Fight Like a Mother

by Shannon Watts

  Twenty-eight states and Washington, DC, have passed laws to help keep guns out of the hands of domestic abusers.

  Eleven states have passed red flag laws to allow a court to temporarily restrict a person’s access to guns when that person poses a danger to self or others.

  Eleven states have made bump stocks—gun parts that allow semiautomatic weapons to fire more ammo more rapidly, essentially turning them into a fully automatic machine gun—illegal.

  In 2015, we helped defeat bills allowing guns in K-12 schools in sixteen states, guns on campus in fifteen states, and permitless carry in sixteen states.

  In 2016, we helped defeat bills allowing guns in K-12 schools in fifteen states, guns on campus in seventeen states, and permitless carry in eighteen states. (As you can see, these bills often come up year after year—all the more reason we need to #KeepGoing.)

  In 2017, we helped defeat bills allowing guns in K-12 schools in twenty-three states, guns on campus in eighteen states, and permitless carry in twenty-six states.

  In 2018, we helped defeat bills allowing guns in K-12 schools in sixteen states, guns on campus in fifteen states, and permitless carry in sixteen states.

  We ended 2013—our first full year in existence—with 80 local groups of volunteers around the country and 125,000 supporters. At the end of 2018, we have 761 local groups and 6 million supporters.

  In 2018, our volunteers made one engagement—such as calling a legislator, hosting a meeting, or staffing a table at an event—for every minute of every day of the entire year.

  Our volunteers educate one new adult on responsible gun practices every fifteen minutes.

  For the first time in 2018, we delivered thousands of Gun Sense Candidate questionnaires to candidates across the country to get politicians on the record on guns. We thought maybe we’d give out a couple hundred designations, but we ended up giving out more than three thousand in forty-eight states.

  In the run-up to the 2018 elections, our volunteers had 1.2 million conversations with voters (that doesn’t include all the calls that didn’t get answered or doors that didn’t get opened) and registered 100,000 people to vote.

  In 2018, forty active Moms Demand Action volunteers ran for office; sixteen of them won.

  Speaking of the 2018 elections, they were a watershed moment for gun safety. We drastically altered the political map by electing gun-sense candidates across the country to offices that range from city council to the US Congress. The legislatures of seven states flipped to become gun-sense majorities—those are seven states where we can now go in and play offense instead of having to stick primarily to defense. We get to play more offense at the federal level too. When I asked Speaker Nancy Pelosi about her legislative agenda in 2019, she told me: “Six years after Sandy Hook, with so much pain and loss between then and now, House Democrats have the opportunity to do what Republican Speakers refused to do, and give the families who experience the agony of losing a loved one to gun violence a vote.” And we Moms had a lot to do with making the possibility of better federal gun laws so real, by building support for gun violence prevention measures and helping elect a gun-sense majority to the US House of Representatives. Pelosi herself acknowledged our role when she said, “Moms Demand Action has built the public sentiment, the grassroots power, and the local and state precedents to pave the way for federal reform.”

  There now, doesn’t that get you revved up to get out there—whether it’s for the first time or the five hundred and first time—and keep showing up?

  I hope so, because that’s exactly what we each need to do. Because let’s face it, even with all our wins, this kind of activism is never truly done. The NRA was down in the 1990s too, and it came roaring back to life after George W. Bush was elected. There is no “set it and forget it” when it comes to protecting our kids. We have to work to make gains, and then we have to keep working to protect those gains.

  The only way it’s possible to keep going is to make sure that we’re taking care of ourselves and of each other—to find our soul sisters (and brothers) and take one step after the next, together. That’s how we save our country from the NRA agenda and how we save lives. It’s how we make gun safety our new normal. And it’s how we create a bright and safe future for our kids, our grandkids, and our grandkids’ kids.

  I hope to see you in the fight!

  Acknowledgments

  This book has been a labor of love—a fitting description for a book about how to give birth to a movement and fight like a mother. And, of course, it was created through collaboration among so many “mothers and others” across the nation.

  First and foremost, I dedicate this book to my children for making me a mom in the first place: Abigail, Emma, Samuel, Kelly, and Samantha. My concern for your safety has fueled me to fight this fight every day since 2012. And to my kids’ dad, Jayson: thank you for consciously uncoupling with me before it was cool.

  To my husband, John, the love of my life and a constant source of wisdom, kindness, and support: I walk around bearing the blissful secret that I won the life-partner lottery. Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

  To every Moms Demand Action volunteer and gun violence survivor who has or will give his or her time, talent, and passion to our organization: this book is because of you and it is in honor of you. I was naive enough to start a Facebook page and brash enough to serve as the tip of the spear since Moms Demand Action’s inception, but you are its heart and soul. This organization will last into perpetuity because you show up day after day and selflessly do the unglamorous heavy lifting of grassroots activism.

  To the volunteers and experts who helped me write this book, including Kara Waite and Kate Hanley, thank you for your patience and time. Kate, thank you for making these stories sing.

  Thank you to my editor Hilary Swanson, and the wonderful team at HarperOne: Laina Adler, Suzanne Wickham, Melinda Mullin, Julia Kent, Suzanne Quist, and Adrian Morgan.

  I also want to thank my agent, Kathy Schneider, and Chris Prestia and the entire Jane Rotrosen Agency for their support.

  And to everyone at Everytown and Moms Demand Action for your support and dedication. In particular, John Feinblatt, Amanda Konstam, Taylor Maxwell, Aimee Tavares, Meghan Adamoli, and Tracy Sefl for all of their help throughout the process.

  Finally, there are so many more stories I wish I could have told, and so many more volunteers I wish I’d had room to shout out to, but a book can only have so many pages. I hope every volunteer will see themselves in the pages of Fight Like a Mother, and know deep down that every effort they’ve made and every action they’ve taken has helped build one of the largest grassroots movements in the nation. Keep going . . .

  Appendix

  Talking to Kids About Guns

  You may not think you need to teach your kids about guns, but you do. Remember, there are nearly four hundred million guns in circulation in the United States; your kids are likely to be around them no matter how insulated you may think they are. America has a gun culture, and it’s up to adults to teach kids how to navigate it, starting from when they are old enough to have conversations up through adulthood.

  The Moms Demand Action Be SMART team developed the following tips in collaboration with Marjorie Sanfilippo, a college professor and expert on children’s behaviors around firearms.

  For young children:

  Make talks about guns and gun safety part of other conversations you have with your kids about topics such as being safe around swimming pools, movies and televisions shows they should avoid, or talking to strangers.

  Keep the language simple; for example: “If you see a gun, don’t touch it. Tell an adult right away.”

  Tell children not to touch a gun, even if it looks like a toy.

  Assure children that they won’t get in trouble if they tell an adult they’ve seen a gun.

  Repeat your talks regularly.

  For older kids:

  Include information about guns and gun safety i
n your general safety conversations about topics such as drugs, alcohol, and drunk driving.

  Make sure your kids understand that any situation where there’s an unsupervised gun is a dangerous situation.

  Tell them to immediately leave any situation—a party, a football game, or any other gathering—where an unsecured gun is present.

  Tell them not to listen to anyone who tells them that a gun is unloaded or otherwise safe.

  Give your teen strategies to get out of a situation where a gun is present—or brainstorm strategies together. For example, you could agree that your teen might say to friends, “Mom just texted me that I have to get home right now.”

  Assure them that it’s okay to ask about the presence of unsecured guns in other homes, but offer to do it for them if they don’t feel comfortable doing it themselves.

  Tell them that if they see or hear something that makes them think a peer might hurt themselves or others with a gun, they should tell a trusted adult. Often, kids who commit school shootings have confided in peers about their plans before they act.

  Keep bringing these issues up frequently, just as you would other crucial safety issues.

  As I write this just after the start of the school year, there have already been three incidents across the country where guns caused chaos at high school football games. We can’t just hope that our kids won’t be exposed to dangerous situations involving guns; just like we need to talk to them about social media, bullying, alcohol, and drugs, we have to talk to them about guns. Doing so might save their lives.

  Ensuring Smart Gun Storage in Your Own Home and in Homes Your Kids Will Visit

  If a child gets his or her hands on a gun, a bad decision or an honest mistake can easily become fatal. In fact, every year somewhere between two hundred and three hundred children younger than seventeen gain access to a gun and unintentionally shoot themselves or someone else, often fatally.1 And approximately five hundred children age seventeen or younger kill themselves with a gun each year.2

  If you own a gun, you may think you have it stored in such a great hiding spot that your children will never find it. But we all know that kids know when there’s something you don’t want them to see—whether it’s the package of your favorite cookies stored on the top shelf of the cupboard or the holiday gifts you’ve stashed in the back of your closet—and they’ll find a way to get at it. The onus should not be on a child or teen to resist picking up a gun they have easy access to or that they find in your hiding place—it’s always an adult’s responsibility to make sure all guns are stored safely.

  That’s why we created our Be SMART program, a public health campaign where our volunteers give presentations on how to prevent child suicides by firearms and the unintentional deaths of twenty-five thousand Americans every year.

  So, how and where should you keep your guns? They should be stored unloaded in a locked place (with a gun lock or in a locked location such as a safe, file cabinet, or closet) with the ammunition kept somewhere else.

  Your next step is to make sure that any guns in houses where your kids spend time are also stored safely. You may feel confident that those homes don’t contain guns, but you could be wrong. Fortunately, all it takes is a simple conversation to keep kids out of harm’s way.

  I experienced this directly when my son, Sam, was a junior in high school. He was going through a tough time, feeling academically overwhelmed and having issues with his girlfriend; I hadn’t seen him that stressed out before. Because my ex-husband Jayson and I share custody, and Sam was due to go stay at Jayson’s house, I realized I needed to ask Jayson two things: Did he have any prescription medications that Sam could have easy access to, and where were his guns stored? I didn’t think that Sam would harm himself or others, but I was generally worried about him, which brought all kinds of safety concerns to mind. I knew when we were married that Jayson had his dad’s hunting rifles stored in the closet with no ammo, but I figured I should ask him about that now. (In retrospect, I see the irony that I didn’t think about doing this until five years after starting Moms Demand Action.)

  His answer shocked me. He told me he had hunting rifles and a shotgun, with ammo for both, that his dad recently had given him—but they were just in a closet, with the ammo there as well; nothing was secured or locked.

  I told Jayson he needed to get gun safes and put the unloaded guns in one safe and the ammo in the other with no way for Sam to access the combination, and I asked him to send me pictures of the secured guns before Sam got there the next day. And he did those things.

  You may think you don’t need to say anything, or you may feel awkward about asking, but the only way to make sure your kids can’t unintentionally get their hands on a gun is to start a conversation. Here are the pointers we share with our volunteers:

  Make it part of a general safety conversation. For example, “Before I drop John off for the playdate, I just want to check whether you have a pet, a pool, or firearms in your house. I want to make sure he knows your safety rules.”

  Don’t wait to be asked: volunteer information about your own home. Such as, “We have a pool with a locked gate, and no pets or guns.” Or, “Just want you to know we have a cat and a dog, in case Mary has allergies. We also have a hunting rifle, but we always keep it locked and unloaded in a safe.”

  Remember, it’s not about the guns; it’s about whether they are stored securely. You don’t want to make this an instance when another person could feel judged for having guns. To avoid that, say something like “May I ask whether you have guns in your home, and—if so—are they locked and inaccessible to the kids?”

  Use technology to your advantage. If you don’t want to talk face-to-face, have the conversation via email or text.

  Don’t forget to talk to family members. Sixty-five percent of unintentional child deaths by gunfire happen in the homes of relatives. As I experienced with my ex-husband, it’s very possible that family members or close friends have unsecured guns in their homes. Many of our volunteers talk to their own family members as a way to practice bringing the subject up, only to discover that they keep a loaded gun in the spare bedroom in a shoebox. You just can’t ever take it for granted. You have to ask.

  I hope you’ll share this information with friends and family and community members so that we can protect more kids and adults.

  Reduce the Risk of Suicide with Smart Gun Storage

  A huge part of the reason it’s so important to store guns safely is because it reduces the risk of suicide, which is a bigger problem in the United States than most people realize.

  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that nearly twenty-two thousand Americans die by firearm suicide every year; that translates to about sixty deaths every day.3 Those numbers are eight times higher than numbers in other high-income countries.4 They’re also on the rise, increasing 19 percent over the past decade.5

  Guns in homes and suicide go hand in hand: a gun in the house increases the risk of suicide by 300 percent, and this elevated risk applies to everyone in the household—not just the gun owner.6 Guns are far and away the most lethal method of self-harm, with a fatality rate of nearly 85 percent.7 Compare that with the fact that fewer than 5 percent of people who attempt suicide using other means die.8 The sad truth is that guns give a short-term impulse—and nearly half of all survivors of suicide attempts report fewer than ten minutes of deliberation before making the attempt—a final result that affects everyone who loved that person.9

  Most people who attempt suicide with a gun are adults; adult men represent 86 percent of gun suicide victims.10 But kids are also uniquely vulnerable to the risk of gun suicide. Nearly one thousand children and teens die by firearm suicide a year, a 61 percent increase over the past decade.11

  Suicide is an impulsive act, and if you’re the parent of a teen, you know how impetuous and emotional they can be. If you or anyone in your family owns a gun, consider these facts:

  17 percent of American
high school students report that they have seriously contemplated killing themselves by suicide.12

  4.6 million children and teens in the United States live in a household with at least one loaded, unlocked gun.13

  A 2010 study showed that 80 percent of child firearm suicides involved a gun belonging to a family member.14

  The good news here is that both smart gun storage and commonsense gun laws prevent firearm suicides for people of all ages. Between 1999 and 2013, researchers at Duke University found that police officials in Connecticut (which passed a red flag law in 1999) removed 762 guns from individuals and prevented a suicide for every 10 to 20 guns that were seized.15 Research has also found that storing guns locked, unloaded, or separate from ammunition reduces the risk of self-inflicted and unintentional firearm injuries among children and teenagers as much as 85 percent, depending on the type of storage practice.16

  Supporting Yourself, Each Other, and Your Kids After a Mass Shooting

  It doesn’t matter how old your kids are; mass shootings are upsetting for everyone, of every age. Even my adult children call me when they hear about a shooting tragedy, looking for reassurance that they’re safe. Because mass shootings, sadly, have become a fact of American life, Moms Demand Action worked with the National Child Traumatic Stress Network to adapt its guidelines for supporting kids through traumatic events. I include them here:

  Begin with yourself. It’s important to remember that children’s and teens’ reactions to shootings are strongly influenced by how parents, relatives, teachers, and other caregivers respond to them. Before you can be of help to others, you need to make sure that you’re okay. As in all things related to parenting, you’ve got to put your own oxygen mask on first so that you’re equipped to help others.

  Take care of you. Do your best to drink plenty of water, eat regularly, and get enough sleep and exercise. Take time to check in with other adult relatives, friends, or members of the community so that you can support each other. Give yourself permission to limit media input; you don’t need to be saturated by 24/7 news. Avoid making any unnecessary life-altering decisions during this time. Take time to rest and do things that you like to do. Doing all these things will help you; they will also model the things that will help your kids feel better too.