Leviathan's Lament

by Kaye Draper

  Mat felt his eyes prickle with tears and blinked them back. Steff really was trying his best just to get by.

  “And...,” Steff said softly, turning his head to look away from Mat, out the window, hiding his face. “I miss the rest of you morons too. It’s nice...just seeing you again. All of you.”

  The light changed and Mat took the next turn, approaching Steff’s ridiculous hotel. “I’m sorry I got so nasty about your thing with Luca,” he ground out, his throat hurting like he’d been screaming all day.

  Mat and Steff had grown up together. They’d been best friends. Then Mat started noticing how he was beginning to have some not-so-friend-like feelings toward his underwear-model-perfect best friend. So he’d thrown himself into dating the first girl who asked him out, tried to pretend he was normal. That he didn’t get a hard-on for boys and girls.

  It had almost killed him the first time he saw Steff out with another guy from some neighboring high school and realized that his best friend was gay. All along, he could have just told Steff how he felt, could have acted on his feelings and maybe, just maybe been lucky enough to have them returned. But he’d been too confused, too scared and stupid, and he’d missed the chance. Steff had dated one hot, muscle-bound jock and run-way pretty twink after another and all Mat could do was stand back and be his best friend, try to be content with that while he found comfort in whatever warm body was offered.

  He was an idiot. That was not news to him. But when Steff had started flirting with Luca after a few years in the band, it was the final straw. Everyone just saw Mat as a joke. He was the flirt, the nympho of the group. Not someone people looked at and thought “relationship.” Luca, though, the organization and power behind the band, with his dark good looks and that open, honest acceptance he exuded toward everyone. Of course Steff would look at Luca and want that.

  It had completely destroyed the band dynamic. Looking back now, seeing Steffen as he was, Mat realized that maybe Luca’s flat, not-so-kind refusal after Steffen’s repeated overtures had been the last straw for Steffen. Maybe Steffen had been so annoying about the whole thing because he was feeling lost and desperate for connection. Matheus could certainly understand doing stupid shit because you just wanted attention or distraction...or comfort.

  Oblivious to Mat’s thoughts, Steffen turned in his seat and reached over to punch him in the arm. “I’m sorry too, dude. I...well, I was a complete dick, and I don’t even know what I was thinking. And, shit...if I had hooked up with him and then he suddenly turned back into a girl...what a nightmare!” He shuddered, as if the thought of females and all their lovely, fun anatomy was just too much.

  Mat pulled up in the drop-off area by the hotel and put the car in park. Steff unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door, pausing to glance over at Mat with a sad, wry, wistful look on his face. “Besides, it was always you I had the crush on Mattie. Even though I knew I’d never be enough for you. You deserve Grey and the others, and whatever makes you happy. They’re really lucky.”

  Then he was gone. The car door shut with a thunk, Steffen’s tall, broad-shouldered form disappearing into the softly lit interior of the hotel. He paused for one second to nod a thanks to the bellhop that opened the fancy door, and the light glinted off his golden hair like a halo. So ridiculous.

  “For fuck’s sake,” Mat said on the rush of a punched-out exhalation. “You can’t just say shit like that then walk away, asshole.” He shifted into gear and drove off, back toward home. Toward Grey and the band and the strange, wonderful new relationship he hoped they were building.

  And away from fucking past regrets and temptation.

  Chapter 16

  Grey rubbed the bottom of her sock-clad foot against her calf as she watched Luca slip on her shoes and sling her simple wallet-like purse across her chest. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” she asked again.

  Luca gave her a fond look and ruffled her hair. “I’m sure. Unless you want to tell Pontus all about our new houseguest?”

  Grey narrowed her eyes. “No.” She liked Luca’s dad. But he was weird about all these supposed rules and oaths and stuff sometimes—God stuff Grey didn’t really understand—and she didn’t quite trust that he wouldn’t throw Leviathan into some dank godly dungeon if he knew the sea monster was running around loose in the mortal world. The blue guy might be annoying, but she felt a weird sort of protectiveness toward him. She wasn’t going to be the reason he suffered.

  Luca just shook her head. “Then you need to stay here. No offense, Grey, but you suck at lying. You wouldn’t be there five minutes before Pontus knew everything.”

  Grey crossed her arms over her faded t-shirt and pouted. “It’s not that bad.”

  Luca smirked and drew her in close, her long arms wrapping around Grey’s waist. “Mmm-hmm....”

  “It’s not ,” Grey insisted.

  Luca just grinned. “Everything you think shows on your face. Like an open book.”

  Grey stomped her foot in irritation. “Does not.” Then she tilted her head back to give Luca a snooty look. “You didn’t know I was in love with you from practically the first day I met you.”

  Luca ducked her head to steal a kiss, her soft lips tasting faintly of the pizza they’d had for dinner. Grey chased her lips when she drew back, wrapping her arms around Luca’s neck and clinging. As usual, she couldn’t seem to get enough of the amazing woman.

  Luca chuckled and pulled away for real this time. “Okay, so you do manage to get a few things by me every now and then. But seriously, you know you get all nervous and weird around my dad. You just don’t have the practice I’ve had evading his nosey prodding.” She released Grey and smiled. “He’ll know I’m hiding something. He’ll try to badger it out of me. But if I show up at dinner in one piece and tell him to butt out, he’ll refrain from using magical means to figure it out—for now.”

  She winked at Grey. “You stay here and spend some time with Mat and Ethan. You know they’re dying to have you to themselves, and I know the feeling is mutual. Just promise me you’ll actually take a look at those concert tapes at some point tonight before you get too wrapped up in your boytoys.”

  Grey shoved her. “Fuck off. Weren’t you leaving now?”

  Luca laughed and actually headed out the door. “Have a good night. Try not to accumulate anymore weird sea monsters or anything.”

  Grey shut the door in her face.

  She could hear Luca’s muffled laugh from the other side of the door.

  “Have a good time with your family,” she said, loud enough she knew Luca would hear her through the door. Then she turned and headed back to the living room, where Matheus was flipping through some old recordings of past performances he’d pulled from cloud storage. The plan was to watch a few and get some ideas for how they’d like to structure things on their upcoming tour—the order of their songs, costumes, lighting, and the general feel they wanted to go for. The idea was to combine some of the old, tried and true stuff from before the Swap Back with their new vibe.

  Watching the performances wasn’t strictly necessary, but Mat and Luca had insisted it would help with “the muse.” Grey had snorted at the Greek mythology reference, but they hadn’t found it funny.

  “What do you guys want on your popcorn?” Ethan called from the kitchen.

  Grey and Mat spent the next five minutes arguing over toppings, and in the end, Ethan made up several big bowls of different flavored treats just to shut them both up. He really was the best.

  “You’re my favorite,” Grey whispered loudly as she patted Ethan’s head and took a seat on the couch beside him, plopping a bowl of marshmallow popcorn in her lap.

  Ethan smiled fondly at her, his cheeks going pink. “I know.”

  Mat scoffed and snatched up a big bowl of extra butter and salt. “Ha. Very funny. We all know I’m Lucifer’s darling. The rest of you just follow along in my shadow.”

  Grey and Ethan traded a look, then dissolved into a fit
of giggles. Mat just put his long legs up on the coffee table and pointed the remote at the TV. “Shut up and take notes.” But his bitch act was ruined by the smile in his voice.

  They had only made it through a couple of performance, fast-forwarding through most of them, pausing now and then to reminisce over a particularly awesome part here and there, before Mat’s phone started ringing.

  He removed his arm from around Grey’s shoulders and set his popcorn bowl aside so he could stop smack-talking Ethan’s drum skills and answer his cell. His eyebrows drew together in a scowl when he looked at the screen, but he swiped answer and stood, pressing the phone to his ear as he headed out of the living room and toward the kitchen. “What?”

  Grey glanced at Ethan. “Should we keep going, or wait for him to tell off whoever it is?”

  Ethan huffed a laugh. “Let’s just get this over with. It’s faster without his Royal Majesty the Nitpicker here to stop us every five seconds.”

  Grey grinned and picked up the remote. “Agreed.”

  They had made it through a couple more sets before Mat stormed back in, jamming his cell phone into his back pocket. “I’ve gotta bail,” he said, his expression stormy.

  Ethan sat up straighter, giving Mat a concerned look. “Everything okay?”

  Mat just flapped a hand dismissively. “No. It’s not. I wanted to spend the night here, convincing Grey to try a threesome. But instead, I’ve gotta go bail Steff out of some shit at the club and help him out with something.”

  He pouted. His expression brooding and sultry in that way only Mat could do. “Seriously. The asshole ruins everything.”

  Ethan rolled his eyes and sat back.

  Grey was still staring at Mat, one eyebrow arched. “I’m sorry your plans for a freaking threesome were interrupted, you freaking man-whore.” Even if she really was as much disappointed as she was relieved, because what?

  Mat smoldered at her. “You should be. I’ve been trying to convince that one to share a girl with me for ages. ” He hiked a thumb at Ethan.

  The drummer turned beet red. “Shut up and go rescue the princess or whatever. Jesus.”

  Grey glanced between them, laughter bubbling up in her chest at how embarrassed Ethan looked. He was the oldest of her bandmates, but you would never know it from how sweet he was. It was so damned cute. “No,” she told Mat with a grin. “Stay. Tell me all about how you’ve been trying to corrupt poor, sweet Ethan for years. ”

  Ethan snorted. “It wasn’t like it sounds. It was one time. I said no. He hasn’t shut up about it since then.”

  Mat winked at Grey. “I almost had him convinced. But I mentioned my piercing and he got all intimidated.”

  Okay, now Grey wanted to know about this piercing...but Ethan looked like he was about to burst into flames. “Go on,” the drummer snapped. “Get out of here before Steffen gets arrested or something.” He stood and hurried out to the kitchen, where the clink of bottles said he was grabbing drinks.

  Mat was still smiling over Ethan’s discomfort when he glanced down at Grey. “It really was amusing. You should have seen him. Our poor drummer isn’t cut out for one-night stands. Pity. That girl was really into him. I had to listen to her talk about him all night .”

  Grey put a piece of popcorn in her mouth to keep from asking questions or saying something that would reveal the sudden flare of jealousy she was experiencing. But she wasn’t getting anything past Mat. His smile softened and he bent over to look her in the eyes. “Uh-oh. Those eyes look a little more green than usual, sweetheart. Not jealous, are you?”

  Grey rolled her eyes. “As if.”

  Mat’s long finger gripped her chin, tilting her head up. “Don’t worry. None of the others ever held a candle to you.” His hazel eyes lost their teasing glint and he glanced down at Grey’s mouth. “And I have a weird, terrifying, amazing feeling that no one ever will from now on.”

  Then he kissed her, slow and easy, his tongue teasing its way into her mouth, butter and salt, wickedness and heat, and Matheus . Grey curled her fingers into his shirt, suddenly wishing he would make good on all his teasing and hints. But he pulled back. “I’m sorry,” he said against her lips, clearly seeing the plea in her eyes. He looked...guilty for some reason. But he hid it with an easy grin as he straightened and shot a glance toward Ethan, who was back with beer. “Take good care of our little siren songstress, drummer boy,” he said with a wink.

  Ethan flipped him off with a big overly sweet smile plastered on his face. “Not in need of instructions, dude.”

  Then Mat was gone, leaving Grey to wonder about that little flicker of guilt she’d seen in his eyes. Something was up with the bassist, but as usual, he was hiding it away under leers and sultry looks.

  Ethan handed her a beer. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

  Grey smiled at him, loving the hint of shyness in his sky-blue eyes, so very much the opposite of all Mat’s bold words and teasing. “Thank God,” she said fervently. Mat was exciting and all, but Grey wasn’t some super experienced seductress—Ethan’s easygoing presence was much easier to deal with. “Does this mean we can watch a movie, or shoot some zombies, or something other than keep staring at ourselves on TV?”

  Ethan chuckled and opened his beer. “Absofuckinglutely. Though...I could re-watch that last one a few more times.”

  Grey glared at him. The last performance was the one where Luca—in female form—had grabbed Grey and kissed her senseless on stage. “Oh, shut the hell up.”

  Ethan laughed and took a swig of his beer. “You choose. I’m up for whatever.” He gave her that suddenly shy look again. “I’m just...happy to be able to spend time with you.”

  Grey’s heart melted. No one had the right to be that freaking cute.

  “Movie,” she decided, suddenly feeling stupidly nervous. But a movie meant more chance to cuddle. And right now, she was kind of dying to have those muscular, tattooed arms wrapped around her with no one around to interrupt or make snide comments.

  They chose an old action movie and got settled in, Ethan giving her a soft, sweet smile and reeling her in to lean against his side with his arm around her shoulders and a soft afghan draped over their laps. It was almost perfect...until a soft sound reminded Grey they weren’t actually alone.

  “What is that?” Leviathan asked, gliding over to look down into the bowl Grey was holding. “It smells good.”

  Grey repressed a sigh and sat up, offering the bowl to the strange squatter. “It’s popcorn with melted marshmallows on it. It’s kind of...crunchy, sweet, and salty. You can try some if you want.”

  He licked his lips as he studied the contents of the bowl and Grey noticed the tip of his tongue was forked . “Oh, popcorn. I see.” He reached out a graceful four-fingered hand to pluck out a few kernels, bringing the popcorn up to his nose and giving it a sniff. “The information I assimilated from the people on the island is vast, but I have no practical experience with most of the concepts. So this is what popcorn is. Interesting.”

  He put it in his mouth and chewed, considering. “It’s very sweet.”

  Grey smothered a smile at his weird antics and gestured at the bowl Mat had left on the coffee table. “Popcorn is kind of bland, but you add things to it to suit your taste. That one is salty and buttery. No sugar.”

  She watched in fascination as the sea serpent tried the buttered popcorn. He paused to lick his fingers, his skinny forked tongue wrapping around the tips of the digits and his eyes lighting up. “I like this one.”

  Ethan covered a laugh with a cough and Grey realized she may have been watching Leviathan too closely as he sucked butter off his fingers. “You can have that whole bowl if you want,” the drummer said with a smile. “I made it for Mat, but he had to leave. Sorry I didn’t think to ask you if you wanted any. You’re so quiet I almost forget you’re here sometimes.”

  The leviathan took the bowl of popcorn and held it to his chest like someone might snatch it away. “Thank you.” He glanc
ed at Grey. “I have been trying to stay out of the way. I know it upsets you that I’ve disrupted your life. But I appreciate your kindness, master.”

  Grey nodded, her feelings all jumbled up and confused. On one hand, this weirdo was one more complication she just did not need right now. But on the other hand...he was kind of fascinating. And there were depths to him she knew he kept hidden. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass about you being here,” Grey said softly. “I just get...cranky...about all this supernatural stuff because I don’t have a single fucking clue about any of it.”

  The ancient monster reached out and patted her head, his expression solemn as he ruffled her curls, just like every-fucking-body else around here. “Don’t worry, child. I’ve weathered worse than one little half-breed’s sour moods.” Then he turned and ghosted out of the room, probably off to the little room they’d cleaned out and filled with an air mattress, TV, and books for their newest roommate.

  “Wow,” Grey muttered. “My life.”

  Ethan nudged her with his shoulder. “He’s not so bad.”

  She just stared at him in disbelief until he looked away, rubbing the back of his head. “Okay, so maybe he’s a freaky monster or whatever. But I feel like he just wants us to accept him. It’s weird, I know. But that’s just the feeling I get.”

  Grey sighed. “No. You’re right. I’m just surprised someone other than me feels that way.”

  Ethan shrugged. “Well, you know me. I think we have that in common—always wanting to look out for people.” He sighed. “It’s a good thing. But it can be dangerous too.” His expression was sad, and Grey knew he was thinking of his mother and all her struggles with The Change and her alcoholism and mental health issues. The faint scar on his face was proof of how dangerous caring could be—he said he’d gotten it when his mom hit him with a broken beer bottle, back when he was a teenager.

  Grey covered his hand with her own and gave it a squeeze. “Sure, sometimes it can suck, to care so much. But I don’t think it’s a weakness. It’s...a superpower.”

  Ethan laughed and turned his hand to lace his fingers through hers. “Sure. If you say so.”