Always & Only (Angels and Sunshine Book 1)

by Gabrielle G.

  So walking into that club, I’m in a sour, tired, pissy mood, but I know Julie will make it better. The prospect of taking her home tonight has me putting aside all my problems and doubts. I sit in a corner of the VIP section, and I wait. I would have asked Dex or Virginia to come with me, but between the family drama and their actual dislike of Julie and Ryan, I decided that coming alone was my safest option.

  I only wait a good twenty minutes for Ryan to make his entrance, though I wasn’t expecting the new entourage surrounding him. Julie is there, of course, with Ryan’s hand over her shoulders. My jaw clenches. I don’t know why I decide to stay put and lurk in my corner, but I have a feeling I need to see what will happen next.

  They all sit at a reserved table. Ryan and Jules are next to each other, and his hand is still claiming her shoulder as if she is his to hold. He whispers something in her ear, and she shakes her head no. I think I can read annoyance in her eyes, but she’s pretty far away and it’s hard to read her. Drinks arrive, and Julie gulps whatever she’s drinking. Ryan kisses her forehead. It’s nothing he hasn’t done before, but it makes me angry. I have to take some deep breaths to keep from stomping toward their table and punching him.

  Conversation is flowing around them. Ryan is holding court, and they all seem to drink in his words, laugh at his jokes. I know how these things work. You’re the king until you pay the tab, or they pay for you but ask for a favor or sell some gossip to the press. These people would do anything to be in the spotlight. That’s why I trust so few people and why I have so few friends. Ryan should know the game, so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care anymore or needs to be worshipped to gain his confidence back.

  Watching Julie and Ryan interact, I have the feeling she’s not happy to be part of that scene. I know she was part of it with Paul and has done everything to avoid it since her breakup. She trusts Ryan, Anna, Dan, and I hope me. She certainly has other friends I’ve never heard of, like that guy we met in New York City, but they aren’t as close to her as the four of us.

  She says something to Ryan, and he shrugs. She gets up and heads toward the bathroom. Ryan’s eyes follow her, and he suddenly stands and strides in her direction. Call it a gut feeling, but I don’t trust what’s happening, so I follow them.

  By the time I reach them, I see Ryan pulling Julie toward a private room. She seems to try to remove her hand from his. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but they’re clearly fighting. They disappear into the room, and I try to quicken my pace, sneaking through the bystanders I want to shove for being in my way. When I finally open the door, I hear them whispering, but I can’t see her in the pitch-dark room. When my eyes finally adjust, I find Julie against the wall, caged between Ryan’s arms, his body pushed into hers. I stop. Does she want that? Was I being played the whole time? Am I again being kicked to the side?

  After a second of uncertainty, I hear her shout “Ryan!” and see her try to push his body away. Ryan laughs and takes her face in his hands to hold her still as if he’s trying to steal a kiss.

  I run to Julie and grip Ryan’s shoulder. I turn him to face me and punch him hard. I’m ready to deliver another punch when I hear Julie screaming to stop. I still strike. Ryan loses his balance and falls onto the floor laughing. He’s wasted.

  He might have lost his best friend because of alcohol, and all he does is laugh.

  “Are you okay?” I ask as I check her whole body to see if she’s hurt.

  “I’m fine. He didn’t mean it. He’s drunk and lost,” she says as if to excuse his behavior as fast as she can.

  “Seriously, Jules? He was about to force himself on you!”

  “Ryan would never do that!”

  “He did!”

  Ryan gets up and doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t even look at her. All he does is stroll toward the door. He’s clearly not the man I thought he was.

  “Don’t move, Ry!” I shout.

  Julie puts her hand on my arm. I think the gesture is meant to calm me down, but I’m so full of adrenaline it pisses me off even more.

  “Let him go,” she says softly.

  Ryan looks at me, grins remorselessly, and leaves the room. I can’t believe she’s letting him go and defending him after he almost assaulted her. Troubled or not, this is not how you treat a woman, especially a woman who’s doing everything she can to help you. He’s leaving with no cares in the world.

  “I’ll deal with him later. Don’t worry about me,” she says.

  “I am worried about you, and I won’t let you go back there with him and his entourage. You’re coming with me.”

  She nods. “How did you know I was here?”

  Confused, I look at her. “You sent me a text telling me to meet you here at ten. You don’t remember?”

  She shakes her head slightly, and once she looks back at me, I see sadness and resignation in her eyes. “Oh right, sorry. I forgot.”

  I know she’s lying, and I have a pretty good idea what happened here tonight. But I don’t press the issue. All I want is to take her home and make sure she’s fine because Julie is what is most important to me. Ryan and his problems aren’t mine to deal with. I won’t tell her tonight, but I want him out of the movie. No way we’ll work with him now.

  “Can we go to your place?”

  I nod, sincerely hoping Ryan won’t show his face and ruin the first time she spends the night in my bed. “Let’s go.”

  Climbing my figurative knightly horse, I hold my princess close. I didn’t think Ryan was the dragon I’d have to kill.

  20 Julie

  I wake up tangled in Ian’s sheets, wondering why I’m sweating like a teenager during his first blowjob. While the events of last night settle in my foggy brain, I try to extricate myself from the Adonis body hugging me and overheating me. What was nice last night—falling asleep in his arms—is excessive this morning.

  I don’t want him to protect me. I don’t want him to save me. I don’t want him to hold me tightly as if my life depends on it. Last night, while he was an almighty domineering alpha, I could have taken care of myself. I was one second away from kneeing Ryan in the balls. I didn’t need his help. I don’t fan myself over knights in shiny armor. I won’t play the damsel in distress.

  Having worked up my anger toward him, I not-so-gently elbow him in the ribs to wake him up and set me free.

  “Humpf. Morning, sunshine.” Ian finally moves his hand off me. “Did you sleep well?”

  I did, but I won’t admit it. I am pissed. To be fair, he isn’t the one I’m really angry with, but he’s the one there. Ryan is on the top of my shit list, but I’ll deal with him later. First things first, I need a bathroom, coffee, and to scream at someone.

  “Bathroom?”

  “This door here,” he says, pointing with his chin.

  “Can you make coffee?” I ask shortly.

  “Okay… is everything all right?”

  “Uh-huh,” I say on my way to his bathroom.

  His house is Zen but contemporary, situated on Hollywood Hills. Each room has ocean and city views with floor-to-ceiling windows. Of course, it also comes with a completely equipped gym, a private pool, and an outside bar. Not that I snooped or anything. It’s far bigger and more comfortable than the apartment I rented in a hurry after the Paul debacle.

  Once I enter the kitchen, I have to remember that I am mad at Ian. Seeing him in his boxers, leaning against the counter and holding a cup of coffee, is a wet dream come true. I’m wearing his T-shirt I found on the floor next to the bed. It smells a mix of sandalwood and amber, and it cheers me up. He glides closer to me, hands me my cup of coffee, and puts his other hand on my waist. I take a sip of the wonderful brew, and I finally look at Ian. I can see his eyes searching for a reason why I’m in such a pissy mood when last night I was all lovey-dovey and happy to have someone to lean on.

  “Can we talk about last night?” he says, wrapping me in his arms.

  “If it’s to tell me I have to deal with Ryan’s bullshit
, I know. I could have taken him alone, you know. It’s not like he was going to rape me. He pushed the game a little too far.”

  “Jules, what I saw wasn’t a guy trying to kiss a woman. It was a man forcing a woman to be kissed and restraining her with force.”

  I step back, crossing my arms.

  “I don’t think you should see him alone ever again—” He continues stepping closer, trying to take me back in his arms.

  I raise my hand to stop him. “Look, things with Ryan were a little confused at one point, and I think he thought he had a chance last night, which I assure you he did not. I need to discuss what happened with him.” I’m downplaying the incident not because I believe what Ryan did is normal but because I don’t want G.I. Ian to kick his ass. I’d much rather do it myself.

  “I want to kick his ass!”

  Point made. I’ve never seen Ian so serious. His eyebrows are tilted down over glaring eyes that show no happiness while his body is stiff. He needs to understand I’m not expecting him to react that way. He needs to know who I was before meeting Paul.

  “When you and I met, I was in a horrible place, and maybe you got the impression I needed you to protect me. But I’m not a desperate princess. I need to take care of Ryan by myself, okay?”

  He stares at me, annoyance in his eyes, but takes a few seconds to think this through. “All right, but I won’t be far—in case you need my help. I don’t trust him, and I won’t let the woman I love take senseless risks.”

  Putting a hand on his arm, I give in. “Okay.”

  He leans in for a kiss. As mad I was when I woke up, I feel safe and calm once his arms envelop me.

  “I need a shower,” I mumble against his lips.

  “Let’s go.”

  As Ian starts the water in the shower, I lie on his bed, thinking of what I should do with Ryan. While lost in my thoughts, I don’t realize my fingers are playing with my breasts. They’re tracing my nipples, and my buds become hard through the fabric. Images of Ian kneeling between my legs and slowly licking me pop into my head. I would love for him to do so now.

  As one hand keeps my nipple busy, pinching it and playing with it, the other one trails down my belly and circles my belly button. I feel desire pulsing between my legs. My fingers play with the fabric of my underwear, and I get excited thinking of Ian being next door while I masturbate. I clench, wondering what his reaction would be if he saw me pleasuring myself.

  I slide my hips to the edge of the bed, open my legs, and call him in. When he walks in, he’s naked and already hard. My fingers are flicking my clit while my eyes hold Ian’s gaze.

  “I was stroking my cock waiting for you in the bathroom. Didn’t think you were flying solo here. You are so hot!”

  He removes my underwear, freeing my hand. His hand flies to his dick, and he puts his other hand on the bed, holding himself up. I have just enough space for my hand to continue playing with myself.

  “I need to be inside you, sunshine.”

  “Please.”

  When his tip starts to push in, he freezes. “Fuck,” he groans.

  My hand is still busy, and I want him to be inside me when I orgasm. “Push in.”

  He enters me. Feeling him bare sends me to heaven every time.

  “Fuck, babe. This. Is. Incredible.” Each word is punctuated by a thrust. Deeper, stronger, faster, harder.

  I lose my mind in seconds, and he follows fast, spurting inside me.

  “Naughty, naughty, Jules,” he says, running his nose in my hair.

  “Best quickie ever, hot stuff. Now, I really need to take a shower, go to my apartment, and deal with the aftermath of last night. You’re welcome to join me only if you stay outside while I talk to him. Otherwise, you can stay here.”

  “What is it with you and speaking about other men while I’m inside you? We need boundaries here,” he says playfully.

  I roll him off me and stand up. “Are you joining me in the shower, hottie? You might be old but I’m in my prime, and I’m pretty sure you owe me a second orgasm.”

  “Sunshine!” he shouts while I hop into the shower and water runs over my body. ”Are we good?”

  “We will be after your mouth is on my pussy!” I shout back.

  The shower door opens, and Ian rushes to me while I giggle.

  Happiness is like a hibiscus flower; sometimes it blooms for only one day.

  When I arrive at my apartment, Ryan is waiting for me on the front steps. He looks like he’s been run over by a mob of zombies. He’s wearing the same clothes as last night, and he smells as though a toilet has regurgitated him. He looks a little desperate and, if I didn’t know him better, dangerous, as if he’s fucked up his whole life.

  Tough luck, honey, you did, and I won’t make it easy on you.

  I did persuade Ian to let me go alone and promised I would contact him as soon as Ryan leaves. I think Ryan has my phone, though I’m not a hundred percent sure why he would steal my phone and text Ian. Something else he needs to explain. I hate what he did, but I also hope he’ll apologize and we can get past it. I don’t want to be without Ryan, but I might have to be.

  “What are you doing here Ryan?”

  “I don’t know.” His voice is gruff, certainly from alcohol and lack of sleep.

  “You don’t know? You’re kidding me, right?”

  “I mean, I know,” he mumbles. “I waited for you all night long.”

  As I walk past him, he reaches for my wrist to stop me. I jerk back.

  “Don’t you dare fucking touch me!” I spit. I get inside and leave the door open for him to follow. “So you spent the night out there?”

  He enters my apartment, and we stand awkwardly in the foyer.

  “Yeah. I didn’t think I should use my key. I looked for you everywhere. I was worried sick.”

  Ian and I had thought he would come to Ian’s to try to talk to me. When he didn’t, it broke my heart a little more. I thought that because of the mountain of alcohol he’d drunk, maybe he didn’t realize what had happened. Not that I could ever forgive his actions, but I had hoped there was a logical reason for it. Now hearing him say he looked for me all night long, I can only laugh. He knows exactly what happened and where I was. Ryan was always a lot of things, but a coward wasn’t one of them.

  “No idea where I could have been? That’s what you’re telling yourself? Who do you think asked over and over again if I was fine? Who do you think picked up the pieces of my broken heart? Because you did break my heart. No clue? Seriously?”

  “Look, Jules, I was drunk and—” He comes closer.

  “Don’t move,” I say, stepping back.

  “Sweetheart, I…” He continues being the sweet Ryan I love so much.

  I need to be strong. I can’t let him sweet-talk me. “Don’t sweetheart me! Do you understand that you tried to force yourself on me? What would have happened if Ian hadn’t been there? Would I have been able to push you back?”

  “No… it’s not… I…” Ryan’s eyes fill with tears while he chokes on his words. Unable to hold my gaze any longer, he looks at the floor.

  I shake my head incredulously. “Where is my phone? I know I’m not the one who texted Ian, so what was your plan? Be honest with me, why did you text him? Why did you ask him to join us?”

  My body shakes with fury. He drags the tip of his sneakers, avoiding my eyes like a child who ate all the pie. I want to shake him for answers, and I’m doing all I can to not strangle him. Going to jail for murder wouldn’t be worth it.

  “I thought that if he saw what we had, he would back off…”

  I understand the words he’s saying but not the meaning of the sentence. Checking in with my emotions, I feel rage, disappointment, confusion, and pain. Even Paul never made me feel this way. “What do you mean?”

  Ryan’s eyes finally meet mine. In the last few seconds, he found a new confidence. “I was jealous because—”

  “Wait a second, you were jealous?”

  He
nods and comes one step closer.

  “Are you not the friend I discussed my relationship with Ian with not long ago? Are you not the guy who told me to go for it? Was it not your lap I was sitting on when you agreed we should give each other space to find someone we need? So what the fuck are you talking about?”

  Ryan broke the trust we built over the years, and I’m not sure we can build it again. He’s destroyed the most beautiful friendship I’ve ever had, and he stole my last hope of building anything normal with a man.

  “I love you, Jules, I don’t want to lose you!” His declaration shocks me. “Last night, I was hopeless. I knew you were falling for him so I—”

  “So you thought you would force me into a kiss? You thought you would risk our friendship because I’m slipping through from your fingers? That isn’t love! It’s ownership, and I’ve never belonged to anyone!”

  He comes closer again. My stomach hurts. The lump in my throat becomes bigger. I’m seconds away from bursting into tears, but I can’t be weak in front of him because I know he’s ready to take me in his arms and console me. That’s what my best friend would do. I can’t let him be my best friend anymore.

  “I was drunk, I saw an opportunity, and I…”

  In one step, I reduce the distance between us and slap his face. I back up right away to be out of his reach. “An opportunity? To what? Hurt me? Rape me? Destroy me? Get the fuck out! I never want to see you again!”

  I wait for him to leave but he doesn’t. He has the audacity to continue talking to me.

  “What about the movie?”

  “That’s what you’re thinking about right now?” I walk to the window, turning my back to let him know I’m done with him.