Leviathan's Lament

by Kaye Draper

  Grey nodded. “Absolutely.”

  Ethan’s eyes traveled over her face, drinking her in like he was memorizing every line. “How vested are you in this movie?” he asked, his chiseled lips quirking up on one side.

  Grey felt like she was going to crawl out of her skin. “Honestly? Not very. I just wanted the excuse to cuddle.”

  The quirk of Ethan’s lip turned into a full-blown smirk, which did things to Ethan’s handsome, earnest, boy-next-door face—transformed him from shy and hesitant to wicked and dangerous in a heartbeat. “You really okay with this? With us?”

  Grey couldn’t seem to make words. She settled for surging forward and sinking her hands into the short sides of Ethan’s hair, dragging him into a kiss, devouring his sweet mouth as she practically climbed into his lap.

  Ethan chuckled in surprise, but gave as good as he got, pressing Grey close, gripping one thigh to guide her leg around to straddle him. “God, Grace,” he muttered against her lips when they came up for air. “I’m trying not to rush you, but every time I touch you it’s like zero to one hundred in a heartbeat.”

  Grey laughed running her hands over his broad chest, enjoying the warm, solid feel of him through his thin t-shirt. “The feeling is mutual, believe me.” She mustered up every last bit of courage she could find and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Maybe you should just go with it. Find a bed and stop trying to be so nice.”

  Chapter 17

  Ethan led the way up to his room, never letting go of Grey’s hand. She felt so ridiculous. Ethan was sweet and kind, but he was an adult, this was hardly the first time he’d done this sort of thing. Grey, on the other hand, felt like a blushing teenager all over again. She’d had sex before The Change, but it had been a very limited, bumbling teenage encounter. Then she’d been with Luca after The Change, but she’d been in a guy’s body. After the Swap Back, she was learning all about sex between two women—which had been totally new to her. But with everything going on in her weird life, this was the first time she had been with a guy as a girl since she was an adult.

  God, she felt like she was a virgin all over again.

  Ethan shut his door and locked it. Grey let out a puff of laughter. The last thing they needed right now was a curious sea monster poking his head in to see what was going on. Grey blushed even harder at the thought.

  Ethan cupped her cheek, the other hand resting on her hip as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. He drew back and watched her face, his blue eyes full of understanding. “You’re so tense, sweetie. You know you don’t have to do this, right? I don’t want to pressure you. Is it too much? Too fast?”

  Grey leaned into his touch, letting out a long exhale. “No. It’s not that.” She grinned. “Believe me, I want to do this. It’s just, uh...I haven’t been...female...for long. And....”

  He smiled gently, realization dawning on his face. “And you’re dating a woman.” He took her hand again and drew her further into the room, pulling her down to sit beside him on the bed, still holding her hand, but not doing anything else. “Grey, have you ever had sex with a guy?” He laughed at his own words. “I mean...when you weren’t a guy yourself?”

  She looked down at their entwined hands and nodded, feeling beyond dumb, but so glad it was Ethan with her having this discussion. She needed his special brand of gentleness right now. “I have. But just the one guy, when I was a teenager. So, that was like five, almost six years ago now?” She mustered up her courage and looked him in the eyes, finding nothing there but curiosity and patience. “I might as well be a virgin. I’m not, obviously. But close enough.”

  She recalled the way Luca’s body had reset itself after the Swap Back and said a silent prayer of thanks that Grey’s body didn’t seem to have pulled that bullshit. Sex hadn’t even been painful for her the first time when she was a teenager, and her virginity hadn’t magically reappeared after her body changed—Luca said it was probably because she was a siren, and they were made for sex. Ugh. Grey’s life was so weird.

  Ethan shook his head, his gentle voice pulling Grey out of her nervous thought spiral. “Why do you sound like you’re apologizing? Geeze, Grey, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even if you hadn’t gone through all this crap with the curse, it wouldn’t be a big deal. I promise.”

  Grey sighed and gave his hand a squeeze. “I know. I do. I’m just dumb.”

  He released her hand and reached out to touch her face again. He seemed to like that—maybe he enjoyed the fact that he could do something that personal. Grey knew the feeling. She had followed the “look but don’t touch” rule for too long herself. She smiled and echoed his movements, trailing her fingers over the faint blond stubble that covered his jaw. “I didn’t mean to ruin things.”

  He trailed his thumb over her bottom lip, his eyes full of emotion. “Nothing’s ruined, hon. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  Grey laughed, nipping playfully at his thumb. “I’d be more okay if there were more of those amazing kisses. Maybe some naked time.”

  He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, soft and inviting, re-kindling the fire inside Grey that had dimmed with her stupid insecurities. When he pulled back, Grey slid her hand up his arm, tracing the intricate swirls of Celtic knotwork, along the branches of a tree, across a bar of music notes, all the random designs interwoven in a way that just made it work. “Your tattoos are so cool.” She smirked at him. “I like the ones on your back, but I always wondered how far down they go.”

  Ethan grinned at her, back to being his usual boyish, open self. “I guess you’ll just have to see for yourself.” He tugged his t-shirt off and tossed it aside, then pulled Grey close, trailing kisses along her neck as his big, calloused hands slid up under the hem of her own t-shirt.

  Grey obligingly yanked her shirt off, more than ready to just get on with it. Ethan seemed content to go slow, let her set the pace. Well, fine. She’d set the pace then.

  She unclasped her own bra before he could get to it, standing and shimmying out of that and her sweatpants. She was still getting used to the whole girl body thing, but Luca had gotten her over most of her modesty. She stood before Ethan and didn’t feel embarrassed at all. In fact, she reveled in the heat that filled his pretty blue eyes as he took in what he saw. His big hands slid over her hips, tugging her back toward him so he could plant a kiss in the center of her chest. Grey’s hands slid through his baby-fine, platinum-tipped hair as Ethan caressed her heavy breasts, his hot mouth latching on, tongue swirling over one nipple while his thumb teased the other.

  “God, you’re beautiful, Grey,” he said, when he came up for air, his voice husky, one hand dropping to her lower back to press her closer as he trailed open-mouthed kisses down the center of her chest to her belly. He looked up at her through his lashes, his hair all messed up from Grey’s tugging at it, sky-blue eyes shining with humor. “Confession time. Now I’m intimidated because you’ve been with Luca all this time. I probably can’t do better than a woman, but come slip these off and let me try?”

  He slid a finger under the waistband of Grey’s panties and tugged.

  Grey laughed, but she was having trouble breathing. “I’m pretty sure women don’t automatically do it better. But you know...Luca is amazing at everything she does, so you’ve got your work cut out for you, dude.”

  Ethan arched a blond brow and slapped her playfully on the ass. “Challenge accepted.”

  He wrapped his strong arms around her waist and hoisted her up, turning as they fell. Grey’s back hit the bed and she let out a shocked laugh, her fingers tangling in the soft mounds of comforter when Ethan immediately dove between her legs, intent on proving himself.

  She gasped and writhed under his talented tongue, one hand darting down to grip the back of his head. Okay. Yeah. They were probably evenly matched. But she was never going to tell either of them that. It was going to be way more fun to make them try to outdo each other.

  Ethan slid two thick fingers inside her as he stroke
d her clit with his tongue, pausing to suck on the nub, and Grey’s body felt like it had suddenly become electrified. She wrapped a leg around his back and thrust her hips upward, all her inhibitions flying out the window as she came, head back and moaning like a demon.

  Ethan chuckled as he pressed soft kisses to her inner thigh. “I could watch that all night.”

  She growled, gripping his hair and tugging. Ethan huffed another laugh, obligingly moving up to where she could reach him. Grey slid her arms around his neck and drew him down to her, loving the taste of herself on his lips, the proof that he was hers.

  Ethan’s hand landed on her hip and slid up along her waist to cup her breast as he kissed her senseless. Grey managed to work his fly open and get her hand inside his jeans, earning a deep moan as she wrapped her hand around his thick, hard cock. “Why are you still wearing clothes?” she demanded.

  He nipped at her lips and pulled away to peel off his pants and underwear, then moved to crawl back onto the bed. Grey held up a hand. “No. Wait.” Kneeling on the bed, she motioned for him to turn around. Bemused, the sweet man did as he was told, revealing that the butterfly, skull, and vine tattoo on his back stretched all the way down his ass cheek and wrapped around one thick, thigh.

  “Oh, fuck me,” Grey whispered, leaning out to trace her fingers over the beautiful linework.

  Ethan looked at her over his shoulder with a smirk that was way too hot for the sweet one of the group. “That’s what I was trying to do, sweetheart. But you got distracted.”

  Grey giggled—honest to the Gods, giggled —and reached out to grip the perfect, muscular ass in front of her with both hands. “So distracted.”

  Ethan turned around and she suddenly had a whole new distraction. He was different—circumcised—but the smooth, perfect length of him brought to mind sudden, jarring memories of Luca, of the first time she’d ever sucked Luca’s perfect, uncut cock.

  Luca— that Luca, was gone. She had wondered so many times what it would be like to have him make love to her while she was in a female body. But he was gone and that would never happen. Yes, she still had Luca, and she was perfect. It was enough. More than enough. But sometimes the grief still hit her at the weirdest times. It felt so much like the man she loved had died, leaving her with nothing but memories of all her wishful thinking.

  Grey shoved it all down deep and slid a hand up Ethan’s thigh, loving the feel of the thick, muscular build that was unlike anyone else she’d ever been with. Ethan was here. He was alive and real and filled with love for this Grey, the one in front of him right now.

  Gripping his cock, she gave him a few playful strokes, glancing up at him with a grin. He licked his lips and ran his hands through her messy curls. “Fuck, Grey, please tell me you’re not just gonna tease me. I might die.”

  Grey dropped her lips over him, slowly sliding all the way down, letting him bump the back of her throat before she slowly pulled off to repeat the movement, drawing it out, making them both tense up with anticipation. Ethan’s hand tightened in her hair and Grey felt him tense, holding back. She pulled off and winked at him. “Not a fragile cupcake,” she breathed, then got back to it, taking him in deep, gripping his base and twisting her wrist, milking him hard. She might not have a lot of experience with the whole sex in a female body thing, but this she’d had some practice with.

  Ethan groaned and hesitantly thrust into her mouth, testing her willingness. Grey could have laughed. Maybe other girls were more hesitant about this stuff. Maybe being a guy for a while had changed how Grey did things. Who knew? But she knew what she liked, and what she suddenly wanted more than anything at the moment was to see Ethan stop being so careful for once.

  She gripped his hip with one hand and pulled him forward, urging him on, moaning when he finally gave in and fucked her mouth in a way that she knew from personal experience had to feel amazing for him.

  When he shuddered and pulled away suddenly, Grey was there, pulling him down onto the bed, losing herself in him, in his sweetness and strength. “Fuck me,” she begged, squirming against him. “Please, Ethan.”

  He reached over to rummage around in the drawer of his bedside table, coming up with a condom, and Grey nodded in relief. Luca had said Grey was highly unlikely to carry any diseases, thanks to her siren heritage, but pregnancy could be an issue. Ethan deftly suited up, then he rolled, pinning her beneath him, his big hand gripping one of her thighs and hiking it up, spreading her wide.

  He paused, meeting Grey’s eyes, his own blue gaze burning with need. “Tell me what you want, okay? Just...tell me if it’s too much.”

  Grey rolled her eyes. “I’m not an actual virgin, Ethan. For fuck’s sake, would you just get on with it.”

  He didn’t answer, just pressed forward, sinking in slow and deep. He paused for a second, letting Grey adjust. Which, yeah, that was probably a good idea. Grey felt like she was about to come unglued at the seams. Holy shit, he was big. And hard. And hot. And so good. She thrust her hips upward, demanding more. Ethan bent to kiss her before pulling back and finally thrusting, one hand gripping the back of her neck as the other bit into her thigh.

  Grey mewled and gripped his broad shoulders, the back of his hard arms, anything she could reach as he picked up the pace, slamming into her, driving her right toward another orgasm, all the sensations familiar but new.

  When she came, she shouted, her entire body spasming with the force of it. She felt something inside her open up, recognized the feeling of her siren hunger. When Ethan slammed into her one last time, a low gasp shuddered out of him, and she felt it, power zinging along her nerve endings as she took a little sip of his energy—of the stuff of his soul—along with his release.

  They collapsed in a shuddery heap and Grey let out a shaky laugh, pushing at Ethan’s broad chest. “Air!”

  He chuckled and rolled, getting rid of the condom, then dragging Grey on top of him and yanking a sheet up over them, his arms solid around her. “Sorry, you kind of blew my mind there. Didn’t mean to squish you.”

  Grey huffed. It wasn’t like she was small or delicate. That wasn’t why she’d pushed him off. She had wanted to see Ethan. To look in his eyes and know she hadn’t just hurt him somehow by feeding off his energy.

  Because no matter how hard she fought it, Grey was a monster who used sex for fuel, apparently. But she’d be damned if she hurt the people she loved.

  “You okay?” she whispered, sliding a hand over Ethan’s chest as she levered herself up to look at his face.

  He gave her a boyish, dopey grin. “Am I okay?” He laughed. “Yeah, Grey, I’ll survive. Somehow.”

  Whatever he saw on her face must have given Grey away. “Hey,” he whispered, lifting a hand to stroke her tumbled hair back from her face. “What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”

  Grey grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “What? No. Absolutely not. That was...fucking amazing, Ethan. I just...I think I...took energy from you. You know, the siren thing? And I don’t know how any of that works. Promise me you’ll tell me if you notice anything is off, please?”

  He smiled fondly. “I’ll tell you. I promise. But honestly, Grey I feel fine.” His smile turned wry. “Tired, but that’s pretty normal after.” His expression turned shy as he stroked her back, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Will you stay here for the night? Is that okay?”

  Grey grinned. “I’m not going anywhere.” She should probably talk about that with Luca—like were there rules for whose bed she slept in or something? She wasn’t sure how this whole poly thing worked. But...the happy look on Ethan’s face was enough for her. She was definitely spending tonight with her drummer.

  Ethan was as sweet a lover as Grey had imagined, and then some. He fussed over Grey and made sure they were cleaned up and comfortable, even though he looked like he was about to pass out. Then he pulled her close and held her until she drifted off. A weird, tingling sensation emanated from Grey’s center, but it faded, and she fe
ll asleep feeling like all was right with the world.

  Chapter 18

  Grey woke feeling warm and content. She stretched, surprised when that didn’t elicit a bit of the expected soreness. Keeping her eyes closed, she rolled over and snuggled back into the warm blankets, letting out a sigh of utter bliss as she inhaled Ethan’s scent. Her heart swelled. She had Ethan and Luca now. She had to be the luckiest woman on the damned planet!

  “Grey.” Ethan’s voice was soft and rough with sleep. Grey just smiled to herself and snuggled deeper into the blankets, nuzzling into Ethan’s side, glorying in the feel of the warm, hard body next to hers. He stroked her hair back from her face. “Grey. I think you should get up now.”

  Funny, that roughness in Ethan’s voice suddenly didn’t sound so much like sleepiness as...some other strong emotion. Grey blinked her eyes open and rolled onto her back, turning her head to smile up at Ethan as he leaned over her, propped up on one elbow. “Morning,” she said grinning.

  Then she froze in horror, her happy smile fading as she gripped her throat. Lifting her hand, she studied the square, masculine fingers that matched her new baritone. She made a weird, cracked male squeaking sound and sat up, scooting back so fast she thumped her head against the headboard. “What the fuck?”

  Ethan sat up next to her, the blankets pooled around them, and raked a hand through his messy platinum hair. “Uh. Yeah.”

  Ethan’s eyes were glued to Grey, flicking over her—or, his —face and bare chest. He reached out a hand like he was going to touch Grey’s face, then seemed to second guess himself. Grey let out a long, heartfelt sigh. “Fuck my life.”

  Ethan laughed. He looked mildly rattled, but he wasn’t freaking out, so that was something. “You don’t seem as upset as I expected,” he said softly. “Has this happened before? I mean, after the Swap Back?”

  Grey ran a hand through his hair and over his face, noting the light rasp of stubble against his fingertips, then gave Ethan an apologetic look. “Yeah. Once. But that was sort of...on purpose? It’s been about five years since I just...accidentally woke up with a dick.”