Ride the High Lonesome
Page 12
Hiding from your feelings, Kate thought. Part of her wanted to reach out and hold him, to tell him not all women were like his Bonnie. And not all men were out to betray him.
“I think I might be able to ride tomorrow,” she said aloud. “I need to get to civilized places and find a way to write my brother-in-law and tell him what happened, and that I won’t get to Oregon until next spring.”
Luke kept the cigarette between his lips and stirred the bacon again. “Too soon for you to ride. You need a couple more days of walking around using that contraption I made for you. Once we do start, I’ll have to lift you onto your horse. You can’t be using that leg to mount up. Too much pressure on it.”
“I’m sorry to be such a burden.”
Luke glanced at her, then took another drag on the cigarette and took it from his lips. “That wound you suffered is from something that happened because I wasn’t here. You aren’t a burden, and I feel responsible for your pain. You just remember what I told you to do if something happens to me. Everything I have is yours.” He put some bacon and a biscuit on a plate. “Lord knows I’ve got no one else to leave it to.” He handed her the plate, and their gazes met. “That includes my money,” he told her. “Don’t go trying to find my brother to give anything of mine back to him. The son of a bitch doesn’t deserve it.”
Kate took the plate.
“Matt paid me off for my share of the family farm before I left,” Luke explained. “More of a guilt payment than anything legal.” He dished up his own bacon and biscuit.
“I’m so sorry, Luke.”
He shrugged and took another drag before rubbing the cigarette out against the stone floor. “Water over the dam.”
And you’re still hurting.
“My only concern now is getting you through the winter safely and helping you get where you need to go come spring.” He started eating.
“Well, thank you for offering your things to me if something happens to you, but I’d prefer it if you stayed alive, Luke Bowden. I will feel much safer out here with someone who knows his way around.”
“I’ll do my best not to die,” he said jokingly. “If not for you, I wouldn’t be here. And with those men who tried to hang me being dead now, maybe we’ll be okay.”
Kate wondered if he was thinking the same thing she was. How and where would they get through the long, cold winter together? And would they really want to part ways come spring? She’d known Luke Bowden only six days, yet somehow, she couldn’t imagine letting him ride out of her life, never to be seen again. Someone has to love you, Luke. Someone has to take care of you.
It was going to be a long, cold, lonely winter, wherever they landed to wait it out. She concentrated on eating, refusing to meet Luke’s gaze, afraid he would read her thoughts again.
Eighteen
Kate spent the next two days walking outside the cave, using the sawhorse Luke had made for her. She was still impressed by Luke having invented the little walking aid. Perhaps it was more because he was tired of carrying her around than it was out of concern, but either way, it turned out to be a wonderful idea.
She otherwise spent a good deal of time making bread, kneading it and keeping the dough in pans in the warm sun to rise. She baked the bread in the Dutch oven Luke had brought from Lander. She wanted to make extra for their journey, in case they should get stranded again on the way. She’d learned the hard way that in country like this, a person had to always be prepared. She also mended some of Luke’s shirts and socks with needles and thread the women in Lander had advised Luke to add to his supplies.
Luke kept himself occupied with tending the horses and taking care of gear and tack. A couple of halters and cinches had to be repaired, stones had to be dug out of hooves, new straps had to be cut for a latigo because the leather strap holding the cinch had worn through. He hobbled or picketed the horses every night and rearranged the packed supplies.
Luke seemed to be deliberately staying busier than necessary. Kate suspected it was because he was becoming as uneasy as she was over being alone together all day long. Up to now, each of them had been injured and in need of help in one way or another. Now things were peaceful, at least for the moment, and as soon as Kate’s leg was healed enough, they could be on their way…away from thoughts and feelings that were becoming more intense, yet unspoken.
Everything began to feel familiar between them. They’d become more like old friends, even at times like husband and wife. Kate suspected Luke wanted to get her to civilization so they both could get back to reality and stop depending on each other. He’d shown her how to cut weak harness leather into strips and braid it to make it thicker and stronger again, how to tie the pack horses to each other, and he’d told her how much each animal was worth if she should have to sell them. He had a vast knowledge of survival and a take-charge attitude, something Kate guessed was left over from a hard farm life and then the trials of survival and ordering men around in the war.
The stronger they both became, the more they admired each other’s skills and abilities. For Kate, Luke Bowden was becoming more and more attractive as a man who knew what he was about and one who could handle animals and guns…and probably women. She told herself to ignore the feelings she had for him that continued to grow to dangerous proportions—dangerous because she was certain he saw her only as a friend in need, a woman who, once they reached Lander, would be left to fend for herself until spring.
Fending for herself was probably best. She’d gone this long without a man, and she didn’t need another, nor did she want to risk the heartache of loving a man and then losing him to death as she’d lost Rodney. Letting herself feel too deeply for Luke would be to toy with the heart, and both of them had hearts that had already been broken by the war. She’d simply lost too much herself, and Luke Bowden was a man determined never to trust or care again.
It was nearly dusk when Luke came inside the cave. Kate was just taking warm bread out of the Dutch oven.
“Damn, that smells good,” Luke told her. He removed his hat and brushed dust from his hair and off the shoulders of his shirt.
“And men seem to know exactly the right time to come in from working,” Kate replied. “My father used to come in from the fields just as my mother was setting the table for supper.”
Luke paused to light a cigarette. “Well, you can’t exactly call what’s outside this cave fields, but I’ve been working just the same.”
“I know you have. We can pack this Dutch oven as soon as the pan cools.” She set the bread aside on a towel. “You still plan on heading for Lander in the morning, right?”
“Yes, ma’am. Everything is ready. You think you can use that leg to balance yourself once you put your foot in a stirrup?”
“I’ll manage.” Kate took out some jam.
“I plan to help you the first day or two. I’ll lift you onto your horse myself.”
Kate wasn’t sure her feelings were safe if she found herself in his arms again. “I wish we had butter,” she said, trying to change the subject.
“We’ll have butter when we get to Lander. You can bathe in a real bathtub there—sleep in a real bed, and we’ll both eat full meals.”
“Sounds wonderful.” Kate sat down on her bedroll and glanced at Luke. Here they sat, planning their trip to Lander together, fresh-baked bread sitting nearby. This was almost like sitting at the supper table with her husband. “My journey west certainly took some unexpected turns,” she commented.
Luke also sat down. He smoked quietly for a moment, staring at the flames of the fire. “Things haven’t worked out exactly like I planned either,” he said. He exhaled with his next words. “I didn’t figure on getting hanged, or on traveling with a woman I don’t even know. ’Course I’m not saying that part has been all bad.”
“Well, I appreciate your trustworthiness, Mister Bowden,” Kate answered facetiously.
So, that’s all there is to it, Kate thought. Something to take care of and talk to. She’d come to see Luke Bowden as a solid, able man who was nothing short of handsome. She wondered if, when he called her a “handsome woman,” he only meant it as a compliment to someone he liked but could never love or settle with. Maybe that was why it was so easy for him to see her naked without making advances or allowing the man in him to be attracted to her. Maybe it was because he didn’t find her attractive at all. And, of course, his heart still seemed to yearn for the woman he’d lost to his brother.
“I’m glad you consider me a bright spot and not a burden,” she told Luke. She sliced bread for them, and they put jam on it and drank coffee. There was so much Kate wanted to say, but it was best left unsaid. “I suppose we should retire early,” she finally said. “Tomorrow will be a long day.”
Luke finished his bread. “It will, so yes. Get some rest. I’m going out to check on the animals once more. Thanks for the bread.”
Kate watched him leave. Since they were both better, sleeping together in the cave was beginning to feel awkward—another reason to head for Lander. But she hated that her heart was beginning to ache at the thought of Luke Bowden riding out of her life, perhaps sooner than later. She cleaned up from cooking, then lay down on her bedroll, leaving her dress on, as she’d done the last two nights.
She pulled her blankets around her. Did Luke ever think about what he’d seen? Had he even once wanted her in the way most men wanted a woman when they were alone together for so long?
She drifted off, not sure how long she’d slept when she vaguely sensed Luke coming back inside. There was the smell of cigarette smoke, the smell of man. Was he kneeling close to her, or was this just an odd dream? Was there something he wanted to say? To do?
“Kate.”
She thought she heard someone say her name softly. She stirred awake. Opened her eyes. Someone leaned close, and she knew it was Luke because of his familiar scent. In the next moment, his lips were on hers, so gentle that she wasn’t sure if this was real or a dream. Shouldn’t she resist? Was that whiskey she smelled on his breath? She felt him gently put his hands to either side of her face. “I’ll miss you,” he told her.
She could see his face very dimly lit by a dying fire. “I’ll miss you, too,” she answered. “You aren’t leaving me, are you?”
“No.” His voice was so close. One more kiss. “I just wanted you to know that once we reach Lander, it can’t be like this.”
The quick sprout of a bright flame flickered in his eyes. “I know,” she told him. “But I won’t forget you, Luke. Ever.”
He just held her face and stared at her a moment longer, then suddenly stood up. “Jesus, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been drinking.” He walked out.
Kate watched after him. She licked her lips and noted a lingering taste of whiskey, which told her she hadn’t just dreamed the moment. It had really happened, and for some reason, she wasn’t the least bit alarmed by it.
She curled up on her side and fell right back into a deep sleep, then awoke later to see Luke sleeping across the fire from her. The fire was bigger again, so he’d stoked it sometime after their encounter. She heard soft snoring, and his back was to her.
Kate sat up, rubbing her temples. Never had she been so confused. What did it all mean? Tomorrow they would head for Lander, possibly getting there the same day. Would that be the end of them? She looked around the cave, the flickering flames creating odd shadows. She couldn’t help breaking into tears over the barrage of feelings that overwhelmed her. She didn’t want to leave, but there would be no stopping it. Come morning, the past few days spent here would be only a memory.
Nineteen
After a breakfast of more bacon and biscuits, Kate helped with the final packing, tying on the coffeepot and the little barrel that held the bacon packed in lard. As promised, they left behind the supplies Hank and his men had stored in the cave.
They moved methodically, adjusting bits and bridles and chokers and cinches on Red and on the horse Luke had brought for Kate to ride. They used Buck’s horse as an extra pack horse, securing the man’s saddle and some supplies on the mare and on the other two pack horses. Kate packed her own things while Luke did the heavier work of lifting saddles and tying on supplies.
It was surprisingly warm, considering that winter was right around the corner and a snowstorm had caused them to hole up in the cave in the first place. Luke wore only a red calico shirt, and Kate tried her best to ignore the sight of him loading gear and supplies and tightening cinches. His sleeves were rolled up, and his solid arms tensed and showed distinct, hard muscle with every move. The way the shirt fit, she could even see the movement of some of his shoulder and back muscles. Literally living with the man and being aware of his kind care and his respect for her personally…remembering how it felt when he carried her in those arms…it all was beginning to affect everything that was woman in her. Combined with the fact that they were leaving this place and possibly headed for an eventual parting, her feelings for Luke Bowden were getting the better of her.
She didn’t know what to think of last night. Luke had said next to nothing to her this morning as they drank some coffee and ate. Maybe she really did dream his kiss. If she didn’t, Luke apparently didn’t want to talk about it, and she figured maybe he was embarrassed and angry with himself for what he’d done. Heaven forbid he should give her the idea he actually cared about her romantically. After all, he did say I’ll miss you, which meant he did intend to leave her in Lander, at least until spring. He’d said he always kept his promises, which meant he had to come back in the spring and take her to Oregon, or at least arrange for someone trustworthy to take her. Either way, it seemed he intended to ignore any feelings he had for her.
Ending this short and moving relationship, and leaving the cave where it all happened, upset Kate so much that she kept wanting to cry. She fought the feeling, not wanting to look like a silly, blubbering idiot…and not wanting Luke to have any idea she had these sentimental feelings.
“You’re walking around too much on that leg,” Luke told her as she checked her saddle again. He walked up to her and helped her finish cinching the saddle strap, slapping at her horse’s belly and forcing the animal to pull it in a little before he jerked the cinch much tighter than Kate was able to. “All we need is for this damn thing to slip sideways and throw you off,” he said. “You could land on that leg and make things worse again.”
Kate sensed he was in more of a hurry than necessary. Was he anxious now to get rid of her? “My leg feels pretty good today, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep my little sawhorse and load it onto one of the pack animals,” she said. Why did she want to beg him not to leave her once they reached Lander? Why did she want to tell him she no longer wanted to go to Oregon?
She reminded herself that Luke was nothing more than a stranger she’d come across who’d ended up helping her, just like she’d helped him. That’s all they were to each other. Lucky for her, Luke ended up not being as bad as most men out here. He’d been kind and helpful, and he’d been through his own dangers and heartbreak. Now he had goals and dreams, and a life of his own to get back to. He was probably anxious to reach Lander, not just to end their relationship, but so he could take out his manly needs on the loose women he could find there and do other “manly” things he missed, like drink and gamble. He was probably glad to get away from the cave and having to constantly care for her.
She started to mount up when he took hold of her arm. “Kate.” He turned her to face him. “I’m sorry about last night. I took to drink after you fell asleep, and I took privileges I shouldn’t have. I was just thinking about having to part ways
when we reach Lander, and I want you to know I can’t pay you back enough for saving my life the day you found me hanging from that tree. You had no idea you could even trust me, and maybe you still can’t. I just want you to know I really will miss you when the time comes to go our separate ways.”
It took all of Kate’s courage to meet his gaze. Looking at him made her want to throw her arms around him. “It’s all right. Somehow, I understood,” she said. “It’s hard to explain or understand the kind of friendship we have, Luke. I wasn’t scared, and I wasn’t offended.” She managed a smile. “In fact, I was actually wondering this morning if it really happened. I was in a pretty deep sleep when you woke me.”
Luke smiled softly, looking her over in a way that disturbed her baser needs. “You’re a good woman, Kate Winters. I’ll make sure you are well taken care of in Lander.” He took a blanket he’d thrown over his shoulder and laid it over the saddle of her brown-and-white pinto. “I bought this mare for you because it’s a bit smaller than the rest of the horses. I figured it would be easier for you to get on and off her,” he said. “Her legs are shorter than the other horses, and the man who sold her to me said she’s real gentle. I guess I should have seen if the store in Lander had women’s riding pants, but I didn’t, so you should have a blanket under you. Your legs are bare under that dress, and you don’t want bare skin against leather all day. You’ll have blisters in unmentionable places.”
Kate felt the color come to her cheeks as she grasped the saddle horn while Luke put his hands at her waist and lifted her, setting her into the saddle.
“Thanks for the blanket,” she said.
Without a reply, Luke adjusted the stirrups to fit. She realized her left leg was completely bare, so she raised up a little and adjusted her full skirt so it would cover her legs. Luke checked all the straps again, and Kate watched his hands as he did so. They were strong and solid, with stubborn dirt stains in creases that refused to come clean. They were the hands of a man used to hard work and the elements—the hands of a man who was able in all the ways a man should be.