me, making my heart hammer in my chest. I’ve never responded to a man like that before. No man has ever made my heart simultaneously skip a beat and rush to beat faster all at once. Literally a race to see which would kill me first.

  “Carter come out of his cave yet?” Derek asks, popping his head into the living area of the Beastmaster.

  “Oh. Uh, no. He said he needed a nap, so I left him with Molly.” I glance at the closed door, my heart yearning for his touch again. Jesus. That’s a new feeling.

  “Yeah, he likes to nap sometimes.” Derek’s eyes shift around the room before he clears his throat. “Do you want to go for a walk and explore a bit?”

  “That sounds good.”

  I’m on my feet, ready to get out of there before I bum rush Carter’s room and straddle him, demanding he touch me again. The thought sends heat flooding between my legs, and I duck my head to keep from showcasing any of my dirty thoughts which are probably clearly written on my face.

  Derek takes no notice and moves aside so I can step past him onto the pavement. He locks the door and nods for me to follow him.

  He’s quiet for a moment before he speaks, “You should know that Carter really is a good guy. Even with all the shit people say about him in the tabloids and news, deep down in his soul, he’s a good man.”

  “I was out of line. I apologized to him,” I say.

  “Good.”

  We’re quiet as we walk, me taking in all the beauty that is New Orleans—the vibrant colors, the smell of all the food, the laughter as people chat with one another outside the storefronts. We veer off and walk through City Park. It’s peaceful, something I need after my morning with Carter. My heart yearns for him to be here with me, walking through the park, his hand in mine, that sexy growly voice of his in my ear—

  Whoa
. Teddy, girl, check yourself!

  I flush again at my rampant thoughts and clear my throat.

  “So, what’s the deal with Carter?”

  “Deal?” Derek turns his brown-eyed gaze on me.

  “Yeah, why does a billionaire suddenly walk out on his company and go across country on a road trip, helping out the hordes of unfortunate?”

  Derek stuffs his hands into his pockets, seemingly contemplating his answer.

  “He just needed a break. He’s been stressed. Doc told him to take some time away and relax,” his words come out in a guilty rush. “That’s all.”

  “A woman didn’t break his heart?” I press. Maybe he kept his serious relationships quiet.

  Derek lets out a laugh, shaking his head.

  “No woman has ever been close enough to Carter to break his heart, except maybe his mom.” Derek grimaces, casting a quick look at me about his apparent overshare.

  “Don’t tell Carter I said anything, OK? He’s a private guy. And he’s a royal pain in my ass when he’s pissed.”

  “My lips are sealed,” I promise, mocking a zipper over my lip that makes Derek grin. “He’s just doing this road trip to de-stress then?”

  “You could say that. Find himself and all that jazz.” Derek’s eyes flit to a couple walking a Labrador. “Don’t be too rough on him. He’s going through some shit he won’t talk about.”

  I nod. That much was apparent.

  “What’s your story anyway?” he asks.

  “My story?” I raise my eyebrows at him and chuckle. “Just a small-town girl living in a lonely world.”

  Derek laughs. “Don’t quote Journey to me as an answer. A beautiful woman caught up with some douchebag in Nashville who finally breaks free is more of a Lifetime movie.”

  I grin back at him. “Fine. I really am from a smaller town. I was in med school, as per my father’s wishes. But it wasn’t my wish. I didn’t make it very far before I dropped out. When I told my dad about wanting to be a musician, he told me to pack my bags and have a good life. So far, the best thing I’ve done is pack my bags. Life, on the other hand, hasn’t been nearly as kind as good old dad was.”

  “Saying you have a rocky relationship with him—”

  “Would be an understatement.” I laugh sadly. We stop at an ice cream vendor, and Derek buys me a chocolate cone and some chocolate chip monstrosity for himself.

  “No Christmas dinners with the family then?” Derek presses as we continue to walk with our cones in hand.

  “Nope. My mom always begs me to come visit, but I can’t. My dad would lose his shit on me. He made it clear I wasn’t welcome back home unless I did something with my life.” I frown down at my cone. A pang sears my heart at missing my family.

  “That sucks.” Derek gives me a sad look.

  “It does, but this is what I wanted. I liked med school, but I didn’t love it. And why spend your life doing something you only like? Doesn’t make much sense to me.” I lick at the chocolate that’s quickly melting before continuing, “I miss my family, but I can’t go home until I succeed.”

  “Then I think you got in the right RV,” Derek proclaims, bumping shoulders with me.

  I grin back at him, my heart swelling in my chest at the thought of Carter.

  “I think I did too.”

  Diary

  Day 16

  I feel like shit. I spent all of yesterday in bed, moping about my shitty remaining existence. What made it worse was laying in the dark listening as Teddy’s soft laughter wafted down the hall to me as she and Derek talked. I couldn’t hear what they said, but my heart jumped in my chest every time I heard her laugh and him murmur again.

  OK. So, I’m a moping, dying, jealous asshole now.

  I’m a big enough man to admit that I’m feeling not only a little ashamed of my pouting, but also like I want to break my best friend’s face for talking to the girl I like. This isn’t high school, and I need to pull my head out of my ass.

  Do I really want to spend my remaining days in bed? Fuck no.

  But lying here, replaying the memory of Teddy over me makes my dick hard. All I had to do was take the moment. I’d probably be kissing on her right now if I wouldn’t have chickened out yesterday.

  Today is a new day. Even if I’ve convinced myself that I can’t be with her, there’s still this tiny part of me telling me one kiss won’t hurt. One touch. One...night.

  Every dying man has a wish. I thought mine was to live longer. Instead, I’m beginning to realize it might just be to have a moment with her wrapped in my arms.

  Thirteen

  Carter

  My dick is harder than a fucking lead pipe. It’s been that way for hours. I’ve resisted doing anything about it because, really, aside from jerking myself raw, the only other thing I want to do is bury myself so deeply inside Teddy that the rest of the world could go fuck itself.

  The sun is just starting to rise. I’ve missed too much time because I’ve been moping around. Derek’s snoring is coming at me in waves. I need to get up, medicate, and maybe go for a run. Deciding that’s the best course of action, I go to the bathroom and start a shower.

  It should be a cold shower because my dick is still hard. I close my eyes, breathing out as I rest my forearms against the wall of the shower.

  Fuck. I need her.

  No woman has ever had this effect on me. If I don’t do something about it, my dick will be hard the rest of the day. I can’t fight it any longer. Taking my cock in hand, I begin stroking it, all my thoughts on Teddy. Her long, dark hair. The way her lips part when she looks at me. How her green eyes sparkle.

  I imagine the way she’d taste as I kiss her lips before proceeding south to dip my tongue in the promised land. I imagine how my name would slip from her mouth as I bury myself deep inside of her, lost in everything that is her.

  I pump my dick harder, my eyes squeeze shut, as my breathing comes in sharp gasps.

  “Teddy,” I moan softly, breathlessly. Her name is a fucking prayer to me. The only one that can release me from the torture.

  I let out a groan as my orgasm spills hot and heavy over my hand, my body quivering in the aftermath. I have to lean against the wall to steady myself, my vision dotted with sparkles at what has to have been one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had in my life.

  After my moment of recovery, I wash and dry myself, feeling somewhat relieved. I forgot to bring clothes in with me, so I wrap a towel around my midsection and slide the door open to find Teddy standing there, her green eyes wide.

  “I-I’m so sorry. I thought I heard my name—” her eyes sweep over me in my towel, pink staining her cheeks as her eyes linger on the area the towel covers. She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth as her breathing changes.

  My dick is getting hard again.

  “You did.” I smirk down at her as her eyes take in the hard planes of my chest, before trailing over the muscles I’ve spent years defining.

  Down, boy. I silently plead with the gods of chaos for my dick to behave.

  “I-I did?” Confusion covers her face before comprehension replaces it. “Oh! Oh, wow.”

  I expect her to back away from me. In fact, she does for a moment, but then she draws in a deep breath and leans into me, that sweet summery scent of hers that’s been lingering on my pillow since she lay beside me yesterday envelopes my senses.

  “If you need me, ask for me,” her soft voice shakes a bit in my ear, sending a thrill of goosebumps through me. I close my eyes, the heat from her body blanketing me. Her t-shirt clad breasts press against my bare chest. “I’ll help you next time.”

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  Her fingers gently brush against the top of my towel before she moves away from me, those luscious hips swaying in her tiny, pink shorts. She doesn’t look back.

  She knows what she’s doing. I grin at the game she wants to play, shaking away all my prior thoughts.

  Fuck cancer. This woman is going to be the death of me.r />
  After taking a few moments to calm myself, I come out of my bedroom fully medicated and dressed, my dick on his best behavior in my khakis.

  Derek is awake and sitting at the table with his back to me. Teddy is across from him, a cup of coffee in hand. Her eyes land on me the moment I come into the room, a tiny smirk on those lips. If she’s ashamed of her actions from earlier, she certainly doesn’t act like it. And it only makes me want her more. I love a woman who wants to play dirty. I’ve already had “the talk” with myself, promising that I won’t act on anything. We can be flirtatious friends. Hell, it’ll be more of a steady relationship than I’ve ever had in my life. Nothing can happen past that.

  I move to go to the coffee pot, but Teddy’s voice calls out to me.

  “I already made you a cup.”

  I glance at her as she nods to my cup on the table. She slides over, daring me to sit next to her. I do so without hesitation.

  “Good morning, Teddy. Again,” I say, casting a smile at her. Her lips quirk up higher, her green eyes sparkling.

  “Morning, Carter.”

  Derek lifts a brow and looks between us. “Did I miss something?”

  “Nothing you’d want to see,” I retort, remembering how I’d heard him making her laugh the previous night.

  Calm down, you jealous bastard.

  Derek shrugs before going back to his bagel.

  “What did you guys do yesterday?” I grunt, taking the bagel Teddy hands me. Her fingers brush against mine, causing me to pause so I can relish in her warmth. She wiggles in her seat beneath my stare, a playful smile still on her lips.

  “We walked through City Park, ate some ice cream, and Derek told me all about your trip.”

  My hands twitch, my gaze landing on Derek whose eyes widen.

  “Relax.” Teddy chuckles, releasing my bagel. “He didn’t tell me your deep, dark secret. He said you needed to de-stress, and this is how you’re doing it.”