Always & Only (Angels and Sunshine Book 1)

by Gabrielle G.

  “Hey, I was wondering if you have time to hang one of these days?” Straight to the point, no jokes, no teasing. It’s a sign Ryan is not at his best. But these days, when is he?

  “Want to come over today? Ian’s here, we could spend time all together?”

  “Not happening, Jules, I'm not a third wheel.”

  It isn’t the first time Ryan’s refused to spend time with Ian and me. I’m not sure with whom he hangs these days, but it’s clearly not us.

  “Want to hang out just the two of us tomorrow? I could free up my evening for you,” I say, looking at Ian, who nods.

  “That’s a better idea. I miss you, sweetheart.”

  “I miss you too, honey. Okay, let’s have drinks and dinner.”

  “Great! Text me the details.” Setting my phone next to me on the couch, I turn to Ian. “Is he still ignoring you?”

  “More or less. Look, I kept my distance first, now it’s him. We’re in a weird vibe. Nothing important. We’re guys. We’ll clear the air soon and shoot the shit around beers. Don’t worry. Go see him tomorrow and let me know how it goes. If you need, text me and I’ll show up.”

  I nudge against him, getting in position to watch a movie. “So what are we watching?”

  “You can choose between Die Hard or Love Actually.”

  “Christmas movies in September? What’s wrong with you?”

  “Action movie or romance movie. What’s wrong with you that you see Christmas everywhere?”

  “The real question, Ian, is Bruce Willis or Colin Firth?”

  “Colin, huh? Not Hugh? He’s going to be so disappointed when I tell him,” he says, pressing Play on Die Hard as if my choice of Colin Firth had set the deal not to watch Love Actually. “So disappointed.”

  When I meet Ryan the next day, he looks like hell. I’m pretty certain he’s using alcohol to replace sleep. The dark circles under his eyes and the whiskey breath are good indicators.

  Guilt creeps into my veins. I should be there for him. I have chosen to pursue a relationship at the worst time of his life. They say you never know what kind of person you are until you’re in a stressful situation or facing a difficult choice, and as much as Ryan was always there for me, what kind of friend am I if I dive into someone else when he needs me the most? I don’t want to stop seeing Ian, but I need to spend more time with Ryan to put him on the right track, especially if I want him to shoot the movie. Just because he has to play an alcoholic doesn’t mean he should become one.

  Ryan is the kind of guy who will drown before asking for help. I need to be a lifeguard on the sidelines, checking that he’s still floating and ready to jump in the water if he needs me. With the Ian goggles I’m constantly wearing, I’ve forgotten to scan the water, and now Ryan is swallowing mouthfuls of whiskey. I need to be a better friend, and being a better friend starts with removing the alcohol from his hand, driving him home for a shower, calling his stylist for a haircut, and telling Ian I’ll be spending the next couple of days with Ryan. Ian is very understanding.

  I spend the next few days cleaning up the mess of Ryan’s life. Unfortunately, he tried to kiss his cleaning lady, and she resigned after her husband threatened him. So I spent most of the first day picking up pizza boxes and whatever alcohol bottles were lying on the floor. It was a fucking mess. Mold was spreading, and the smell of whiskey, beer, and wine had spread through the house.

  He also tried to fuck his personal assistant, who quit, so I try to align different CVs and find a male one who could help him keep his shit together. Not that I think a male PA would bother him these days. I heard him say that a hole is a hole and a dick has no eye. Poetic, right?

  When I call his agent to ask for help, I learn he succeeded in getting into her panties, and after being an ass to her, she dropped him. What I don’t understand is why. She clearly knew he was fucking all of Hollywood these days and she let it happen and thought he would give her more? That’s when I call Dex. He can fix anything.

  “Hey, Dex, I have kind of a situation on my hands, and I need your help.”

  Dex is known to be a jerk. He barks, and he never gives any indication whether he likes you or not. Right now though, while he’s talking to me, I know he’s as happy as an animal in a zoo.

  “Listen, just because you’re fucking or dating my best friend doesn’t mean I owe you any favors. So cut to the chase, and I hope for your sake this has nothing to do with Ian.”

  And the Oscar for the biggest jerk goes to….

  “Ryan needs a new agent. Anybody you know? I would recommend mine, but right now he has a tendency to fuck anything with a pulse so…”

  “So I’m out. Ryan needs a leash. I have no time! I’ll text you a name.” He hangs up.

  I would have thought he would have warmed up to me, but clearly, he hasn’t. I know he doesn’t see my relationship with Ian being a plus, with all the negative publicity I’ve generated, but I’ve kept out of the press for a while now. It should be better. Maybe I should broach the subject with Ian. I’m on my way to meet him to talk about the movie. We’re set to start production soon, but Ryan is far from ready, and I need to break the news to Ian.

  When I enter the restaurant, I feel his gaze on me right away. He stands to welcome me as I stop to appreciate the view. He’s wearing a tight black T-shirt tucked at the belt into his skinny black jeans. My eyes are filing images into my spank bank. His full lips, his laughing eyes, his light beard, his muscled arms, his full chest, the bulge under his jeans. Every corner of that man is sexy, and desire rushes through me.

  “Hey, sunshine,” he says in his husky voice before kissing my cheek. “Are you okay? You seem a little hot.”

  I don’t bother to answer. He already knows why I feel this way. No need to tell him, especially as our relationship is still private. We haven’t been out in public much, and we always keep our distance outside my house. I asked him to meet in a restaurant because we need to discuss the movie and I don’t want us to be distracted.

  He puts his hand on my lower back and guides me to our table. I’m not even sitting down when Ian asks me why I called Dex. The jerk didn’t lose a minute sharing details with his best friend. It would be cute if it weren’t a way to make Ian suspicious of me.

  “I asked him to recommend a new agent for Ryan.”

  Ian looks at me incredulously. “You are shitting me right?”

  I don’t understand his reaction, and apparently, my face shows it.

  “Ryan never told you he slept with Dex?”

  Everything in life is about timing. Telling me such a piece of information about our best friends shouldn’t have happened while I was drinking red wine. Thank God Ian is wearing black.

  I don’t even try to clean up what I spat on him before I speak. “Please tell me that wasn’t in the last month?”

  “No,” Ian says, laughing while cleaning his red-wine-splattered face with his napkin. “I think it was over a decade or two ago. Was Dex short with you after you asked?”

  “Well, he was short with me before I asked and more abrupt after that. But I thought it was normal for Dex. Let’s say your bestie isn’t the nicest person in Hollywood you know…”

  “I know. He wasn’t always that way, but I think the world we live in changed him,” Ian says with a shrug. “So why does Ryan need a new agent?”

  “Well… he fucked his and was an ass about it. So she dropped him, as did his cleaning lady and his PA. He says he didn’t fuck those two, but I’m not so sure…”

  Now it’s Ian’s turn to swallow his wine down the wrong pipe and cough his head off. “Wow, he’s worse than I thought. I keep hearing here and there that he’s a womanizing ass. I tried to check up on him, but he’s not taking my calls. Not sure why. but I never thought it was that bad.”

  We take a moment to order our food and continue our conversation once the waiter leaves our table.

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” I say. “I think we have to postpone produc
tion. Ryan isn’t ready to film, and he’s not in the right state of mind.”

  Based on how large Ian’s eyes become, I think I kind of shocked him. “I’m sorry? Are you serious? We’re set to film in two weeks, and our main actor isn’t ready?”

  “I thought he would be, but he’s really not. I feel like this is my fault. I should have been there for him, and I wasn’t. I’ve spent almost no time with him since the night you and I spoke at the bar. I should have been sure he was on top of things after the Joana scandal, and I let him down—”

  Ian raises his hands to stop me. “Wait a second. You are not blaming yourself and our relationship for Ryan’s state of mind or whatever the fuck you’re calling his behavior, are you?”

  “Well, I should have been there for him…”

  Ian shakes his head. “I can’t believe this. So now what?”

  “I think we need to postpone, or can we start with all the scenes he isn’t in?”

  “You do realize that means we have to reorganize everybody’s schedule? It means much more work for the directing team and asking a lot more from the other actors.”

  I can’t stop biting my lip. I know what I’m asking from Ian. The pre-production is all set up, and I really hope Ryan’s fuck-up won’t jeopardize the schedules of the other actors. But I have to be sure my best friend will be okay. As a producer, I know I don’t have time to find another actor and I know how bankable Ryan is. So even if I know this schedule change won’t go well, this choice is the best. The only other actor who could do the movie with such little notice is Ian, and that would really push Ryan over the edge.

  “I know, believe me, I know! I have thought about it a lot! This is our best solution for the moment. Let’s call it a production decision…” I hold his gaze, trying to communicate that this is not negotiable. I can see Ian is angry by the way he’s gripping his glass of wine, and I still need to deliver the other news I came to share. “ Also… I kind of need to be with him, so I might not be on set much until he’s ready to film.”

  This is how, before our food arrives, Ian walks out of the restaurant, mumbling about how he’ll take care of it while I play babysitter. I knew Ian wouldn’t take the news well, but I didn’t think he would leave me high and dry in a restaurant. When all the food we ordered arrives, I text Ryan and let him know it all worked out. I also invite him to share the expensive meal I now have in a doggy bag. That’s what best friends are for after all…

  19 Ian

  While waiting in Julie’s apartment, I can’t really decide where to look. The kitchen makes me hard. The couch makes me harder. I concentrate on the pictures on the living room shelf. Except that the cute little Jules smiling at me makes me feel like a creep because I’m imagining our daughter looking like her, and how do you make babies? Yeah, my balls ache now.

  I’m here to do some groveling because I was a super ass last night. I was already in a bad mood when she asked me to meet at the restaurant because I knew she wouldn’t let me touch her in public. Then I knew we were going to speak about Ryan. Dex had given me the rundown in the half second we had before she arrived. I didn’t want to tell her, but Dex had heard all the rumors about Ryan and gave me a heads-up. He was pretty sure she would ask to move the schedule. It’s why he was short with her.

  Not that my best friend isn’t a jerk. He is, especially when he thinks my brand could be affected. He’s not condemning my relationship with Julie per se, but he’s not thrilled about it either. Between the headlines, the movie, Paul’s drama, and now the lead actor needing time to be ready, he sees Julie as a terrible omen for my career.

  Nevertheless, I’m a stubborn man, and I haven’t felt this way about a woman in a while, which is why I’m at her place at seven in the morning to apologize for leaving her with a bill to pay. I did call the restaurant last night and canceled her credit card payment to replace it with mine.

  Last night, I didn’t act professionally but as a jealous boyfriend, which I have no right to be. All I heard was that she was blaming herself and what we have for her not being there for Ryan. But what she really said was that she needed to be there for a friend, and it was also in the best interest for the movie. She didn’t say she wouldn’t fuck me; she said she needed to spend more time with her best friend so he can get better. She didn’t say we were done; she said she felt bad spending all her time with me when she should have been there for Ryan. So after clearing my head and getting barely any sleep, I decided to get my act together.

  Julie might be pissed though. She didn’t send any texts or call me last night. Radio silence on her side. Then when she opened the door, she didn’t kiss me. She let me in, grunted, and went to take a shower. Now standing before me, her body language is telling me to handle her with caution. She stands proud and fierce, her face challenging me as her arms cross, which pushes her breasts together and… I’m hard again.

  I know I need to speak, but I’m hoping she will. I need to do something to break this icy standoff. I try a smile; she narrows her eyes at me. I step forward; she shakes her head. I raise my eyebrow, tilt my head, and hunch my shoulders, hoping to communicate how sorry I am, and she finally rewards me with words. Small victory.

  “You can be a real fucking asshole, Ian Porter!”

  Not the kindest words, but at least she’s talking to me.

  “I know, sunshine. I’m sorry.”

  “Are you?” She taps her foot on the floor, making me think of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. Not that I would tell her so right now, but she is desperately cute.

  “I am. Look, I was pissed. I couldn’t kiss you, you dropped that bomb, and all I heard was that there was no room for me in your life. I know between the movie, Ryan, and me, you barely have any time, so I thought you were kicking me off to the sidelines and I was being picked last once again.”

  She rolls her eyes at me. “That is not what I said!”

  “I know. It only took me twelve hours to come to that realization.”

  “You have to trust me. I know you have all these insecurities, but I’ve made you my priority. You’re so important to me that I didn’t see Ryan implode. He’s in a bad place, and I need to help him.”

  “I get it. I want to be with you.” I want to hug her, but she’s still in defensive mode.

  “Okay.” She averts her eyes as if she’s not sure she should speak.

  “What is it?”

  “Did you make arrangements for that basement of yours?”

  “Not yet, but we can still go to my place now. I have tons of ropes at home and I would give anything to wake up with you in my bed.”

  Julie runs into my arms and kisses the hell out of me. My hands reach her face, and I pull her away slightly to deliver my next message.

  “I’m really sorry, sunshine. Forgive me?”

  She nods.

  “Now let’s have some make-up sex,” I say, wiggling my eyebrows and pushing my hips into her.

  She wraps her long legs around my waist and her hands behind my neck. I march us to the bedroom between sloppy kisses and giggles from her (because clearly, I don’t giggle). We’re almost there when a loud knock stops me in my tracks.

  “Ignore it,” she pleads.

  I continue as per Julie’s request when Ryan’s voice erupts from behind the door. “Sweetheart! Are you there?” He bangs more loudly at the door. “Jules, open up, my hands are full! I have breakfast. Let’s go do our morning run!”

  “Shit.” Julie wriggles down my arms, running to the door as soon as her feet hit the floor.

  I stomp behind her, my balls too heavy for me to lift my feet properly.

  “Come on, sweetheart, let’s go do some cardio.”

  I’m not sure if Ryan hasn’t seen me or isn’t acknowledging my presence, but Julie doesn’t seem to really know what to do. I decide to be the bigger person and walk toward Ryan to shake his hand with a winning smile.

  “She was about to get into some heavy cardio, but I guess running is good too
.” I turn to Julie. “Call me later, sunshine.”

  And because something in my gut tells me Ryan is fishy these days, I kiss her the way I would before fucking her—which we were about to do before Mr. Playboy barged in. It’s a kiss full of promises. A kiss to mark her as mine and show Ryan he shouldn’t fuck with me. I could have pissed on her as well, but I’m not into that kind of kink. With my tongue, I try to remind her of the wild oral sex we’ve shared. With my teeth, I want to show her what will happen the next time I’m inside her. Then, with a push of my hips, I make her feel my hard-on.

  I let go of her luscious mouth and whisper in her ear, “Please call me to resume our cardio.”

  Ryan clears his throat, and I roll my eyes before finding Julie’s gaze. In one look, we share an understanding that we both want to finish what we started as soon as possible. A few moments later, I leave.

  I reread the text Julie sent me. It clearly says to meet her at ten o’clock at the club Ryan loves to go to. I’m not extremely happy to spend the evening with him as well, but I owe it to her to be supportive. If seeing her means hanging out with Ryan, I am good with that for now. I’m also butt tired. Didn’t sleep last night and spent my day rescheduling the filming. I was on the phone all day with agents, seeing what their actors had on their calendars, asking if it can be moved around, apologizing for the situation without revealing the cause, etc.

  I had to cancel lunch with my sister, which I felt bad about because she needed to discuss something about Asher and stupid Clay and the hell she lives in because of them. So I called Dex to ask what was going on and how to make it better, and he gave me a lecture about my love life being so interwoven with my career. After a good fifteen minutes of ranting, he finally gave me the news about Virginia and our nephew.

  Turns out, Clay decided he’s done using his son to fuck over my sister and wants him to live full-time with her. But Asher is over eighteen and refuses to live with his mother. She took it as a rejection, which it is, and wanted to see if I would take the fucker at my place. I really don’t believe Asher would prefer to live with me instead of his mother. So I told Dex it won’t happen and he can take him. Dex also refuses, as he believes this won’t help Asher’s relationship with Virge. So as it is, Asher can live in the street or with his mom. I proposed we send him to our parents in Michigan, but Dex said that’s a punishment he’s keeping in his pocket for the day Asher really does something stupid.