“Oh, that’s what it’s about, huh? Is that all I’m good for? Giving you stories? I see how it is.” I tickled her and she laughed, lightly pushing my hands away.
“Let me see if I can locate the book…” I wasn’t sure where I’d set down our book from last time but it had to be around here somewhere.
“I don’t want a book story!” Ally protested, grabbing onto the front of my shirt. “I want a story you make up!”
“A story I make up?”
Ally nodded solemnly. “Yes. Like all those stories from breakfast!”
Well. I hadn’t made any of those stories up. They’d been actual events that had happened to Lucas and me. But I could see what Ally was getting at. She didn’t want me reading from a book, she wanted me animatedly telling a story that was just already in my head.
“Okay, I think I can manage that.” I’d never done this before but how hard could it be, right?
I definitely stole the plot from Star Wars, but I made Luke a girl who looked a lot like Ally, and I changed a few things to make it less science fiction and more fantasy. Ally giggled when I did the R2-D2 and C-3PO voices, and I played up to her. I was sure my voices were, ah, crap, if any adult heard them, but Ally was my audience and she was lapping it up.
After a while, though, I noticed her eyelids starting to droop. She’d yawn in between giggles. Just when the group had gotten away from the sands of Tatooine and were trying to find the princess, Ally’s head slumped against my chest.
“I think it’s time for a nap, Alley-Cat,” I pointed out, scooping her up.
“But I’m not sleepy,” she protested. Her closed eyes and very sleepy tone of voice kind of proved the lie of that.
“Well, it’s very important for little kitties to get lots of sleep. Cats are known for napping all the time. And you’re a cat, aren’t you?”
“Meow,” Ally replied.
I chuckled. “Exactly.”
I got her into bed and tucked her in. She was passed out like a fucking light by the time I finished adding her stuffed animals around her.
This, I was sure, was what I’d been missing. I hadn’t considered how much I wanted a kid in my life, but now my heart belonged to Ally, and I didn’t ever want to take it back.
I watched her for a second, this tiny precious child curled up in a sea of stuffed animals underneath a soft blue blanket. Ally hadn’t been in my life for too long, only about a month or so, and yet it already felt like I couldn’t quite remember what my world was like without her.
Christ. I was really going to have to talk to Emma about how to move forward together, with her, with Ally, because I didn’t want to waste a second on how I was feeling. I had lost Emma and the rest of the people I considered family, and it was partly my fault. I couldn’t have stopped my mom from dying or my dad’s shitty way of handling it, but I could’ve found a way to stay in touch. And now that I knew, more than ever, how much they all meant to me, including this new person that I hadn’t even known before…
I wasn’t going to let any of them go without a fight.
26
Emma
I dreaded going into work on Monday.
Hopefully, everything would be sorted out? Julie had given Nolan an earful, so there was no reason for him to bother me again. He had to know that he was out of line. I enjoyed working under Julie and all my other coworkers seemed great, so now I could just… focus on the job I’d been hired to do. There was no reason for the CEO to need to talk with me anyway, so it wasn’t like I had to deal with Nolan regularly after that whole debacle.
Only when I got to my desk, I found there was a note there. A note from Nolan.
He wanted to meet with me in his office.
Okay, this was… fine. It was probably an apology. HR had probably told him he had to do something like that. Even though I just wanted us all to forget about it and move on.
Be a fucking grown up, Emma, I chastised myself. Go in and get it over with. What kind of person was I that I couldn’t handle a little issue at work?
Smoothing out my clothes and swallowing my nerves, I got up from my desk and went over to Nolan’s office. The door was already open, so I just knocked on the frame.
Nolan looked up from whatever papers he was dealing with. “Hey, c’mon in. I was hoping you’d pop by soon. Close the door, would you?”
I closed the door and went over to sit down across from him, my stomach knotting. He seemed cheerful, far too cheerful for someone who had seen the error of his ways and was going to apologize. Unless he had done this so often with other workers that this was no longer a big deal for him. Make advances, deal with the complaints, apologize, wash, rinse, repeat.
Once I was in my seat, Nolan sat back, relaxing. “I hear you’ve been doing good work here, and I was hoping that I could talk with you about considering… moving your work over to another area. I think that you could do a lot better for this company as my assistant.”
…what?
It felt like my brain had blue-screened, frozen. Short-circuited.
He was asking me to be his assistant? What the hell? That was administrative work, which I did do a bit of, but it wasn’t nearly my area of expertise.
“I think that you’re doing great work here but that you could do more working alongside me.” The smile on his face spoke of a lot more than just ‘working’ alongside Nolan.
Wow. He’d really learned nothing from Julie yelling at him, had he? He had learned nothing from my gentle rebukes the other day at dinner? This guy just didn’t seem to get the fucking hint.
Anger bubbled up in me and I had to stuff it down. Getting angry, as satisfying as it might be in the moment, wasn’t going to help me here. This wasn’t Parker. Parker I could get angry at all I wanted. He could take it. He was a safe place. But this was my boss—or I supposed, technically, my boss’s boss—and I could get fired if I pissed him off. What would I do then?
“I’m glad that you think I’m so valuable,” I told Nolan, “but honestly, I want to do the job I was hired to do. I like working with Julie, and I like where I am now. I don’t see how I could really improve anything as your assistant. In fact that would probably be a step down for me on the corporate ladder. I hope you understand why that gives me pause.”
Nolan’s gaze flickered, and then he put the smile back on his face. He stood up, circling around the desk, as if he was walking out his thoughts. “I think that you’re underestimating how much I could help you as my assistant. How much we could help each other.”
His hand rested on my arm, briefly, but it was enough. I politely stood up from my chair, putting some distance between us. “I think that I like my current position. I don’t want to work directly under you.”
I could tell that Nolan heard the double entendre and disappointment flickered across his face, this time prominent enough that I could identify it. Listen, two could play the ‘subtle insinuations’ game and if he was going to do it then so was I. I had no interest in working as someone’s assistant, or being purely in administration, and I especially had no interest in being with Nolan romantically—even if he wasn’t my boss, and he was.
No way was I going to be known as the girl who was sleeping with the boss. No man was hot enough or wonderful enough to be worth that. If I took this job I’d be as good as selling myself out. Nobody would ever respect me in this damn office again. And I wouldn’t let that happen. I had worked too hard to reach this point to lose everything.
Nolan took a step back, nodding. “Well, if you’re sure…”
“I’m sure. I would appreciate it if you let me get back to work, now.” I gave him a friendly smile, and then quickly exited the office.
My heart was pounding all the way back to my desk, like it was going to leap right out of me. I was so nervous. Would Nolan retaliate because I had turned him down? He was the CEO, after all. Would he arrange to have me fired? Julie would fight for me, I knew that, but would it really matter when she was up against the guy who was sup
posedly in charge of everything?
I sat down, and stared at my computer. How could I possibly concentrate on work now?
“Emma?” Julie emerged from her office with what looked like a report in her hand. “I was—everything okay?”
She paused, standing over me, her forehead puckering in concern. “You look shaken.”
I took a deep breath. “Nolan just asked me to change jobs and be his personal assistant instead.”
Julie’s face went pink. “Are you serious!?”
I nodded. “There was the implication… that I’d be assisting him very personally indeed, if you catch my drift.”
Julie shook her head. “What the hell. This is outright sexual harassment. This isn’t okay.”
“I know, but please, I just want to do my job. Can we pretend this never happened?”
“If we pretend that it never happened then he can just go and do it to someone else, too. God knows how many other women he might’ve done it to that haven’t said anything.”
On the one hand I could understand Julie’s point of view, but I just wanted this over and done with. I didn’t want to have to bother with it or think about it anymore. “Are you sure you can’t just let it be?”
“I wouldn’t be fit to be your boss if I did,” Julie replied. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
She headed right for Nolan’s office, and just from the rigidity of her back, I could tell she was on the warpath. Oh, God. I did not want to be here for this. What if they called me in to ask me for my opinion? Everyone was going to start gossiping about this. I felt sick.
Turning on my computer, I pulled up my email and composed one to Julie. She’d see it when she got back. I tried to keep it short but polite.
Hi Julie,
Sorry to bail on you but I’m not feeling well and I didn’t think I should be in the office for the rest of the day. I’m going to head home and I hope this doesn’t mess up anyone’s productivity. I’m happy to answer any emails from home or do some remote work in my apartment. I just think it’s best I not be in this environment for now.
Sincerely,
Emma
That was polite and didn’t cast too much shade. Or at least, I didn’t think it did. Hopefully Julie felt the same. I appreciated that she wanted to stick up for me, but I could also see that she had a bone to pick with Nolan that had been around longer than I had. My choice was to not continue with this, and her choice was to fight. Fine. But that was her choice, not mine, and I was going to remove myself from the situation until it was settled.
Ally didn’t need to be picked up from daycare just yet and it would be cruel of me to take her away from that just because I was having a bad day. She was my child, not my emotional crutch when I was having a rough time.
But there was really nowhere else to go, so… I went back to the apartment.
I had to stop myself from thinking of it as home. Should I think of it that way? Or not? I didn’t know. On the one hand… it was where we lived. But on the other hand the idea of calling some place I shared with Parker as ‘home’ felt like I was skirting too close to the emotions I was trying to ignore and pretend weren’t there.
We hadn’t spoken about anything since the club. First we’d had Van and Lucas there, and then we’d both been busy with Ally and it just hadn’t really come up.
Okay, so more like I had been avoiding circumstances where we could talk about it. I knew it was cowardly of me but… if I could just avoid talking about it then we could just keep being friends-slash-roommates-with-benefits and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything else. Right?
Yeah, that sounded childish even to my own ears. Once, I’d had no problem going after what I wanted. Whether it was a college program or the guy I had feelings for, if the opportunity presented itself, I went for it.
But now I didn’t know what I wanted, and I couldn’t do anything until I figured that out. I didn’t know what I wanted with my job, and I didn’t know what I wanted with Parker. This move to the big city was supposed to be the culmination of all my dreams, but instead I felt like I was even more lost than before. I missed my hometown, I missed having my brother and my best friend around all the time, I missed the lack of stress… and I missed the feeling of control. I’d been in control of my life before. Now at my new job I felt like I had no real say in anything, and I had no idea what to do with Parker so that left me feeling out of control as well.
Hopefully Parker would be out at his job, whatever that was. It obviously wasn’t the job that kept him traveling all the time, like he’d originally claimed, but I didn’t mind that as much as I’d thought I would in the beginning. Parker wasn’t as bad as I’d feared—clearly. But I wanted some time alone to clear my head so here was hoping I’d get the apartment to myself.
No such luck. The moment I entered, I saw Parker sprawled out on the couch, reading. He looked up as I stepped inside.
He had a big smile on his face, but he also looked a little nervous. “Hey.” He got to his feet and set the book down. “So…”
His voice trailed off as he took another look at me. My frustration with the day must’ve been showing on my face. Parker paused. “Hey, Em, everything okay?”
“Ah.” For a moment I thought about lying, but when had I ever been a good liar?
Okay, my little stunt in the club with the eyedrops notwithstanding. It was easier to pretend you were upset when you weren’t, than it was to pretend you were fine when you were upset.
“It’s… something at work.”
Parker walked over to me as I set down my purse. “Was it that guy again?”
I could hear the protective tone in his voice and I winced. I didn’t want him to go storming off to have a word with Nolan. It would actually be kind of satisfying to see that, in a way, but I really did not want to have to deal with the fallout. Watching someone that you were close to and cared about tear into some jackass was vindicating and hilarious, but only in fiction or a fantasy. In real life, there were consequences and it never worked out to be as satisfying as you thought it would be in your head.
Parker put his hands on my shoulders. “Hey.” Those blue-green eyes looked right into mine, soft and concerned. “Seriously, are you okay?”
“I’m okay, I think. I’m just… upset. Frustrated. But he didn’t do anything that was—nobody hurt me.”
“Okay. Okay, that’s good. That’s my biggest concern.” Parker took a deep breath. “Breathe with me. Whatever it is, it’s okay. We’ll work it out.”
I nodded, taking a few deep breaths with him. That did help the knot in my chest to undo itself somewhat.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Parker asked.
I paused. I wasn’t sure. Did I? But who would I talk about it with other than Van? And Van would just rant and rail about men and that wasn’t really what I wanted right now.
So who else was there?
“My boss told me he wanted me to be his personal assistant, instead of doing the job that I was hired to do.” I took a few more deep breaths. For some reason, telling it to Parker instead of just Julie… made it real. Made it something that had happened to me. It was no longer just a workplace inconvenience—this person had tried to leverage me for sex. They had tried to put me in a position where I was not only dependent on them for my job and working closely with them, but where I was basically being paid to date them.
My voice wobbled and Parker immediately took me by the arm. “Here, here, sit down.”
He led me over to the couch and I sat heavily. “I’m sorry. It just kind of hit me.”
“Hey, don’t apologize. It’s okay. He didn’t touch you or anything?”
“Just once, on the arm. It wasn’t… I was lucky.” It could’ve been a lot worse. “I don’t think it’s occurred to him that someone might not want to be with him.”
“Some guys are like that. Women, too, I suppose, I’ve just, y’know, seen it more with men. Hold on.” Parker got up and went to th
e kitchen, grabbing a glass and pouring me some water. “They just don’t realize how fucking creepy they’re being because they just assume that the person they’re talking to wants them. After all, who wouldn’t, blah blah blah.”
I nodded, taking the water glass gratefully. “Thank you.” I took a few sips. It helped me to calm down. “I didn’t ever feel unsafe with him, I didn’t think that he would try to force himself on me. But I felt uncomfortable. Sick.”
“And that’s just as bad,” Parker assured me. “Don’t try and downplay it just because it could have been worse.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed. “And then my supervisor found out, and she’s a great person, but I told her I just wanted it dropped because I really just don’t want to have to deal with this anymore, and she said she couldn’t do that and went to confront him.
“And I know that she sort of has to do that, she has to protect the company from lawsuits and she has to protect her employees from inappropriate behavior, and I appreciate it, I do. But I also wish that she would, you know, not… do that? I just want it to be over. I feel like I’m caught in an uncomfortable position.”
“Hey, that makes sense, I get it.” Parker sat down next to me and rubbed my back. “It’s okay, Em. You’re not obligated to start a big fight. You can just keep going about your day and put it in the past if you want. I get it.”
I nodded. “I don’t know what to do now, about my job. It’s an uncomfortable work environment, you know? How could I even go back there?”
Parker pulled me into him and I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling so much better now that I was being held by him. For a moment we just rested there, breathing together. I had thought that what I needed was to be alone and take time to gather my thoughts, but it turned out, what I needed was to have someone holding me and comforting me. Having Parker do this made me feel like I was home again, even in the middle of this new city.
I had no idea how long we sat there, but it was long enough for me to finish my water and actually feel like I was catching my breath.
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