Taming Keys: Charon MC Book 12

by Wren, Khloe

  “I love you too, Ben. I do. But you don’t understand, I’m not the woman I was… what happened.” I shook my head. “You can’t want me anymore. I’m damaged now.”

  Slowly, with total gentleness, he wrapped his large hand around my wrist and pulled my fingers away from his lips.

  “Donna, I fucking hate that you were hurt. That some bastard laid his hands on you. That club is nothing but scum, and they’ve paid for what they did to you. But nothing could change how I feel about you. Nothing. I’ll be here for you as you recover. I’ll be your rock. Your home.” He licked his lips, suddenly looking nervous. “Unless you were serious about wanting to break up? If you really don’t want me anymore, I’ll…”

  His voice trailed off like he couldn’t decide what he’d do if I did, in fact, not want him anymore.

  “He made me break up with you. I never wanted to be away from you—”

  He cut my words off with another kiss.

  “Excellent. So, you’ll marry me? Wear my patch, be my old lady? My everything.”

  I still needed to tell him about the risk of me being pregnant, but I didn’t want Sledge to ruin this moment. He’d taken enough from us. He was in my past and I was done looking back. From now on, I was only going to look forward.

  “Yeah, Keys. I’ll marry you.”

  Part II

  Chapter Nine

  Sunday 2 December 2018

  Keys

  Watching my old lady, the love of my life, kneel to place the flowers on the grave of our girl—whose death I could have prevented—was enough to bring me to my own knees. Once she finished fussing with the flowers, I dropped down beside her. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pulled her in against me, letting her cry into my shoulder. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, I focused on the stone marker that would always stand as a reminder of yet another person I’d loved that I’d failed.

  As I stared at Emma’s final resting place, memories of her as a little girl flashed through my mind. How I’d taught her to ride a bicycle, how I’d stood out of sight, watching her and Donna in the kitchen when Donna had started to teach her how to cook. Her first day of school, when she’d not wanted to leave the safety of her mother and me but once she had braved the unknown, loved school so much she’d not wanted to leave when it was time to come home. My own tears started as I remembered her calling me Daddy and telling me she loved me for the first time in that sweet, little girl voice she’d had.

  Where had it all gone so wrong?

  Emma may not have been mine by blood, but she was one hundred percent my daughter by love. I’d been the one to rub Donna’s sore feet and talk to her belly when she’d been pregnant, and it’d been me in the hospital room holding Donna’s hand as she pushed her into the world. I’d been Emma’s father, not that piece of shit who’d managed to both create and destroy her. It’d been nearly twenty-five years since Sledge had raped Donna, leaving her pregnant with Em. It’d been two years since he’d ordered her death.

  From the very start, we’d been careful to never let anyone know who’d been Em’s biological father. Hadn’t wanted that fucker to know about her. But he had known, and when Em had hit her rebellious teen years she’d somehow found out about him. Gone to him. And he’d given her the drugs that had tainted the sweet girl Em had been, destroying my daughter from the inside out for years before her death.

  Donna and I had tried everything we could think of to help get her clean, but we hadn’t realized she’d been traveling to Galveston behind our backs, going to see Sledge, who’d risen to the position of president of the Iron Hammers MC by then. He’d somehow crawled into her head, turned her against us and got her hooked on his fucking drugs. Then he’d used her desperation to know her real father and to get her next fix, to convince her to help him by luring Mac’s woman, Zara, from the safety of the Charon MC clubhouse so they could take her. Her thanks for following her daddy’s orders had been a broken neck.

  That day had been hell and one I’d never forget.

  I barely held back the sob that caught in my throat. The guilt still swamped me. Most days I wasn’t sure how I didn’t crumble under the weight of it all. I’d not seen what had been right under my damn nose. How had I not noticed she’d been sneaking out of town? I had cameras all over this fucking place. How had I missed that she was going to see Sledge? Not known that I’d needed to lock her ass down in order to save her fucking life.

  Donna shifted in my arms, forcing me to loosen my hold on her. Tearing my gaze from the tombstone, I looked into her tear-streaked face as she reached up to cup mine in her palms.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Ben. I know you blame yourself for everything that happens in this town, but you can’t be there for everyone all the time. Em made her choices. She chose him over us. Chose to help him.”

  Wincing, I tried to look away, but she wouldn’t let me, holding me there to face this demon that had been eating at me for the past two years.

  “I have this town wired, Donna. How did I not see her leave? Not once was I able to track her movements out of town.”

  She gave me a sad smile. “She was your daughter, babe. She knew where every single camera was and worked around them.”

  I closed my eyes tightly against the tears that flowed down my cheeks. Donna was right. Em would have known where I’d put them. She’d been that smart. So much potential. Wasted. It was of little comfort that Sledge had paid with his life for what he’d done. Justice had been served, but it didn’t bring our girl back.

  Nothing would ever bring her back and heal the hole in my and Donna’s hearts.

  It didn’t help that we hadn’t been able to have more kids. Another failure to add to my list. I couldn’t give my woman the babies she’d so desperately wanted because I’d been born with faulty swimmers. Well, I guess more accurately I was born with a faulty swimmer factory. But the outcome was the same. I hadn’t been able to give my woman even one baby who would blend our DNA together to carry forward to the next generation.

  On days like today, it really was a struggle to keep going. Without Donna and my club family to keep me grounded, I doubt I would have been able to keep going all these years.

  Donna

  Looking into the pained face of my man as he silently wept for the loss of our daughter shattered me. Two whole years had gone by since she’d died but the pain was still fresh for us both. Still had the power to knock us to our knees. Since her murder, I’d done the best I could to process and deal with the loss, and most days I was okay. I could wake up and move forward with my life. I’d gone to see a therapist, followed her advice as best I could, but there were two days a year that were almost unbearable. Her birthday and the anniversary of her death.

  Watching Keys suffer was another blow. He’d declined to see the therapist. Not only did he refuse to get help, he also denied the fact that he was having trouble dealing with his grief, declaring he was a Marine and didn’t need such things. Which naturally was a load of bullshit, but my man could be damn stubborn at times. And that meant he was nearly being crushed under the weight of his guilt. He tried to shoulder all the responsibility for so much that happened around Bridgewater.

  I knew it wasn’t only Emma’s death that tormented him. I was there every night to hear him as he thrashed within the grip of one of his nightmares. He’d call out names. The regular ones were mine, Emma and Ace, but there were other names. Men and women the club had failed to keep safe over the years. My big-hearted Marine took on every defeat as though he single-handedly had failed them. Most of the time we lost people it was because the club got called in too late, like with Sarah. Scout’s old lady, Marie’s foster sister, had been held by a cult just out of town for decades. We’d had no idea the cult had been there, let alone holding a woman. By the time we’d found out, it had been too late to save her, but her daughter was a different story. Little Ariel had a whole new life now she was free from that place and living with Scout and Marie.

  Sta
ying at the cemetery was only making his pain worse, and I couldn’t bear it.

  “C’mon, babe. Let’s go down to the clubhouse for a bit.”

  Rising to my feet, I took my man’s hand in mine and led him over to the car. I would have suggested we take his bike for this errand, but then I couldn’t carry the flowers. That sucked because he was always calmer after a ride. After putting my seat belt on I looked over to his strained features.

  “Why don’t we drop home first so you can grab the Harley? Maybe Scout or some of the others are around and wanting to go for a ride. I can stay at the clubhouse or head over to Marie’s.”

  Marie owned her own cafe, which basically functioned as a secondary clubhouse most days.

  “Ah, yeah, I wouldn’t mind a ride. Clear my head.”

  I nodded, hating how distant he sounded, and shot off a text to Marie asking if she knew where Scout was. I didn’t want Keys going out to ride alone, not with where his head was currently. He was too close to an edge from which I had no idea how to pull him back.

  Thankfully it was only moments before my phone dinged with a reply.

  “Scout, Mac, Taz and a few others are at Marie’s so if we go straight there, you boys can get on the move quicker. Take the whole afternoon to enjoy the open road.”

  As we pulled into our driveway, he turned to look at me, running his gaze over me for a few moments.

  “You sure? I don’t want to leave you alone. Not today.”

  I leaned over and cupped his jaw in my palm, running my thumb over the stubble he’d not shaved off for a few days. Another sign he wasn’t coping with everything he’d taken on.

  “I won’t be alone. I’ll be at Marie’s with the other old ladies. You need to vent, to let go of everything you’re holding inside. You—”

  With a curt nod, he cut me off, turned and got out of the car, ending the conversation before I could dare suggest he needed more help than a ride with his brothers could provide. With a sigh I followed him inside, my heart breaking a little more as I got changed into my riding gear so I could go to Marie’s on the back of his bike. I needed the closeness the ride would force him to give me.

  I knew it didn’t even occur to him that by refusing to even discuss with me the fact he had a problem, he was pushing me further and further away. But that’s what was happening, and I had no clue how to get through to him. I didn’t want to lose him, it would tear out my heart. But I could see the writing on the wall. I wasn’t enough for him anymore.

  Maybe I should find a time when Keys was otherwise occupied to have a chat with Scout myself. The president of the Charon MC had also been a Marine and had even served with Keys for a time. And that man had done some truly boneheaded things in regard to his woman over the years. Yet, he’d managed to convince Marie to forgive him and they were happily married now. Maybe he’d have some suggestions on how to get through to Keys.

  Once we arrived at Marie’s Cafe, I reluctantly released my grip on Keys and dismounted. Unbuckling my helmet, I shook my hair out as I headed toward the front door. Keys had remained silent since I’d made my comment about his needing to vent. I’d pushed him too hard and now he’d shut down. With another sigh, I walked through the front door, assuming he’d follow me in because I just couldn’t turn to see him looking so broken and not fall apart myself.

  “Ah, fuck, darlin’.”

  Scout stood and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in against his solid chest for a hug. In the security and comfort of his brotherly embrace, I started to fall apart.

  “I can’t get through to him. He’s pushing me further away every day. I know he’s hurting but he won’t let the guilt go.”

  “I know. I’ll take care of it.”

  He pressed a kiss to my temple, his beard tickling my nose, before he released me and holding out the chair he’d been sitting in, guided me into it. Marie stood next, deposited her precious baby boy in my arms and declared she’d get me a coffee and a slice of pie. I barely heard the words as I stared into the sweet, innocent face of Joey. At just over three months old he was all adorable smiles and cooing noises.

  I remembered when Em had been this small.

  This easy to protect.

  I couldn’t blink fast enough to stop the tears, so I kept my head down in the hope that no one would see them and lost myself in cuddling Joey.

  Chapter Ten

  Keys

  Deep in my own head, I’d followed Donna into Marie's Cafe, not really focusing on anything until I passed through the front door and the sounds of my brothers chatting pulled me back to reality. I looked up just in time to see Scout guiding my woman into a seat beside Marie, who’d stood to place her baby boy into Donna's arms.

  My attention was drawn away from them and on to Scout as he strode over to stand in front of me. Frowning, he silently held my gaze for a few moments, until I wanted to squirm under the scrutiny. The longer I looked into his blue eyes, the more I felt he could read what was going on inside of me. As though every shred of guilt and shame were laid bare for him to see, and I didn't like it. Not one bit.

  Scout was not only the president of the Charon MC but a close friend as well. We'd known each other since our teen years, although we weren’t friends until later. He'd been there when we'd rescued Donna from Galveston. He'd been by my side in the aftermath of Em’s betrayal and murder, then by Taz’s side when he’d put a bullet through Sledge's skull. He knew my and Donna’s whole story.

  He also knew exactly how many others we'd lost over the years. Hell, he was raising Sarah's daughter. He had that reminder of my failure in front of him every damn day. How could he even look at me? I was Keys, the tech expert. The one everyone joked about having the entire town wired and knew everything that went on. Yet despite all my cameras, I kept failing. Kept losing those under the club's protection.

  "Time for a ride, brother. Let's go."

  I looked over to check on Donna, who was hunched over Joey, the chestnut waves of her hair hanging forward, hiding her face. I knew that meant she was crying, and my heart cracked wide open. I'd been so caught up in my own fucked-up shit, I hadn't taken care of my woman. That failure hit me like a solid punch to the gut. Of all the people I'd let down in my life, all the times Donna had been hurt weighed on me the heaviest. I started to go to her, but Scout blocked my path, gripping my shoulder to keep me in place.

  "Let the women tend to her, Keys. They've got her covered, just like we have your back. The two of you have been going in circles for way too fucking long with this shit. It's past time we help you get it sorted and out of your system. The guilt is eating you alive, and your woman. And it's bullshit. There is no reason for you to be holding on to it. So, turn around and go get on your fucking sled. We're going for a ride."

  With a nod, I tore my gaze from my woman and spun on my heel, heading out to the line of bikes, praying that the women could help ease Donna's pain while I went and let my brothers attempt to help ease mine. Maybe if I could find a way to get my head on straight for once, I could be useful to my woman.

  Scout gave my shoulder a squeeze, "Follow me. I know where we need to go."

  I pulled out behind Scout, barely aware of the rumble of the other bikes that joined us. I wasn't sure if Scout had managed to pre plan something or if they'd all just wanted to escape the women gathering in Marie's, but I didn’t care. I needed this to get my head on straight, and that’s all I could focus on.

  With a deep breath, I pushed all my thoughts aside so I could simply enjoy the wind on my face as we headed west, away from Bridgewater. It was nearly an hour later when my heart rate ticked up a notch as I realized where Scout was taking us. He led us up an old driveway I remembered all too well, and headed toward the large, bare patch of ground where a giant barn had once stood. I rolled to a stop beside him and following his lead, cut my engine but didn't get off my machine. Taz and Mac came up on either side of us, while the others stopped behind us. The four of us just sat there staring a
t the few charred bits that were all that remained of what had once been there as we remembered.

  "That fucker died too easy."

  I nodded at Taz's words as Scout responded. "You did what was best in the moment, brother. Clean shot to the head ended his reign of terror and prevented him from hurting Zara any further. Yeah, it would have been fucking nice to take out some of our frustrations on beating the holy hell outta him before he died, but ultimately, what we needed was him dead and gone."

  I turned to look at Mac, who was frowning at one of the charred posts, waiting for him to sense my gaze and look at me before I said what I needed to.

  "I'm sorry, Mac. I should have known what Em was doing, sneaking down to Galveston. I definitely should have seen Sledge and his lackeys had come into Bridgewater that day."

  He held his palm up to silence me. "Keys, stop that shit, brother. In the end, you saved Zara. Without you tracking her phone out here, leading us straight to where she was, she'd have been dead. Or so fucking messed up she'd have wished for death. You have nothing to be sorry for. Sure, Em was your daughter and she went off the rails, betrayed the club — her family—but that was her choice. Hell, man, we all made dumb decisions when we were young. Trusted the wrong people. Lucky for us, we all survived the lesson. Sadly, Em wasn't so lucky. Can't tell you how fucking sorry I am that you and Donna had to bury her long before her time. But, Keys, it wasn't your fault. You've let this shit eat you up for years and it's not necessary, or right."

  He paused and scrubbed a hand over his face with a sigh before he looked back at me. "You know that’s what guts us all the most, right? The way you and Donna are still fucking hurting so badly over it. We're your fucking family, man. Let us help you here. Tell us what you need from us to get you back level. Because you're gonna burn yourself out soon if you keep up what you're doing. And if you keep pushing your old lady away, she’ll either find somewhere else to be or crash and burn right along with you."