Mackenna on the Edge

by Djuna Shellam

  “No!” Eve screamed, lunging toward Mackenna.

  Mackenna managed to catch the railing with the crook of her right arm on her way down, violently flinging around a hundred and eighty degrees so that she hung with her back toward Eve, her arm grotesquely and painfully twisted. She suspended helplessly on the railing, unable to right herself. Dangling over the small boat below her, she struggled with all her might to twist herself around until she could grab the railing with her other hand. She needed to take the pressure off her arm which seemed an impossible task, but by sheer will and absolute terror, Mackenna was finally able to grasp the railing.

  Eve grabbed Mackenna’s arms and attempted to pull her back on board, but as the storm became increasingly violent, the ship’s roiling tossed them about as if they were nothing. Eve struggled with her footing as she tried to maintain leverage and was afraid she wasn’t going to be able to save Mackenna.

  “Hang on, Em! Please, hang on!”

  “I can’t,” Mackenna cried, but still she held on as a strong survival instinct took over. She desperately tried to lift her body even as the wind mercilessly pummeled her. “Eve, Eve! I can’t hang on,” she yelled, her voice filled with fright. “My hands are too cold…” Her voice trailed off in the wind as she struggled to pull herself up.

  Below them, The Captain quickly threw his boat’s engine into reverse, maneuvering away from the yacht in order to clear the way for Mackenna should she not be able to hang on. Lightning flashed almost simultaneously with cracking thunder as another gust of wind and hard rain blasted Mackenna, weakening her grasp and causing her to slip slightly.

  “Eve!”

  “Hang on, Em! Hang on, I’m coming over!” Operating on pure adrenaline, Eve swiftly climbed up over the railing and straddled it, oblivious to the apparent danger. The ship lurched sharply, throwing her hard against the rail, immediately bruising her inner thighs. She secured herself as best she could with the strength of her legs by wrapping them around a vertical post, then reached down and grabbed Mackenna’s arm with her right hand. Hanging on with little more than her fingernails, Mackenna’s face elicited pure panic. Her eyes begged Eve to save her.

  “Try and swing your body this way,” Eve shouted. “Can you do that?”

  The sky exploded above and around them as a bolt of lightning stuck the water a mere hundred yards away. Startled to the core, both women screamed. Filled with an even greater sense of urgency as the storm raged directly above them, Mackenna kicked herself toward Eve just as Eve reached out and grasped Mackenna’s pants at the waist. Eve pulled with all her remaining strength, bringing Mackenna closer to the ledge which Mackenna managed to reach with her right leg, despite the intense pain.

  Through sheer determination, Mackenna hooked the ledge with her foot, while Eve pulled her body up and onto the outside ledge. With her legs still wrapped around the railing, Eve immediately pulled Mackenna to her and held her. Mackenna clung to Eve, breaking down in her arms where they remained in tight embrace, weeping with relief.

  From his vantage point below The Katie Mac, The Captain determined the immediate crisis had passed and that the rich woman was no longer in imminent danger. He smiled and tipped his battered captain’s hat. Not knowing for sure whether his departure was acknowledged, The Captain headed toward the island where he and his boat would gratefully ride out the rest of the storm—with six hundred dollars and a fifth of Jamaican rum.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  Blame

  Once inside the living quarters of the yacht, Eve managed to locate some towels and dry clothing in the master bedroom—Mackenna’s room—and helped the nearly incapacitated and silent Mackenna change her clothes. Seeing that Mackenna was exhausted and not up for discussion of any sort, Eve decided to leave her alone for the time being and went about the business of getting herself into dry clothing as well.

  As Eve changed into a sweat suit of Mackenna’s, Mackenna curled up into a fetal position on the bed, falling fast asleep almost immediately. Eve walked over to Mackenna, who shivered as she slept, and pulled the comforter at the end of the bed over her. As she tucked the blanket over Mackenna, Eve noticed Alice’s diary sticking out from under one of the pillows on the other side of the bed. She carefully leaned over Mackenna and pulled the book out from beneath the pillow. Holding the book to her chest, Eve whispered, “God, I miss you, Al,” she said softly. Alliepoo. “I saved her today, Allie. I almost lost her, and I don’t know what I would have done then—without her… and you… I don’t know. I love her, Allie. I do. I love her so much… I just hope she loves me, too. Someday. Maybe…”

  Still clutching the diary, Eve sat on the edge of the bed and quietly studied Mackenna’s face as she slept, visually tracing the faint remnants of Mackenna’s facial scars, now merely pale jagged slivers above her brow and down her cheek—almost, but not quite, undetectable against her smooth alabaster skin. She wanted to touch and caress them, kiss them. But she would wait for another time—if that time ever came.

  Sitting with Mackenna and feeling the deep rhythm of her breathing, Eve realized she, too, was fatigued to her bones. The immediate danger behind them, Eve decided it was probably safe to take a nap while Mackenna slept. She climbed onto the bed and over Mackenna, snuggling up behind her, covered her own body with the comforter, and instantly fell into a deep sleep.

  ~/~/~/~/~

  Eve stretched the stiffness from her body after carefully unwrapping herself from Mackenna’s curves, looked at her illuminated wristwatch—three a.m.—and realized neither she nor Mackenna had moved as much as a muscle in over nine hours. Outside it was finally quiet and fairly calm. The rain was a mere drizzle and the ship no longer rocked and creaked, but listed only slightly. Eve moved herself ever so quietly from the bed and maneuvered her way in the darkness to the bathroom where she quickly relieved herself.

  When she was finished, Eve closed the door, turned on the light and flushed the toilet before greeting herself in the mirror. She shook her head with disapproval. She looked terrible. Her blonde curls were smashed against her head in an unflattering array, puffy eyes were ringed with blue circles and she could really use a little sunshine on her face. Lightly fluffing her hair with wet fingers quickly brought her lifeless curls to a perky and awake state. Eve splashed cold water on her face and rummaged around for a tooth brush, trying not to put too much thought into whose toothbrush she might end up using—the dead mother’s or the dead father’s. A cold chill ran up her spine.

  After deciding upon a newish grey toothbrush, she prepared it with toothpaste and quickly brushed her teeth. Her freshen-up complete, she stealthily ventured back into the bedroom where she found Mackenna still sound asleep. For a moment she debated between crawling back into the bed with Mackenna or foraging for food, until the sudden audible grumble erupted from her stomach. The debate settled, she headed upstairs to find the kitchen, or The Galley as she thought it was called.

  As she slowly made her way to The Galley, Eve was amazed at the size and the splendor of the yacht. If it weren’t listing ever so slightly, she could have imagined herself exploring the equivalent of a small mansion on dry land. When she finally came upon a large room she determined was probably the bar or an entertainment room, her heart skipped a beat. Immediately she detected the distinct smell of alcohol hanging in the air.

  Crossing the room to the bar, she ran her hand across the shiny granite surface from the middle of the counter to the end, and around to behind the counter where she abruptly stopped. There on the bar were the remains of spilled liquor, and on the floor, evidence of a shattered glass. As she began to clean up the mess, Eve relived the earlier events that occurred out on the deck and wondered if Mackenna’s actions were prompted by alcohol. With all her heart she hoped not.

  Finally, the mess cleaned up, Eve continued her search and found The Galley where she promptly made coffee. After rummaging around in the cupboards, she began to prepare a feast using the full stock of groceries she deduced
were procured by the Katie Mac crew for Mackenna’s trip. Eve didn’t know what was coming up next, but decided she couldn’t do anything for Mackenna or herself on an empty stomach—and it was clear they were both going to need their energy.

  Just as Eve was finished making veggie burgers, broiled potatoes and a salad, Mackenna appeared in the kitchen. She looked groggy and disheveled, but appeared in slightly better spirits than when Eve last saw her. She walked lamely over to the kitchen bar counter, and climbed up onto one of the padded bar stools facing Eve.

  “Hi there,” Eve said gently. “Would you like some coffee? Something to eat?”

  Mackenna mumbled, “Mmm, just coffee, please. Black, if you don’t mind.”

  Eve asked Mackenna how her shoulder was as she poured the strong black coffee into Mackenna’s cup, but Mackenna only shrugged in response and muttered, “Fine.” Her painful grimace as she reached for the coffee mug told Eve her shoulder was far from fine. Dark, fresh contusions were evident on the inside of her right upper arm and disappeared into the sleeve of her white T-shirt, indicating Mackenna had indeed been injured from her fall off the side of the yacht only hours earlier. Eve shivered at the reminder and was thankful it was the only injury Mackenna sustained.

  “So, I had a heck of a time finding the kitchen—er, um, galley—but wow, what a place this is. I’ve been on yachts before, but can I just say wow?” As Eve fixed a plate for herself she tried, unsuccessfully, to engage Mackenna in conversation. “I also, um, happened across the bar.”

  Mackenna’s expression flinched slightly at the mention of the bar.

  “Pretty spectacular if you ask me. Oh, and I cleaned up a bit—hate to wander in there with bare feet. You know, all that broken glass.”

  Mackenna barely remembered the glass breaking, but she wondered what Eve must be thinking. “I didn’t…” Mackenna began softly. “The ship lurched before I… I didn’t have anything to drink, Eve. I wanted to, I thought. I just couldn’t, so…”

  “Hey, I…” Suddenly Eve felt sheepish for bringing up the bar and the broken glass. After all, it wasn’t her business. If Mackenna wanted to have a cocktail that was her right; yet… “I just wanted you to know you didn’t have to worry about it. That’s all.”

  Mackenna slightly nodded her head in acknowledgement and studied her coffee.

  Eve grabbed her plate and sat in the chair next to Mackenna.

  She ate in silence while Mackenna mindlessly drank her coffee, keeping her eyes fixated on the windows that encircled the main salon. Only darkness returned her stare. Eve finished eating, practically having devoured every morsel on her plate. She cleaned up the kitchen in silence, enjoying the therapeutic nature of doing dishes, and then with the coffee pot poised to pour, quietly asked Mackenna, “More?”

  Mackenna nodded.

  Eve filled Mackenna’s cup, then her own, and sat down again next to Mackenna, leaving the almost empty pot on the counter. It was time, Eve knew, to finally dispense with the mystery. It was time to find out what exactly was going on with Mackenna, and tell her how she felt. It was finally time to move forward. As she sat next to Mackenna, Eve felt a strong feeling of love fill her body and an overwhelming desire to hold Mackenna and protect her from whatever demons were torturing her.

  She sat facing Mackenna and waited for the words to come to her. The right words. The words that would make everything all right. She waited until she couldn’t wait any longer. She finally put her hand lightly on Mackenna’s left shoulder and almost asked in a near whispered, “Are you all right?” She paused for a moment, giving Mackenna an opportunity to answer, but when she didn’t asked, “Can we talk now?”

  Mackenna’s gaze dropped into her coffee cup. She shrugged.

  Eve lightly rubbed her hand along Mackenna’s arm, encouraging her, letting Mackenna know she was there as a friend—there to support her. Mackenna’s lower lip began to tremble as her eyes welled with moisture. She nodded finally.

  “Okay.” Eve cleared her throat and said with softness in her voice, “I don’t really know where to start, but I’ll try the best I can. Okay?” She paused. “All right. I know you’ve been—how can I say this—not exactly truthful about you and Alice … really about Alice. Based on her lovely speech last Friday night, I know for sure Deirdre didn’t know the truth… and Camille confirmed you haven’t been honest with her, either.”

  Mackenna drew back slightly at the mention of Camille’s name.

  “I don’t know why, Mackenna. I don’t know why. I was as shocked as anyone, but once I realized what was going on, so much became crystal clear to me. I mean, I never really knew why you’ve avoided me all these years, and… when you let me stay at your house, well, I have to tell you, I was a little surprised. Pleasantly surprised, really—when you actually said yes… y’know, based on our past history. But still, I was so happy… because even before I met you, back when Alice used to tell me about you—she was always talking about you—and then when we finally met… Even though I know it wasn’t under the best of circumstances, I’ve always felt such a strong connection with you. It’s a connection I know I can’t explain, but I was so glad to finally be near you again… to finally get to know you… after all these years. But, you put up a wall between us, even when I started to feel like we… uh, you and I were…” Eve struggled momentarily for the right way to describe her feelings for Mackenna without sounding trite.

  “I felt like something was beginning to happen with us, but that you were maybe blocking it.” She added quickly, “And I can kind of understand why. At least I thought I did. Well, I thought I did after I talked to Camille, but I really wasn’t sure until yesterday—or today, or… Hell, I don’t even know what day it is… Anyway, when I saw you out on that ledge—yesterday—I… it didn’t matter—it doesn’t matter anymore because… because the thing is, Em… Mackenna… the thing is…”

  Eve suddenly felt a fear she never felt before telling a woman she loved her. She normally just said it. But this time was different and every sense in her body was telling her so. Because this time, she meant it without any of the usual nagging doubts. She knew it to her bones. After struggling for what seemed like forever, Eve finally forced herself to look right into Mackenna’s eyes and said with great resolve and sincerity, “The thing is, Mackenna… I love you.” Immediately overcome with shyness, Eve proceeded to talk more to her coffee mug on the counter than to Mackenna, who sat in rigid silence. “I do,” Eve continued nervously. “Even the thought of what almost happened yesterday, god… it just makes me sick to think I might have lost you before I got the chance… I mean, oh gosh… I’ve fallen in love with you like I have never experienced before in my life, Mackenna. And ever since I realized my feelings, I’ve felt like… a crazy woman. I —”

  “No!” Mackenna abruptly slammed the flat of her hand on the counter.

  Startled, Eve looked up and abruptly stopped mid-sentence, surprised with the energy and passion in Mackenna’s negation—and the fear most evident in her face.

  “No… what?” Eve asked bewildered.

  “You can’t love me.” Mackenna began to cry softly. “Don’t you understand that? Don’t you understand, Eve? You can’t love me—how can you?” She shook her head. “Nobody can—especially not you.”

  “I… I don’t care about anybody else, Mackenna,” Eve said gently. “I love you. That’s why I’m here—I couldn’t… stay away.” She carefully placed her hand on Mackenna’s knee. “I think I’ve loved you for a long, long time—maybe even a little since Alice first told me about you. I remember things she would say about you and I’d think, ‘Damn, she sounds like the woman for me, not you, Alice.’ Whenever she’d tell me about you, I’d get these really strong feelings I couldn’t explain and I’d wonder, am I jealous? Over someone I’d never met? I didn’t know, and I’d feel just awful lusting after my own sister’s lover…

  “I’m not sure I can explain it… I don’t know… I didn’t know. But ever since the
n, and especially after the accident, I’ve had a… how can I describe it… I’ve had a special place in my heart—just for you. Always. I didn’t really understand what I was experiencing until I came to stay with you. Then I understood—well, I think I started to, anyway. Things started to make sense to me… like why I was so interested in hearing about you… and why I got so mad at Alice when she left you. I didn’t know why at the time, but oh god, we fought several times over it. She even asked me once if I wasn’t so mad because I wanted you for myself. I know she said it in anger, but still, it made me think… She loved you Mackenna—she really loved you… but she was wrong to —”

  “Don’t Eve,” Mackenna warned. “Please…” she shook her head firmly. “Please don’t talk about her.”

  “I’m sorry, I just…” Eve stammered. “I’m trying to explain why I… I was just trying to explain how far back my feelings for you go.” Eve was suddenly reminded by the look on Mackenna’s face at Deirdre’s cocktail party. “I really don’t mind talking about her, Mackenna. I know she hurt you, but —”

  “I killed her,” Mackenna said flatly, interrupting Eve.

  A painfully long pause followed Mackenna’s abrupt and shocking confession. Numbed and confused by Mackenna’s startling declaration, Eve could only stare at Mackenna until finally she asked dully, her voice devoid of emotion, “What?”

  “I killed her. I… just… can’t hide it anymore. I killed your sister, Eve, and I… I don’t deserve anybody’s love—especially not yours.” Tears began to pour heavy down Mackenna’s shame-filled face.

  Eve stared at Mackenna with the look of incredulity on her face that turned quickly to a look of confusion over Mackenna’s bizarre statement. She struggled for a few seconds before she finally asked, holding back her own tears, “What… what the hell are you talking about? Why on earth would you say such a shocking thing?”