by Avery Ford
Toby waved as he watched Blake pull out of the driveway. He watched and waited for Blake’s car to disappear down the road before walking out to his own pickup.
Somehow, in spite of Blake’s best efforts, it looked like Toby was still going to make it to the office on time.
Barely on time, but that was still a pretty impressive feat considering they’d had time for a shower—and had both come twice, thank you very much—plus a quick breakfast before saying goodbye.
He sat behind the steering wheel of his pickup, started the engine, and closed his eyes for a moment to try and take in everything that had happened over the past few days.
Seeing Blake in town again after all these years would have been surprising enough all by itself. The fact that Blake had come into the office with a puppy needing Toby’s help had added another layer of shock.
And even if Toby had never seen Blake again after that—which was what he’d fully expected to happen—Toby would have been content knowing that Blake and his puppy were in good health and had been living a nice life back in California.
But then something crazy happened.
Blake kept coming back. He wanted more. He wanted… Toby.
Toby opened his eyes again and started backing out of his driveway, still unable to fully wrap his mind around that revelation.
Yeah, sure, it was just temporary. He wasn’t an idiot. And he wasn’t getting his hopes up for anything more than just a little bit of fun over the next week or two while Blake was still in town.
Well… he wasn’t getting his hopes up too high, anyway. Toby couldn’t help a little wishful thinking.
But just knowing that Toby still had whatever it was that Blake found attractive and sexy, even after all these years apart?
Not gonna lie, that felt pretty good.
Really good.
He rolled down his window to breathe in the crisp country morning air, the smile he’d been wearing since waking up next to Blake still firmly in place. And okay, so it was maybe a little too cold to ride all the way to work with his window down, but it was Toby’s favorite kind of weather. It also definitely helped to wake him up on those mornings when he needed a little something extra to get going.
This was not one of those mornings, though. He’d already had his something extra in the shower.
Twice.
Toby still didn’t know Blake’s motivation for being so sweet. Maybe it was nostalgia. Maybe it was just that they were comfortable together. It really didn’t matter, though, did it?
At the end of the day, they were both just doing what felt good in the moment. Two grown men having some fun and sharing some nice memories.
Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing to get too caught up in.
Toby was going to just sit back and have fun with Blake for as long as whatever this was lasted.
And he was going to do his very best to ignore the little voice in the back of his head that kept wanting more. Listening to that voice in the past had only led to trouble and heartbreak.
That wasn’t going to happen this time around.
Blake
“Blake?” Sharon called from the kitchen as soon as Blake walked through the front door. “Is that you, dear?” She appeared in the kitchen doorway shaking her head before he could even answer. “I was about to send out a search party. Were you with Toby all night?”
Blake felt his face flush. He wasn’t easily embarrassed—one of the differences between him and Toby that he usually could use to his advantage—but the way she was looking at him and the tone she used made Blake feel very… caught.
It was that same feeling he’d had when he and Toby had been making out in Toby’s parents’ house.
Toby’s house.
Whatever.
“I told you it might be late when I got back,” he said, doing his best to deflect the question. “You didn’t call, so I figured you and Dad weren’t waiting up for me or anything.”
At twenty-eight years old, Blake wasn’t used to reporting his whereabouts to anyone, but he did feel a little twinge of guilt at the thought that he might have made his parents worry about him last night.
Given his history with Toby, Blake’s parents should have had a pretty good idea what the two guys had been up to. Not a topic he wanted to discuss in any detail with either of them, though.
“No, we didn’t wait up for too long.” She sounded pretty nonchalant but was still giving him a knowing look. “Come in here and sit down. Are you hungry? I was just making some more cookies, but I can scramble some eggs or I think we have some cereal in the pantry if you want to—”
“More cookies?” Blake asked, cutting her off with a disbelieving look as he followed her back into the kitchen and took a seat at the small table where they usually ate when it was just the three of them. They had all sat at the larger table in the dining room when Toby had been over, but Blake liked this one better. It was more comfortable. Warmer. More like family. “What are you going to do with all these cookies? And how many people are you trying to give cavities to this year? I should turn you in to the FDA.”
She threw him a mock glare before turning back to the baking sheet sitting on the stovetop with lumps of dough lined up over it. “Very funny,” she said. “I’ll have you know that my cookies are in high demand all over town. Always have been. And anyway, I didn’t hear you complaining to the FDA or whatever when you had a cookie in each hand yesterday.”
“Okay, okay,” Blake said, grinning as he held his hands up. “I take it back. Your cookies are amazing.” He nodded toward the dough. “Can I have some of those when they’re ready?”
She looked back over her shoulder to roll her eyes in his direction, but he knew she’d give in. He was pretty sure his mom enjoyed baking cookies for other people more than she liked eating them herself.
Which was a situation that worked out great, as far as Blake was concerned. He still had no idea where all the multiple dozens of them were going to end up, though.
“So did you have a nice time?” she asked. “You mentioned something about a meal when you left here yesterday. I hope you took him someplace nice.”
“Only if you consider the diner downtown to be someplace nice,” Blake replied with a sarcastic grin. “In my defense, though, it was his idea to meet there.”
“You boys always did like that greasy diner, didn’t you?” She shook her head, but even though she was facing away from him, he could hear the smile in her voice. It was the same light-hearted tone she always got when she talked about Blake and Toby together.
It was also the perfect tone to describe the way Blake felt inside when he thought of himself with Toby.
Light and sweet and fun.
Happy.
“We sat in our old booth by the window and ordered our old favorites,” Blake answered, pausing for a moment to remember the way Toby’s face lit up when Blake remembered what he always used to order. “They haven’t changed the menu at all in ten years.”
“Honey, they haven’t changed that menu in thirty years.” She laughed. “Your father and I have been ordering the same thing for at least that long. So, then what?”
“Then… nothing.” Blake shrugged as she turned back to give him a funny look. “We just ate and left.”
“You ate and left?” A perfectly sculpted eyebrow arched in his direction as she waited. “And it took you until this morning to find your way back home?” Another beat, and then both eyebrows shot higher. “Oh. Oh. Got it.”
Blake could feel himself blushing again. Damn, that was twice in one morning. But he was pretty sure that was also twice that he’d been called out for sleeping with Toby last night.
By his mother.
“Yeah, well, we just chilled over at Toby’s place and then sort of… lost track of time,” Blake finished with a mumble. “Anyway, it was a nice day. I was kind of surprised that he called in the first place, to be honest.”
He hadn’t really meant to let t
hat last part slip out, but since they were apparently having some kind of super honest discussion, it sort of felt appropriate. And anyway, she knew he had been surprised, because she’d been right there when he’d answered Toby’s call the day before.
“I don’t know why,” she said. “I could tell that he had a good time the night before when we had him over for dinner.” She shot him a pointed look. “And I think you made it pretty obvious that night that you wouldn’t mind seeing him again while you were in town.”
Oh, Jesus. Had she been spying on him with Toby out the window that night?
Whatever. He wasn’t even going to ask.
“I like spending time with Toby,” Blake said, trying not to sound too defensive. “I always have.”
“I know, dear.” She sighed and turned fully around to face him for the first time since they’d started talking. “And you know I adore Toby. I just… make sure you’re clear with him—and with yourself—about what you’re doing. I love you boys too much to see either of you get hurt.”
Blake nodded.
He didn’t really have a good response for that, and she turned back around before he could give one. She should know that the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Toby.
But… they hadn’t been super clear about what was going on between them, had they?
And even though Blake didn’t know what, exactly, he wanted to do with his life once the holidays were over, he owed it to Toby to at least be honest about it.
Because yeah… he might not want to hurt Toby, but it wasn’t like Blake had a great track record in that department.
He’d already broken Toby’s heart once before. And one time was once too many.
Toby
It had only been a little over twenty-four hours since he’d seen Blake, but getting through that last workday of the week had been excruciating.
Especially after Blake had called to make plans for Saturday.
Now they were together again, though, and the nervous anticipation that had been building up inside Toby all last night and into the morning had subsided.
There was no room for nerves when he was with Blake. There was only fun and laughter and this warm, bubbly feeling that he couldn’t quite explain but had never felt any other time.
Besides, even if there had maybe been a few leftover nerves when he’d arrived at the park in the middle of town to meet Blake, those nerves had quickly frozen and fallen away.
Because yeah. It was cold.
Really cold.
Another chill went through Toby’s body—through the coat and and hat and gloves he was wearing, earning him a sympathetic look from Blake.
“Sorry,” Blake said. “I guess I wasn’t really thinking it through when I asked you to meet me here. It’s just that the weather has been pretty mild lately—for Kansas, anyway—and I thought it would be fun to hang out here the way we used to, you know? But we don’t have to stay. I know you’re freezing, babe.”
“I am freezing,” Toby admitted, stepping in closer when Blake wrapped an arm around his waist. “But I’m not ready to leave yet. This used to be my favorite place. It’s nice to be here again with you.”
“It is nice, isn’t it?” Blake smiled. “I’ve really enjoyed the past couple of days, Toby. I didn’t… I honestly didn’t think it would be possible to be with you again like this after, well, you know.”
Toby nodded. He felt the same way. And even though he wasn’t exactly sure where this conversation was going, he was actually kind of relieved that Blake had brought it up first.
Maybe he’d finally be able to clear up some of the confusion that Toby had been feeling every time he’d been alone with his thoughts over the past several days that Blake had been back in town.
“I didn’t think it was possible to feel this way again, either,” Toby confessed. “When you left, I was—” He stopped himself before he could say heartbroken, even though that was the truth. It was a truth that would probably bring the mood down quite a bit, though, and Toby hoped to keep things light right now. Truthful, yes, but not super heavy. “Anyway, all I know is that when you showed up at my office the other day, there weren’t any of those old, hard feelings left in me. I was just happy to see you.”
“Yeah, exactly,” Blake nodded. “That’s exactly how I felt, too.” He paused, then added, “And for what it’s worth, I wish there had been some way to spare your feelings back then. I still think moving to California was for the best, but you deserved better than the way things ended between us.”
Toby blinked hard. So much for keeping things light. He hadn’t expected to be hit with all of these emotions today. Luckily, he could at least blame his watery eyes on the biting, cold wind in his face.
“We were young,” Toby said, stopping to give Blake a quick kiss on the cheek before they continued walking around the park. “I don’t blame you for wanting to get out and live a little. I know that California has a lot to offer that this place just can’t compete with. I didn’t understand it back then, but I get how important it is to be true to yourself and to your own dreams.”
God, this conversation was just getting more real by the minute. It felt good, though. It was really the first time they had talked about what had happened between them, and one benefit of it being so long ago was that time had numbed the pain. Toby had filtered out most of the bad memories from back then, so it was easier now to just remember the good times.
“What are your dreams?” Blake asked. “I know you always talked about being a veterinarian like your dad, but… did you ever want anything else?”
Just you.
Oh, Lord. Thank God he had kept that thought inside his head. It was one thing to take a trip down memory lane and have an honest conversation. But that?
That was something different.
“I’m living my dream,” Toby said, giving a half-shrug. “I know it probably sounds dumb, and it definitely isn’t anything glamorous, but… I like my life here. This has always been home for me and it always will be.”
“No,” Blake said, a tight smile on his lips. “That doesn’t sound dumb at all. I envy that about you—that you’ve always known exactly what you wanted in life. I feel like I could have saved myself some rough times if I’d had that same sense of knowing where I needed to be.”
“What about now?” Toby asked, genuinely curious since Blake had brought it up. “Do you feel like you have a better idea now than you did back then?”
For several long seconds, Blake didn’t say anything. He kept his eyes focused on the path in front of them as they continued walking. When he finally spoke again, his voice was uncharacteristically quiet. So quiet that Toby had to lean in to hear over the rushing wind.
“If you had asked me that same question a week ago, I wouldn’t have known the answer.” A short, wry laugh escaped his lips as he looked over at Toby. “Hell, I still don’t know the answer if I’m being honest. But I feel like I’m getting there—like it’s starting to become more clear to me with each day that passes.”
What did that mean?
It sounded like a good thing… right?
Toby waited, hoping Blake would spill some more details, but couldn’t immediately think of a tactful way to ask.
And then the moment had passed.
Blake’s big, easy smile returned and he pulled Toby close for a kiss. “Your nose is freezing, babe,” Blake murmured between kisses. “Let’s get out of here.”
Toby was too cold and too distracted by those sweet kisses to argue. “Where are we going?”
“Back to your place,” Blake answered without hesitating. “I can think of a really good way to warm up again.”
Toby nodded, his body instantly responding. “Yes,” was all he had to say.
It was all he could ever say around Blake—a fact that had gotten Toby in trouble more than once over the years. But it hadn’t changed.
It was still the first and only answer on his lips.
Yes.
> Always.
Blake
As horny as Blake was—and he always was whenever he got around Toby—he couldn’t stop himself from thinking back on their conversation as he drove to Toby’s house from the park.
He could see Toby ahead of him in that beat up old pickup, and he wondered if Toby was thinking the same thing. He had to be, right? That had definitely been the most honest, most raw talk they’d had since… well, since ever, probably.
And while Blake had been completely honest when he’d said he still wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to be doing with his life, he had also been honest about the part when he’d said it was becoming more and more clear to him.
Blake wanted Toby. There was no doubt in his mind about that.
He just wasn’t sure where he fit in with the life Toby had made for himself—or if he fit in at all. And Blake also wasn’t sure what that meant for his own dreams. Was he really ready to give up on the hope that he’d find success in acting?
Because he sure wouldn’t find that success in Kansas. It wouldn’t do any good to pretend like he might.
Blake sighed.
He couldn’t think about it anymore, though—at least not right now—because he had just pulled up in front of Toby’s house and Toby was already out of the truck and waiting.
Waiting for Blake.
Waiting for what they were about to do together.
All of the questions and worries in Blake’s mind took a backseat to the beautiful man standing there in front of him, and the smile that seemed to always be on Blake’s face when Toby was around instantly reappeared.
“You were driving like a grandma through town,” Toby said, laughing as Blake walked over and planted a big kiss right on those sexy lips. “I finally had to give up waiting and just drive ahead.”
“I was distracted, I guess,” Blake said. “But luckily, I know the way here pretty well by now…”
Toby laughed again, then cocked his head to the side. “Distracted by what? Everything okay?”