The Hitwoman and the Exorcism

by J. B. Lynn

  “Maybe I like the coffee here.”

  I tilted my head to the opposite side, giving him a hard look and making it clear that I didn’t believe him.

  He glanced at the people mindlessly fiddling with their phones around us.

  “I know you have it,” he said softly.

  “Have what?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “You know what.”

  “He knows you have the skull,” God said, as though I was too stupid to figure out his inference.

  Gino rolled his eyes at the squeaking noise coming from my chest.

  Thankfully, the barista called my name, and I held up a finger to Gino. “Give me a sec,” I said.

  I hurried up and grabbed my coffee, fumbling with my wallet, making a show of pulling out a dollar to put into the tip jar. “What should I tell him?” I asked God.

  “Deny it,” the lizard replied. “Technically, you don’t even have it. RV has the skull.”

  I didn’t relish the idea of lying to Gino, but I didn’t know what other choice I had. I put the money in the jar, picked up my coffee, and turned back to face him. But he wasn’t where he had been standing. He was over at the edge of the little corridor that led to the restrooms. He motioned for me to join him there.

  Against my better judgment, I slowly shuffled over, feeling like the heat from my coffee cup was going to burn through my hand.

  He led the way down the corridor, so we’d have more privacy for our conversation.

  “I don’t have it,” I blurted out.

  “Funny,” he said. “Because I was pretty sure that I saw you dig it up on your brother’s property and hand it over to a woman who’s staying in a camper on your property.”

  I winced. “You were spying on me?”

  “I was doing my damn job, Maggie,” he told me with a hint of anger in his tone.

  “You could have told me that the M.E. that my brother is dating is also Doctor Yes,” I told him, matching his anger.

  He chuckled at that. “She’s calling herself Doctor Yes?”

  I frowned. “Yes.”

  Gino stepped closer to me, putting a hand on my elbow. “I’m serious, Maggie, I need to get that item to the boss.”

  “Well, I can’t give it to you,” I told him defiantly.

  His brows knitted together, and he scowled. “Do you want me to take it from that woman?”

  Panic rose in me and I shook my head. “Please, Gino. Trust me, I need this. I need it for something important.”

  He frowned. “The boss thinks he needs it, too.”

  “I understand that,” I told him. “And as soon as I’m done with it, I will deliver it to him.”

  “I don’t understand the delay,” Gino said.

  “Well, you wouldn’t,” I told him tiredly. I leaned back against the wall, feeling exhausted by this whole exorcism thing.

  He dropped his hand from my elbow and leaned closer so that his breath tickled my ear. “You’re asking me to choose you over him,” he said softly.

  He leaned back so that he could look into my eyes when I responded.

  I swallowed hard. “Only temporarily.”

  Crossing his arms, he asked, “And why should I do that for you?”

  “Because you’re my friend,” I said.

  He blinked and took a step back, surprised. “So we’re friends now?”

  “Well, we’ve never been enemies,” I said.

  He looked away, shook his head, and put his hands on his hips. “How long do you need?”

  “I will literally be done with it by tomorrow morning,” I told him.

  He nodded. “Fine,” he said. “But it’s going to cost you.”

  I tensed, wondering what he was going to demand.

  “When you give it to me,” he said. “You have to break…”

  “Break who?” I asked. “Or is it break in?”

  Gino chuckled, a sparkle in his eye. “You have to break bread with me, Maggie. Think you can handle that?”

  I wondered if he was asking me out on a date. If he was, it was certainly the most interesting phrasing I’d heard.

  I nodded.

  “Don’t lose it,” Gino warned. “I can only protect you for so long.”

  With that, he bopped my nose with his forefinger, turned, and walked away.

  As he began to walk away, I called out to him. “Gino.”

  He turned.

  “I don’t suppose you have a collection of finger bones,” I said.

  He closed the distance between us again. “Say that again.”

  “Do you have any finger bones? I don’t need too many, just three or four.”

  “Why the hell do you need finger bones?” He frowned at me. “Are you framing somebody for something? You don’t strike me as someone who plans ahead.”

  “Ah, he knows you so well,” God mocked.

  “I don’t think you’d be a good framer,” Gino continued.

  I shook my head. “Nothing like that,” I said. “I need them for something else. Do you have any spares lying around?”

  He shook his head. “No, Maggie. I do not have a collection of finger bones.”

  “But if you had to get some,” I began, “where would you look?”

  He frowned. “Probably a cemetery.”

  I nodded, that had been where I had been thinking, too, but the idea of digging up a dead body did not have any appeal.

  “Thanks anyway,” I told him.

  Chuckling, he turned and walked away.

  28

  By the time I got back to the car, RV was in the passenger seat, sulking.

  “Everything okay?” I asked as I leaned in and handed her a bottle of water.

  “It’s not ready,” she said. “I can’t leave until it’s ready.”

  I said a silent prayer that it wouldn’t be ready before the exorcism was done.

  “Your bike?” I said, looking at the line of signs in the strip mall.

  “Yes, the bike.”

  I tossed a cinnamon bun to DeeDee in the back seat.

  I sipped my coffee and studied RV, trying to read the expression on her face. I thought I spotted fear mingling with her frustration. That worried me. She didn’t strike me as the fearful type.

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “Who here could fix a motorcycle?”

  She chuckled. “You think I’m looking for a motorcycle?”

  I raised a shoulder.

  “I’m looking for a jewelry charm,” she told me. “Specifically, a bike, a very specific bike charm.”

  “And it’s not ready.”

  She shook her head.

  “Well, we can come back tomorrow,” I said, “assuming that we all survive the exorcism.”

  She nodded. “It’s not like I have another choice.”

  Something about her tone, something about how defeated she sounded, bothered me. “Why are you helping me?”

  She frowned and looked out the window. “It’s just something I have to do.”

  “Why?” I pushed. “You barely know me. You certainly don’t owe me anything, and here you are, running all around town with me trying to put together this ridiculous list of ingredients.”

  “It’s not like I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart,” she muttered.

  I wondered what that meant.

  She remained silent.

  Shrugging, I tossed DeeDee a chocolate chip cookie. “Where to now?” I asked.

  “We need to get the railroad spike and poison ivy,” she said.

  I bit my tongue, not telling her I knew that, but I didn’t know specifically where one finds railroad spikes… besides at railroad tracks.

  “We’ll just dig one up at the tracks.”

  I tensed. “But if we do that, the tracks could come up, and there could be a huge train crash, and people could be injured, or die,” I said worriedly.

  “Drama queen,” God muttered from his hiding spot.

  “One missing railroad spike will not cause a hu
ge crash,” RV assured me.

  “Even a small crash could result in injury,” I countered.

  “There will be no injuries,” RV said, raising her voice. “There will be no crashes of any size.”

  “What?” I asked, verging on hysteria as I imagined the destruction we could cause. “Are you a railroad engineer or something now?”

  “I looked it up,” RV said. “I made sure that the removal of one spike will not lead to a crash.”

  “And she researches,” God crowed triumphantly. “I love this woman.”

  “How do you put up with him?” RV asked, exasperated. “He’s such a superior f—”

  “He’s a good friend,” I hurriedly interrupted.

  “With friends like that…”

  I started the car, not wanting to continue the conversation. “Okay, where is this railroad track that we’re going to go vandalize?”

  “Look,” RV said. “If you don’t want to do this, I’m happy to do it on my own.”

  “Katie’s my responsibility,” I said. Remembering my conversation with Gino, I added, “So is the skull.”

  An expression crossed over RV’s face that I couldn’t read. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll get us there.”

  We rode in silence. I was pissed off, I assumed she was pissed off, and I had to guess that God was pissed off.

  Once we arrived, RV grabbed a shovel and crowbar and stalked away. “See if you can find some poison ivy,” she said. “I’ve got this.”

  Grudgingly, I got out of the car and released DeeDee.

  “Help me,” she panted eagerly.

  “Do you know what poison ivy looks like?” I asked hopefully.

  “She can’t speak in simple sentences,” God said. “I’m guessing that her knowledge of horticulture is lacking.”

  “If you have nothing to say, nothing that’s helpful, and nothing that’s good, then just don’t speak,” I raged.

  DeeDee, even though she knew that the rant wasn’t meant for her, cowered away.

  “Come on,” I told her. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  We headed into the woods that blanketed the area below the railroad tracks. Looking over my shoulder, I saw that RV was digging at the track. Part of me knew that I should go and help her, but part of me wanted no responsibility in case anything did happen because of the missing spike.

  “Leaves of three, let it be. Leaves of three, let it be,” I began to mutter under my breath, searching for poison ivy. I’d learned to spot the itch-inducing vine while on a spiritual retreat with a certain opera singer.

  Soon, I came upon a plant. I stared at it. “If I touch it,” I told DeeDee, “I’ll be covered in a rash.”

  “Well, if you hadn’t annoyed RV, she probably brought gloves for this very reason,” God said.

  “Enough with reminding me of her perfection at every turn,” I groused. But I had to admit to myself that he was probably right. I trudged back to the car in search of something to use as gloves.

  I heard RV swearing at the spike. “Come out!” she yelled.

  “Do you need help?”

  For a second, I thought she was going to refuse my offer, but she nodded. “Yeah.”

  I climbed up the hill and saw that while she’d managed to almost get the crowbar under the spike, it really needed to be lifted by both sides. “See if you can get the shovel under there,” she muttered.

  With a little digging, and some maneuvering, I managed to do it.

  “We need to lift it at the same time,” she said.

  I nodded my understanding and tightened my grip on the handle.

  “On the count of three,” she said. “One. Two. Three.”

  I pushed as hard as I could, but the spike didn’t budge. Glancing over at RV, I saw that she was straining equally hard.

  “May I point something out?” God said. He’d climbed up on my shoulder and was surveying the area as though he was the job foreman.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Do you go to the gym?” God asked RV.

  “If I can, otherwise I just do body weight exercises.”

  I rolled my eyes. Of course she did.

  “Well,” God said. “Maggie here doesn’t go to the gym.”

  “One more of my faults,” I confirmed.

  “That’s not what I was saying,” God said. “I think it’s logical that RV has more upper body strength than you do. You need to add weight to your end, in order to get the spike out.”

  “He has a point,” RV said.

  “So what should I do?”

  “Help me!” DeeDee barked.

  “Not right now,” I said.

  “Actually,” God opined, “the furry beast may give us the more leverage that we need.”

  “Are you saying that she could be useful in this situation?” I mocked.

  “She occasionally has her good points,” the lizard admitted grudgingly.

  “Okay,” RV said. “Get her to help you.”

  “Come, DeeDee,” I said. “Can you jump up on this?” I pointed at the handle of the shovel.

  She cocked her head to the side and looked at me like I was crazy. “No.”

  “Could you try for me?” I asked. “It’s really important. It’s to help keep Katie safe.”

  “Will DeeDee try,” she panted.

  “Good girl.” I glanced over at RV. “I’ll count us this time. DeeDee, when I say three, you jump up here.” I patted the handle.

  “Three!” she barked, acknowledging that she understood.

  I tightened my grip and looked over at RV, who was ready to do her best also, and counted to three.

  On cue, the dog jumped on the handle, of course, her feet immediately slid off, but for that split second that her body hung over the handle, I had enough leverage and the spike lifted out of the ground.

  Of course, both RV and I also fell to the ground. So there we were, all three of us, in position to make dirt angels.

  God let out a scream. “You almost trampled me, you furry beast,” he complained. He, too, had gone flying when I’d hit the ground.

  “Sorry,” DeeDee barked good-naturedly.

  I looked over at RV, who was getting herself up.

  “You have good friends, Maggie,” she remarked.

  “I also have a lot of enemies.

  29

  After we’d retrieved the poison ivy we needed (of course, God was right about RV having gloves and a bag and everything else to keep us from getting a rash), we headed back to the compound. As I pulled into the driveway, I saw that there was a nondescript sedan parked at the edge, on the street. I also saw that the driver was a redhead.

  I drove RV to her pink camper and waited while she got out.

  “Do you think we should just leave the ivy and spike in the trunk?” I asked her.

  “Yup.”

  “I’ve got to go take care of something,” I told her. “Can you check if Armani managed to get the pumpkin spice coffee?”

  She rolled her eyes but agreed to do it with a nod of her head.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “But we still don’t have the gorilla poo or the fingers,” she reminded me.

  “I know,” I said. “I’m working on that.”

  She glanced at her watch and frowned. “We only have a few more hours to gather the items.” She started to walk down the driveway toward the main house, in search of Armani, and I put the car in reverse, in search of Patrick Mulligan.

  My murder mentor was parked at the edge of the driveway. As soon as I pulled out, he pulled ahead of me and I knew that he wanted me to follow him. We drove over a few blocks, made a bunch of twisty turns, before he pulled to a stop in front of a vacant lot. I pulled in behind him.

  “Patrick!” DeeDee barked excitedly as he got out of his car.

  I was silently thankful that she hadn’t noticed him pulling into the driveway. Otherwise RV would have gotten suspicious.

  “I bet he feeds her,” God muttered. He was curled up in the
cup holder of the car, seemingly wanting to have nothing to do with me.

  The feeling was mutual.

  I got out of the car and opened the door so DeeDee could bound up to Patrick. He bent down and pet her enthusiastically, but as far as I could tell, he had no food.

  Personally, I was disappointed about that. I could have used another snack.

  He glanced up and down the street before speaking. “Concord’s people are really on the hunt,” he said.

  “Is that a problem?” I asked. I had no idea where he’d disposed of the body, but I assumed he’d done a decent job of getting rid of it.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know, but it’s putting me on edge.” He squinted at me. “You don’t look so hot yourself.”

  “I have a lot going on,” I told him.

  Seeing the question in his eyes, and knowing that I couldn’t tell him about the exorcism, I told him about Griswald’s offer.

  He leaned back against his car, crossed his arms over his chest, and chewed on the inside of his cheek. “If you had a real job, he wouldn’t have made the offer,” he said finally.

  I scowled at him. He probably thought I was some kind of delinquent who was only running around at Delveccio’s beck and call. He had no idea that I also did work for Ms. Whitehat’s organization. I barely had time to sleep, let alone breathe, most days but, yeah, I didn’t have a real job.

  Seeing my annoyance, he soothed, “I’m sure it’s very hard with Katie.”

  “I don’t want to play the coulda, woulda, shoulda game,” I said. I mimicked his posture, leaning back against the car and crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m looking for your opinion on what I should do.”

  “What’s the number one rule?” he asked me.

  I smiled, thinking of the memory of him teaching that to me on the first day he trained me to shoot a gun for the first time. “Don’t get caught,” I said.

  He nodded. “So the question is, do you have a better chance of not getting caught if you’re working with Griswald, or if he’s on his own?”

  I shrugged, watching DeeDee roaming around nearby, sniffing the grass.

  “If you’re working with him,” Patrick said, “you’ll have the inside track. If you’re not working with him… he might get curious about your activities… and that would not be good.”

  I nodded. I’d considered that myself. “He wants to work kidnappings and cold cases,” I told him. “He says he’s more interested in justice than the law.”