Dear Diary...

by L. M. Reed

  Chapter 16

  Dear Diary,

  I kissed Michael.

  CeeCee

  Lunch wasn’t as bad as I expected. Nick was back to normal—as far as I could tell since I chose to ignore him to the best of my ability, which was considerable…I’d had a lot of practice—and I even managed to choke down some lunch without too much difficulty.

  When Mom began making plans for the afternoon, having cancelled her volunteer work at the hospital for the day, I reminded her I had a date with Michael.

  “Oh dear, I had forgotten about that,” Mom frowned. “I was really hoping to finish up in Mark’s room today since he isn’t sure when he will be able to come back to help with classes starting this next week, and Nick has generously offered to let us load up his pickup with the things we want to give away. I found a church-related donation center in Lewisville that accepts donations on Sundays, so if we can finish up today, we can leave Nick’s pickup in the garage tonight, and he can drop off all of the stuff tomorrow before he and Mark leave for Austin. ”

  “I’m sure he will understand you having to postpone the date,” Nick said smoothly.

  “I am not postponing the date,” I glared at Nick…so much for ignoring him. “Mom, I told you about the date a few days ago and you…”

  “Yes, I know I did, CeeCee, but I don’t want to give away anything you want to keep,” she explained, “So I need you to be here.”

  “Why don’t you invite Michael to help,” Mark suggested.

  “He offered to help, but Mom turned him down,” I replied sourly, “It’s hardly fair to him to cancel at the last minute.”

  Not to mention, I might chicken out if I didn’t let him kiss me while I was so decided.

  “Invite him to help,” Mom said in resignation.

  “Mom…” I began.

  “You heard your mother,” Nick interrupted, “go make the call.”

  I glowered at him. He was getting on my last nerve.

  Getting up from the table, I said stiffly, “If you’ll excuse me, apparently I have a phone call to make.”

  Picking the cordless phone up off its base, I left the kitchen in a huff and walked over to the living room window, dialing Michael’s number. Thankfully, he hadn’t left yet.

  “Michael? CeeCee,” I debated about just canceling altogether, but didn’t want to hurt Michael’s feelings or give Nick the satisfaction of being right…or thinking he was anyway.

  “Hey, I was just heading out the door to pick you up,” he sounded enthusiastic.

  I swallowed hard and said, “There’s been a little change of plans. I…”

  “You’re canceling, aren’t you?”

  Michael sounded as dispirited as he had enthusiastic a moment before. I didn’t have the heart to disappoint him.

  “It’s not that,” I assured him. “I was just hoping that you might agree to stay here at the house and help with some packing up and giving away. My brother and his roommate are here and Mom wants to get as much done as possible while they’re available. I know it’s not much of a date, but I would really appreciate it.”

  “No problem,” the enthusiasm was back. “I don’t mind at all. I’ll be right over.”

  “Thanks Michael,” I said gratefully. “Oh, and you won’t want to wear good clothes, it’s kind of dusty.”

  “Thanks for the warning,” Michael said ruefully. “I’ll go change first.”

  He hung up.

  “I told you he wouldn’t mind,” I jumped, not expecting Nick to be right behind me.

  “That was a private conversation,” I said between clenched teeth, turning to give him an icy stare.

  “The next time you decide to have a private conversation, you might want to consider doing it in a more private room,” Nick suggested, the amusement plain in his voice as well as on his face. “Oh, and unless you want to drive the poor boy wild, I suggest you go change into different clothes,” he eyed me in disapproval, “preferably baggy ones.”

  I was infuriated. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my shorts and tank top. They covered everything. He was the rudest, most overbearing, obnoxious, bossy…I couldn’t think of any more adjectives that were noxious enough.

  Mark and Mom chose that moment to come through the doorway leading from the kitchen. Mom could tell something was up by the look on my face.

  “CeeCee, is something wrong?” Mom asked in concern, “Was Michael angry?”

  “No, Michael was just fine…he’s on his way over.”

  I put distinct emphasis on Michael’s name to let them know there was a problem, but with someone else. Mark of course picked up on it at once.

  Grinning at Nick, Mark asked, “So what has Nick done now?”

  “He is not going to tell me what I can or can’t wear.”

  I didn’t even try to disguise the anger in my voice.

  “Oh, okay, I’m not touching that one,” Mark put his hands up in the air as if surrendering.

  “What do you mean?” I asked suspiciously, “Is there something wrong with the way I’m dressed?”

  “Tell her,” Nick directed, “She isn’t going to believe me.”

  “Tell me what?” I demanded irritably.

  “Well, I…you see…” Mark stuttered, having no idea how to continue.

  “Oh, good grief,” Nick said in exasperation, “What your brother is too embarrassed to tell you is that in outfits like that you leave very little to the imagination. Your date,” he said the word with obvious distaste “is too young to have that level of self control.”

  I was stunned. They couldn’t be talking about me. There wasn’t even much to imagine. I wasn’t shapely like Felicia or Mom…I was practically a walking stick. The shock must have shown on my face.

  “CeeCee,” Mom said gently, “you are a very attractive young lady, and I’ve been guilty of not paying attention.”

  “Mark?” my voice had turned pleading, I couldn’t help it.

  “It’s true, CeeCee,” Mark admitted. “You grew up while my back was turned. In my defense, it’s not something a brother would notice.”

  I was shocked, angry, sad, depressed, confused…too many feelings at one time. I didn’t know how to react. How did normal teenagers deal with all of the excess of emotions rampaging through their bodies all of the time?

  I was a lousy excuse for a teenager.

  Tears welled up in my eyes. Pulling me gently into his arms, Mark kissed my forehead and held me, smoothing the loose strands of hair that had worked out of my ponytail back behind my ears.

  “It’s so unfair. Let’s just add another thing I can’t control.”

  I tried not to think about the other set of arms that had held me crying the previous night; that would certainly ensure that I would totally lose control and start bawling. At least I had only shed a few tears. I wished I could stop overreacting to everything, but life kept throwing me curves when I needed straight balls for a while. Another thing I had been totally oblivious to. I didn’t want to know if there were other things that were escaping my notice.

  “It seems like you barely got to be a kid,” Mark agreed. “I’m sorry, so sorry.”

  After a few minutes, I managed to pull myself together.

  I moved back from Mark and said, “Not your fault. Life happens. I’m just not so good with change.”

  I threw him a watery smile then, looking around, I noticed we were alone.

  “I certainly know how to clear a room,” I half-joked.

  “Nick went outside to stall Michael and…” Mark started to explain.

  “Michael’s here…already?” I asked alarmed, rubbing at the tears on my face with both hands.

  “Don’t worry, he just pulled up,” Mark assured me. “Go upstairs and fix yourself,” he grinned, “and change into something of which Nick would approve.”

  In order to show the proper appreciation of his attempt to lighten th
e atmosphere as well as my mood, I stuck my tongue out at him. We both laughed, and I ran upstairs. I needed to hurry; there was no telling what Nick might say to Michael.

  Frantically searching in my dresser drawers for something “of which Nick would approve,” I failed…miserably. I hadn’t done my laundry for the week, I usually did it on Sunday afternoons, and it was slim pickin’s.

  I finally found a pair of jeans—not ‘baggy’ because I had no jeans that were, but they would have to do—and an old red t-shirt of Mark’s that I liked to wear around the house sometimes, quickly pulling it on over my tank top. The neck was huge, it had stretched way out of proportion, which was why Mark was going to throw it away, but with the tank top under it, it was decent. It definitely qualified as ‘baggy’.

  Tying the loose bottom of the t-shirt in a knot on the left side of my hip to keep it from flapping everywhere, I hurried downstairs.

  Mom was nowhere to be seen, but Nick and Mark had poor Michael cornered in the living room and were grilling him. They had obviously asked Michael about his family, because he was telling them about his two brothers.

  My eyes were naturally drawn to Nick as I came down the stairs, I couldn’t help it, and I could see his eyes taking in my new ensemble. He frowned and shook his head at me.

  What? I thought glaring at him angrily.

  Deciding that there was just no pleasing him, I rolled my eyes, and turned my attention to Michael. He definitely needed rescuing.

  “Sorry I wasn’t ready when you got here, lunch ran a little long.”

  He looked very relieved to see me. I frowned at Mark, showing my displeasure. He shrugged as if to say, “Don’t look at me.” I knew who the real culprit was, but my angry glances just bounced right off of him.

  “Where’s Mom?” I asked Mark, pointedly ignoring Nick.

  “She went over to Mrs. Murray’s house for a few minutes,” Nick answered anyway, “She wanted to take her some pie.”

  There had been chocolate meringue pie for desert, but I had missed out because of my phone call. Another black mark against Nick…chocolate meringue was my favorite.

  As if he could read my mind he said, “Don’t worry, she saved you a piece.”

  I really wished I was strong enough to wipe that perpetual smirk off his face…irritating man.

  “Michael, I have an idea; why don’t you and I go sit on the front porch and chat while we wait for Mom?” I suggested sweetly.

  “That sounds great,” he jumped up so quickly I wondered just what Nick had been doing to him before I arrived.

  I led the way, and we sat on the side of the porch facing the garage.

  After spending the better part of last week with Michael, there was no doubt his favorite topics of conversation all had to do with to electronics, so with that in mind I asked him what brand of DVD player he would recommend.

  Mom had casually mentioned while we were watching the movie with Mrs. Murray that we could look for one, and I knew that once Michael started expounding on the virtues and drawbacks of each brand, I wouldn’t have to contribute much.

  Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less about DVD players, but I desperately needed time to think.

  While Michael droned on about the merits of a regular DVD player versus Blu-Ray, my mind was in turmoil.

  What was Nick’s problem? I had changed into jeans and my shirt was definitely baggy. Michael didn’t seem to be having any self-control issues.

  I wished Felicia were there; she understood those kinds of things better than I did. My clothes were a little tight since they were a couple of years old, but really, it wasn’t like I was blessed or anything…not like Mom and Felicia both were. The way Nick was acting anyone would think I was some kind of femme fatale.

  Michael started in on the AV connections, whatever those were, and I nodded, and said “Really?” a lot, which seemed to please him.

  I wondered how Michael saw me. Was there a way to ask him without him realizing what I was doing? I thought about it for a bit, and came up with an innocuous enough sounding question.

  I forestalled Michael as he was about to move on to the remote control functions by casually saying, “Oh, Michael, I was wondering if you thought I was dressed okay to go out and grab something to eat afterwards.”

  I crossed my fingers hoping that I wasn’t being too obvious and that he would elaborate; he always did with electronic related topics.

  “You look incredible.”

  Although there was no doubting the sincerity in Michael’s voice, what did it mean?

  I laughed, trying to keep the mood light, but ferret out more information at the same time.

  “I hardly think an old ratty t-shirt would qualify me as incredible, but I appreciate the thought.”

  “On you it looks…” his eyes were trailing along the neckline, which had skewed to one side as usual, hence the tank top underneath.

  “Can I kiss you?” he blurted out.

  Not much finesse there. Oh well, it was what I wanted, at least I thought I did.

  “Michael…”

  I decided I’d better explain that being in full view of the living room window was not a such good time for that type of thing, but if he didn’t mind waiting...

  However, before I could say much of anything, a familiar and hated voice rudely interrupted.

  “CeeCee,” I could hear what sounded like controlled fury in Nick’s voice. “Your mom is upstairs waiting on you.”

  “Okay, okay,” I answered him impatiently. Mom must have used the back door. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Folding his arms, Nick made himself comfortable, leaning on the doorframe making it all too clear he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “Fine,” I muttered getting up from the porch. “Happy now…?” I murmured sarcastically as I passed Nick.

  “Ecstatic,” he returned in the same tone.

  Something had to be done about that man; he was like some crazed, overzealous guard dog. Mark and Mom obviously didn’t feel the need to do anything about him, they were always taking his side, so it was up to me.

  I began to fantasize about different ways to dispose of him.

  Method 1—Poison his food. Problems—I didn’t possess enough chemistry knowledge to do that without getting caught. Jail time didn’t appeal.

  Method 2—Throw him off the nearest overpass. Problems—How to get him there and, once there, how to get him close enough to the edge so that my 125 pound frame could force his 200 pound frame over the railing. Again, jail time loomed in front of me.

  Method 3—“Accidentally” run over him with the car. Problems—we only had the one vehicle, the van didn’t count, and Mom wouldn’t think very kindly of me if I totaled it. I was pretty sure Nick’s thick skull alone would crush the whole front end.

  There were other ideas floating around in my head, but they all pretty much ran along the same lines as my first three. Short of violence, there was no way to rid myself of the demon.

  Even though they were all useless ideas, and I was just basically blowing off steam, the mental pictures alone put me in a better mood. I was almost smiling by the time we got to Mark’s room.

  It was a long afternoon, but by suppertime Nick’s pickup bed was loaded down and closed up inside the garage.

  Although we were all starving, Mom didn’t feel like cooking, so we agreed sandwiches and chips would be fine. It hadn’t been as rough on her as the first day finding The Allison Box, but it hadn’t been easy either. A lot of the stuff belonged to Dad.

  I thought she was holding up fairly well, but it didn’t feel right to bail on her, so I caught Michael alone and asked if he would mind taking a rain check on supper. He was filthy and wanted a shower badly, so he was more than agreeable.

  I walked him to his car and, deciding I would rather be in control of the situation than waiting for whatever he chose to do, put my hands on each si
de of his face and kissed him. Remembering how Nick’s feather like kiss had totally stunned me, I tried to imitate it for Michael.

  By the look on his face when I drew back, I’d succeeded.

  “Thanks for your help,” I whispered softly.

  I quickly turned and ran back to the house. As I opened the front door, I glanced back. Michael was standing exactly where I’d left him. I smiled, poor guy…I knew exactly how he felt.

  I walked into the house and straight into another confrontation with Nick.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I countered belligerently.

  I looked around wildly for Mom and Mark. I needed backup.

  “You know exactly what I mean, and don’t think anyone is coming to your rescue, they’re taking showers.”

  I would swear the man was reading my mind.

  “I don’t need rescuing from you,” I denied scornfully, lying through my teeth. “My life is none of your business.”

  “Someone needs to knock some sense into that hard head of yours,” Nick growled, “and apparently neither your mother nor Mark is up to the challenge.”

  “My hard head,” he was unbelievable. “What about your thick skull? What Michael and I do is between us, stop butting in!”

  “I will stop butting in when you quit making a mess of your life and everyone else’s,” Nick retorted. “You’re using that kid to test out your new found femininity, and I won’t have it. He deserves better.”

  That stopped me in my tracks.

  Was that what I was doing? Using Michael…? I hadn’t looked at it that way.

  Although it was a hard pill to swallow, Nick was probably right. Michael was a nice guy, and I liked him a lot, but I knew there wasn’t ever going to be more to it than that. I had been using him not only as an experiment, but also as a distraction to take my mind off Nick.

  I felt my face growing hot. Nick could never find out about that last part. I would die of embarrassment and shame, if that were humanly possible.

  I had to think, but I couldn’t very well do it with Nick standing there, watching me. I made a move in the direction of the stairs, and without a word, Nick moved out of my way.

  He had made his point.