“Can’t wait!” she said in a cheerful voice.
“Bye, Bre,” Collin waved as he ran off. And he was gone.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him,” Katie smirked once he had walked away from us.
“Don’t,” I set my jaw.
“Don’t what, Bre,” she cut me off. “Don’t do exactly what you did to me? Go behind my back and steal the guy you like? Like you did Josh…No, I wouldn’t think of it.” She put a finger to her lips, adding, “Ya know, I think this is going to be really fun.” Her smirk became a wide, evil grin.
“You don’t even like him,” I growled.
“Now, that’s where you’re wrong. He’s gorgeous.” She sized him up at a distance. “And…he’s just my type.”
I bit at my fingernails as I lay in my bed. I hadn’t spoken to Collin in twenty-three hours and nine minutes. I had gotten a couple hours of sleep here and there, but for the most part I was awake worrying about the “what if’s.” The thought of Katie even touching him made me feel sick. I tried calling him all night, but I could never get a hold of him.
The next day at work was an endless chore. I wasn’t sure how I got through it, but somehow I managed. Only a few more exhausting minutes to go before I was able to clock out. It seemed like each hour ticked by so slowly that not even Father Time could make it go faster. There were a couple times when I wondered if the clock had stopped working altogether, or maybe it started moving backward. I realized that if I kept looking at the clock every second of every minute, it would seem that way. I had to force myself to stop.
Thoughts flew through my mind like bats coming out of a cave at night. My brief conversation with Eve’s grandma was haunting me. Out of all the people I knew, and the endless names I could’ve said, why did I give her that name? Why did I do that? I should’ve said Jenny or Sarah, anyone but Katie. I was beating myself up to the point that it was starting to drive me crazy. Twice Maria asked me if I was feeling okay, and I responded with “pepperoni or cheese?” I couldn’t focus on anything but these imaginary, horrible images of Katie and Collin together. On my breaks, all I did was dial his number and listen to it ring again and again and again. I couldn’t handle it. It felt like the walls were caving in, making me claustrophobic. As soon as that last second ticked on the clock and I was officially off, I ran out to my car without saying goodbye to anyone.
I drove straight over to Austin’s house to pick him up for the party. The only thought running through my mind was, the faster I get to Austin’s, the faster I find out about Collin. Austin got off of work a few hours before me, so he had to have heard from him, or at least Katherine would have.
Finally, I made it to his house and was at his front door. When he opened it he paused in the doorway for a second.
“What?” I asked irritated, not understanding why he was looking at me the way he was.
“Are we still going?” he questioned, taking me in from head to toe.
“Yeah, why?” What kind of stupid question was that? I was here picking him up, wasn’t I?
“Don’t you want to change first?” He frowned at my attire, which consisted of my maroon work shirt and black pants with my green apron. No doubt I had looked better. I probably had big bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, but I wasn’t sure because I didn’t even take the time to fully look in the mirror that morning. I just dragged myself out of bed, dressed, threw my hair up in a ponytail, glanced in the mirror, and left.
Stepping out of my distraction, I now saw that he had dressed up for the night. He looked fantastic in his nice khaki pants and collared shirt, not overly dressed, but nice.
I glanced down at my stained clothes. I was covered with splattered pizza sauce and dried cheese, and I instantly felt a little self-conscious. “Oh um…I wanted to pick you up first and then I was going to change at my house.”
“Oh.” He nodded a little in agreement. It didn’t make sense, but that’s all I had.
“See you later, Mom,” he yelled inside the house.
“Have a good time,” Katherine yelled back. “Bye, Breanna!”
“Bye.” I grabbed Austin’s arm and pulled him to the car.
It wasn’t until I had backed out of the driveway and headed down the street that the weight of it all hit me hard. The silence was strangling me, so I thought of the first typical question to fill the air.
“So how are you?” I turned the radio on, flipping through each channel quickly. The noise of the radio was more annoying than the silence, so I forcefully flipped it off and stepped on the gas.
“Bre, is something wrong?” Austin asked.
“Why?” I gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“You seem really…tense?” Austin was concerned about me as always.
“Nope. No tension here.” I forced a smile.
“If I know you well enough, and I think I do, something’s up,” Austin said.
Great, now he was playing detective. “Nope,” I sighed, giving up. “I just had a really hard day.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No, not really,” I responded blandly, staring straight out the window.
“Alright…but if you do, I’m here.” He sat back in his seat, but I could feel the heat of his eyes watching me.
“Yep, great. Thanks,” I said politely so he’d stop talking.
I turned onto my street, taking the corner a little faster than I should have, screeching the car to a stop. I looked over at Austin and breathed, “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he muttered, releasing his hand from the door.
I pulled up to my house, driving more carefully.
“Doesn’t look like anyone’s home,” he observed, getting out of the car.
I shut my door and walked around the car, looking at the empty house.
“Caleb’s at his friend’s house. We’re picking him up later.”
“Where are your parents?”
“They went away this weekend,” I grumbled, fidgeting with the keys at the front door.
“Wow, really? So they’re doing better now?”
I clenched my teeth together, and focused on finding the stupid key.
“Or maybe not?” Austin’s perception was keen.
“Can we just not talk about them tonight, please,” I asked. “Finally,” I exhaled, shoving the key into the lock. I flung the door wide open, banging it against the wall.
“Sure, no parents,” he conceded, frowning at me.
This whole evening was getting to me. I couldn’t seem to pull away from the deep, dark hole I was stuck in. Flipping on the lights, I walked into my house, threw the keys on the coffee table, and stood there for a second, hands on my hips, head down, trying to calm myself. After a couple of big, deep breaths, I turned and faced Austin. He was standing in the doorway, eyeing me cautiously. Worry was written all over his face. Suddenly, all my anxiety slipped away and I just felt tired. I had treated him horribly again…and he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve this side of me.
My expression softened. “I’m going to go and get ready,” I muttered. “You can watch TV or read or eat something. My dad just went grocery shopping yesterday.”
“Okay.” He smiled to ease the situation.
He was such a wonderful guy. He wasn’t the reason why I was upset.
“Austin?”
“Yeah?” He looked up after grabbing the remote from the end table.
“I’m sorry. I’m just a little on edge tonight.”
“It’s fine, we all have bad days.”
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t be like that.”
“Bre, you don’t have to apologize, really. I just wish you’d tell me so I can help. I hate seeing you like this.”
I took a step back, wanting to be in my room for a moment. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. I knew Austin had changed over time, and the more I was around him now, the more I was learning about him. There were so many layers to him that peeled away every time we were t
ogether. Like a ripe orange, peeling away the skin until the citrus scent infused the room. Austin wasn’t that young boy that used to annoy me when he’d drag me outside to see the fort he built; or make me look at the spider he found. No, he was the boy standing in front of me now. He was smart and funny, kind and loving. And while I knew it, I had never really sat back and appreciated him for the person he was now. He was kind of…perfect. I felt my chest tighten and my throat went dry.
“Bre?” He was looking at me funny.
I snapped back into reality and realized I had been awkwardly staring at him for an excess amount of time.
I pointed in the direction of my bedroom. “Okay, so I’m going now.”
I walked back to my room, quickly shutting the door behind me. What just happened? My thoughts were a twisted mess. I knew how I was supposed to feel about Austin, but why was my body reacting this way? Just earlier I was putting him in the brotherly category, and now…I shook my head a couple of times to pull myself out of this strange and foreign state of mind. I obviously concocted these thoughts as a result of the lack of sleep and an insane mixture of mental instability. I was just having a completely ridiculous moment of insanity. That’s all it was, temporary insanity. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking straight. I needed a moment to compose myself. But as I rested my back against my door, I noticed that my heart was hammering against my chest the same way it always did when I was around a guy I was attracted to. I was having visions of touching him and running my hands through his hair. I couldn’t get him out of my head.
It was nearly six, and I needed to get ready soon. I was trying to prolong the inevitable of going back out there to face Austin again. Arguing with myself wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I began searching through my clothes to find something nice to wear. Austin’s decision to dress up made my outfit choice a bit easier. I decided on my nicer black pants and a form-fitting red, long-sleeved blouse. I caught myself going over my eyeliner more than I would on a normal day. I took a little bit longer to make my hair perfect. When I finished, the apprehension of walking out to the living room where Austin was overwhelmed me. Part of me didn’t want to face him.
I peeked into an empty living room. No Austin. I looked in the kitchen, thinking he was there eating, but it was empty also.
“Austin?” I called for him, but he didn’t answer.
Maybe I took too long to get ready? I tried to shut the worry out, and walked back into the living room. I called for him again, glancing down the hall. Then I noticed his perfectly straight blonde hair from the front window, sitting on the front porch. I took a deep breath and prepared myself.
“Hey,” I stepped out. “I was looking for you.” I sat next to him.
His face was somber. “I didn’t want to be inside anymore,” he spoke softly. For some reason, he seemed relaxed. He looked out into the sky above. “This is my favorite time of day, right at sunset, when God creates this perfect masterpiece of colors and beauty. Every night is different, never the same, and it’s always amazing.”
I smiled to myself as I took it in. The sun was right at the peak of the mountaintops. Intense rays exploding and descending slowly. It produced vibrant pinks and purples in the clouds that gradually became brighter and brighter as the sun melted into the trees. Far off in the distance, I could hear the roar of the busy freeway echoing through the canyon as truckers and travelers zipped quickly past our little town, missing this moment of utter beauty and tranquility. And just above us, a family of birds sang, completing the perfect moment.
Austin’s face had a bright golden tint, looking almost porcelain and flawlessly perfect. He sat very still, meditating within his quiet thoughts. His golden hair slightly shifted in the soft breeze, like a patch of tall wheat swaying in the wind. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I was mesmerized. I wished I could capture this moment in my memory forever.
It wasn’t until the sun had completely disappeared that Austin shifted his eyes to mine. His words were silent, yet his thoughts were louder than if he was speaking them to me. His hushed smile sent waves of nervousness throughout my body, which was exactly what I was afraid would happen if I came out here and sat on the porch swing with him. He lowered his head briefly, and I heard him take an unsteady breath. It made me fear what he was about to say.
In a whisper, he broke the quiet stillness between us. “Bre, you look beautiful tonight.” His eyes burned with passion, but his voice was guarded.
I struggled for a brief second. It was difficult for me to accept a compliment, but I didn’t want to seem rude, so I gave him a soft, “Thank you.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve done anything together. Just the two of us,” he spoke.
“I know.” I nodded my head.
“I’ve missed this.” He smiled, but there was sadness in his eyes.
“Me too,” I agreed.
Another awkward silence left us both without something to say. We stared out at the view, still covered in a golden glow that was now fading. A car drove up and pulled into the driveway next door. My neighbor Scott got out and waved to me. I waved back and smiled, completely aware that the whole time Austin hadn’t taken his eyes off of me.
“So, I forgot to tell you, but Collin called me today,” Austin said, watching me intently.
“He did?” I blurted out, forgetting for a second that I needed to be more discreet around Austin. It just came out fast and I couldn’t take it back now.
Austin furrowed his eyebrows together questioningly. “He wanted me to tell you that he got to the school safely.”
I managed to keep my tone casual. “Oh, that’s good.”
“You and Collin seem to be getting close lately?” he asked pointedly.
I started panicking. My heart picked up and I couldn’t find the right words. His deep, blue eyes were probing me. I needed to give him something, and soon, before I gave myself away.
“Collin’s a really good guy.” I couldn’t look at Austin when I said it. The guilt was crushing me.
“He is,” his deep voice agreed with me.
“He was there for me when I couldn’t talk to you,” I pointed out. Maybe I shouldn’t bring it up again, but I wanted to get away from the subject at hand. This was the only thing that I could think of.
Austin’s face dropped and I rushed in quickly with, “But we’re fine now, so no need to look back, right?” I smiled. I tried to lighten the mood by touching his hand.
He looked down and placed his other hand softly over mine. I felt my breath escape me as he looked up. “Right,” he murmured, his face subdued. “Oh, before I forget, I found this.”
He reached behind him and grabbed something from the ground.
I couldn’t believe it! It was Eve’s journal.
My eyes widened. “Oh, my gosh! Where did you find it?”
“I just found it when I came out here. My cell phone fell out of my pocket and went behind this planter box. When I bent down to pick it up, I saw a note book back there.”
I had an enormous sense of relief that it was in my possession again. How did it get back there, I thought. It must’ve fallen out when I sat down to look for my keys. Staring at the front of it, I suddenly had a horrible thought. What if Austin had looked in it?
My eyes shot to him. “Did you read it?” It sounded more like an accusation than I intended, and I cringed.
“No,” he responded, taken back by my abruptness.
I studied him for a moment and wasn’t completely satisfied with his answer.
“You promise?”
“Of course, I swear.” He was a bit aggravated that I asked again. “What, you don’t believe me?”
I backed off. “If you said you didn’t read it, then I believe you.”
“Well, I didn’t,” he shot back. “What’s in it anyway? That doesn’t look like your handwriting?”
“It’s nothing,” I answered, trying to appease his sense of curiosity.
He paused. “If it’s nothing, th
en why are you making such a big deal about it?”
“I’m not,” I argued.
“Yes, you are. You’re acting like it’s a huge secret,” he snapped.
“Are we really fighting over some stupid book?” I asked.
“I’m not the one who’s fighting,” he huffed.
I rolled my eyes and looked away from him, frustrated at myself for acting the way I was. This whole thing was really bringing out the worst in me, and I had Eve to thank for that. At least the book was found and in my possession. That was the most important thing. I exhaled, releasing my tension.
“Thank you for finding it for me,” I said, calmly.
It took a moment for him to absorb my unpredictable mood swings. The past month had been an intense rollercoaster ride that changed every second. Finally he said, almost inaudibly, “You’re welcome.”
A couple of cars passed, both of us watched them go by in silence. I was hoping he’d say something soon to break the awkwardness, but it never came. He just sat there.
“Are you going to say anything?” I finally asked.
“What do you want me to say?” He shrugged.
“I don’t know, something, anything?”
He shook his head.
“What?” I murmured, as he gathered what he was going to say to me.
“It’s just been hard,” he paused, “I don’t understand you anymore. You’re different and not in a good way. Don’t get me wrong. You’re still the most important person to me and my feelings aren’t going away, but something’s different. I don’t know.”
I looked down at the deck. “I’m sorry,” I sighed. “There’s just so much going on in my life right now that I can’t seem to get under control. You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“Then tell me,” he said softly.
“I can’t.”
He stood up and knelt down in front of me, staring right into my eyes. He looked so good, I wanted to run my fingers down his cheek. I kept my hands tightly clenched in my lap. I shouldn’t be having these urges. This was wrong.
“Please.” Austin begged as he brushed a strand of hair away from my face.
Awaken (Awaken Series Book 1) Page 37