Surprise Delivery

by D. J. Jamison

  No one was perfect, and he remembered arguments. Kage complained he studied too much, especially after they shared a college dorm. Casper got annoyed, telling Kage life wasn’t just one big game. They had a future to plan. He’d felt like shit when Kage had admitted he sometimes forgot he had a future because he’d lived so long with the possibility of death looming over him. In the end, Kage had been right. He’d never gotten that future Casper worked so hard for. Casper had been in medical school when Kage died at twenty-five, and Casper had been tempted to walk away from it all. He was half-convinced the only reason he didn’t was that it was easier to disappear into his textbooks than to face the world.

  So, he followed his life’s course minus the most important person in his life.

  He scrolled through more photos, entrenched in memory lane, as he looked at the photos of Kage and him together, grinning and covered in mud after camping in a rainstorm. Another of them at a music concert, and one of Kage in bed, his hair a mess and his finger flipping off the camera. The man he’d loved, the man he’d planned to marry.

  Their life was a lot more than the fun they’d had together. They’d settled into the routine relationship most people had with ups and downs and responsibilities, but their first months had been a hell of a ride and he tended to focus on the sense of life Kage instilled in him.

  Maybe he’d put too much importance on those adventure trips. He didn’t need mountain climbing to celebrate Kage’s life. He knew that.

  He wasn’t sure how to beat back the grief without an adrenaline rush, but as he shut down his computer without making any plans, he knew he was about to find out.

  ***

  Eric came home to Livvie quietly sobbing over her homework at the breakfast bar. He wasn’t sure which was sadder, the fact that she was crying or that she was doing it silently, with no one to hear.

  He forgot all about his disastrous date with Casper and went to her. “Olivia?” he said, placing a hand on her back. “What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head, wiping at her tears. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  He let her regain her composure, sliding the box of tissues in front of her. She mopped her face and blew her nose. “Sorry.”

  “Have your parents done something?”

  She shook her head. “Just school stuff. Jason—” Her voice broke into a series of shuddering gasps.

  “Shh. Take your time.”

  Eric continued to rub her back, and she took a few deep breaths before she found the words. “The father of the baby is a jackass.”

  “Oh.” In all this time, Eric hadn’t asked much about the baby’s father. He knew only that the kid had shirked his responsibility by claiming he wore a condom and therefore couldn’t be the baby’s father. He hadn’t considered the possibility the little dickhead might actively be making Olivia’s life harder.

  “Yeah. He didn’t want to help with the baby because he wanted me to make it go away, which ... whatever. He tried to talk me into my parents’ plan to go away and start fresh. More like it’d be a fresh start for him,” she grumbled, and Eric couldn’t help agreeing. “All that would be bad enough, but now he’s telling people I sleep around and that the baby could be anybody’s.”

  Eric mentally groaned. This is why men got a bad name. Jason might be ashamed of making a mistake, but he didn’t have to vilify a girl he’d supposedly cared about. “I’m so sorry.”

  Olivia sniffed. “Rob Brooks called me a slut in geometry today, and then Hal Witt told me I obviously needed some biology tutoring and offered to teach me about how the birds and bees work.”

  “Shitheads.”

  She gave a watery giggle. “Yeah. Kelly said something similar.”

  “Do your friends have your back?”

  She nodded. “So far. Kelly threatened to slash his tires.”

  “Bad idea.”

  “Yeah, instead she started a rumor the baby wasn’t his because he couldn’t get it up.”

  “Oh, geez ...”

  Olivia laughed. “She and Laila were making bets Jason would claim the baby by the end of the week to prove his virility. I’m not so sure. His parents are strict too.”

  Eric sighed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing. “It won’t be easy, but you have friends, and you have me. You’ll get through it.”

  She turned her face into his shoulder, giving in to the comfort. “Thanks.”

  He gave her a squeeze and released her. “But Olivia, if it gets any worse at school, I want you to come to me. Don’t let these guys make your life hell. I can talk to your principal.”

  She nodded. “I’m okay. I just keep thinking if I’m going to be a mom I have to stop being a child. I have to take care of myself.”

  “It’s a nice sentiment, Olivia, but everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes, even mothers.”

  Olivia smiled. “I guess so.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve moved out, you’re living with a workaholic and dealing with the hormones and stress of pregnancy. You’re doing great.”

  “Thank you,” she said, smiling with more genuine emotion.

  “Have you eaten?” he asked. He’d lost his appetite at the theater in the park. Perry’s attitude still gave him a bad taste in his mouth. He’d been his usual self, dropping names and trying to impress Casper, as if Casper gave a damn about some artist. Still, watching Casper joke around about his workaholic tendencies with his ex had been a low point, even if Casper hadn’t intended to hurt him.

  “No,” she said, starting to get up. “I can make something.”

  “Stay put,” Eric said firmly. “I’ll whip up some pasta.”

  “Okay,” she said, wiping away the last of her tears. “Thanks, Uncle Eric. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Trust me, kiddo, I feel the same way.”

  Focusing on Olivia’s needs was much better than dwelling on that conversation with Casper.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Casper jolted awake to the roll of thunder through the sky. A summer rainstorm was in full swing. He blinked his eyes, letting the sound of pouring rain wash through him as he realized what day it was.

  The five-year anniversary of Kage’s death.

  His heart squeezed in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Casper eased himself to a sitting position, rubbing at his chest with one hand.

  What now?

  He was usually waking up in a new, beautiful destination with a full schedule of activities to keep him busy on the anniversary of Kage’s death. This year, he was surrounded by four familiar walls and a box full of memories.

  He pored through more photos, then dug through some old mementoes he’d saved. A favorite T-shirt of Kage’s that he’d slept with for weeks after he’d died. The scan proving that Kage was cancer-free for five years, the result they’d believed meant he was finally free to live his life without fear. A mixed tape Kage had made for him when he was in high school, and even a get-well card he’d saved from age ten. He smiled at the boxy robots Kage had drawn and the overly large, shaky handwriting that said Love, Kage.

  His sinuses burned. “Shit,” he said, knowing he couldn’t hold back the crying spell. “Why did I have to fuck everything up?”

  Why did I have to miss the last weeks of Kage’s life? Why did I listen when he told me to finish school while he did chemo? How selfish was I to have let my boyfriend go through that without me?

  Casper drowned himself in grief. He let himself wallow in memories that he usually blocked out, good and bad. And when he couldn’t take it anymore, he went out and drowned himself in alcohol.

  He went to Shooters and ordered a shot. It was only 3 p.m., but he just wanted to make this day go away. Tomorrow, things would seem better. Tomorrow, he’d be Casper Rollins, fun-loving doctor.

  Today, he was a lover with a broken heart.

  The last coherent thought he had was that he needed to be honest with Eric. As much as he felt a connection with Eri
c, as much as he cared, he loved Kage — and he always would.

  ***

  Eric answered his office phone reluctantly. The hospital CEO had been on his case to deliver the budget, and he didn’t want to come up with another stalling tactic. He’d been doing his best to buy some time to see what magic he could work, but he sensed it wouldn’t be enough to solve the hospital’s problems.

  “Eric Holtz,” he answered brusquely.

  “Eric, my man! My hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ loooovve.”

  “Casper?”

  There was a gasp, followed by a snort of laughter. “You giving your hot rod to someone else? I’m hurt! I want your— Hey!”

  The phone was taken from Casper. “Mr. Holtz, are you there?” a female voice asked.

  “Yes?”

  “Sorry to bother you, sir, but Casper Rollins is here in our bar, and I’ve had to cut him off from receiving anymore alcohol.”

  “Oh.”

  Eric hadn’t known Casper to drink to excess before. When they had beer or wine, he usually kept to one or two drinks, nothing that would greatly impair him. So, for him to be drunk off his ass at — Eric checked the clock — 6 p.m. — was alarming.

  The bartender continued. “I offered to call him a cab, but he insisted that you’d pick him up. He … Stop it!” she said, her voice going sharp. “I’m arranging your ride with Mr. Holtz. Just calm down.”

  In the background, Eric heard Casper slur, “He’s Dr. Holtz to you.”

  “Sorry, Dr. Holtz,” she said, emphasizing his title for Casper’s benefit, “but could you please retrieve your friend? I have other customers, and if he doesn’t leave, I’m going to have to call the authorities.”

  “I’ll be right there. What bar did you say this was?”

  “Shooters,” she said, and gave him the address. He thanked her and hung up, still incredulous. Did Casper’s drinking binge have something do with him? Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed Casper to figure out what he wanted. It was tempting to tell Casper they could keep things casual forever if need be, but he knew it’d be living in denial. He’d loved every minute he spent with Casper, but he wanted more.

  Eric began packing up his laptop as his mind whirred. The door opened, and the assistant medical director, Bea, stepped in.

  “Not now,” he said firmly.

  She hesitated, eyes wide. “Um, sorry?”

  Slinging his laptop case over his shoulder, he headed for the door. “I have a family emergency. I have to leave early.”

  “Oh, but …”

  Eric didn’t wait to find out what she needed. Whatever was going through Casper’s head, he’d asked for Eric. That had to mean something.

  ***

  Eric got Casper into the car with difficulty while he rambled incoherently. Eric was only picking up one or two words for every five, but one of them was repeated again and again.

  Cage.

  “What about a cage?” Eric asked.

  “No, Kage-with-a-K,” Casper clarified, and Eric miraculously understood him. “My boyfriend.”

  “You have a boyfriend?” Eric said, his voice rising. “What the fuck?”

  “Noooo,” Casper said, waving his hands in overly-large gestures that nearly smacked Eric in the face while he tried to drive. Casper leaned toward him, with only his seat belt keeping him upright. “Kage is dead.”

  “Oh,” Eric said, surprised. Then his empathy kicked in. “My God, Cas. Your boyfriend died?”

  Casper nodded and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. His rowdiness seemed to be easing. Now, he just looked tired and sad. Eric hoped he wouldn’t get sick in the car.

  “Five years ago,” Casper mumbled. “It’s his deathiversary.” He laughed softly to himself, making Eric’s heart pang. “Deathiversary. I coined that term. Good, huh? Kage would’a liked it.”

  Eric could add two and two. Casper had been evasive about the tattoo on his back, unwilling to explain it when Eric asked other than saying it was in honor of someone he’d lost.

  “What happened to Kage?” he asked, unwilling to drum up any guilt about taking advantage of Casper’s drunken state. The man obviously couldn’t open up when he was sober.

  “Cancer.”

  “I’m so sorry, Casper,” Eric said, glancing at the slumped figure who’d stolen his heart over the summer. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that some of Casper’s reluctance to get serious with him had something to do with this boyfriend he’d lost.

  Eric manhandled Casper out of the car. He got him to the porch, with Casper stumbling but supporting some of his own weight. If he’d passed out fully, Eric wasn’t sure he could have gotten him out of the car, much less up the porch steps.

  Olivia opened the door, saving him the trouble. She must have seen them through the dining room window. “Is he okay?”

  “Just drunk,” Eric muttered.

  Olivia trailed them to the bedroom with wide eyes, so Eric sent her to collect a glass of water and a couple of pills. He pulled off Casper’s shoes and shoved him onto the bed. Olivia returned with the water, and he propped up Casper enough to get him to drink.

  Olivia left them alone, thankfully. He got enough grief from her parents without giving them real reason for concern.

  “Explain the tattoo,” Eric said as he worked to peel the T-shirt over Casper’s head. He’d spilt liquor on himself at some point, and it reeked to high heaven. “That’s about Kage, right?”

  “Kage was a daredevil,” Casper mumbled as he sank back into the pillows and closed his eyes. “He got sick, or he would’ve become a stunt double or something crazy.”

  “Ah, I see. So, he’s how you became a thrill-seeker?” Eric asked as he unbuttoned Casper’s jeans and dragged them over his hips.

  “Mmm.”

  He was beginning to lose Casper’s focus, but he hadn’t gotten nearly enough answers yet. Eric grabbed Casper’s face, forcing him to look at him. “Did you love him?”

  “Yes,” Casper rasped.

  “How do you feel about me?”

  Casper stared, his eyes glassy and unfocused. “I love Kage,” he repeated.

  Eric tried not to take the words as a rejection, though they felt that way. As he tugged up the blankets and watched Casper sink into sleep, he knew Casper was so drunk he might not have even understood the question, much less the significance of how he answered. But they’d be having a heart-to-heart later, when Casper could speak with a clear head.

  It was time to end the uncertainty between them.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Casper’s mouth was a desert. A desert full of dead lizards by the taste of things.

  He groaned, rolling over, and his hand brushed paper. Blinking open gritty eyes, he looked at the note on the pillow next to him. The pillow that wasn’t his.

  Eric’s bedroom. Eric’s king-sized bed with fluffy pillows. Too fluffy, but Casper wouldn’t tell him that.

  He turned his eyes back to the note.

  Cas,

  I went to work. I left water and pills for you. Rest and recover. Stay in bed. That’s an order ;)

  Eric

  Casper smiled, warmth seeping into him at the tone of the note.

  He didn’t remember the night before well. But he remembered enough of the day’s misery that he was glad he ended up at Eric’s house rather than hooking up with some stranger.

  His stomach roiled, unhappy, and Casper decided sleep was the better part of valor. He chugged the water, swallowed the Tylenol and rolled over, snuggling into his pillow. When he woke again, bright afternoon sun streamed through the window, and his bladder was about to burst. He dashed across the hall, relieved himself, and then climbed into the hot shower.

  He felt better under the hot spray, so much better his cock started to harden. He thought about what he might do to Eric when he next had a chance, all while stroking himself. He was deep in fantasy, remembering the shape and weight of Eric’s cock in his mouth, when a knock on the bathroom door startled him.
>
  “Casper?” Eric called.

  Perfect timing.

  “Come in,” he said.

  “I came home for lunch. Think you can eat?”

  “Mm-hmm.” He slid the shower door open an inch. “Get in here so I can devour you.”

  He waggled his brows, and Eric laughed. Casper thought he might turn around and walk out, and he wouldn’t blame him after apparently turning up at his house drunk off his ass. But Eric humored him and began to undress.

  “Are you feeling okay?” Eric asked as he unbuttoned his shirt and shed it.

  “Yeah,” Casper said. “Sorry for showing up wasted.”

  He slid the door open a little farther, and Eric’s gaze caressed his naked, wet body.

  “YOLO,” Eric said in a suggestive tone, and Casper snorted. “Finding a gorgeous man in my shower seems like something I shouldn’t question.”

  He slipped off the rest of his clothing, leaving it folded on the bathroom counter, and climbed into the shower.

  Casper grabbed him, pulling him in for a kiss under the hot water. The kiss was slippery and wet, more erotic with the water like a third lover tantalizing skin and trickling across nipples. Eric brought his arms around Casper, pressing tight against him. Their cocks brushed, bumping and retreating, as they kissed.

  There was something desperate about Eric’s kisses. Maybe Eric sensed, as Casper did, the chasm that had opened between them, one that had perhaps always been there but was now obvious to both of them. Casper didn’t remember most of the night before, so he had no idea if it had any bearing on Eric’s intensity, but he fed on Eric’s passion all the same.

  Casper lowered himself to his knees and took Eric’s cock into his mouth. He positioned himself mostly outside of the fall of water so he could breathe and set to pleasuring Eric. Just as in his fantasy, the thickness of Eric’s cock stretched Casper’s mouth just right. He gripped the back of Eric’s thighs, sucking his cock to the back of his throat, and worked his tongue in a zig-zag motion along the underside of his shaft.